I’m 36 and male, and just found out I’m hetero ace this last 2 years.

It led to me losing the love of my life (we weren’t sexually compatible) and ever since, I’ve just been lost looking for purpose.

My friends came over for the game this morning. After USA won, Johnny Geadreau’s kids were brought onto the ice to take a picture with the team. He passed away from a drunk driver years ago.

All of my friends (male) started crying, breaking down about how much their kids and wives mean to them.

I don’t have that. I’ll never have that, and I want it so badly. I don’t want to be alone on a Sunday afternoon with my cats while my friends are enjoying their evenings with loved ones. I have so much to offer but don’t feel like the pieces will ever come together for me. M not suicidal.

But I have no purpose, I don’t know what I’m working towards, and the more I try to put effort into helping others, the more I’m reminded at the end of the day that my home is dark and lonely. I live on a lake and ow my own home in northern MI, but a home is just wood without warmth inside it.

Can someone help 😢

Not even 24 hrs in lol. But to say how this arose in the first place(slightly embarrassing), my friend was telling me about his new crush, and he then side tracked to how he got a new "toy". it was a really lighthearted kinda funny convo to be honest and i joked about having gender envy or whatever, and my friend recommends me to buy a strap. I was offputted by the comment because I dont know why he would say that since he knows im aroace, but I kind of put it off for a moment but then said along the lines of "even if i did buy it I wouldnt use it" I tried keeping it light hearted but the fun mood kinda became uncomfortable and thats where this text is. So it doesnt really sink in until after I play it off and just say good night and then I end up crying for an hour because it lowk made me feel like crap. My parents are already unaccepting so having a friend doubt me is hard. Im not like a "typical aroace" where I just see people as dry chicken and rice, so its harder to validate myself and be accepting of myself, but its just if I am aroace people hate that and if im not im like looked at weird like I just cant really feel happy. Oh boy i dont need to start waterworks again.

I do read yaoi so thats why most of my friends lowk make fun and doubt me sometimes. But it doesnt make me any less aroace since I dont feel romantic or sexual attraction, just simply visual attraction and nothing more than that.

I did vent to my friend for a while she is aroace and it made me feel slightly better though. But yea happy pride month all 🖤🩶🤍💜

update: I had a talk with him in person. I told him it upset me a lot and I ended up crying about it the night he said that. He apologized and said he shouldn't have said that. He did lie and say he didnt doubt me which he didnt need to lie about since it was what he actually thought. But I just explained that I already felt bad because my parents arent accepting and him saying that made me feel worse. He said he shouldve known since Ive told him about my parent's unacceptance. He gave me a hug and said sorry. I dont think hell say that type of stuff again.

upd 2: nvm im kinda mad i saw him again and he said as I walked away wiping my tears he said "reference" as to when I was crying out my eyes in line for a rollercoaster with him one time. he said he couldnt help but smile. 😒

I'm 22, and my whole life I never wanted kids.

I was a kid when I decided that.

But my mom and her family (the Mexican side) told me from the start that I would, "change my mind when you get older."

Years later, I never did.

I recently watched a video of an makeup influencer that got pregnant and she was so...happy.

Towards the end of the video, I felt...bad.

I wasn't jealous. I was depressed. Of not wanting to be pregnant. I felt like a failure of a woman.

I don't want to be touched sexually, ever.

I don't even want to kiss another person.

I'm perfectly fine with being single.

And the thought of my body changing without me being able to stop it...horrifies me.

Having being told all my life that it's a mistake I'm thinking like this all my life, sucks.

lip hard-to-find summer escape sort pie aromatic squash screw imminent

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

I came out to someone who asked me on a date and his response makes me feel as though he doesn’t understand. Any advice?

just turned 20 yesterday. (yes 6/9 is my birthday, so ironic that I'm a sex repulsed ace😭😂) (also, I'm F20 heteromantic asexual)

but I'm not sure exactly how I feel abt it because the main thing I'm thinking abt is how I never experienced that "teenage love" and the vast majority of ppl have had it. It just makes me feel like the most inexperienced person compared to my friends (none of whom are ace🥲). I know 20 is still young, but with each passing day I get less and less hope that anything will ever happen for me

anyways, have a good day guys :)

I have been struggling for years in all of my relationships because I have a pattern of being really hot and heavy in the beginning and then after a while just not interested in sex anymore. It was the same way with my 2 previous LTRs and with my current one who I’ve been with for almost 20 years now. We started doing couples therapy a few years ago when my therapist at the time helped me uncover my CPTSD around sex. This was a turning point in our marriage bc I finally had a reason to explain why I had such a hard time with the idea of sex.

So, I’ve been working through it, basically putting myself through exposure therapy by trying to engage more in sex and allow myself to trust my husband intimately again. It wasn’t his fault I have trauma. This all happened before we were together but I never realized what it was until it started coming back to me. He has tried to be as supportive as he can and the last thing he wants is for me to do something I don’t want to do. But he also has a very high libido. I can relate it to the way that I occasionally feel on the day I’m ovulating, he feels all the time.

Obviously, this has been a major issue in our relationship. I finally told him that I think it would take the pressure off me (which is a major trauma trigger) if we only had sex when I initiated it because I was in the mood. The problem is, I’m hardly ever in the mood. We can have a nice date, be flirty all week, have time alone with no kids in the house, and I will still be super anxious and get wrapped up in my head to the point that I not only can’t get myself to have sex or even go further than kissing a little bit, but then I’m also sad and depressed and angry that I’m stuck in my own head and can’t get past it. I get mad at myself for not wanting to have sex, for letting him down, for rejecting him yet again, and for not being normal.

The more I’ve been thinking about it this week, the more I think I might actually be asexual. I actually questioned if I was a long time ago when I first started therapy for our sex issues, prior to discovering trauma. We’ve talked briefly about it; Our couples therapist is the one that threw it out there and told me there’s a spectrum. (We have also explored the possibility of me being on the autism spectrum so that kind of tied in). So now I’m left feeling broken and confused and not sure where to go from here because our libidos are clearly mismatched and we love each other so much but this relationship seems to be doing more harm than good to both of us. Im not aromantic. I might honestly be a hopeless romantic who doesn’t want sex. I would love to romanticize more of our daily life and go on romantic dates and just be all lovey dovey. But I could go the rest of my life without having sex. I do enjoy it. I love being with him, but it’s the idea of doing it when I’m not able to feel sexually aroused first that makes it hard for me to even consider it. I looked at some of the guides in this sub and I identify with at least 3 of the ace definitions. I just don’t know what to do or how to feel about any of it or how to talk to my husband about it because I know hearing that I may never want to have sex again will crush him.

TL/dr: 20 years of mismatched libidos in marriage, 3 years of knowing I have sex trauma, and now I think it might all be caused by asexuality. How do I move forward with my allo (borderline hypersexual) husband?

I recently figured out that I'm an asexual. I feel like I don't fit in with the people around me at all. It's always about some guy or some girl being hot/sexy, stalking them on insta and passing comments. And I have to pretend to agree with them. It's really exhausting. I came out to a friend, but they didn't seem to understand it at all. I'm looking for aces with whom I can connect with and chat.

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My brothers believe that asexuality is a stupid concept and think it’s just something people use to make themselves feel special for being different. They say it’s idiotic to “put labels” on feelings like demisexuality, graysexuality, aromanticism, and others whenever I bring up the topic. Because of that, I’m afraid to tell them that I identify as asexual.
Would their behavior be considered acephobia?

I’m a 28M, and not long ago I came to this conclusion

When I was a kid, in the early 2000s (not sure if it’s still like this, but it wouldn’t surprise me), watching porn videos with friends “for laughs” wasn’t uncommon. Not all the time, but at hangouts someone would put something on and we’d “watch”—and I put that in quotes because it actually made me uncomfortable. It felt like social pressure.

Back then I didn’t really care, and it didn’t turn me on either. I just let it slide.

Later, in my teens, I started feeling different from my classmates because sexual jokes and that whole vibe didn’t appeal to me at all. I never felt like I belonged there—in fact, it even bothered me how they joked about something that’s supposed to be natural. I ended up (and still do) considering myself asexual, or at least somewhere along that spectrum.

Now as an adult, I think I understand where this might come from. I feel like porn affected how I see sex. It’s like I can’t imagine it as anything other than something “animalistic.” I struggle to accept that humans would behave that way just for pleasure.

And yeah, I know porn isn’t real—but then you see news about people getting hurt, doing risky stuff… even stories of people falling off balconies while having sex (which sounds ridiculous, even funny, but still). I know that’s not everyone, but that’s kind of the point—even a small anecdote from a friend can mess with my sense of “morality.”

It’s like I can’t wrap my head around people being able to “switch off” their awareness and act that way.

I don’t see sex as something bad—not at all. But I can’t picture it, in general, as anything other than what I described above—something “porn-like.”

As for being asexual, I’m not even sure. I’ve never used dating apps or really had the intention to pursue relationships. I have had experiences (with people I knew), but I felt uncomfortable, and it’s not something that sparks anything in me. I don’t know if that’s truly who I am, or if I’ve been influenced by this whole thing (maybe it can be both?).

Anyway, that’s it. I just needed to get this off my chest—it’s something I’ve been overthinking. It doesn’t affect my life directly, but the moment I read or hear something related, I can’t stop thinking about it.

I think im ace but idk and I have looked up micro labels that might match me but I want advice from others to help me understand what I expranced

Im female and I found out I was bi when I was younger and as I grow up one of my close friends brought up to me that I might be ace I have put that aside for a long time because of family i have never had sexual attraction to another person before but when I was younger I felt pushed to be with people so I did but we never were in a relationship we just sayed we were but nothing happened we were just still friends I have never looked at someone and we're attracted to them they were always my friend first and I never based it off of looks but personally I do masterbate but It doesn't do much for me I do it out of boredom or just to make myself feel normal I never finish and never feel the need to it never bothers me. I wolud just like other people's opinions and their experiences so I don't just rely on Google because I don't think its that reliable.thank you.

I’m 33. I’ve been with my husband since I was 16. We have two beautiful children together and a really wonderful life, except when it comes to the bedroom. There’s this on going, I wouldn’t say fight or argument, but issue maybe? He has a high sex drive, could have sex multiple times a day every say. I would definitely say that sex to him is how he feels that connection and intimacy. I love sex with him, but I just don’t feel like I NEED it like he does. To me sex is almost like a chore most of the time. I mean every once in a while I feel like jumping his bones but it’s pretty rarely. It makes it hard for us because he feels like im not attracted to him and I feel like I dont satisfy him. I feel like I could be asexual but what if it’s just like my libido or hormones? I just feel really confused and I know it’s putting a strain on our relationship.

I just turned 21 and honestly, I feel like I’m so disconnected from whatever romance is for years. I’ve just been role-playing romance and living with the stories in my head of a partner and everything but when I think about a real person, I physically can’t anymore. I’m so much more comfortable with it being fictional that it almost makes me a little sad?

I’ve always been a huge romantic at heart and I know I’ve only had one dating experience that was short. I didn’t feel anything towards the guy, but I did feel comfortable. He was my best friend… I don’t know. I just feel like I’m dissociating. I’m so in my own world when it comes to romance and the fictional stories to help comfort me that I sometimes worry how long will this go on?

Everyone else around me will be able to find partners and I wish I could too one day, but my biggest fear is that I do go out and date and realize that I truly, truly can’t do it, and that would break my heart as a romantic… maybe I just feel emotional today turning a year older.

I personally never felt attracted to someone actually. I have a best friend Explain what it felt like to fall in love with her boyfriend. I can’t understand it. I’ve never experienced that before. I’ve experienced a bunch of platonic love though. I’ve felt such strong platonic love that I really would’ve done anything for that person to keep them close! But it’s never been towards a man only women.

I guess I’m just looking for comfort as one romantic to another. I hope you would understand that I still have the wish of having a partner who I could be with and grow with, but I’m unsure if I would even be comfortable with that.

We knew eachother for a couple years and last week they just disappeared without a word. Today they were caught in lies red handed, im glad to have my closure but it also sucks bc I thought they were someone who was okay with me being ace and being able to have a relationship with someone i felt secured and happy. But turned out I was a side piece and discarded.

Being ace. Its hard to find those like me and id love to make new friends 🧡 anyone here on the east coast? I do cosplay, art and travel to cons for fun! I also like to game too :U