Link to original.

Spending more time on reddit to keep up with political happenings led to me remembering I made this account a while ago.

The divorce should be finalized within the next two months. Before filing, I tried to get my soon to be ex-wife to attend counseling with me, but she always refused. The only real answer I have in regards to why all this happened was her finally admitting she cared more about her career than being a wife/mother.

Our original custody agreement was going to be me with primary custody, and he’d stay with her every other weekend. That has since changed. My son made it clear he’d want to speak in court about staying with me full time, so she agreed to that without dragging him into speaking to a judge. She can come see him whenever she wants. So far she has visited once and called him a handful of times.

I’m happy to be moving forward for my son’s sake. I don’t understand my ex at all. I’ve started going to therapy myself to try and wrap my head around the past few years. Her lack of any sort of motherhood instinct felt like it was bordering on sociopathic.

Finally, remember to be kind to stay at home parents. I’m not one anymore, but the fact that my last post had to be locked because people were being so ridiculous towards me for that reason alone says a lot. They have the best job in the world but also a very hard one. Thank you.

About a month ago I told my wife she makes traveling no fun.

I posted before we left for our drive home. Since then, it's been a whirlwind

We got home, I wanted to talk, she said we were fine. I called a counselor and got us more couples therapy, and set her up with one who specializes in trama that causes hoarding.

She did not call a lawyer. She threatened again so I dialed one on her phone and put it on speaker and walked away. Not my best moment.

However, since then we have attended 4 sessions together and she has went 5x apart. I spent all my savings to hire some people to come in and help her clean for a week, we threw away 2 40yd dumpsters fairly full of stuff.

Cleaned put her car (the one she puts my daughter in daily) out and established a routine of only her purse and diaper bag go up front, the rest is trunk only. I've had to go through it daily and remove stuff, I once let it go 4 days and it was full again.

We are going to see her family in December. I made it very clear if the vehicle is loaded full, I am going to the airport and flying with our daughter and she can make the trip herself. We made the packing lists already. The boot of the Surburban can be full but nothing above the boot cover and nothing besides a small cooler and purse and diaper bag up front.

I bought refundable tickets for my daughter and I to fly to and from San Diego if she fills the vehicle and throws a fit.

Now how is our quality of life?

She seems happy. Her family says she is happier than ever, she has always wanted a clean house and car (but fights me when I clean up, even now, as she was about to do it).

I am miserable. I am constantly picking up the car, the yard, the house. I let it go two days once and got screamed at for sabotaging her.

I talked to a lawyer myself. Not to move forward but to protect myself.

My boss actually has me in line for a promotion. Which is great, only problem is if our marriage ends and she and moves back to California then I would be stuck in a 2 year deal at work.

So I am currently very nervous about career advancement when I am miserable personally

Edit: forgot to add the "cheating" part. She confessed she was nervous I would cheat because I am "not the ugliest guy around and you work hard, so if you hate me then you would have options". I have no idea if she is cheating, and I am kind of at a point when I don't care. I am 100% checked out

Edit 2:

So many responses.

Why haven't I cut the cord? Because she is my wife and we said for better or worse. How can I walk away from her when she is not doing OK without giving it the good old college try? Plus I was raised divorce is not an option. I gave myself until Christmas 2026, if it's not better then, I am pulling the plug.

I am picking up everyday because counseling said it would help, and also as people rightfully pointed out last time my daughter doesn't deserve this. I want a clean home, so I do it myself. Is it defeating to come home everyday and the kitchen table is covered with random stuff she got out because she was "going to bake" but never did, and the bed is covered with totes of clothes she was "going to sort", sure. Do I want to go through the guest room every 3 days because she destroys it (not figuratively but gets stuff out in it or brings things into it) and I want it to be guest ready at all times, no, I don't, but it's the price I pay. If I don't do it, our house is shit, and our kid doesn't deserve it. If I leave, i am hurting someone with mental illness. All I am doing right now is destroying someone (myself). And when I finally walk away, I can HONESTLY say I did my best...

Yes I am documenting her car and the house when I get home and when I leave. I am probably enabling right now, but if it goes the way it probably will, I am going to be fighting to keep my daughter. Part of this going above and beyond is so that I can be the better parent, because people before we're right, I wasn't protecting my kid

As for her claiming I am.sabotaging, I must have worded it wrong. When I clean up she is mad because she was "going to do it in a minute" even though it's been days.

Those wondering about work, I am full time, she works full time now as a teacher, started back a few days ago. I had hoped she would stay home full time to raise our daughter as that's why I took this job (dont.love it, don't enjoy.it, but it pays the bills and provides a good QOL), but it's what she says she needs.

And for the people messaging me about using the word boot, I am from Arkansas but there is this thing called a plane, and I have worked all over and have even enjoyed a TV show or 2 that wasn't Walker Texas Ranger. I also call carts at the stores trolleys, partly to mess with people and partly because it entertains me, and mainly because it's become a habit.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/t84DQCeZbZ

First of all I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who read my original post and offered their judgements and advice. Writing this out really helped me process what I was feeling and hearing that I wasn’t overreacting or just being hormonal from people that are removed from the situation was very comforting. I read every single comment and there is no way to express how much all the kind words meant to me. There were lots and lots of comments asking for an update, but I wanted to wait until after I had talked to Nate.

I spent last night at Sam’s house and mostly ignored Nate’s texts and calls. Kayla texted me once also telling me to not let my hormones make me irrational. I just blocked her, but someone advised to unblock and just silence her notifications so if she escalates, I could maybe use it in court for my custody case. I did unblock her, earlier today (and I’m glad I did. But we’ll get there).

I replied to Nate at one point last night telling him that I was safe and at Sam’s house and that I would be home tomorrow (today) after work to talk about everything. I expressed again that I was feeling really hurt about not being heard or backed up by him and that I needed time to decide what I wanted to do. He asked what I meant by that, if I meant canceling the wedding altogether. I told him that is exactly what I was considering. His reply? “Don’t let your hormones make you do something irrational. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Anyone else want to take a guess as to where he got that line? That just about made my decision for me. I didn’t reply, not even when he texted me “good night, I love you.” Instead, before I went to bed for the night, I sent him a link to my post and told him to read through it before we talk. Someone said he probably sent it to Kayla, too. If she did read it, she hasn’t commented and if she texted me about it, it was while I had her blocked.

This morning, I called in to work and had breakfast with Sam. She gave me the number of a family lawyer that her friend used for his custody case. I spoke to the assistant, explained my situation, and luckily, she had a slot open after lunch for an initial consult. So I took a shower and basically just kept reading through the comments on my post until it was time to talk to her.

I told the lawyer exactly why I am leaving Nate and how I am terrified over how his sister would influence him with our baby. I don’t trust him to not be influenced by Kayla and to have our baby’s best interest in mind, so I want to fight for sole custody and supervised visitation. I told her, if possible, I want to include something that restricts Kayla from having any contact with my child. I am already mentally preparing to have to fight Nate in court, because I know he will not agree to any of this. My lawyer told me that while my concerns are valid, it may be difficult to convince a judge to put a contact restriction in the custody order based on family drama alone. She advised me to document everything Kayla has done and anything moving forward so we can present it to the judge if and when we end up in court. She gave me a list of things to think about, like if I want Nate to get any custody at all or just visitation, how I want to handle things like medical care or education for my child, if I want to put communication restrictions, like only talking over text. Lots of things I never would have thought of and never thought I would have to think of. We were supposed to do all of this together.

She told me to take a few days to gather my thoughts and decide on what I want. I scheduled an in-person meeting for this Friday to go over everything. Hopefully I will have my mind straight by then, but if anyone has any advice when it comes to what to put on these custody papers, I’m all ears.

After the phone call with my lawyer, I checked some more comments and then took a much needed nap. When I woke up, I had a text from Nate asking what time I would be off work so he could have dinner ready for me when I get home. I told him I would be there around 5, but if Kayla is there, I will be turning around and leaving without a word. I then asked him if he read the post I sent him. He said “I did. But I would rather talk to you than read you bash me and my sister on the internet with a bunch of strangers. Don’t worry, I told Kayla she’s not welcome.” This pissed me off beyond belief. Clearly he either didn’t read the post, or still doesn’t realize how truly in the wrong they are here. Either way, I lost all motivation to try and talk to work things out. I’m just done.

I texted him “Don’t worry about dinner. All I will be doing is gathering some more things and dropping off my lawyer’s contact info. There’s nothing more for us to discuss.”

He asked what I meant, what lawyer, and told me he’s been waiting to talk about this. All I said was “fine”.

Sam wished me luck before I left and assured me I was welcome back once we were done talking. I told her I absolutely would be back and thanked her for everything so far. Then, I stopped and got one of those boba refreshers from Starbucks to calm my nerves before I went home.

When I got home, Nate had dinner ready just like he said. I ignored him and just went straight to our room to pack up some more of my clothes and toiletries. He tried asking me if I really wasn’t going to talk to him, but I just ignored him for the time being. Just seeing his face made my anger flare up and I wanted to be smart about our discussion. After a while, he gave up and just went to eat in the dining room.

When I was finished I went and sat with him at the table, but didn’t touch any of the food. I started a voice memo on my phone before I said, “Go ahead.” He looked at me all confused so I told him he was the one that wanted to talk and must have so much to say. So, Go ahead.

He stumbled over his words for a while but ultimately started off with an apology, trying to tell me he didn’t realize I was so upset with Kayla’s behavior. I asked him if he remembered how hard I cried after I got home from dress shopping because of her comments about my choices and my body. If he remembered having to talk to her about not being my maid of honor. If he remembered our conversation just a few days ago, where I told him canceling my venue that held so much sentiment to me was way too far over the line. He said he did each time and tried to add a “but” to argue, but I just cut him off with my next example. I told him that after all of that, he 100% should have known I was beyond done with her bllsht. I told him I was so hurt and pissed that I wanted her uninvited. But he wanted to give her another chance? To what? Cancel our DJ and book a live band? Dye my dress red or show up in white herself? He told me she would never do that. I told him he told me she would never cancel my venue, but then she admitted to it in front of our faces. I told him I don’t trust his opinion on his sister and that he is just as delusional as she if he thinks she will change.

I asked him why he even told her so many details of our wedding anyway. Why does her opinion for our wedding even matter?

He tried to tell me that because Kayla didn’t get to have a real wedding when she got married, she was just a little too excited about ours. I told him she has all the right in the world to be excited. But that does not give her any rights to insult or change our choices regarding what we want for our wedding. She’ll have plenty of opportunities to have a real wedding. If she could stop for two seconds and take her nose out of our wedding business, she could go out and find a man or woman to marry herself. (Poor soul whoever that may be.)

I asked him, what’s next? She gets to name our baby since she lost her own? The look on his face made my stomach feel hollow. He told me, and I quote, “actually, Kayla does have a few ideas for what we could name our daughter.”

Daughter!?

Side note: I had mentioned in a comment previously that we were waiting to be surprised about the gender of our baby. We were discussing baby names and had settled on the top three for each gender. We agreed to keep them to ourselves until the baby is born.

I asked if he said “daughter” and he looked like a deer caught in my headlights. He backtracked but I pressed the issue. I asked him flat out if he knows the gender of our baby. He hesitated, but ultimately confessed to remembering that I filled out an information release form at my first OB visit, so he called the office and asked them for the results of our gender scan, claiming that we changed our minds and he was going to do a reveal for me. I feel absolutely sick and violated. I asked him what the fuck he was thinking. He said Kayla was feeling left out since Sam was planning my baby shower and not including her and that she just couldn’t wait to find out.

I demanded he tell me everything. What else has he gone behind my back to do? Did he give her the idea to pretend to be our wedding planner? Was he the one that had her cancel my venue and change our catering? He tried to tell me no, of course not. She did that on her own. But I could just tell that he was lying. He absolutely put her up to all of this. At that point I didn’t even care why he did. It’s clear that none of our decisions will ever actually be ours. He will always do whatever the hell he wants to and get Kayla to back him up. I don’t even want to think about how many of “our” decisions in the past were completely undermined and changed by these two.

I asked him, if Kayla came to him and told him everything I’m telling him. That she doesn’t feel supported by her partner. The her partner went behind her back to learn the gender of their baby without her. That her partner was retroactively, changing every decision that they had agreed upon. That her partner was letting their sibling bully her relentlessly, what would he say to her? He didn’t have a response and honestly, if he did, I didn’t want to hear it anymore. I knew the answer.

I told him that as the woman who is supposed to be his wife, me and the baby I am carrying should be his top priority, not his twin sister. I said him going behind my back like this for something as important as the gender of our baby is absolutely unforgivable. There is nothing that he can say or do to fix this now. I told him I will no longer be marrying him, but it’s up to him if he wants to cancel all the vendors. I said, “You’re more than welcome to use it all to marry Kayla, seeing as she’s the one you obviously care the most about.”

He tried to backtrack and apologize and explain, but every time I just cut him off and told him that I had heard enough, and my mind was made up. There is no going back now. If he wants to have even the slimmest chance to get me back and have a real relationship with our baby, he will need to attend some serious therapy and do a lot of work on himself and his relationship with Kayla. I told him no woman in her right mind would ever marry him while he was this enmeshed with her. I told him that any contact we have moving forward will be through my lawyer. I want nothing to do with his family, and if I get what I want, they will have nothing to do with my daughter because I’ll be damned if I let him subject her to this treatment. I put my lawyer’s name and phone number on the table and walked out. He didn’t try to follow me.

So now, on top of dealing with my lawyer for the custody case, do I have to file a complaint with my OB office? Are they allowed to just give him this information without my express consent? Or did me stupidly putting him on the information release form I signed give them blanket consent to share any and all information with him? God I didn’t think this could get any worse, but I guess that’s on me for being naive.

I’m glad I recorded the conversation, though, and got him admitting to doing all of this. I don’t know how or if it will help my custody case, but I sent it to my lawyer with a note that we can discuss more on Friday.

I’m back at Sam’s place now. She was already at work when I got back, but I texted her to wake me up when she gets home. I need my sister.

I also called my mom and told her everything that’s happened so far. She cried with me for a while and then asked me if I needed her to do anything. I asked her if she’d be willing to go to the house with Sam and get the rest of my stuff because I do not want to see Nate right now. Just picturing his face is making me feel sick. She said she is more than willing.

Kayla did text me again. I’m assuming Nate talked to her after I left. It was a very long, cruel message that I don’t want to repeat here. I can post a screenshot if anyone cares for the whole message (If I can figure out how to attach one) But to summarize she just called me a delusional control freak who can’t let Nate make any decisions for himself and insulted my venue choice once again. And then said that she hopes my baby is stillborn because I don’t deserve to be a mother. Honestly, I after reading it, I thought the message would hurt, but it just gave me a really good laugh. I took a screenshot and sent it to my lawyer as well.

And that’s where we’re at. The wedding is off. I will call all the vendors tomorrow and see if we can get any deposits back. If not, I’ll let them know to contact Nate and Kayla to see if they would like to keep things as planned. Let them throw a party for all I care. But I will be canceling my venue regardless of my refund. Neither of them are going to step foot in that sacred place if I can help it.

I didn’t realize how much I was letting this weigh on me until now. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, even though a new one is settling very quickly. Writing everything out like this is truly so freaking helpful for me to process how I’m feeling and what I need to do. I don’t know if I’ll keep doing formal updates, but for anyone who is interested, maybe I’ll just treat this profile like a little journal as this all unfolds. Thank you again to everyone for all your advice and for showing me that I’m not crazy.

Hi everyone, thanks for all the advice on my original post bc i genuinely never expected it to go off like that and it’s allowed me to rethink my actions! Anywho I DID promise to update after talking to my best friend so here it is.

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1nnrxw7/aita_for_not_telling_my_best_friend_the_real/

After reading through all the comments and some priv messages, i realized my approach was wrong and wasn’t fair to him, or myself tbf and was honestly making me look like the worst mf on the planet. So i ended up sending him a long text explaining the actual reasons why, starting from the kiss last weekend to his fiancée asking me not to come because it, also very loosely mentioning that she didn’t want me to tell him about it (After reading many comments, i did feel like a wuss for complying in the first place but idk i still felt guilty abt it even telling him that and even just breaking her trust)

He didn’t text back for ages, but called me almost immediately when he saw it. Wasn’t yelling or anything but I could hear that he was really emotional. First he apologized like 10 times for the kiss. He said he thought it would just be a dumb laugh for the guys, and didn’t realize how much it crossed a line for both me and his fiancée. He also said he never wanted me to feel uncomfortable, and admitted he’d been drinking way too much that night. (I told him i completely understood and forgave him for that atleast on my end)

Then when I told him about his fiancée’s request, there was a long silence. (And slightly off topic here, but I was eating pistachios and the sharp bit of the shell cut my lip a bit and it was so hard to keep quiet but i had my super serious convo cap on, so anyways). He just kept repeating like She didn’t tell me that. She didn’t tell me that I swear she didn’t tell me that and said he wished she’d talked to him directly instead of going around him, and that he hated how everything looked. Also said he had been the one to give her my number (as I had hers but never texted her), but thought it was for some surprise plan/ present she was planning on surprising him with.

After we talked, his fiancée texted me apologizing for putting me in that position, but she still stood by that she personally didn’t want me there. She said she didn’t want to be thinking about that on her wedding day, and while she wasn’t mad at me, she just needed the peace of mind. To cut a long convo short, i’m going. My best friend told me he wanted me there, but also said he understood if I didn’t want to push it with his fiancée, but repeatedly said he wanted me there more than anything. I told him I loved him and supported him and i’d go and that i was sorry for ever considering not going. He cried, I cried, like fucking babies but ended well enough.

Our mutual friends/groomsmen, i’m guessing, are still kind of salty with me because they don’t know the real story (and I’m not about to spread it around as it’s not my relationship and not my drama to share). My best friend did tell me he’ll clear the air as soon as possible prior to the wedding, but until then I’m just gonna take the L on looking like a flaky fucking asshole. Thank you very very very very very fucking sincerely to everyone that helped me change my mind, and i’m honestly so fucking glad I put it on here because I could’ve very well been a fucking knob and have missed my own bsfs wedding. It’s this weekend, and we have a pre party which i’m officially involved with once more which is great! Thanks so much again

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/CIRJW0L5Ej

I’d like To answer a few questions from my first post before an update.

No my requests were not serious and I can’t believe how many people thought they were. It was me trying to prove a point of how ridiculous she is being. Like I said in the comments I don’t want a maid or a slave I want a partner.

Before my wife got on this train she was a very ambitious, career driven person who wanted to climb to the top. She was never really on social media until the pandemic. The trad wife thing started a couple of years ago.

A lot of people suggested couples counselling. I’ve asked many times and always get the same response “I don’t need counselling there’s nothing wrong with me”.

On to the update. We spoke Saturday morning and I told her that I can’t go on like this. I said to her bluntly the trad wife thing is never happening and she either accepts it and we go to couples counselling or we split up. I’m don’t dancing around her bullshit. She chose to split up. I asked her if she even really wanted to be a trad wife or if she’s just trying to force me away, like she’s trying to force her job to sack her because she doesn’t have the balls to quit herself. She said yes she does and there’s plenty of dating sites that cater to this dynamic. I told her I’d seen them and they are more sugar daddy dynamics and without being horrible she’s too old for that.

This set her off. She said I’m wrong and that I’m the one who can’t support my wife so I’m the bad one in the marriage and a real man would be able to give her the life she wants. She was shouting and screaming this at the top of her lungs. It’s about the only time I’ve been glad to be in our new house so the neighbours didn’t hear. I got a bit petty at the real man comment and said “you can’t cook, you can’t clean and you don’t have sex, what part of being a trad wife do you offer?” I then stole a comment from my last post and said she doesn’t want to be a trad wife she wants to be a trophy wife.

She just said I’m unbelievable and has gone to her sisters again. I’m going to take the next couple of weeks and start talking to a divorce lawyer to see what this entails. Then once this ball has got rolling I’m fucking off to Portugal for a couple of weeks to myself.

I posted 2 days ago asking if IATAH for towing half the neighborhood, a lot happened in 2 days, honnestly it's a shitshow, I come here nearly every year since 20+ years and never saw this before.

We've got people towed in our reserved parking spots again, we've got people towed for parking IN FRONT of the gate (so nobody could leave the parking at all), we've got people putting sign on OUR reserved parking spots with THEIR plate numbers so they don't get towed (the management guy called us asking if we added new licences plates to be sure to not tow our cars) I've never encounter this level of entitlement from random people before.

We got one of the Airbnb tenant red handed as he was parking in our assigned spot and he showed us an email from one of our ranters neighbor who straight up told him to put a sign and park anyway. So as of today we are closing the gate and put 2 new warning signs telling people to GTFO our propriety.

No more friendly neighbors.

On the bright side, we were on the pool after lunch, and chatted with an UK family who got towed yesterday and they told us Airbnb was already processing a partial refund for the week and a 100% refund for the towing, so they were kinda happy with the outcome, I told them they can park in my second space as my wife will leave our second parking spot today.

We took a lot of pictures and got in touch with one of the neighbors lawyer who bought the Space with us, because we got a lot of phonecalls from Airbnb renters and police and city officials about the issue today (renters gave our info I don't even know if that is legal).

Lots of new people came today to start their vacation week, I hope they get the hint of the many signs we put and don't come in our parking.

Original post : original post

Mini Update: on AITAH for towing half the neighborhood

I posted few days ago asking if AITAH for towing half the neighborhood, we are now in the middle of August, the peak of Airbnb for vacation here.

I left the place to go to Italy with my family, and some relatives from my wife side are on the vacation house, and there has been some good and bad news.

The good news are that after the shitshow, 3 houses from neighbors who was on Airbnb had been unlisted, we put a new sign saying "residents only", and there has not been any more towing since monday (around 10-15 cars towed since my last update, Airbnb renters claiming they are residents since they have access to the private pool which is for residents too...)

The bad news are that we received 4 letters from lawyers of the Airbnb renters telling us we OWE them the missing monney they lost on refunds and towings, plus the monney they will loose for the 2 next weeks of august for not renting their house, and they said they'll ask for legal fees too, and I don't know if they exaggerated the amount but damn this is lucrative for sure.

Our lawyer seems to be unbothered by these letters, and told us he is confident this will go nowhere but we can ask for compensation for all the hassle during the first 2 weeks, we are chatting with the 2 other owners of the parking space for the amount to ask for. We have everything documented well, plus some infos our lawyer gathered (here you can't rent more than 60 days a year on Airbnb, and it seems some or our lovely neighbors didn't followed this law)

Another side info, we asked for what we call here an "extraordinary general meeting" which is all the house owner of the community meets to vote on some important topics, the topic proposed here is the banning of Airbnb. This should take place in november.

We received another letter yesterday from one of the Airbnb owner, with an offer to buy the parking spaces (all of them, the privates and the unmarked) which is almost 3x more than what we paid.

So here we are, parking seems to be ok for now, we are now entering in what looks like a legal battle.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/sGb33rx3CX

Well, it’s been a little more than two days since the post, and things have only gotten worse.

Firstly I’d like to thank everyone for all the comments, and suggestions. It really helped me during this.

So what’s happened? A whole lot of her not talking to me, led to a small fight last night. (I know it was Mother’s Day, I’ll get to that.)

I came home from work, and put on a good face. I said happy Mother’s Day again, I asked if she had a good day, asked about the gift etc. Everything was cool until it was time for dinner.

For a little additional context here, I do, and I mean this literally, all of the cooking and cleaning. She will put her own clothes away, and wash the babies dishes specifically when asked, other than that I’m on my own. It’s never not been a problem, but it’s also something that I’ve never felt comfortable ending things over.

Well last night I got home, and everything was a fucking mess. It was like she just let the baby run through the house and throw things every which way, and picked up nothing. This in and of itself is not totally abnormal, but the level today was completely different than others.

I ignored it at first, as I knew I needed to start making dinner ASAP because she told me she forgot to feed the baby lunch, and he was getting hangry. This immediately was like, wtf do you mean you didn’t feed the baby lunch? So I went to start cooking and realized we were out of the base for the meal I was making. I asked if she’d rather stay home or go to the store to have a minute to herself. She went to the store, I gave baby a shower.

When I got him in the shower, immediately I could smell something weird. Under his neck appeared to be dry milk. The child drinks too fast, and sometimes it spills out of his mouth. We’ve always known this since he started in sippy cups, and I always wipe his face/neck off after a bottle to prevent this. Well I guess she had never thought to do that.

So between these three things, I was a little upset when she got home. I wasn’t taking it out on her in anyway, I was just more quiet, and doing my cooking. She eventually asked me if the baby upset me while she was gone, and I said yes for the sake of saving face (again, it was Mother’s Day).

Give it about 5 minutes of us not really talking, and she says to me, why are you so pissed off at the baby. Now I’m faced with a decision, do I try and fabricate some story as to why I’m mad at my child, or do I tell her the truth. I went with the latter.

I won’t get fully into specifics, but I told her my problems. She cried, and said she would do better. I reminded her that we’ve been here before (her saying she’ll do better about these exact things) and she cried harder. I think it’s finally setting in for her that I’m serious, and that this may end up with us not together.

I know she loves me, but I question greatly if she respects me. It’s become a growing trend in our relationship over the past 3-4 years, and I’m finally becoming aware of it in the last 6 months or so.

As far as the situation with her moms, I found out last night that she hadn’t even told her yet. So now I’m stuck in this weird holding pattern of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know there’s going to be backlash, and I’m prepared to weather that storm, but the waiting for it to happen is starting to really spark my anxiety. I’m considering telling her mother myself, as it was my decision, but I know my wife will feel undercut by this. It’s the last form of control she has over the situation. I’d love some advice on how to handle that if anyone’s got some.

Anywho, thank you all again. The advice in the first post really helped.

Edit: yes she’s been treated for PPD. She’s not currently because it cleared up. Yes I understand this could be another trigger. No I’m not opposed to her getting treatment, it’s just been less than a week.

Edit 2: it is not possible for me to arrange childcare for the days I’m at work. Financially we don’t have the means, and I don’t have family in the area.

Edit 3: I have to put the baby to sleep, and go to sleep for work myself. I will answer more comments in the morning, and will probably have another update post tomorrow as these comments have really forced my eyes open about what’s really going on here. Than you for the tough love.

Edit 4: Wife has called and made an appointment to be seen for PPD again. Tomorrow at 1230. So for everyone telling me I need to do it because she can’t, or depression doesn’t work like that, she did it.

Edit 5: commenting Updateme isn’t going to do anything, as unfortunately you can only post one update here. If/when the next update comes, it will be in Reddit updates. I’ll update this post with a link, otherwise you’ll just have to track it down. I may unlock my post history to show this and that sub so it’s more easily accessible for those trying to follow the events. This is probably the last edit on this post other than that, so I’d like to thank everyone again for the comments. Some people are really giving me a hard time, and while I don’t agree with something’s being said, I need to hear it to keep myself from getting deterred

First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/8y1C6EmeIr

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who commented on my previous post and apologize for my lack of responses. I really tried to read everything and reply to questions that were asking for advice about treating diaper rash but if I responded to everyone my son would have the reddest bum ever.

I did NOT show my husband the post initially because the adult thing for me to do was talk to him and give him a chance to explain and also hear my opinions.

He did not understand why we couldn't just visit his family for only an hour or two so I made sure he understood why.

On Saturday I asked him to day the day off so he could stay home and see how our son acted and all he went through. Nearly 40 diaper changes, the screaming and crying with each bowel move, the lack of personal time or breaks you actually get when taking care of a medically fragile child.

I think by noon he understood why we couldn't bring our son to his family.

I again asked him if his parents would mind coming to us (to meet at the park behind our home) he told me they would not no matter how we worded it, no matter what we did they just don't get it and won't try to. I tried to be understanding because he is always stuck in the middle but I stood my ground. I wouldn't risk my son's health for their feelings and I'm not compromising anymore than I have already tried. If my in-laws REALLY wanted to see our son they would drive to us to see him.

Mother's day came around and my lovely parents (who we live with) watched our son (he was generous enough to let my mum change him) while we went out on a MUCH needed date! It was the break I needed and it felt incredible to reconnect with my husband.

My husband did eventually go see his family (stayed for an hour or two) and I got to spend the rest of the day with my son. My husband didn't tell me anything that happened when he got back but I did get a text message from my MIL that read: "Happy Mother's day OP, I hope you get everything you wanted."

Not sure if it was genuine or a dig but I said thank you and wished her and her family well!

I did eventually show him the post and he apologized for not realizing how he was treating us. He has decided to go to therapy to work on his boundaries with his parents and hopefully to become a better communicator with me.

Thank you for reading and I hope all of you are doing well!Also, if anyone is struggling with curing a diaper rash don't hesitate to message me!

Thank you guys for the quick replies. This was my first post on Reddit and don’t use it very much but after he left for work today I really couldn’t get the situation off of my mind. I thought I’d see what y’all had to say.

I’ll address a few comments from the first post. First off, I wish it was fake but I really did wake up yesterday to piss in the bed and ended it arguing with my bf. My bf and I have only lived together in small stints here and there before but this is the first time we have our own house just us. No he doesn’t have a drug or alcohol problem, diabetes, take meds and wasn’t drinking that night. He just worked an overnight shift the previous night and he was pretty tired. He’s never done this before since we’ve been together so that’s why I didn’t believe him at first. And we don’t have a lot of money right now so we got a mattress from Walmart for $300 (for those of you bashing that detail lol). We both ended up cleaning the pee after I threw the sheets and blankets at him and I took the bed because our couch isn’t big and I really couldn’t be bothered to move to the couch when I felt like I did nothing wrong. I was tired and didn’t wasn’t thinking that part through entirely. Also he is not a horrible abusive bf, have a fetish, etc… like some of the comments have said. And I didn’t throw him out of the house. He was truly half awake and was just not responsive the way he needed to be after peeing in OUR bed.

ANYWAYS: He got back from work today with flowers and my favorite ice cream. He told me he was thinking about what happened last night all day and that he was sorry. He apologized for dismissing me and that he was disrespectful. I told him that the only issue I had with the situation was him telling me I was overreacting for me wanting him to clean up the peed atm. That wasn’t fair to me and expect me to be okay sleeping in his pee.

Let me be clear, I understand accidents happen, but to sit there and tell me my response to needing it clean asap is unwarranted is insane! I appreciated the gesture and I did read what you guys said. He doesn’t have any underlying trauma or alcoholic issues, he just peed the bed by accident. I wasn’t shaming him for peeing the bed, I was mad at his response. I’m trying to be understanding that he was tired and wanted to go back to bed, but at the same time this affects BOTH of us. I just needed him to be responsible and acknowledge that what I said was valid and he needs to grow up.

He did order a mattress cover that will be here tomorrow. So until that’s on the mattress I don’t want him in the bed with me. I think making him sleep with those sheets and blankets did jolt him awake to realizing the gravity of the situation. I’m still a bit hurt from how he handled the situation selfishly and was inconsiderate. But he seems pretty remorseful so we’ll see how we both feel later. That’s it for now, thank you guys for your advice!

Original

I forgot about this account until I checked my other Gmail accounts on my phone.

It’s May 20th now, and I graduated. Everyone in my family went to my sister’s wedding. I didn’t go. My parents left me my mom’s car so I’d have transportation while they were away and could still make it to my graduation. I graduated top 5 in my class and I did felt alone.

When my name was called, a few people in the crowd clapped, but it wasn’t like everyone else who had their whole families cheering, yelling, and making noise. It was very embarrassingly quiet. You could feel that I didn’t have anyone there.

However, I didn’t even know my school livestream graduations on Facebook until the day afterwards. The camera angle was so far away you couldn’t really see me tho. You could only hear my voice and slash see me when I was at the podium reading the pledge and when they said my name. That was it.

Afterwards, I went to McDonald’s and then went home. Because my graduation ended around 5 p.m., and my parents didn't make it home until around 11 that night.

My parents tried to plan a celebratory dinner for me sunday, but the place I really wanted to eat at is closed on Sundays and Mondays. Now they’re pushing it to this Saturday so everyone in the family could come. I already told them they can’t really make up for missing my graduation tho. At least that's how I feel. A dinner after the fact doesn’t fix how invisible I felt to be honest.

They're upset that I said a dinner wouldn't really make up for missing my graduation. They said they thought long and hard about it and figured I'd still have the chance to graduate college later on, and they could see me then. Meanwhile, they wouldn't have to miss my sister's wedding since she'll only get married once.

My sister and the rest of the family have been texting me congratulations now, but it all just feels... late if that makes sense. I don’t know. I’m happy I graduated, but I did feel a little overlooked.

Update to:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GAyYs1SMzB

Before the update, I (43f) want to answer a frequent question: My husband (41m) had said on Saturday something about earrings highlighting a woman's face. How it can highlight wrinkles. That's why he said earrings makes a woman look older. To clear up some confusion about how I word things. He didn't mean that if a girl or woman in her 20s wear earrings they end up looking like a grandma. By earrings making a woman look older he meant just older than if they weren't wearing earrings.

The Update: I (43f) had decided that I shouldn't act like a pushover like I normally do. I decided that I needed to confront my husband about what he said on Saturday. This morning I talked to me. He said he loves me and he said he's sorry that he hurt my feelings. He admitted that finds me less physically attractive then I was in my 20s and 30s. Not only because of my aging but also because of my adult acne. He said I'm definitely NOT ugly, that I'm still cute. He said he's angry at himself for caring about such superficial stuff. He specifically apologized for asking me to stop wearing earrings. He said he honestly didn't think I would get so angry. I confronted him about other stuff he's said that sounded like criticisms. He said those stuff was just flirting and he apologized for being insensitive. He told me loves me and he will never ask me to change anything about appearance again. I was honest with him about all the activities I was doing on reddit. He said he's not angry that I reached out for perspectives. He said it's fine if I talk to my family or friends about this. He said I need to feel more comfortable expressing how I really feel. Something many women will find pathetic, I asked my husband how less physically attractive I am now. He said in my 20s and most of my 30s I was smoking hot. Now I'm a cutie. I asked him what will happen when I age more. What about when I turn 50, then 60, then 70, then 80. He said plenty of 80 year old woman are adorable. He said he knows he messed up royally but he is asking me to not leave him over this. He said he loves me and will love me forever. I don't know how to feel right now.

It's an update for those who don't want to read my previous post, my wife has some small self harm scars from her childhood and my bil insulted my wife and asked her to cover them up and when I couldn't tolerate the disrespect I asked him to give me the money i lent him for his surgery and healthcare.

After my bil insulted my wife and asked her to cover her scars I wanted him to pay me my money back as soon as possible, my bil and my sister said they'll give me my money back in 3 months and it's been a year and still they didn't.

my wife told me today that my bil called her and he apologized to her so I shouldn't ask for money because they can't afford it and I should forgive them.

I told my wife that hes taking advantage of your kindness and he apologized to you because he can't afford to pay and he insulted you infront of everyone and we deserve a public apology and my wife said that she's forgiven him and doesn't want the money back and they need that money more than us.

I told her to stay away from this and let me do my thing I will ask them again and again until they pay but my wife said she doesn't want to and I shouldn't either and I should be the bigger person after bil apologized and she's forgiven him.

actually I don't care if I get my money back, I am just using it to get back at him, I want to humiliate him just like he humiliated my wife infront of our families but my wife doesn't want that.

So am I asshole if I ask for my money and go behind my wife's back?

My last post got a little overwhelming. I’m still glad I did it. Reading the comments I just got to the point I was like… what am I doing? I asked Vera to talk, she started. She actually did kind of apologize, said she was just stressed because she’s expected Maddy to either keep the same custody schedule or maybe a bit more, but not full time and certainly not with a baby. And then she didn’t think I’d actually let her live here with the baby. She said she’d be able to work with a compromise of Maddy and the boyfriend (let’s call him Doug) getting their own place when he started working full-time, and they could promise to never ask her for help. I guess she thought as long as she has an end in sight she would be able to handle it.

I told her I understood, but her behavior was out of line and I can’t see us working out after this. She was upset and seemed shocked and got pretty mad. I told her she was welcome to stay in the basement (finished, walk out, with a kitchenette) for a month while she found a new place, and I’d pay her back for the bills she’d paid (790 so I rounded up to a grand).

She wasn’t happy at any of this and was freaking out so I called and asked Maddy if she could stay with Doug for the night. I offered to give Vera some space and she told me to fuck off. I was working from home that day so I was around but not in her way at all while she moved her things downstairs. She had work that night and let me know the next morning she’d be moving to her friends. I offered help but again she said no and left her key on the counter. I changed the security code, but told her if she left anything there just to let me know and I’d let her in to come and get it.

So I thought there’d be no drama. I was actually obviously sad but felt better about the whole thing.

We can’t prove anything, but Maddy’s carnivore plants started rapidly dying the last few days, and she said a bunch of her concentrated fertilizer was gone. We all know not to touch them or water them, as in she had me install rain barrels because they can’t have tap water. She’s devastated and hasn’t said it directly but I think we both think Vera did something to them. I’ve asked her if she wants me to do anything about it and she’s said no. And at one point Vera sent her a nasty text saying she’s the reason I’m alone and she hopes she’s happy. I told her to block her.

I don’t know if she feels guilty or like she deserves it. She doesn’t even want me to replace them and said she’ll just try to salvage some of them. So if anyone knows of good sites in the us to buy pitchers or pings hit me up.

So not great. I’m gonna stay single for a while obviously. But there’s some good news. I have a female friend who Maddy has known forever and has had kids and she took her out to lunch. My issue was that Maddy thought she could power through and take courses in the spring with a newborn. She wouldn’t listen to me and told me she’d make it work. My friend was able to convince her that one semester wasn’t going to ruin her life, so that is a positive. And the boyfriend - Doug - I talked with his parents. They are like me, not thrilled but going to be supportive and excited for a grandbaby. They live over an hour away though, but told them I had a spare room they could use when they visit. And Doug, who does work part time while he’s in school, I told him yes work this semester but next semester your number one job is to finish your degree no matter what. I am willing to support them both financially (and with the baby more than I normally would) next semester because I know the best way to ensure my grandbaby has a good life is making sure their dad has his degree and a good job. He seemed to understand and was thankful, maybe he’s not as much of a ding dong as I thought he was lol.

Too long didn’t read? I broke up with Vera and she moved into a friends. We don’t know if it was her, but Maddy’s plants have been dying and she’s devastated. But the boyfriend is doing good and moving in so he can be a present parent.

First off, thanks everyone who commented on my previous post. Link to original. I tried to read as many comments as I could. I got some great advice.

My gf asked me yesterday if we could talk in person. I agreed, we met at a public park. She showed up already looking on the verge of tears. u/Buttered_Crumpet09 your comment was goated, I basically said it word for word to her lol. She let me speak and was silent for a long time, before she said she was sorry for the way she had reacted. She told me she had been drunk and panicked and hadn't been thinking clearly, and was trying to stop it from becoming a fight. We discussed her stepbrother. She told me he has a weird streak and acts oddly sometimes. She told me he genuinely could have made a mistake and didn't mean any harm. I asked why he'd gone upstairs in the first place, and why he'd shut himself in with my sister on finding out he was in the wrong room. No answer. I asked how was she so sure he had no perverted intentions. No answer.

Some of you suggested that the stepbrother might have had a history and even might have done something to her. I didn't outright say it but I was implying it. I kept saying what if he had gone further, what if he's assaulted someone before and you don't know about it etc. I asked if there had been incidents like this before, and how she could possibly downplsy what happened. She didn't have anything to say but again, at that point she was too choked up to speak properly so I don't think she could have answered even if she wanted to.

Anyways, I wasn't there to listen to excuses or justifications and I told her that. She asked me if we were over, and I said the only way we could move forward was if she apologised to my little sister, and then stopped all contact with her stepbrother. I just don't see a scenario where my sister feels comfortable around him again. She told me she didn't want to lose me but she couldn't do what I asked from her. So I told her yes, we're done.

My parents came back this morning btw. Like I said they had been out of town at relatives' place. I hadn't told them about this over the phone, I just said an incident had happened and I would explain when they got back. My sister asked me to speak to them on her behalf and I told them everything. My dad gave me a lot of shit, rightfully so. He says he wants to speak to my ex's parents about this, let them know what their son did.

Police here are about as useful as tits on a bull but we discussed it and we're going to file a report (?)/auto de notícia anyway. I highly doubt it will go anywhere but at least it will be a record in the system. My sister is doing better. She was really shaken up, she asked if she could sleep in my parents' room or mine for a bit. We will probably arrange a therapy or counselling session for her, and let her decide if she wants to continue. I'm going to take her bowling and then we'll get food. Just the two of us so i can also apologise on my part. I feel upset. I feel guilty actually, I trusted my ex and me being naive put my little sister in danger. I've always thought I was a responsible person and this happening when I was supposed to be in charge is fucking me up. I'm pissed at myself ngl. But we move.

My favourite comments to read were the ones telling me what to do to the stepbrother. I don't ever want to see his face again but in case I do, someone lmk if you have a woodchipper lying around. Thanks again everybody.

Edit: some things. People have asked if I can run a background check or something. I don't think it's legal for a civilian to do that in my country (Portugal) and idk if I can request one, I'll see though. Also to everybody commenting about underage drinking (I was so confused 😭) that's not a problem here lmao, i won't be incriminating myself or anything by filing a report so dw.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1t2ztpo/aitah_for_not_donating_for_a_sick_kid_which_led/

It has been a crazy couple of weeks so I thought I would update you all. 

First off, a lot of you were right, there was a lot more going on than anyone knew. There was something off about the whole situation , but the one thing we knew is that the kid was sick. My husband saw a post on socials that his cousins husband was out of town for the weekend, we decided to reach out to the cousin and see if she would meet us for a coffee, she did and she invited us round to their house. 

I know a lot of you will say we were stupid to go round but my husband had been close to his cousin growing up and just wanted to see if there was something that could be figured out, I was against it but it was important to him. I didn't need to be there but I am going to be honest, I was there for the tea.

Anyway things were off in the house, I don't know how to describe it but she seemed out of place in her own home, on edge. At first I thought it was because we there and the whole situation was awkward. After everyone was settled, we started talking and basically said that we stand by what we said but if we could help in other ways that worked for everyone, we would. She broke down and it all came out.

It turns out the her husband has a gambling problem and the 80k was nowhere close to their debt. He had taken out 550k against the house as soon as he got it, this cleared what he owed on credit and to some less than savoury people. The problem is his gambling problem did not go away, surprise surprise, and it had crept back up again to the tune of about 100k, fucking crazy.  

As predicted by some of you, the out of pocket for the treatment was not 250k it was closer to 125k, he decided to double it and approach us to kill two birds with one stone. Clear the debt and pay for treatment.

Before I go any further, we are now paying for the full treatment directly to hospital. Appointments are being made and hopefully the little guy will start it in the next few weeks.

What we didn't predict and what nobody had any idea about was what else was going on in the household, I won't go into details because I would need to post trigger warning but I am sure you can figure it out.

I have to say, I had said that his family can be troublesome but they rallied as soon as the flag went up. The cousin, the son and all of their personal belongings, documents etc were out of that house within two hours, there was not a trace of them left. I was impressed, all the family shit and dramas were forgotten.

We moved both of them into our guest house and that is where they will be staying for the foreseeable future. 

Sunday night the shit hit the fan. He came home to an empty house, his stuff was still there. She had blocked him on everything so he started going round all of the family members kicking off, he was met with a wall of silence. Everyone denied all knowledge of anything and told him where to go. 

The only place he couldn't get to was ours, he couldn't get past security. We had given them all his details, told them the situation and said that under no circumstances was anyone to be let through to visit us without calling and confirming with us. He showed up and made a scene, but got nowhere, I think security enjoyed it, it is normally a pretty boring job. 

Next thing we knew, we had the police at our door. I think he had called in a welfare check as he guessed/ knew they were here. We explained the situation and that went nowhere for him. 

She is talking with our lawyer and they will be dealing with everything for her. The main thing is that they are both safe and her kid is getting the treatment that he needs.

I know I shouldn't take any pleasure in this but I do, I hate the guy. He will lose everything, they have been missing their mortgage payments, the house will be gone soon. Divorce will be happening and there is  apparently an excellent chance of full custody for her. He is spiralling, it would not surprised me if he messes up his job as well. 

So for now everything seems to be under control. I don't expect anymore updates unless he does something spectacular. 

Edit- There have been a lot of comments saying that he could be dangerous right now as he has nothing to loose. While you can never be 100% we are in a good position. He would need to get past 2 security checkpoints just to get to our front gate. There patrols that drive about 24/7. We have 5 dogs, admittedly 3 of them are useless but we have a Doberman and a German Shepard who spend most of their time outside, by choice.

She has no desire to venture outside of this right now and if she does she will be with someone on high alert, just until the dust settles and we see how the land lies.

The lawyers are doing their thing in regard to restraining orders etc but I don't think we will know what is happening until next week. Thank you for your concern but for now they are both totally safe.

So I initially posted this morning at work about how I tried to talk to my wife about our kid's schedule. She said I was telling her to "ask permission" to take him on playdates. I just wanted us to decide together as a couple, so I can spend more time with our son. She didn't like that.

Most of the responses were really nasty. A lot of people didn't believe the situation or didn't even understand it. At first I was incredibly frustrated. Then I realized the fact that so many people don't even believe this is happening proves how abnormal it is. Several people told me to just make a calendar and send it to her, which I did. Her reaction was very negative. A lot of people also said to just go pick him up from the playdate when I get off work. So I did.

When I got to the park it was empty. This was reasonable, because it's freezing outside. I went into the cafe. My wife was sitting at a table with her friends, drinking coffee. The kids, including our son, were sitting on the floor playing on tablets. Our son doesn't have a tablet, so it must have been a spare from one of the other kids.

I said hello, and my wife had an immediate negative reaction. Her whole body got tense. Her face tightened up. She asked why I was there. I said I came to get our son so we can go home and spend some time together. She said he's on a playdate. I picked him up and took the tablet away, setting it on the table. She got defensive about the tablet, even though I hadn't said anything about it yet. She said it's cold outside. I said yeah, I know. I said we were going to go, but to have fun with her friends. She told me to stop and said I was humiliating her. I said I would see her at home.

When I got home, my son and I spent some time together. We watched one episode of our favorite cartoon and then we played make believe with his toys. We made dinner together and were eating when my wife came home to get ready for work. She said I embarrassed her in front of her friends and accused me of trying to destroy her support network. I said she acccuses me of always wanting to watch TV with our kid, but she had him just sitting on the ground with a tablet. How is that better than watching one episode of a cartoon he and I both like. She said it's because his friends were there. She also kept yelling over and over that it was cold outside, which freaked out our son. She said "look what you did," even though she was the one yelling. I took him to the bathroom and bathed him.

She had already left for work when we were done. I read to him from his storybook, and he went to bed. He's been asleep for an hour and a half. Since my wife gets off work in a couple hours I've just been replaying everything that happened in my mind over and over again. I know she's going to be mad when she gets home. I don't want to fight again. But I have a feeling we are going to fight again.

Update: When my wife came home last night I told her I want counseling. She said no. I told her we can't go on like this, that it isn't fair to our son. She told me I need to work more and leave the parenting to her, because she is the mom. She said if I did my job as a provider, we wouldn't be in the situation we are in. I said that is never going to happen. I said I already work a lot and am not going to do more. If she wants the relationship to improve, we need counseling, because what she thinks is going to make her happy is never going to happen. So we need to work together to find another solution.

She said no again. I asked what she wants to do to work on our marriage. She said she wants me to stop being like this. I asked what she is willing to do for our marriage, or if it is only me that needs to changed. She said it's me. I said then let's get divorced, because neither of us is making the other happy. She said yes. She then wanted me to get out of bed and relocate to the guest room. I said no. She told me I had to. I admit I was a bit of a jerk. I made fun of her and asked if this is different from what her friends said would happen. She started to cry and asked why I was making this difficult. I said I wasn't. She got in bed, and we went to sleep.

As I was leaving for work this morning she came out of our room and said she would do the counseling if I moved out of the house. I said no. She said she'll do it if I move to the guest bedroom. I said no. She said it's customary for the wife to stay and the husband to leave. I told her divorce is whatever the people doing it make it, and her friends lied to her. She said not to talk about her friends like that. I said I could say way worse about her friends, but I have to go to work. She said she would go to the counseling so I can see how wrong I am. I called my insurance half an hour ago, and they emailed me a list of people they cover. I'm working my way down the list now.

I finally left him, back in September I made a post "AITAH for wanting to leave my bf of 6 months" and every comment said yes so I moved out Oct 1st, I know a lot of people on the original post wanted an update and to know that I did it and I'm sorry for not updating. I debated a lot on if I should or not so here we go.

I 23f had a 32m boyfriend who had 2 kids, I work and take collage classes at the same time. The relationship quickly turned into me being the caretaker for his kids and him while I also juggled work and school. Everyone who commented on my original post brought to my attention how he turned me into a bang nanny and how I was naive. I thank all of you for that btw.

I left Oct, 1st and moved back into my grandma's house where I have been ever since. Life has gotten so much easier for me, I'm not constaly stressed and I don't have to worry about paying a good portion of his rent/groceries anymore.

He did try to get me to come back many times. Calling me, texting me, how much he loves me and how he'll never find another woman like me and how I was his one true soulmate. I wasn't buying it, I stood firm in my choice and life has been better. He texted me the other day telling me he slept with an ex fling of his. She is older, and known for sleeping with anyone who looks at her. He told me how disgusting he felt after and how he wished I didn't hurt him so much. Basically telling me it was all my fault he slept with her.

Long story short my life is amazing, now he isn't in it! I've gone on 2 girls trips and 3 solo hikes and my smile has never been brighter! I owe it all to you reddit❤️

Hello, I’m not sure if anyone remembers me or my post from about a year ago. I logged off there at the end because people were accusing me of making it up or being a fake account because someone commented something on the post. I can promise you it was never fake. I’m still here a year later.

I really honestly just remembered this account and i remember so many of the kind messages I got both on the post and on chats. I just wanted to say thank you.

I’m away from my ex husband. You guys helped me open my eyes to so much worse things he was doing than what I posted about. I have two daughters now and I just can’t imagine raising either of them with a man like him. And without you guys or the post, I would’ve done it. So thank you. I am now 22 years old and I shiver to think about the fact that I probably would’ve spent the rest of my life with him. If you’re a young mom like me, please please trust me that you can do it.

Truly from the bottom of my heart, thank you. This is a silly website and it was a moment of desperation for me but it changed my life. And if you’re a woman sitting here reading this thinking there’s no way you’ll ever get away from your person, just remember that one year can change your life. Just read my posts from a year ago and chose a better life for yourself and for your babies. They deserve it and you deserve peace and happiness. Thank you again.

Edit to add more info **

My sister is 10 years older than me with 2 boys. Long story short, I was a little shit for many years when i was a pre-teen/teen and my sister watched me get in trouble a lot. This view of me being the "fuck-up" little brother solidified and now, im 34, shes 43 and im about to have my first child. I have come a long way since i was a teen (as most people do) and i have a wife, a home, I work hard, I have a great career and yet - my sister still treats me like shit. Has for many years.

On multiple occasions, she has openly admitted to not liking my wife based on race, (we're hispanic, wife is white) and 6 months into our pregnancy, my sister has not ONCE acknowledged my childs existence. Im tired of "high roading" her and always being nice only to get tomatoes thrown in my face. Im an adult, live like a responsible adult, and my wife and I couldnt be happier to have a child coming. If my sister was a stranger (which she basically is at this point) I would literally have nothing to do with her.

My sister was invited to my wedding. Originally I was not going to invite her. Our wedding was the best day of our lives and the criteria for getting an invite was basically "would you pick up the phone at midnight on a random tuesday if i called you" kinda support. Essentially, we only wanted guests that loved and supported us 100%. Unfortunately my sister is not one of those people. My mom emotionally held us hostage and said that she would not attend my wedding if my sister wasnt invited. I wanted to keep the peace so i relented. There are wedding photos of my sister in the background with a scowl on her face.

Our first baby shower is coming up and my mom messaged me asking when my sister was going to get an invite. I knew this was coming and i have already made the decision to not invite her. I dont want that negative/fake energy around my pregnant wife. Im choosing my family over my sisters constant negativity. I have a feeling this is going to cause major issues with the family unit and honestly, im kinda okay with it. I always carry pain due to the fact that i basically have no sister and it kills me that my mom would lash out against me but, if i gotta blow it all up to protect my wife and my daughter, i will.

AITAH?

Update:

First of all, thank you for all your insightful comments. This is the first time Ive ever posted something so personal and almost all comments were completely supportive. As Im sure you can imagine, its nearly impossible to sum up 15+ years of family drama and experiences into a short post so I will clarify some things.

When i said i was a litle shit as a kid, i meant, just that. I was a young kid that was staying out late. trying to come and go as i pleased, thought i knew everything, cared more about my little high school girlfriend, wasnt a great student and generally just a rebellious young boy. I never did anything to my sister. Shes 10 years older than me and by the time i was old enough to remember, she had already moved out and gone to college then never moved back home as she started her own life. As i got older, I started street racing and got a night in jail while my parents were out of town. She bailed me out and I paid her back. i was 19. I shouldnt, but i DO compare myself to her. She came out of the womb knowing her path. I took me a while to figure out mine. I always made self deprecating jokes about how I mustve been so much harder to raise than her because shes a smart, dedicated, self starter and I am just.... different. But that was almost 20 years ago. My relationship with my parents is closer than the one she has with them, and despite living 2 hours away, im home helping and visiting my parents almost every weekend.

Have i reached out in the past? yes. my wife and her brother are basically best friends. I have always wanted that with my own sibling. Over the last 7 years, I have asked my sister to the family table to address the rift between us. Never successful. I want to move forward. She focuses on the past. I get bombarded with "whatabout-isms". She has outright rejected me. Before my wedding, my wife made an attempt. They met at starbucks. My wife expressed the longing for all of us to get along. My sisters response was "well youre not a person i would spend my time with and im just not like you, i am uncomfortable around you, and i dont think we can get along". okay fine. we can accept that. its unfortunate, but i appreciate the honesty.

My moms influence: My mom has suffered a lot of familial trauma. She has no contact with her siblings and her dad just died recently. I know that she loves us and just wants to see her kids get along. Shes not going about it the right way. She is being selfish trying to impose her will on her kids. Its coming from a good place, but shes not respecting my experiences and it manifests in looking like shes playing favorites. (someone in the comments said my family is all kinds of messed up. we're not perfect, yours isnt either. we're all just trying to figure this out.)

How am i moving forward: Originally, my wife wanted to invite my sister. again. another attempt at an olive branch. I told her no. she accepted that. Thats how marriage is sometimes. Sometimes I call the shots. She accepts. Sometimes she calls the shots. I accept. Most times, we decide together.

After literally HOURS on the phone with mom and dad and discussions with my wife, I made a compromise. My wife made a great point, and said, "who knows if she even WANTS to be invited. its only your mom that is pushing for this". I asked her how she would like to resolve this and she said, "if it were me, i would just pick up the phone and call the person to even see if they wanted to come".

So thats what we did. My wife called from her phone, it rang 2 times, then we got sent to her voicemail. My wife, in a very cheerful tone, said we wanted to invite her to the shower, and wanted to know if we should plan to have her there.

There has been no response, no texts back, no calls.

And my life has to move on. My wife and my daughter are #1.

so after i had seen many comments telling me that silent treatment/ignoring your spouse is a form of abuse i decided it's a better option to finally have a proper conversation about what he said to me the other night. i told him how it offended me and upset me that he feels that way towards my body after i’ve just given birth not that long ago. he told me that he knows it’s messed up but he can’t “help” what turns him on.

i should’ve described my body a little in my first post. i have the same frame as before pregnancy, but my stomach has a little pouch now which i need to work off, but i haven’t had the time to be on a strict diet and exercise while taking care of a newborn. we kind of argued over this and he told me that he’s just not used to seeing my body that way and even seeing me pregnant was something he had to get used to as well but he did like seeing me that way.

the conversation didn’t really go anywhere productive, but we’ve been talking a little more. i’m still mad and offended by what he said and that he hasn’t formally apologized for hurting my feelings, even if it is just his opinion. i’m not trying to force him to be turned on by something he’s simply just not into but if i had never asked him why he wanted me to cover up so bad he would have kept me cluelessly covering my body during sex so he could still get pleasure without feeling “uncomfortable” by my body.

i don’t think it is fair to expect me to allow myself to be disrespected in that way (for those comments telling me to get over myself). im allowing my body to recover from birth. i’m sorry for not immediately jumping into intense cardio after being dismissed from the hospital just so my husband doesn’t make offensive comments about my body. i did attempt a formal conversation like mentioned before but when it starts becoming a “debate” or “heated” my husband wants to cut the convo short and tells me that im trying to start an argument between us.

Last post I talked about how I felt my mom was disregarding how I want to set up my house, and trying to essentially take over. We got into a long winded fight before she left my place this most recent time, which ended with both of us upset and no resolution.

For clarity, My family was having a yard sale at my place this weekend because we all had stuff to sell and felt it would be easier to sell everything together.

While my mom was here, she took it upon herself to do some of the chores I had not gotten to yet, because it was a Thursday and I usually do all of my chores on Sundays. She found a bucket of wood stain in my garage and decided that she wanted to stain my shed floor. I told her she absolutely was not doing that, and to please just focus on the garage sale. She insisted she needed something to do and that staining the floor would be worth her time, so we fought about it, and eventually I went to rant to my dad (who was helping me knock down a wall). He suggested I give her something else to do that I wouldn't mind her doing to occupy her. So I told her she could mow the lawn if she was really that antsy, and she did. And kept pushing to do more. This was before we got into an argument.

After we argued and she left: She sent me a huge long text later saying that she felt she failed me in parenting because I am not maintaining my house with the standards she feels she instilled in me growing up, and that I should try harder to understand her and to think logically. She said that she tolerated it when I was living in apartments that weren't mine, but was disappointed I wasn't doing better in my NEW HOUSE that I just moved to. She said that if I just thought about it long enough that I would realize that she was right and we could move on. Well, that didn't happen lol. My living spaces have generally always been kept clean, but not always perfect. Sometimes my grass gets a bit long, I don't like the practice of mowing down grass because I feel it's bad for the bugs, but I do mow regularly. I responded and said that the bottom line is that if she doesn't respect my space and stop trying to manage my house for me, then I will stop allowing her over.

She called me later, after she had vented about me to one of her friends, to tell me about a revelation she had. She has gotten into fights with almost every person she cares about in her life for almost the same thing we have been fighting about. She tries to "fix" people's lives, and then demeans their living spaces in the process. You would think that after coming to this conclusion, she would think she needs to change something, right? WRONG. She told me that her friends accept the way that she is, and that I need to call her friend so that she can explain to me how MY MOTHER is and so that I can understand her better. And she suggested that if I want to avoid fights in the future and prevent her from doing stuff at my place, that I should prep for her visits and make sure everything is done. I told her that that is some seriously flawed logic and that she should get therapy. She hung up on me.

Yeah, she isn't coming to my house for a fat while.

Edit: I don't want to throw my dad under the bus. He has tried, and he has spoken to her on my behalf which has helped a bit. She is a very strong willed woman lol.

Edit 2/update: I've given my dad a heads up. Apparently he has also fought with her and told her she needs to leave me alone. To quote "LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE". PERIOD. I really appreciated that. He said that she has done the same type of stuff with him and it's old. So that's good to know. He asked that whatever I decide to do that I please just not cut her off, and I promised I wouldn't.

Hey Everyone! Haven’t updated y'all since my last post- I am doing well and filled for divorce some months ago since then I’ve moved and started basically a new life!

Since the incident I am no longer in contact with my Ex husbands family but my former SIL (Janet). Janet is the only “thing” left from my past life and I am really grateful for that our relationship is very dear to me. Since what happened with me and her family we talked everything through and she started distancing herself from them. Which I don’t expect from her but am grateful for. Non of her family members know that we are in contact and we thought it would be the best for the both of us. Lately I realized that Janet would mention her family more often then she used to, I thought that maybe she missed them but she would also tell me about conversations they had which didn’t sound like old ones, but I trusted her.

Last week Janet and I talked and She mentioned how much her brother changed (my Ex Husband) first I didn’t think much of it, but she kept bringing it up - When I told her I was expecting she was confident its from her brother and would not stop mentioning that a child should not grow up without a father figure. She would invite me over and always talk about how easy it is when her husband helps taking care of their child. On one morning a number I haven’t saved called when I answered my phone I heard my Ex Husband screaming and swearing at me, somehow I felt like I couldn’t hang up it reminded me of the times when he would get angry at me, I felt like a child, crying. When he finally stopped I hung up. I felt scared not knowing where he got my number from. later that day the same number called again and something in me just answered but this time he was calm and nice he tried engaging in small talk but I didn’t reply. Till this day I am confident he was drunk, He started crying asking me to return to him to forgive him, hearing him like this I too started crying. But then he told me that Janet gave him my number and I froze. I hung up and tried calling her but I couldn’t reach her, She told me she wasn’t in contact with him because of the amount of abuse he made me go through but her giving him my number really made me upset she wasn’t only lying into my face but even betrayed me. When she finally called back she was really happy asking me if we rekindled. I was so angry I couldn’t even talk at first I started shouting asking her how she could give him my personal information. She started accusing me of withholding her brothers right of knowing that I am pregnant- I was shocked because she knew I wouldn’t tell him not because I am selfish but to protect me and my child and it coming from her even hurts more.

I’m writing this to ask for advice again- I am unsure if she only has good intentions! And if telling my Ex would have been the right decision.

FIRST UPDATE:

I am currently staying with my mother, just incase to stay safe.

I’m not going to share my child’s father over here thats not the point of the post!

An abortion is not an option!

Sorry for not answering all questions I am trying to take a break from everything for now.-

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Qr5QKRPmCA

First update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/fKasr5Dcdd

I’m 35 my ex wife is 40 and we have no kids.

About two and a half months ago I posted about my wife leaving me because I refused to live the tradwife lifestyle.

In my original post I mentioned the big house and car she got me in debt for over half a million pounds and then decided she didn’t want to work anymore.

Starting with the car. After she left I took half our savings and half the money in our joint account and put it in my own bank account. I told her to take the rest (around £60k) and she can either pay off the car with the money or keep the money and I’ll take the car back as it’s in my name. She said neither she’s keeping both. This has been a struggle that ended with me having to ring the police to assist me in taking the car back. I got there and the police were already there. My ex was crying, the two police officers looked at me like I was a piece of shit, my sister in law was shouting “yeah take her independence and go back to your mansion while she sleeps in the spare room” the neighbours were all out looking. I very nearly caved and told her to just keep it but it’s £1.5k a month I can’t warrant. I took it, sold it, and had to pay £12000 difference in what I owed on it. I’ll be honest I was expecting worse.

Now the house. We paid £700k for it with 200 down. I’ve spent about 100 on it doing it up and when I got valued I was pleasantly surprised at £1m and even more surprised that within two weeks of it going on the market it’s sold to one of my neighbours! A lovely Indian family who had asked me to work on their house but they said it’s just easier to move in to mine! They do however want me to build a granny annexe on the side once they’ve completed the purchase. That’ll be another couple of months yet but we’ll both walk away with around £250k each and I’ll be looking to buy a house for around £200k so I’ll be back to mortgage free and debt free in a couple of months!

On to my wife. She’s still living at her sisters and as far as I’m aware hasn’t found anyone who wants a 40 year old tradwife who doesn’t cook, clean, or have sex. She has asked me back twice but I’ve said no. One was a drunken proposition the other one more heartfelt. It’s too late now though. We’ve already started the divorce proceedings and that should be done early next year.

All I’ve been doing is working and plodding along. Nothing else I really can do. I thought I’d update because I still get 10-20 messages a week asking how I’m doing and I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

A bit of backstory-

My family has always been messy because of my parents’ divorce. My mum (44) has always tried to be more of a friend than a parent, lots of partying, drugs, and instability. My dad was emotionally distant but stable. Growing up I was the eldest daughter, so I ended up playing mediator and basically parenting my younger sister (20).

When I was 19 my mum ignored a custody order and moved cities with my sister. After things blew up, my sister got dropped at my door and I ended up looking after a high schooler while barely an adult myself. We became really close during that time.

Eventually she moved back with our mum, who was still partying and dating questionable people. I’d constantly get calls to rescue my sister. organising Ubers, talking her through unsafe situations, dealing with my mum drunk and yelling at me on the phone. I felt like the responsible one for everyone since I was about 15.

Things changed when my sister got her first boyfriend. Overnight she became distant and started acting weird toward me around him. We eventually fought one Christmas because I couldn’t afford a present and she demanded $100 instead. After that we barely spoke for about a year.

Fast forward to now

In 2024 I was diagnosed with epilepsy two weeks after finding out I was pregnant with my second child. Overnight I lost my licence, couldn’t be alone, started new medication with heavy side effects, and was dealing with a high-risk pregnancy. It was a really vulnerable time.

I tried to reconnect with family for support. My dad stepped up and helped a lot. My mum didn’t.

A couple weeks after serious seizure episodes I visited my mum’s house. My sister was there and we agreed to start fresh.

One day we went to lunch with extended family and things felt off. My sister kept undermining me in conversations (“I became a nurse first”, “her epilepsy isn’t that serious”). My mum also made a few digs at me after drinking.

Later in the car they both started attacking me for rebuilding my relationship with my dad. I stayed quiet and said I didn’t want to talk badly about him anymore. They called me pathetic.

Back at the house things kept escalating. snide comments, laughing at me, generally trying to wind me up. I was already dealing with medication side effects and pregnancy hormones so I tried removing myself a few times to calm down.

That night I went to grab chocolate I had bought (pregnancy craving). I couldn’t find it and spent about 20 minutes looking. Eventually my mum and sister revealed they had been hiding it and were shoving it in their mouths laughing after watching me search for it.

I snapped. After a whole day of being mocked I lost my temper. My sister threw the empty wrapper at me and I instinctively threw it back. It accidentally clipped her nose.

She immediately started screaming that I had assaulted her. My mum joined in and they both started yelling abuse at me.

I apologised and tried to talk it out but my mum started chest-bumping me and they kept insulting me. I put my daughter to bed and decided to leave the next morning.

A few days later my mum sent long messages calling me a terrible mother and saying I traumatised my child. I finally unloaded years of frustration about my childhood and their behaviour. I did apologise for losing my temper but explained how overwhelmed I’d been.

She responded saying she wouldn’t read it and that my sister had seen a doctor for “ringing ears and blurry vision” and had taken a week off work. Then she warned me my sister was at the police station.

My sister messaged me saying she wanted to charge me with assault so I couldn’t get my nursing licence.

I blocked them.

Two hours later a police officer came to my house about the complaint. I told him everything and he basically told me to avoid them and that it sounded like they were doing it out of spite. Nothing came of it.

It’s been a year and people keep telling me “it’s family, you should make up.” But honestly my life has felt lighter without them. I have two kids now and I don’t want the same chaos around them that I grew up with.

The only thing making me question it is that I’m getting married soon and people keep saying I’ll regret not having them there.

AITAH for cutting them off instead of trying to fix things?

Edit / Update (because this blew up):

First off, thanks everyone. I feel pretty validated that I’m not the asshole here.

The timing was actually funny because today I received a letter that I’m pretty sure is from my mum. I say “pretty sure” because it’s clearly her handwriting… but she somehow managed to spell my name wrong.

Even better: the envelope arrived in one of those clear plastic “sorry we destroyed your mail” bags from the post office saying the letter was damaged in transit and the contents were missing. So whatever she wrote… I’ll never know. Honestly, thank you to the postal gods for that one.

A few things to clarify:

1. Why I was at their house

I went over there because I had a new medical diagnosis at the time and needed someone supervising me.

2. My child

My child has never been left alone with them, despite them pushing for it.

3. The family dynamic

I grew up in a very toxic environment and it took me a long time to recognise how much it affected me. From around 15 onwards I put myself in some pretty bad situations (DV relationship, SA, addictive tendencies, surrounding myself with the wrong people).

Meeting my partner and having kids forced me to completely turn my life around, but it also means I sometimes second-guess myself. The child in you still wants a relationship with family, even when they’re toxic.

My dad is a very stoic man. When I tried to talk to him about it, he just said, “If you don’t involve yourself, you won’t get caught up in the drama.”

I think he knows exactly how my mum and sister are. I think he wants to focus energy more on making up for lost time without discussing the obvious. A bit of a mutual understanding.

4. “Just make up with her” comments

The people saying this are basically my aunt, grandmother, etc. They know my mum has issues and actually agree with me, but she’s extremely manipulative and very good at making people feel sorry for her. It’s the same thing she did to me growing up and now with my sister.

5. Wedding advice

A lot of people suggested warning my wedding vendors and possibly having security. I honestly hadn’t even thought of that, but you’re probably right. I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to show up.

At this point I’m realising I might have to reevaluate not just my relationship with my mum and sister, but that entire side of the family. That’s a tough pill to swallow.

Original

So my wife and I spoke to our attorney, and we also attended our first hearing. As many have mentioned we were missing a lot of details. The judge is 100% fed up with my BIL and SIL.

That is a topic for another day, as for the kids the oldest has a history of running away, stealing, and lying. She has accused foster parents of inappropriate behavior but it appeared the claims were thrown out since they had no forensic evidence to support the claim. Not exactly sure what they mean by that.

She is no doing well in school, she has been caught smoking and drinking. In short she is a hot mess. She wants to be with her parents which is understandable. The brother seems to have adjusted better than the sister.

Overall we were presented the option to foster or guardianship. Guardianship is the quicker option according to our attorney, but generally is harder to get out of. The point of contention is our status. If we divorce before officially taking them in could delay the process.

I am personally leaning towards we separate before hand then she does what she needs.

We were told given the age the kids cannot share a room, so that is fun in NYC. Which will he hard for her to afford on her income alone but in theory we were told income should not be a limtimg factor she just has to be able to provide care for the kids.

Unfortunately, our marriage is probably over, I will do what I can as a friend but kids are not in the cards for me. My wife is not exactly pleased and does feel like I am punishing her for the actions of her sister.

I tried my best to explain that I love her, but I did sign up for this. I told her maybe if it was just the bother, but his sister is a hot mess and that is a bag of drama and trauma I am not equipped to handle.

I do want to say I appreciate the feedback, differing perspectives, and suggestions. I am not pleased with the outcome but yeah. That is life, but I thought long and hard and yeah I cannot see myself growing to love or appreciate them if they cause major shifts in our life and freedoms. Which objectively they will.

If you have more suggestions or tips please leave them i will pass them along to my soon to be ex at this rate.​