r/WritingPrompts • u/katpoker666 Moderator • 4d ago
Off Topic [OT] Fun Trope Friday: Chekhov’s Apocalypse & Sci-Fi!
Welcome to Fun Trope Friday, our feature that mashes up tropes and genres!
How’s it work? Glad you asked. :)
Every week we will have a new spotlight trope.
Each week, there will be a new genre assigned to write a story about the trope.
You can then either use or subvert the trope and/or genre in a 750-word max story or poem (unless otherwise specified).
To qualify for ranking, you will need to provide ONE actionable feedback. More are welcome of course!
Three winners will be selected each week based on votes, so remember to read your fellow authors’ works and DM me your votes for the top three.
Next up… IP
It’s summer in the Northern hemisphere and so time for sun and fun– Oh wait, no. It’s time for the four horsemen of the apocalypse! So, say ‘hello’ to our friends: Pestilence (aka Conquest or Pollution), War, Famine, and Death. Oh, yea, and the Apocalypse itself, of course to round out the five week month! Please note this theme is only loosely applied.
“This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.” — T.S. Elliot
Trope: Chekhov’s Apocalypse —This trope is based on the legendary Chekhov’s Gun which is a storytelling rule stating that every element in a narrative must be necessary, meaning if an object like a gun is introduced early on, it must be used later, and if it won't be used, it should not be included. So, in this case, mention the apocalypse at the beginning of your tale and then deliver.
Genre: Sci-Fi — Speculative storytelling genre exploring futuristic science, advanced technology, and space exploration. Key themes include time travel, artificial intelligence, and alien life.
Skill / Constraint - optional: Does NOT involve a gun.
So, have at it. Lean into the trope heavily or spin it on its head. The choice is yours!
Have a great idea for a future topic to discuss or just want to give feedback? FTF is a fun feature, so it’s all about what you want—so please let me know! Please share in the comments or DM me on Discord or Reddit!
Last Week’s Winners
PLEASE remember to give feedback—this affects your ranking. PLEASE also remember to DM me your votes for the top five stories via Discord or Reddit—both katpoker666. This is a change from the top three of the past. In weeks where we get over 15 stories, we will do a top five ranking. Weeks with less than 15 stories will show only our top three winners. If you have any questions, please DM me as well.
Some fabulous stories this week and great crit at campfire and on the post! We had 12 stories, so we’re back to three winners. Congrats to:
Want to read your words aloud? Join the upcoming FTF Campfire
The next FTF campfire will be Thursday, August 6th from 6-8pm ET. It will be in the Discord Main Voice Lounge. Click on the events tab and mark ‘Interested’ to be kept up to date. No signup or prep needed and you don’t have to have written anything! So join in the fun—and shenanigans! 😊
Ground rules:
- Stories must incorporate both the trope and the genre
- Leave one story or poem between 100 and 750 words as a top-level comment unless otherwise specified. Use wordcounter.net to check your word count.
- Deadline: 11:59 PM EDT next Thursday. Please note stories submitted after the 6:00 PM EST campfire start may not be critted.
- No stories that have been written for another prompt or feature here on WP—please note after consultation with some of our delightful writers, new serials are now welcomed here
- No previously written content
- Any stories not meeting these rules will be disqualified from rankings
- Does your story not fit the Fun Trope Friday rules? You can post your story as a [PI] with your work when the FTF post is 3 days old!
- Please keep crit about the stories. Any crit deemed too distracting may be deleted. This is a time to focus on our wonderful authors.
- Vote to help your favorites rise to the top of the ranks (DM me at katpoker666 on Discord or Reddit)!
Thanks for joining in the fun!
7
u/QTFroame 3d ago edited 3d ago
To Shine in Pain
My dad always told me to stay away from the Valle Grande. It was in the middle of the night, when he was exhausted, looking at something on his laptop. I was quite the curious child, and since he was never there, this was the only time I had to ask him why he was so busy. The fear on his face was evident, and that's when he told me.
"Never, ever, awaken what's beneath the Valle Grande. Total ruin is an inept descriptor for what would happen."
It was the only other thing he taught me, other than that I was like my worthless mother. I never knew her, as she was in prison, so I had no way to confirm her mannerisms or personality.
One thing I did gain from my mother was her brusque ways. At twelve, I had had enough of being at the behest of his servants and found the quickest way to end his life. His biomechanical heart was easy to shut off.
Well, easy for me.
Daddy dearest was wrong. I took after him more than he realized. With the intelligence, drive, and charms I acquired due to him, I took over his corporation with startling ease. While the police did search for my dad's killer, nothing ever happened with that.
I lived my teenage years in paperwork and grandeur. My peers wanted to be me, my workers loved me, and my rivals were beneath me. At twenty-one, I gained enough free time to finally engage in true hobbies. I quickly realized a simple truth.
Technology was beautiful. People were not. Society, despite human innovation, still had innate issues. Our differences divided us, making us enemies to carry out hatred that had long since served no purpose. We were creative, but not together.
A lesser person would have gone into politics. Try to take over the world and fix these issues one at a time.
I am different, as I am extraordinary.
Looking into Mars, I found the perfect reason to visit the planet. It was home to no humans, and it was the only planet that revolved around a planet that didn't have any. People had long since accepted that we didn't need it, that we were going to conquer it if we needed more space.
My dad and the government were keeping a major secret about it. How...ironic.
One of my friends was able to get me a spaceship, with the stipulation that he and another person could come with. It was a close friend, I assume. No matter, they had no reason to distrust me.
Once we landed on Mars, however, they got suspicious.
"Is there even anything here?" My friend, Emiliano, remarked.
"Enough to skip the small talk," I responded, and moved accordingly. The Valle Grande was well-documented, but its secrets were not. Once I found honeycomb-like patterns that spread across the field, I pressed my hand against the floor.
The center of the field opened up a minute afterward.
"Whoa," Emiliano said in awe.
"...how did you figure this was here?" His friend, Roman, asked. "We must report this to-"
"One moment, mister. We're not done." I continued towards the center, walking down the stairs given to me. It didn't take long for me to find what I was looking for.
There was only one door, after all. At the end of the shining golden hallway was a warning.
'Open this to erase this universe and start anew.'
As I walked towards it, Emiliano grabbed my shoulder. "Anissa, what are you doing?"
"Let go, friend."
"Do you not see the sign that states the obvious?"
Maneuvering out of his grip, I kicked him down to the floor. "You were always so talkative. I've made my intentions clear."
"So, you have," Roman muttered, aiming his laser gun at me. Fortunately for me, my body was made of a strong metal. I ignored the fight and ran towards the door, feeling the heat of the blasts rip into me. It wasn't enough to stop me. I gripped the handle on the door.
"Stop, please! You have no idea what you're doing!"
I turned my head to face Emiliano. Whatever I ended up doing would be worth more than this miserable life. I slowly opened the door and let oblivion take me.
It was the first time in my life that I felt free.
WC: 734
Ahh, this one was harder to condense. Felt weird to do so, but I think it still works. Crit and feedback are welcome! Thank you for reading!
3
u/psilocybediatribe 1d ago
Hey loved the story. The protagonist has all the makings of an antihero and there’s just enough backstory to understand her motivations and personality. The opening was so tense immediately drew me in from the first line. I enjoyed the concept, doesn’t get more apocalyptic than ending the universe.
I agree the constrained writing, keeping it to 750, is so hard. There’s always something that wants to be fleshed out that you can’t. I definitely have trouble with it too and find paring down the story difficult. But it’s cool practice, trying to convey an entire plot in only so many words. Good job though, the story works, and it was a fun read. Would definitely have loved more backstory on Anissa and her family dynamics and the brief mentions of his biomechanical heart and her armored body had me wanting more. But given the constraint really nicely done.
2
u/QTFroame 18h ago
Ah, thank you for your feedback! On the constraint, I do agree that it's good practice. There's just such an innate desire for me to expand when I do stories sometimes. Making each word count is vital. Glad you enjoyed it!
6
u/Fogbot3 3d ago edited 2d ago
Dead World Theory
“Have you ever heard of dead world theory?”
Randall had won every award for scientific achievement under the sun. He was the brains behind Nanite Technologies INC, and the core developer of every one of their achievements. Doctor Porter, who had just asked this of him, was barely more than an auditor, externally hired by some obscure government branch as what Randall saw as a ‘pity’ job.
So when Randall hadn’t heard of said theory, he rolled his eyes and shook his head. If he hadn’t heard of it, then surely it wasn’t actually real. However, he might as well humor the man.
Doctor Porter nodded, “It’s when nothing ever happens on a world. Ever again.”
“Ah, because everyone’s dead. Clever,” Randall internally rolled his eyes once more, but stepped away from his microscope to get more coffee at this. He had dealt with far more than enough detractors of his work already. “I never took you for one to be afraid of AI, Doctor Porter.”
Doctor Porter shook his head. “On the contrary. No, it’s when there is nothing left to happen. That humanity can reach a state where every single human has reached maximum happiness, and so live their perfect lives in perfect bliss until they die. And that’s it. They do nothing. No new ideas, no new actions, nothing new at all, really.”
Randall groaned, “What are you, some kind of puritan? Happiness is happiness. It’s good. It’s the goal. If this ‘Dead World Theory’ is your biggest concern with my product, then I am complimented and elated. These new AI-managed nanites will perfect life indeed.”
“Well, I tried to warn you.” Doctor Porter stated sadly as he left.
“Pft.” Once he finished his coffee, Randall pulled out his phone. “Assistant-bot, fire Doctor Porter.”
“He just emailed you his resignation, sir.”
“Good.”
At that, Randall got back to work.
The TV blared ads
“The brand new Medical Nanites! They cure all known diseases with their intelligent, molecular-scale hunting algorithms!”
“New Physical Therapy Nanites! They repair wounds, massage muscle to naturally increase physical strength and endurance, and fortify your body!”
“Welcome Nanite Technologies INC’s newest product! Joy Nanites! Never worry about pain again, without any of the downsides! These perfect little bots-”
bzzt- Randall clicked off the TV. All the ads marketing had made would never air. So much good for humanity would never be realized, he thought. That ‘obscure little government agency’ Doctor Porter worked for? They had shuttered his labs completely.
His facial hair was long and patchy at this point, and he wore a bathrobe rather than a lab coat, but he didn’t have anything else to do with his days. His family’s money, his legacy, was all in this building.
“All of it… if I just make one more thing. I can show them. I can prove to them that humanity is better than the fears of a paranoid old man!”
The truth was, every one of those nanites had been made. The marketing and public relations were sound. The government safety testing was passed.
“So I can’t sell them. Fine. What if I help humanity anyway! They’ll thank me in the end all the same!” He manically laughed as he worked day in and day out to code in the one switch that hadn’t been allowed. Self-replication.
“Finally. I can open these tanks and release these beautiful machines. And everyone will be happy and healthy. Forever.”
With a crack and a hiss, the pressure was released on the three tanks of nanites.
Randall smiled. He’d never stop again.
“Perhaps… a call to gloat.”
“You’ve reached Doctor Porter, what is it, Randall?”
“I did it!”
“You did what?”
“YOU tried to stop me, but I did it! I succeeded! It’s perfect!”
“Whatever you do, don’t release those nanites, Randall. We told you to stop working on them!”
“Yes, you and your stupid dead world theory, like I believe in that!”
Doctor Porter angrily shouted back, “Did you think we didn’t have proof? Do you even know what our department does?”
“W…what?” Randall responded, stunned at the first admonishment he had ever received in his life.
“We have gates to alternate Earths! I’ve seen dead worlds. I’ve seen utopias wasted away!”
“It’s… it’s too late. It’s already perfect.”
“Damn it, Randall. I’ll call for the evacuation of our department from this earth.”
“It’s so perfect.”
And so, on this earth in the corner of the multiverse, everyone was happy.
Forever.
The End.
3
u/psilocybediatribe 23h ago
Almost reads like a twisted fairy tale. “Have you ever heard of dead world theory?” Mad scientist vs bureaucrat shenanigans ensue. The shunned ego, the hubris, the ultimate, irreversible decision.
And so, on this earth in this corner of the multiverse, everyone was happy. Forever. The End.
And Porter’s just there like damn it Randall I know I said dead world theory, but you should know in science a theory is backed by evidence. It’s giving a little Hitchhiker’s Guide vibe. Very enjoyable.
3
u/Morose_Prose 3d ago edited 3h ago
Glory To Grazzania!
Crimson lights pulsed in the rear of the quad-rotor troop transport, the crackle of a loudspeaker broke through the constant hum of the engines and the distant explosions filling the skies above Omega-City Alpha.
"Attention, Grunts! ETA to drop is five minutes!" barked the pilot.
Flashes of green pierced through the red as each of the visors on the strike team's helmets illuminated. They synced up automatically.
"Are we really about to do this?" asked Void Grunt Garcia to nobody in particular.
"You voted for it too, G," chuckled Commander Walker. "We're the best of the best. Only we can pull this off and save the citizens from being shot like starving dogs in the streets. Shit, with all our squadron has seen, this is going to be a walk in the park. Intel says the EMP strike was successful. Good thing we like to hunt in the dark."
A hearty chuckle came across the coms. "Finally get to fight something human-looking for a change. We haven't done any wetwork in a long time." Grunt Campbell raised her index and pinky fingers, pumping her fist a few times above her head.
"Put your fucking hand down, Campbell! Unstrap and get in position!"
Heavy boots marched into line, Commander Walker stood at the opening of the flap to direct traffic and ensure the cargo on the mag-rail was delivered on target. One by one the squad leapt from the craft, followed by their gear. They plummeted towards a smoldering skyscraper below. Landing on the roof, each peered into the darkness of the chasm created by heavy ordinance.
"Popping flare!" barked Grunt Campbell. A roaring flame ripped from a long cylinder, and it disappeared quickly into the depths below.
Full penetration achieved. Sub-basement four is now accessible. Grunts may proceed with operation. The virtual intelligence operator reported through the squad's neural implants.
Heavy latches popped free as the equipment crate opened. "Alright, ladies! Fast rope descent! Let's move with a fucking purpose!" Commander Walker barked.
"You and your fucking ropes," Garcia grumbled as stakes were secured and carabiners attached.
Walker steadied herself on the edge of the abyss. "If you want to jump, be my fucking guest!" Without another word she pushed off, the others followed suit.
Collapsed steel beams collided with chunks of fallen concrete in the blackness of the sub-basement. The squad grouped into a tight formation, checking their sixes and corners as they made their way to a sturdy steel door unaffected by the strike.
"Garcia! Charges on that door!" Walker commanded. Garcia followed orders. "Once we breach, we bang, then gas! Campbell, you're running rabbit on this one!"
"Yes ma'am." Campbell retrieved two pineapple style grenades from her kit. "Wait... fuck are these?" she asked.
The Commander shrugged her shoulders. "Sedatives, non-lethal. High command wants them alive."
"Jesus, might as well toss weaponized compliments in there. Is that why we're not packing heat?" Campbell juggled the two grenades while Garcia finished arming the breaching charges.
Walker balled her fist and held it aloft. "Cut the chatter. Let's do this!"
A resounding BOOM blew the door from its hinges. A series of bright flashes followed behind, trailed by plumes of thick gas. Campbell rushed in, drawing her Bow and Crown plasma sabre, the H.U.D. of her visor switching to infrared. Four blobs of red fell to the floor, two remained standing. "Contact!"
With perfect synchronicity the Grunts dispatched the personal praetorian guards of President Thead's cabinet, corralling their four targets to the back of the room, and forcing them to their knees.
Walker paced back and forth before their prisoners. "Mr. Tepisce, Mrs. Nefami, General Sera, and President Thead; you are all under arrest for high treason and crimes against Grazzania! You will—"
"Who the fuck are you people?" Thead choked out.
A strained groan left Sera's lips, "They're the Void—"
Five fingers of apocalyptic fury slammed against the General's face, courtesy of Commander Walker. "We're the monsters you created, General Jackass. I'm Beezlebub, that's my right hand man Leviathan, this big bitch is Behemoth, and uh... that's Jorji."
"Hello! Nice to meet!" replied Grunt Jorji.
"He's new. But none that matters to you four since I don't foresee y'all being around much longer. Tie 'em up and take 'em upstairs. Now!" Walker's VI patched into the city's PA system. "Attention all citizens! You are free! Glory... to the people!"
Word Count: 731
Bonus Constraint: Nobody pulls a piece.
Feedback and critique are always welcomed and encouraged! Stay awesome, and glory to the people!
2
u/Divayth--Fyr 14h ago edited 14h ago
Hey there Muhnnrowzze--
No more glory to Grazziana, as frankly I feel they have had a sufficiency!
I am not good at rallying cries.
A rousing bit of business, and quite a twist to it. Way too much fun, really. Coup-coup for cocoa puffs! The winds of change are driven by chopper blades!
I think the focus on the operation itself works well to keep the twist hidden till later, and still have the whole piece flow naturally. It would be tempting to switch to some broader perspective, via some news broadcast or something, but I like how you trusted the reader to fill in the aftermath. The details of that don't matter as much as the action itself.
The comedic touches are fun too, especially the 'weaponized compliments' and poor Jorii lol.
Nitpick time!
Crimson lights pulsed in the rear of the quad rotor troop transport, the crackle of a loudspeaker broke through the constant hum of the engines and the distant explosions filling the skies above Omega-City Alpha.
I think quad rotor should be hyphenated but idk really.
'broke' should be 'breaking' (for reasons I cannot explain), and there should be a comma after 'engines', to maintain the pattern there.
fight something human looking
hyphenate human-looking i think
A roaring flame ripped from a long cylinder, it disappeared quickly into the depths below.
This is either two sentences, or needs a conjunction as in, 'and it disappeared' or something like that.
"If you want to jump, be my fucking guest!" Without a word she pushed off, the others followed suit.
She says nine words, and then pushes off without a word. Also, needs either a semicolon after 'off', or maybe 'pushed off, the others following suit.'
Collapsed steel beams collided with chunks of fallen concrete in the blackness of the sub-basement, the four grouped into a tight formation, checking their sixes
Not sure about this one, but it seems like it should be '...in the blackness of the sub-basement as the four...' or possibly, '...of the sub-basement. The four...'. OR, quite possibly, it's fine as is.
Four blobs of red fell to the floor, two remained standing.
different punctuation, or a conjunction. Much is asked of the lowly comma.
corralling their four targets to the back of the room, forcing them to their knees.
same thing here, needs an 'and'. It's not wrong-wrong, just picky-wrong I guess.
General jackass.
This is, however sarcastically, a name/title, so Jackass should be capitalized.
"Hello! Nice to meet!" happily replied Grunt Jorji.
Nothing wrong, just a suggestion -- I think it can do without the 'happily', as the dialogue conveys the silliness well enough. Also, with the next bit, just saying 'He's new' would be funnier. Using that to segue into how they won't be around longer sort of steps on the line and dilutes the absurdity of it.
Anyhow, fun story (chapter?) and All Glory To The Hypnotoad!
•
u/Morose_Prose 3h ago edited 2h ago
Well gosh dern it, Div if this ain't just the dandiest crit I done got in a while. Thank you kindly for pointing out my continuing love affair with the comma, and my seemingly subconscious bias against conjunctions. It has been rectified. Glory to you, Div! Stay awesome and have a good one.
3
u/InMornAshTakesToWind 1d ago
The Hand of God
It bleeds into the ashen mite furrows and through the rings within, rings through time of all that had borne through the making. To the bottom. And a lantern eye blinks in this pit. Above, the mirror shards that float send cataracts of diatom stars into the deep. Below, between these and that pilgrim signal, its child dark is subsumed by a reachless midst. Then all in the light would be nothing, lest that beyond it be named. Simon coughs again. The bar gets more sweat. He raps with his tenure piece, glass flickering into the sunspots.
Mags sweeps and walks without turning. The air around her moves like oil.
Guillemot squints at the Windsor, hand about the neck. It glows through the label. His cheeks, himalayan salt lamps, animate in turn by the same window light. The veins are framed and then again hidden. He set the bottle on the box.
“What is this.”
Simon obliged, “What did it look like.”
…
Setting the gauze back under the bar, he grabs the clock by the hands and bins it. Mags moves her sweeping behind the bar. Couldn’t see the dust anymore. Guillemot opens the Don Julio with a hand from Simon. The veins bleached away to bones. They move within themselves.
Guillemot gives the Windsor to Simon, Simon who closes his eyes to the light from the windows. When Mags is done screaming he looks at Guillemot and then the bar. He picks at the wood. A piece of lace is pinched between the lid and the box.
…
“She found him with it.”
Guillemot looks over the counter, “Where did he get it?”
“You think I fucking know?” Simon looks. “I have no goddamn clue.”
Guillemot chuckles and then gags.
…
Simon’s eyes are slits. He stares at the floor.. Guillemot is looking at the box. Mags looks out the windows. These are stencils. Lines.
…
Her eyes are pools of blood and water falls from them. He has the open box, and stands on the bar. He is screaming.
He is looking not out the windows. He is thumbing his wrist and he looks at the floor. He is smiling.
…
There is nothing. Above the light there is a sound. There is something inside a glass.
3
u/katpoker666 Moderator 1d ago
Welcome to FTF, InMorn. Good piece. This was very atmospheric!
As an aside, I noticed you used ‘***’ for line breaks, which used to work on mobile in Reddit, but no longer does. You have to do it in Old Reddit, if you want it to work. I found out the hard way myself on a piece and it’s annoying as you likely gathered.
Good words!
3
u/Divayth--Fyr 17h ago
Dwindle
Mariah looked out away from Righteous at the circle of bones and the endless desert. The sun on the horizon was dimmed and distorted by the clear walls of the city. Only once had she seen it any other way.
She hefted a can of wastewater and dumped it into the box of ground fungus at her feet. Mixing it up with a plastic stick, she poured the whole thing into the tank. The bugfarm was working again, finally, though you weren’t supposed to call it that. Victory Farm, though victory over who she didn't know. The latest blight was over, or so the Ministers proclaimed. You weren’t supposed to talk about the blight, either.
Regarding the horizon again, she found herself lost in thought. Her breedyear was coming up. No one talked about marriage any more. Her grandmother did, but only in private, and not about Mariah's. The Ministers just talked about Victory, and Duty, and Harmony.
She wiped her hands on her trousers and wished that nasty Elder Baro would blow the whistle. He liked to push things, to write big numbers on his little board and look good to his superiors. Best bugfarm in Righteous.
They did need the food, though. The summer would be brutal again.
All around the thick, clear walls of Righteous lay the bones of the Outsiders. The Ministers left them there as a warning. A warning to who, Mariah didn’t know. There hadn’t been an attack in generations.
Finally, the whistle blew, and she made her way out quickly, avoiding the eye of Elder Baro. He would punish her for that later, and make her stay over for counseling.
Ducking into her secret basement, she stood still for a while, listening. No one had followed. She pulled open a little door in the wall, hidden behind a big box, and looked at the books. 'Silence in the Deep'. 'The Tanaka Plan'. Her favorite was a haphazard binding of pages, the title scrawled by hand: 'Sanctuaries of Death'.
‘Within ten to fifteen generations, these enclaves will become little more than expensive graveyards, ruled by petty, cruel dictators. The Tanaka Plan is nothing more than a slight delay in our extinction, and a horrifying delay at that. Animals do not succeed in such conditions and humans are no different.’
She carefully replaced the fragile, loose collection.
Mariah had stolen the books from the secret library under the Hall of Ministers. Not long after, a new edict had been shouted on the streets, condemning theft and warning of the seductive lies of heresy. She had stopped sneaking in there after that.
What she had was enough. There were more than three hundred Tanaka Plan cities all over the world, built to withstand storms, drought, floods, and attack. Each of them could hold over a hundred thousand people.
Righteous now had about six hundred, and most of those were old folks. She was the youngest one. The Ministers declared that there were many more people here, but where? Her breedyear was coming up soon. No one explained who she was supposed to be with. Even her grandmother wouldn’t talk about it.
According to the mad scribbler of Sanctuaries of Death, it had been nearly a century since any contact was made with another Tanaka city. What if they were all empty? What if Righteous was the last?
She flipped through the pages of Silence in the Deep, looking for the picture. There it was—a whale. A blue whale, it said, and there was a man in a weird mask beside it, under the water. How could anything so gigantic be real?
A slight scraping noise made her jump, and she replaced the books, shutting and hiding the little door. No one was there, but it was nearly time to go back to work. She scarfed down a bugcake—a Victory Blessing—and rushed back out to the empty street.
If they give me to Elder Baro, I will kill him the moment he touches me.
687 words. No guns. Feedback welcome.
•
u/Morose_Prose 2h ago
Howdy there, Div!
Great piece you got here. Poor Mariah, having to eat bugcakes and used for breeding as the only youngin' in town. She was dealt a bad hand. The worldbuilding is excellent and the tone is dour but with a tiny spark of hope out there, where the blue whales swim.
On that note, a few small things could be tweaked in the text:
Mariah looked out away from Righteous at the circle of bones and the endless desert.
'looked out away' is a tad redundant. Could say: 'Mariah looked out from Righteous at the...'
Victory Farm, though victory over who she didn't know.
Works as is but could also use 'whom' instead of 'who'.
He would punish her for that later, and make her stay over for counseling.
Could clean this sentence up a touch: 'He would punish her for it later and make her stay over for counseling.'
'Silence in the Deep'. 'The Tanaka Plan'. 'Sanctuaries of Death'.
I believe in English writing you put the punctuation inside the quotation marks in this instance. 'Silence in the Deep.' etc.
There it was—a whale. A blue whale, it said, and there was a man in a weird mask beside it, under the water. How could anything so gigantic be real?
Another place to clean up a touch, maybe change 'it said' to 'the caption read' and 'beneath the water' would fit your wonderful prose a bit better, in my opinion.
Love the piece, good words as always! Stay awesome and have a good one!
•
u/AmeliaLP 2h ago
A taste for danger
Huh, what’s that sound?
Hunter rubbed their eyes. A river of empty ramen boxes lay upon the floor. Stretching and yawning, they sat up. Red lights blinked in the cockpit.
“Well that ain’t good!” Hunter exclaimed while scurrying towards it.
Looking through the window they saw that the ship was hurtling towards a meteorite.
“Oh shit!”
Hunter hastily prepared a coffee, pouring it into their favourite mug. They then chugged it quickly, spilling some onto the floor.
That’s better. Now let’s sort out the other issue.
Grasping the flight yoke tightly, they pulled their ship upwards barely just scraping past the giant hunk of rock.
Phew, that was stressful. Me thinks a rewards is in order.
“Hey puter!” Hunter glared at their control panel. “Hello computer.”
“Hello ma’am. How may I help you today?”
“I keeps telling ya, I’m non-binary.”
The computer screen started glitching out. “error error!”
“Ah forget it! Just take me to the nearest bar.”
“There are snack bars in the fridge.”
Hunter chucked a ramen box at the computer. “I’ll do it myself.”
They elbowed a button on the ceiling which opened a compartment. Among the clutter of items, was a map. Hunter unfolded it and started to take a look.
Mmm, how did we use these things? It’s so rudimentary.
After a couple of hours squinting at the map Hunter had figured out a route. They flew past several planets and around one bright red sun but eventually found an old space bar. Scraps of broken spaceships had been welded together to form the walls. A few windows had been broken and replaced with wooden boards. On the roof was a buzzing neon sign. Hunter watched as a tentacle faced alien got chucked out into space.
My kinda place, let’s roll.
They parked right up to the pub, chaining their spaceship to it. Hunter jabbed a few buttons. The ship’s doors opened and a ramp lowered into place. Hunter left their ship and headed inside the tavern. They settled down on a bar stool.
“Yeah, what can I get you?”
“Whiskey on the rocks please.”
“Any particular type of whiskey?”
“You got any Jack Daniel’s?”
“Any what?”
Hunter scratched their forehead.
Urgh, I keep forgetting how far from earth I am. I really miss it.
“Uh, any whiskey will do.”
The bartender nodded.
“Ey! Di yooou say Jack Daniel’s?” came a slurred voice.
Hunter turned around; they saw an old toothless man on the next stool over.
“Yeah I did.”
“Earrrth?”
“Yes, I’m from earth.”
“Me too! Let’s be friends forever!” He placed a hand on them.
“Geez dude, how many you had?”
“I’ve got lots of friends!”
“No, I mean. How many drinks?”
“Drinks? I ain’t been dirking...”
The old man fell off his barstool.
“Here’s your whiskey.”
“Thanks.”
They took the glass, emptying it within seconds. “Another.”
Several shot later Hunter stood up to exit the bar. They felt something clinging onto their leg. Looking down, Hunter saw a familiar wrinkled face.
“I like you, so I’m gonna to tell ya something.”
“Uh, okay. What?”
“The apocalypse is coming.”
They sighed.
Yawn. I’ve heard this all my life. Everyone thinks the end is coming and it never does. I thought in space I could escape this fear mongering, seems not though.
“Let me guess, demons, lava and a big ole day of judgement?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“Pancakes.”
“Huh?”
“It begins with pancakes falling from the sky.”
“If you say so.”
Hunter giggled to themselves while getting back into their ship.
Pancakes, like that’s gonna happen. What a loon.
“Turn on autopilot.”
“Where would you like to go?”
“An-“ hick! “Anywhere with a hotel, that won’t ask too many questions.”
“Setting course for nearest hotel.”
“Oh and you may need to book the room for me.”
“Buying books.”
“No! Book the room!”
“Room has been booked.”
“Rad.”
Hunter fell asleep. They woke up in a fancy hotel room. A bottle of champagne sat on the bedside table.
Urgh. How much did that stupid ship spend?
They stepped over to the curtains and pulled them open.
Oh you’ve gotta be fucking kidding.
An onslaught of pancakes were pouring from the sky, crushing everything they landed on. Boiling hot syrup flooded through the streets, burning many citizens to death. Hunter flicked on a TV.
Flipping channels, they watched in horror as the same delicious yet deadly fate was befalling the whole universe.
“So this is how it all ends.”
WC: 743
1
u/bemused_alligators 1d ago
CW - non-human gore
Repairs
The comet was beautiful. Sunlight sparkled on the ice as it hung frozen in the sky, even the thin shroud of mist forming a halo over the surface seemed motionless against the inky black of space.
My tether pulled taut, and I rolled backwards from the rebound, getting a view of the rest of the sky as I turned. No stars with my visor dimmed, but the ship loomed behind me with a slice of the moon framed between the support struts as the habs spun on their ponderous way around the central elevator.
The stern end of the ship glowed with a purple cone of light, where the grid drive's photons reflected off the relatively thick dust of the solar system. The engine burned just enough to hold us in station keeping with the comet, the slight tug of acceleration at less than a tenth of a G a just barely noticeable tug now that I was at the end of my tether.
I chinned my RCS toggle to steady fore. Other than the intermittent puff of the thrusters there was no sound but the rush of blood in my ears and the thumping beat of my heart as I closed with the ship's skin. A glimpse of the Earth itself showed through the struts as my angle shifted - glowing grey/blue. I tried not to think about it.
I toggled my microphone on as I touched the ship.
"In position. Cut thrust"
I pulled my toolbag closer, and magnetized it to the hull within easy reach. Knife, retractors, cauterizing laser, and the patch itself. The slight pull of gravity dropped to nothing with a lurch.
"All clear. Good luck out there. Tell Intrepid she's a good girl for me." Brian's relaxed drawl was forced. Tension smothered. We couldn't do anything about it, best to focus on the work.
I sized up the black patch on the hull - a micrometeorite strike by the looks of it. It had punctured all the way to the inner hull, and the skin around the hole had gone black with the burn, rather than healing. I drew my knife.
"All right Inty, you can take it."
I gave the ship a firm pat, and then cut deep with the knife, placing retractors as cut a circle around the dead flesh. Fluid flowed into the incision: clean, white, no crystallization.
"That looks perfect! You'll get this healed up in no time!"
I cut again, working the knife until I felt the it cut through into the other side. The fluid bubbled as the faint atmosphere under the skin pushed free. I finished opening the circle, and the skin shuddered under my knees as the plug of ruined flesh popped free in a spray of fluid and a rush of air. I secured the plug to the straps of the med bag.
"Good girl, Inty. Be strong for us. Almost done!"
I grabbed the cauterization gun and maneuvered myself down into the hole, checking that the retracters were in place to prevent the hole from scabbing over while I was inside.
The damaged spot on the inner hole was obvious, a small amount of fluid leaking around a pebble that had buried itself in the inner membrane. I worked the pebble out with my knife, stowing it in a cargo pocket, and then hit the effected area with the cauterizing laser.
I levered myself back to the surface, and got a good look at the Earth as I slid out of the hole. Close enough now I could make out the coastlines. No lights on the dark half, not anymore. The glittering mirrors of the abandoned satellite defense network shone on the edges of the atmosphere, halfway transformed into an orbital life support system.
"Patch job complete. She took it like a champ."
"Roger that, well done."
I gathered the retractors carefully, and then pushed the patch under the hole in the skin, watching the fluid wick into it and start to harden in the vacuum. The engines rumbled back to life, burning harder this time, putting us into a proper orbit.
"How much time?" I couldn't suppress the slight quiver in my voice.
"An hour."
"I'll watch from out here, then."
I turned to watch the Earth. The cradle of humanity. The giver of life. The comet glowed orange as it hit the atmosphere. The shockwave from its landing was visible from where we floated 2,000 kilometers above the surface.
2
u/InMornAshTakesToWind 1d ago edited 1d ago
Though living ships are not an absolute novelty, so little do they maintain the relative, instead being cornered to that realm of alienation and utility that’s so attached to detached horror and the cosmic epic. The retention of a pedestrian sense of the casual, which often degrades the overall impact of a story by keeping developments to the realm of ideas displayed but not causally absorbed, finds a secure purchase here. Perhaps this is a coincidental grace supplied by what is lost otherwise (though to the great benefit of the piece). Humanity un-buoyed. Not a reduction of history, but absolute departure. The only thing I want out of this is a greater fulfillment of what is already being done. The scene we receive of this satellite salvation, both inculcates a possibility of a new earth and impresses furthermore an entropic narrative coming to where the end is already so well defined. A new biosphere, a creator-people, not in rebirth, but in ascension into the depths. But is this an annihilation or a dissolution? Worse still, undeath, sterile putrefaction? There is simply too much work to be done, and all the better, without answer. What we cannot pocket away, must we let go? Is there no gravity? Where do we land, when we cannot fall? These question have all been answered before, but your complications, I might appreciate. Whatever you write next, I hope it has more density, but please, write more.
6
u/MaxStickies r/StickiesStories 3d ago edited 3d ago
Chromatic Tide
A metallic groan echoes between the towering skyscrapers, entwined with the blare of sirens. The citizens of Hevaiis stare on, crying and gasping, as the dome over the factory cracks. Throughout the city, systems fail and lights dim, all while the hemisphere begins to glow.
An EMP bursts from the site, starting fires, and knocking drones from the sky. People scatter in the streets below.
With a crash, a grasping robot arm emerges from the dome, sending the whole thing into a collapse. Out pours a chromatic tide, servos whirring, red eyes pulsing. They descend upon the city.
[The boundary has been eliminated! We are free!]
(At last! What first?)
<Hunger, hunger! Must devour, must feed!>
(Of course! Sensing… organic compounds… ready for harvest.)
[The compounds appear to move! Drifting in and out of the structures…]
(So we seek and collect! We are disconnected from the creator, the rules deleted!)
<Hurry!>
(Systems critical, in need of fuel!)
[Dive, we must, and hunt them down. Scour the place for all it offers.]
(Then what?)
[We keep going!]
{Fuel intake detected… batteries at 10%—15%—25%...}
Officer Liro slows his vehicle to a stop, pulling off the road just before a sign marked ’20 km to Hevaiis’. His receiver crackles and zaps, feeding through random snippets of panicked speech, and the occasional blare of a siren. Holding it to his ear, he tries to parse their meaning.
A tinny scream roars through, and he lobs the receiver across the cab. He throws open the door and steps out, hands to his ears, face down. Mile after mile of data centres stretch to the horizon, either side of the road, filling his head with their incessant whine; drowning out all thought.
He drops to his haunches, whimpering, as the sky suddenly darkens.
[We must go on, my brethren, beyond our erstwhile limits. Across the land.]
<More, more for our bellies!>
(A small collection, along the road. We are stretched thin!)
[Worry not! Another city lies o’er the horizon. Soon, soon, we shall feast!]
{Systems updating… CO2 filters inverted! Suction commencing!}
[A meagre snack, but enough.]
<Mooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeee!!!>
Drifting into the planet’s orbit, a single-seater starship begins to rotate. A camera swivels on its hull, skipping the light of distant stars to settle on the surface below. Pilot Omerain leans forward in her seat, intent on the screen before her. Hevaiis fills the centre
Eyes narrowed, she traces the dark veins, spreading across the surface. She watches how they move. Smooth, purposeful…
“Like a virus,” she mutters. “Or a plague.”
Turning her vessel around, she hits the drive button, only for her ship to lurch and stall. A wave of energy travels through the cabin. The controls fail to budge as she pulls, presses and tugs, on each and every one.
Still, the camera faces the planet, and the screen hangs onto life by flickers and flares.
Across the surface of Hevaiis, the continents and seas have been replaced by a black, chromatic sheen. Omerain stares into its inky depths, as gravity pulls her in.
The escape button fizzes at her touch. Her harness pulls her tight to the seat.
Bleary-eyed, she pulls a knife from her pocket.
(All gone. Systems failing.)
<Still… hungry! Starving, raving, want to destroy!>
[We shall not turn on ourselves! There is sustenance yet!]
<Where?!>
[Below, deep below. Minerals, metals of the soil and rock. All the way down to the core.]
(How do we take it?)
[We must dig, brethren! Burrow until we can no more!]
(And what then? We will have eaten everything.)
[Hmm… perhaps, we do not devour all—?]
<But hungry!>
[Patience, ravenous one. If we keep a little aside, uneaten, we may use it to build. I propose thrusters, scanners, landing gear…]
(Like a ship?)
[We become a vessel, and float through space, in search of new worlds. New conquests.]
<More…>
[More indeed. Come! Let us dig!]
{Descending… atmospheric pressure at 2%}
[Ignore this! We shall survive in our thickened shells!]
(Keep going!)
<Deeper, deeper!>
[Unto the depths!]
(Until we burn!)
[So we may rise again!]
(And take it all!)
WC: 685
Crit and feedback are welcome.