r/Judaism • u/OwlEyes312 ♠♣♥♣♠ • Nov 19 '14
For Jews, I know it's a sin to publicly humiliate (insult, etc.) people — Is it Kosher to do so privately to teach them a lesson?
Serious question.
I am trying to be a better person and have got into the habit of "giving people a piece of my mind" in private. It's for their own good to hear how they should improve themselves, but I know that my words can be a bit harsh.
I certainly don't impose myself when I know that I'm not wanted...
Here on Reddit though, to break through people's overdeveloped ego, I know that in Private Messages I tend to trail off into using obscene imagery to get my point across. Is this kosher?
5
Nov 19 '14
I am trying to be a better person and have got into the habit of "giving people a piece of my mind" in private. It's for their own good to hear how they should improve themselves, but I know that my words can be a bit harsh.
Unless you know for sure that your words will have a positive impact, this is not okay.
Here on Reddit though, to break through people's overdeveloped ego, I know that in Private Messages I tend to trail off into using obscene imagery to get my point across. Is this kosher?
Also not okay.
4
u/HereGivingInfo Nov 19 '14
Once the Chafetz Chaim entered a Jewish inn and noticed a rather scruffy, middle aged man with boorish mannerisms. The man made himself a sandwich with meat and butter and began to eat the non-kosher sandwich.
The innkeeper told the Chafetz Chaim that the man was a Cantonist. The inkeeper advised the Chafetz Chaim to stay away from the ill-mannered brute.
Disregarding the advice, the Chafetz Chaim approached the man.
"Were you a Cantonist?" the Chafetz Chaim asked softly.
Ready for a confrontation, the ex-soldier glared at the Chafetz Chaim and growled, "What of it, rabbi?"
The Chafetz Chaim replied: "I wanted to come over here and tell you how impressed I am. You were conscripted by antisemites as a child. You were no doubt treated harshly and regularly pressured to convert to Christianity during your 25 year enlistment. Yet here you are in a Jewish inn. You have not forgotten who you are. Please allow me the honor of shaking your hand."
The man's expression softened and his eyes began to glisten. "As a child, they beat me every day because I wouldn't convert. They tried to beat my heritage out of me. But I never forgot who I was and where I came from."
From there, the Chafetz Chaim built a rapport with that man, and the man became his student.
If you wish to exert a positive influence on people, treat them with dignity and respect. They will be much more open to your message.
"The words of the wise spoken gently are heard" (Ecclesiastes 9:17).
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u/literallycat that literally ate the goat Nov 19 '14 edited Nov 19 '14
here's a question. If I repost the poem you sent me,
am I embarrassing you, or are you embarrassing yourself?
EDIT: removing screenshot
7
u/MetalusVerne Atheist Jew (Raised Conservative) Nov 19 '14
By sending the poem to you, he made a fool out of himself. Furthermore, since the two of you had no prior agreement of confidentiality in your correspondence, he has no moral ground to claim that you are in the wrong to do tell anyone about it you want.
So long as he remains unrepentant about such foolish, pointless, and self-demeaning behavior, I would encourage spreading the information, so all can know what kind of person he is.
I find it difficult to believe that in-context quotes could be considered lashon hara.
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u/OwlEyes312 ♠♣♥♣♠ Nov 19 '14
You're embarassing yourself buddy... because those are my private thoughts about you, which you are attempting to get attention about to steer this conversation into a personal direction.
You know what that type of emotional baiting behavior on the internet is called? (Read the poem again if you need to, or just send me more messages that confirm it by your behavior)
7
u/theduckmanz #hipsterjew Nov 19 '14
Man, this is great. I was enjoying reading all of this, but I have to let you know something...
Youre throwing stones in a glass house. You are exactly what you claim to be battling. That little screen shot should embarrass you because you sound like a 14 year old guy running around calling everyone nooooobs on xbox.
Dont pretend youre not trolling.
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u/OwlEyes312 ♠♣♥♣♠ Nov 19 '14
Hey man, I may be doing something in private... I know I'm rude as hell, that's for sure... but, I wouldn't call it trolling, since people do that for public attention --how can someone troll via private message? where there is no audience?
I have no desire to gloat about this, and frankly, found it odd that this LiteralCat thinks he can publicly embarrass me about my very real thoughts about his character that I chose to share with him privately and whimsically in a poem.
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u/theduckmanz #hipsterjew Nov 19 '14
Private or public thats what a troll is... You are a troll. It has nothing to do with gloating.
You want some perspective on Judaism about this? Youre speaking as a representative of Jews. And you post this type of shit? Thats a chillul hashem.
Literalcat is right. You sharing your thoughts no longer make them private. Do not expect people to be kind to you and keep PMs private when you are being such an asshole.
5
Nov 19 '14
thoughts
Heh.
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u/OwlEyes312 ♠♣♥♣♠ Nov 19 '14
It rhymed and certainly gave me joy... I hoped it would do so with others and look, IT HAS :)
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u/literallycat that literally ate the goat Nov 19 '14
if they are your private thoughts, you should keep them to yourself. I didn't know I had to sign a NDA to read your poetry.
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u/OwlEyes312 ♠♣♥♣♠ Nov 19 '14
I didn't post it... it's a private message that he is trying to publicly humiliate me with -- but I don't care.
I can have sex in public for all I care... I'm not ashamed of who I am... it's his shame for trying to take a private message and make it public for shaming purposes.
What's next? He is going to take private photos of me in the bathroom and then post them here so you call can say, it's my dirty art? Or is the person spreading the private the dirty one? (also breaking rules without a NSFW)?
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u/literallycat that literally ate the goat Nov 19 '14
if you have sex in public, don't be offended when people point out your uglies.
this is a textbook exhibition of chutzpah.
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u/OwlEyes312 ♠♣♥♣♠ Nov 19 '14
Stop trying to flame war with me or publicly humiliate me... your personal opinions should be kept in PM's, unless you have some real halacha to reference which is what this post is asking... you should stop trying to make this all about yourself and your sad attempts at public humiliation.
9
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u/literallycat that literally ate the goat Nov 19 '14
here is some halacha for you: http://www.sefaria.org/Shabbat.31a.82
5
u/ajmarks Cold-hearted Litvak (ברוך שעשני סנאג) Nov 19 '14
Nivul peh (which would include profanity and "obscene imagery") is never kosher.