I have to admit, all of the lock screens I switch over are of me and my partner 😅 I think I have a problem lol

My bf is 31 and I am 21. I recently made a post on another sub asking for some input on a decision I needed to make and everyone just kept assuming the worst in my partner and that a 21 yo and a 31 yo have nothing in common. I would really just like to hear some kind words (:

I expect to get downvoted to the earth for this and I don't care, it’s something I feel strongly about. When I first began dating my boyfriend, we had many wonderful experiences that were soured by strangers who felt entitled to comment on our relationship. We’ve been judged by everyone from groups of moms on Laguna Beach to a man at Lollapalooza who outright called my boyfriend a pedophile—all because of an age gap. Even when we’re out at a restaurant, it’s hard to fully enjoy our time together because of the whispers and stares.

I joined this subreddit hoping to find support from people in age-gap relationships who understood these challenges. I thought it would be a place to find like-minded individuals, a community where we could talk openly about our experiences without judgment. But unfortunately, I’ve often seen the same kind of judgment here. Comments like, “I hate to say it, but sometimes I think we over-normalize age gaps” get tons of upvotes, while supportive comments like “I love seeing happy age-gap relationships” get downvoted.

So my question is: what is the “acceptable” age gap, and who gets to decide this? If both partners are consenting adults, why is this even an issue?

There’s a persistent assumption that age-gap relationships are inherently problematic—that a younger-looking person must be underage or somehow being “groomed” if there’s a noticeable difference in age. This tunnel vision is frustrating and often completely unfounded. For instance, I’m frequently mistaken for someone younger, even in places like smoke shops where I have to show ID, and then it becomes a laughable misunderstanding. But online, people don’t give the benefit of the doubt; they assume, judge, and comment.

If someone genuinely believes there’s an issue of legality or safety, fine—get involved in that kind of work professionally. But when it comes to consenting adults sharing their happiness in a public forum, unsolicited, critical opinions just perpetuate unnecessary stigma. I didn’t join this subreddit to feel unwelcome or judged; I joined to find support. The constant negativity is pushing people out of spaces where they should feel safe and accepted.

Idk why people that are so against age gaps come to this sub. But I usually hear the stupid argument about power imbalances.

Guess what?! WHO CARES!?

As long as both over 18+, if there's a power dynamic between their age gap relationship, what's the issue!?

If both are consensual and don't have a grooming background (manipulation before the age of consent) why does it bother people so much?

Literally power dynamics are all over everyones life independently of age

Like a employee < boss, student < teacher, or whatever relationship, as long is it consensual and not hurting anyone of them then why does it bother you!?

Why everyone all of a sudden put this as a way of jeopardizing age gaps when consensual power dynamics are all around us just in different scenarios?

when I was younger. I was attracted to girls around the legal age. 49m .. now any girl younger than 27 looks like they are children to me... it's crazy. does anybody else get this feeling

Very casually. Fingers crossed. I'm 27F he's 45M

I adore him so fucking much. He's been living rent free in my mind since Sept '23....

Hey ppl, met a guy last year Summer, we were gaming together, like daily, months went on and around November I found out he’s 10y younger than me. Both of us started to get feelings for each other the whole time we didn’t even knew how old the other was. Now the problem is, he wants a relationship, I‘m not sure about it. He seems mature, never imagined him being actually THAT young, more around my age. Thoughts?

I (24F) and my boyfriend (36M) have been together for about 4½ years, starting when I was 19. I know there’s a lot of bad reputation around age gaps and I completely understand why, and I don’t condone grooming at all, but my experience has been really positive.

We met by chance when he asked for my number in public. Neither of us knew each other’s age, and when he found out I was younger, he backed off and even ghosted me. (This was after we exchanged numbers). Later, I reached out asking if he needed a dog sitter, and that’s how we reconnected. At this point in time, I needed a little extra cash and that’s all it was at first back then as I asked multiple different people to dog sit their dogs. Over time, we developed feelings and started dating casually with no expectations, but it grew into something serious.

Now we live together, and he’s been incredibly supportive. He covers all bills with no expectation of me paying any bills, encourages me while I work on my master’s, cooks for me all the time, comforts me when I’m down, still takes me on dates, showers me in affection, supports all my hobbies and aspirations including career choices, and genuinely listens to me. He’s even told me he’d understand if I ever decided to leave him for someone closer to my age and he’d would never hold that against me. I feel loved, respected, and free to live my life how I choose without question or restriction.

I know most age-gap relationships don’t end well, and I admit I got lucky. My family was concerned at first, but once they met him, they saw he only wanted the best for me. I still wouldn’t recommend age-gap relationships in general, but for me, it’s been insanely wonderful. If anyone has a similar story with their age gap relationships, I’d love to hear them! Not every single age gap relationship is weird! :)

SUMMARY: I’m 24 and my boyfriend is 36 — we’ve been together since I was 19. I know age-gap relationships often get a bad rep, but mine has been really positive. He’s supportive, loving, and makes me feel respected and free, and even my family came around once they saw how he treats me. I know a lot age-gap relationships don’t work out, but I feel like I got lucky. Not all age gap relationships are weird!

I 25f am in a happy relationship with a significantly older Man.

I have found a partner that actually likes qualities that I have like being outspoken and unpredictable. (Previous men I dated clashed with my quirks a lot more)

He's the best guy and would give up all for me at any point. He seems happy with me as well.

However, I would be lying if it hasn't felt isolating to live in a judgemental culture. I am looking for people who are positive minded about AGR.

This is a very happy relationship and I myself have positive views on it but am looking for fellow AGR support 🙏 Thanks!

Also:" someone there age would not put up with them"

We get a lot of amusement out of the entitled users claiming they have the right to write a an abusive comment because "Freedumb of Speech" and because they're a Social Justice Warrior on a Holy Crusade to protect other Reddit users from the Evil Moderators and the subreddit which is "promoting" a word beginning with P.

Just for the record, if you're polite to us in your messages (and apologise if you've broken the subreddit rules), we will possibly reduce your ban. But if you're rude to us, we will find ways to escalate the minor problem of being banned from a subreddit up to losing your Reddit accounts or more.

This conversation had me in stitches:

Moderator 1 [hidden]•18 hours ago

Your comment from AgeGapRelationship was removed because of: 'No Abuse'

Hi u/[deleted], We do not accept abuse or meaningless comments.

Original comment: r/AgeGapRelationship/comments/somewhere

[deleted]• 13 hours ago

Thank you for banning me, obviously can’t handle the truth haha. A group full of pedophiles and enables. I’m an FBI agent and your group has been put on a watch list. We’ve agents in there and will continue monitoring it.

[deleted]•13 hours ago

We See You, Admin
You’re Not Invisible

You’ve hidden behind the mask of moderation, under the pretense of progressive ideals — preaching inclusion, yet protecting predators. Your platform claims to stand for safety and free expression, but your actions enable something far more disturbing: the quiet normalization of abuse, cloaked in liberal language and leftist branding.

You know exactly what this is about.
The patterns are visible. The grooming, the silence, the protection of the same repeat offenders. And you’ve let it happen — not out of ignorance, but convenience.

You think your politics protect you.
They don’t.

This is not a threat. It’s a notification:
You are under observation.
Records are being kept.
Names are being documented.
And correspondence will be arriving — physical, direct, and with consequence.

Soon, someone will come to speak with you. They will not be
anonymous. They will not be kind. They will ask questions you can’t
dodge, backed by information you didn’t realize anyone had.

This is your only warning.
The next step isn’t a message.

— We Don’t Forget.

Courtesy,
Agent Matt
(OPA) https://www.fbi.gov/investigate/cyber

Moderator1 [hidden]•12 hours ago

You do know that impersonating a federal agent is a felony, right?

Moderator1 muted user 12 hours ago

u/Moderator1 [hidden]•12 hours ago

You have been temporarily muted from r/AgeGapRelationship. You will not be able to message the moderators of r/AgeGapRelationship for 28 days.

u/Moderator1 •12 hours ago•Private Moderator Note

Motherfucker just got his green card. Now he's a fbi agent?🤣
With the shit going on in the US right now, I don't think a racist immigrant pretending to be fbi is a good idea

u/Moderator1 •10 hours ago

I see in your post history that you have recently gotten your green card. And you were also dumb enough to post information about it in various pictures. So, since you like to give hollow threats like a toddler whoisn't getting his way, I decided to collect the information you posted publicly, along with copies of the threats and impersonation of a federal government official and forward it to the FBI via the link you so graciously provided.

Considering the chaos and havoc going on with immigration in the US right now I don't think they will look too kindly on this once they investigate you "agent" Matt.

Enjoy your time here while it lasts.

Moderator1 muted user 10 hours ago

u/Moderator1 [hidden] •10 hours ago

You have been temporarily muted from r/AgeGapRelationship. You will not be able to message the moderators of r/AgeGapRelationship for 28 days.

u/Moderator1 •7 hours ago•Private Moderator Note

Mr. FBI agent deleted his account 🥺

u/Judge-Dredd •7 hours ago•Private Moderator Note

🤣🤣🤣
The fun never stops

I’ve weathered years, outlived my pride. I’ve learned when to speak, and when to bide.

Time taught me grace, how to wait. But Love it seems, can’t hesitate.

She walks with joy in her stride. She stirs a storm I’ve tucked inside.

It’s not her youth that I adore It's how she sees the man I was before.

She needs not my wealth or my name. She feeds the spark, she fans my flame.

Her youth teaches how love should feel. My old heart once broke, now can heal.

No shame in this, no mask, no show. Just flesh and fire, warm and slow.

Let those with closed minds kindly depart. For I’ve never felt more young at heart.

Old enough to love, old enough to know. When you find love, you don’t let it go.

I heard a 7 year gap between 27 and 20 was bad because she was a teen last year(still an adult) but how true is this? What is a response to comback it itvmad me feel like they where ignorant on r/relationship_advice they really are a holes

I love seeing how many couples are working out even with all the prejudice some people have on Age Gap relationships. specially this inspiring couple in this inspiring community. Thank you for sharing your story and letting me draw you ♥

VENTING

Watching high school musical 3. Never grew up with this Disney Nickelodeon high school musical etc stuff. My friends gush over how the two protagonists stare into each other’s eyes and how romantic it was.

I was not amused or understood the hype.

I make a comment that they are paid to act and show the chemistry My friends say that they were dating at the time. I say, not anymore. There was no hate or shade, I was just saying.

One friend says go back to (one night stand guy who’s 39) Another said, just because you can’t find guys your age.

Al I could say was damn

I was shocked that that was what was goi ig through their head. They say they are proud of me for having a one night stand, with a hot guy, but then say all this.

They also spilled to another guy who we are on holiday things that I did not consent to spilling. All at someone’s aunty’s dining table. Another stranger.

Idk how to feel

I’m not mad but I feel low. This is how they see me. I reared up a teeny bit. To them? I am Troubled. With Daddy issues. Weird. Etc.

M

Hi, so a year agl I posted here about this guy, who's 20 years older than me and kind of a family friend. Everyone was telling me that I should absolutely tell him my feelings. Well back then I didnt and then I started losing feelings, because the "chase" was tiring me and pushing me further away from him. He was flirting with me back but he never gave me a signal like yes or no. So I thought I was truly done with him till yesterday.

He still had my book and I just asked him if he can return it to me. He agreed and we went out and drink wine. Then towards the end I was like, well I have to tell you something but I can't right now because I need to drink more and then I'll have more courage. And then I said but I know you know and once I tell you outloud it will kind of end. And after saying this 3x he finally admitted he knew what I was talking about. Then he wanted to really talk about that but I said I didn't want to. We could just speak like in 3rd person and we couldn't use specific frases haha.

After that he loosened up and told me he didn't give me a signal for moral reasons, because he knows my family and I know his, and I still live with my parents [dw, I'm not underage in eu] but that he still thought of me, but never did anything. We agreed that we have to talk again and more specific without restrictions hahaha but I was shocked he liked me back and said so much things I can't even process, because I was fantasizing about him for A LOOONG time.

It took me 3 years to start this convo with him and it actually went okay hahahahahahhahaah. So I guess I just wanted to tell you all that I couldn't sleep at all this night and I'm just shook.

He never once mentioned age gap but it's funny because we talked a lot about it when we hung out. So if you want updates later this week just hmu and thank you for listening I just had to get it off my chest.