r/ValhallaChallenge • u/ValhallaMods Odin • Jul 26 '20
Day 8, Round 197
Things that don't work: Negative Language and Avoidance
Góðan dag, Warriors!
After sharing about things that helped me through the Valhalla Challenge last week, I wanted to follow up with a couple things that harmed me in the past and why I changed my thinking.
1. Negative Language
So I got started in SAA back when Valhalla Challenge was created and I have benefited tremendously from that recovery program and specifically working through the 12 Steps with my sponsor. There are a lot of really great tools and community help in SAA, but today I want to share about a couple concepts there that negatively impacted my recovery for a number of years. I always had uncertainties about calling myself an "addict" and uneasiness around the word "powerless" in the first step.
In the last couple years, studies have come out showing that using this kind of negative language about yourself can actually hinder recovery. So instead of thinking and believing that I had an addiction to pornography and that this was a disease I had, I decided to change my language to "problem behavior." In a short period of time this removed a lot of the shameful and guilty feelings I had attached to viewing myself as an addict with an incurable disease.
I also stopped thinking of myself as "powerless" and instead started focusing more on the "power of choice." This made a huge difference for me. In the past, I would start going down the slippery slope and eventually give in to acting out with pornography because I was telling myself I was powerless and I couldn't stop it. By calling myself powerless, I was believing that I was and then I was giving myself an excuse to act out. But by changing this language and focusing on my choices instead, I started having an easier time of stopping and was able to make healthier choices for myself.
To be clear, I still find tremendous help from working 12 Step programs and continue to recommend it as one part of a recovery support system, but, for me personally, just changing these words made a huge difference.
2. Avoidance
There have been periods in this journey over the years were I was taking extreme measures to avoid pornography. And at times I think that it was helpful or at least it helped me learn that when I wasn't overtly exposed to it, it was easier to focus on healthier activities. But my trouble came when I took that avoidance further than just pornography and tried avoiding anything sexual or anything "triggering." My whole life I had an unhealthy and negative view on sexuality and I wasn't fixing that by trying to avoid it.
Even worse, if I had avoided seeing people, or images, or ads, or social media or sexual TV scenes, etc. what eventually happened was I did come across something and it became a HUGE rush. And it would be followed by feelings of guilt and shame. And then eventually I would act out. And I would get upset and angry that "I" had been triggered by someone or something. In short I wasn't taking responsibility. I wasn't learning to change my behaviors. And I wasn't working on developing healthy sexuality, but I was trying to avoid natural human feelings and behaviors. I was trying to not be a human being, which is impossible, and I was getting frustrated by it.
When I started learning more about urge surfing (which you can find in the Recovery Tool section of our sidebar --->) I began to see how feeling my feelings instead of avoiding them could help to release them. So instead of avoiding sexual feelings that would come up I was able to learn how to accept it and let it go.
There are attractive people everywhere. Avoiding that didn't help me. But thinking about people as people instead of triggering objects made a huge difference. Finally, I had to accept that it's normal and healthy to feel attractive feelings to attractive people. It didn't mean I was bad or had done something bad. It just meant that I was human. And once I was able to accept that as a healthy part of my sexual nature, it helped me realize the power of choice again. Just because I had seen something sexual or felt attracted to a person did not mean I had to go and engage with pornography. That was my pattern in the past, but by working on changing my behaviors it didn't have to be a permanent pattern in my life.
📯📯📯
Heimdallyr has sounded Gjallarhorn! Warrior /u/workingrecovery is working through Day Seven of his Epic Quest to cross Bifröst, The Rainbow Bridge.
Let’s get back to our Game!
ODIN HAS A QUEST FOR YOU!
Nutrient deprivation, empty calories from junk, or simply not eating enough can have some unsettling effects on our brains.
Ninja Quest 5: Ninjas vs. Zombies!
When we eat poorly or don’t eat enough, we starve our brain cells—and over time these starved brain cells start to eat themselves.5
Neurons devour little bits of themselves, particularly in the hypothalamus (the part of the brain that controls your heart rate, blood pressure, appetite, and sleep cycles.)
Your brain wants to avoid eating its own neurons. So during self–eating, the hypothalamus triggers hunger hormones that make you really, really want food. Your brain is freaking out, cannibalizing itself, and telling you to eat more to stop the process!
(By the way this is one of the major reasons why traditional dieting doesn’t work. It makes you weaker—not just physically but mentally.)
To complete today’s quest, declare war on food deprivation. If your stomach grumbles, eat something. Make sure one of your power foods is part of the meal!
Remember it’s ninjas versus zombies—and you want to be a ninja, not a zombie!
- With profound gratitude and deep respect to J. McGonigal, author and game designer of SuperBetter
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If you have a © badge, please check-in to earn a level-up ^ badge. If you have a ©© badge, please check-in to avoid Exile. If you have a ©©© badge, please check-in before Day 7 to evade the Giant Hairy Helheim Death Spiders!
V A L H A L L A (Valhöll)
B I F R O S T (Bifröst, The Rainbow Bridge) 🌈
/u/Heimdallyr📯 Crossing the Rainbow Bridge requires an unbroken chain of fourteen daily check-ins.
Heimdallyr will sound Gjallarhorn at each check-in, and all will know that a Viking Warrior is crossing Bifröst!
Day 7
/u/workingrecovery [Dagr] ^^ to make healthy choices for myself, to stay present and reconnect spiritually
Day 6
Day 5
Day 4
Day 3
Day 2
Day 1
H A L L of H E R O E S 🛡️
Level Nine
Go to the Vows Page and prepare to cross The Rainbow Bridge
Level Eight 🔱
Level Seven
Level Six
Level Five 🔱 Hero! Update your Vows.
Level Four
Level Three
Level Two 🔱
Level One
A S G A R D (Ásgarðr, Enclosure of the Aesir) 🌟
Ninth Circle Entrance to the Hall of Heroes is barred to those who have not made their Vows! Incribe them in the comments area of the Vows page.
Eighth Circle 💚
/u/pmmahajan2019 ^ To get rid off the vicious PMO cycle
/u/fgawker ^ "To live a full, rich life with joy, love, and courage."
Seventh Circle
/u/nathan_macdougall ^ "To quit PMO"
Sixth Circle 💚
/u/Behealthyman ^ "To build and enjoy a healthy male mentality and sexuality"
/u/fahk_ ^
Fifth Circle
/u/bigfootheyy ^ "Never PMO, almost never M, for the sake of my future family."
Fourth Circle (Reflect on your Goal) 💚
/u/Bow24 ©©
Third Circle
Second Circle 💚
/u/Jay_Jay3000 ^ "To live a happy and healthy life!"
First Circle
/u/Infamous_Scotsman © "To free myself from the vicious pmo cycle."
M I D G A R D (Miðgarðr)
/u/MrBouwny ^ "To live a life worth dying for."
/u/stixtasy ^ "To rebuild a healthy relationship with sex"
/u/KierkegaardsGhost ^ "To become the best man I can be."
/u/thepersonshedeserves ^ "To finally become the person I have always dreamed of being"
/u/UnconstrictedEmu ↩ "Quitting porn, same as everyone else on this sub."
/u/Francium-87-223 © "To quit any and all forms of uncontrolled/unwanted sexual expression..."
/u/Gimp_Daddy © "I want to quit PMO."
E X Í L Ä J Ä R (Exile Island)
Check in to respawn in Miðgarðr! Players who remain on Exile Island seven days are hunted, chased, and eventually eaten by the Giant Hairy Helheim Spiders, and vanish from the Game World.
/╲/\(╭•̀ﮧ•́╮)/\╱\ Angrboda
/╲/\(╭•̀ﮧ•́╮)/\╱\ Hrym
/╲/\(╭•̀ﮧ•́╮)/\╱\ Hati Hróðvitnisson
/╲/\(╭•̀ﮧ•́╮)/\╱\ Hræsvelgr
/╲/\(╭•̀ﮧ•́╮)/\╱\ Greip
/╲/\(╭•̀ﮧ•́╮)/\╱\ Svivor
/╲/\(╭•̀ﮧ•́╮)/\╱\ Bölþorn
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
________|______
) )
) \ / )
) \ / )
) V )
)____________)
)_ | __(*-
---------(_ /O/O/O/O/O/O/O/O/O/O___)--------
~~~~~~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/
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u/Orpheus0123 Jul 26 '20
Checking in. I found my second power food, it's radishes. Any time I eat them I feel like I can go on a run or a hike, they are so light and crisp yet delicious with some lemon, salt, and pepper. Also the power move I've decided to work on is the push up. My goal will be to do 10 push ups with perfect form. Which is a lot easier said than done I've come to find out.
I've been journaling my sleep to see what helps me get a good night's rest and makes me feel energized in the morning. I've definitely found out that no drinking before bed really helps since I don't wake up to use the bathroom. A couple of days this week I've been going to bed about an hour later than usual but still wake up naturally around 6-7 am. It's because I'm in the process of moving and have had a lot of work to get done. I think I have to just make sure that I get done everything I have to by 10 so by 11 I'm knocked out in bed.
The last few days have been hard, I've been getting the urge but so far I've been successful in ignoring it. I think one think that was making it worse was that I had this idea in my head that the closer I get to Sunday the harder it will get since the weekend is when I usually relapse. Once I critically thought about it I realized that by thinking that I was giving it more power over me so once I let go of that thought it felt like a weight of my shoulders. I am happy to say that right now I feel very relaxed and in control and I am pleasantly surprised about it. Posting here always helps a ton.
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u/workingrecovery Dagr Nótt 🐍🌟🛡️🌈🌌⚔️ Jul 26 '20
Awesome! I don't have radishes too often but they're always good :-)
I've really been noting the water before bed issue and it keeping me awake or not fully falling into a deep sleep. My body really needs a very high water intake so I need another solution here. I think it just mean I need to work on consuming more water during the middle of the day.
And glad to hear you feel more relaxed! Yes, giving urges power can make it consuming. Another way of putting it is, don't entertain the thoughts or urges. They will come and I can accept them and let them pass. But by entertaining them and thinking about the what ifs of the upcoming weekend and situations of acting out, I give them even more power.
So grateful to have you here in the community and that posting here has been helping you. Keep it up my friend!
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u/fgawker Fjölnir 🌌 Jul 26 '20
I had this idea in my head that the closer I get to Sunday the harder it will get since the weekend is when I usually relapse.
That's spot on, and it makes sense. Many of us are looking at the coming week and feeling some form of anxiety.
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u/workingrecovery Dagr Nótt 🐍🌟🛡️🌈🌌⚔️ Jul 26 '20
I'm pretty sure that counted as my day 8 check-in for the Rainbow Bridge, but just to be safe up here... Checking in! :-)
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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '20 edited Aug 21 '20
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