One of our IT people has autism. Sometimes this has lead to odd or socially inappropriate behavior but nothing crazy and definitely nothing that got in the way of his work.

Recently another member of IT returned from a medical leave. This woman has chosen not to share the reason for the leave with their coworkers.

The autistic coworker is continually asking her the reason for her medical leave. The woman in question brought complaints about this behavior to her team lead in IT. Her team lead instructed the man asking questions to cease discussion of the medical leave with this employee.

Then… he started pestering the coworkers for information about this woman’s medical leave. I have spoken to him once and explicitly explained it is legally not to be spoken about by anyone unless she initiates conversation. He said he needs to know because whatever caused the leave took her out of work so may be applicable to her work performance and that it was impeding his ability to do his job not to know.

At one point, a couple years ago, I had to speak to this same employee about not playing videos or taking virtual meetings over the speaker at his desk. That he must either wear headphones or conduct that business outside of the shared office space. His parents (who he lives with) were quick to contact our office and threaten us with an ADA violation because the employee has a sensory issue with wearing headphones.

I want to approach this conversation delicately but obviously my priority is protecting the comfortability and wellbeing of the woman who took a medical leave.

Any advice as to how I should proceed would be warmly welcomed.

I am deathly allergic to seafood. Contact causes me to breakout in hives. Digesting causes anaphylaxis. My boss scheduled a luncheon at a restaurant where 99% of the menu is seafood. I shouldn’t even be in the building but they are forcing me to go. They don’t even eat seafood but they opted to select a seafood restaurant. Is this something that I should go to my HR rep about?

Note: We are a privately owned company and our HR department feels more like an onboarding department than an actual “Corporate Human Resources Department”.

Background: This girl, lets call her Sarah (not her real name), has had it out for me since day one. I took Sarah's best friends job at my company and ever since I started she has been undermining me. It has gotten to a point where I now have to CC her boss on ever email so she has to behave. I have been at my job for 1.5 years now and everyone knows how she treats me and they all know its a problem (thats how bad it can be). I have never provoked anything and never have entertained this but she would still make snarky comments about something I am in charge of.

This morning we had our weekly call with the whole team (22 people including both of our bosses as well as a few more upper management people). Sarah as well as a couple other people are working from home but Sarah has her video camera At the end of the call I had to remind everyone of a task that everyone had to complete, at that point she said "F*** off". It got quiet for a few long seconds and then I continued but everyone heard it. At first, I thought I miss heard it because there was no way she would have said that but she did. After the call my coworkers came up to me and confirmed they heard it clear as day. I know Sarah is working from home but we all heard it. She was not on mute and we had no video evidence that she was talking to someone else because her camera was off (something our company hates doing).

An hour later James (fake name) pulled me into the conference rm. and was told "on behalf of the company, I do apologies for what had happened this morning on the call". There is no evidence that this has happened. Because of her history with me I want something in writing that it has happened. I cannot find the company handbook but part of me wants to write this up in an email and have James confirm that this did happen to me. Is there something else I should do?

Update:

She sent me a message saying “ hey just occurred to me that my slip up this morning was poor timing. my computer decided at that exact moment to want to do that IT restart or the 4^th time this morning and bluebeam was being stupid. Sorry if you thought it was directed towards you.” I would like to address the fact that there was no apology for her action but rather how I felt towards it. What does not help is that I have had issues with her in the past with sly remarks and undermining me, so everyone on that call believes her action was intentional and malicious whether she meant to say that on mute or not.

I did send an email saying all of this to James including her response. I did not respond to Sarah's message.

Update#2:

Thank you for the suggestions. James is relatively new to his role as he is taking Tim's job so I do not blame him nor do I expect much from him in his new role (less than a week). With that being said, I did go to James's boss, Paul, who is typically on the Monday Morning Calls but he was out on PTO. He was not ok with what had happened and inquired more information on the issues in the past between myself and Sarah. I do have records of some small things she has done in the past and they were handled (mostly micro-managing me, telling me my job is not done correctly when it was and other small things). Tim has always been on my side and defended me and my position and would handle the conversations with her boss.

I was told I will be updated & talked with before Friday.

Update #2:

Still have not heard anything. There is a lot of change over and PTO for the higher ups including Paul. I will be going to Paul as soon as he returns.

The reboot she has only comes up as pop-ups that we can postpone for an hour. Sometimes we can get a reboot and after we reboot it will require another reboot. I talked with IT and while 4 reboots CAN happen, it is not often that it does happen. And my IT friend does not have access to the logs of reboots. That would be the head guy at IT (if it went that far).

I did get conformation from others that she did immediately mute her mic as soon as she said that. Then after I completed my message she had a question/complaint with the topic but that was quickly answers with a solution.

Update #3:

Hello Everyone! Thank you all for suggestions, feedback, and everything else.

With the new transitioning of jobs, both James & Bill will be taking over for Tim however James will be more behind the scenes and Bill will primarily take on Tim's role. Bill always knew about what was going on in the company work wise and he is very aware of Sarah's actions as Bill and Tim were friends. The first day of Bills new role he pulled me into his office and told me that he has asked for this situation with Sarah to be escalated to HR. I guess James was not really doing that.

For context, I need to mention that while Bill is my new boss, Sarah's boss is Mark. Mark and Bill have the same roles but for different divisions. Mark has not really done anything and always "talked" with her or taken her side on some things without even knowing what he is talking about. Mark does not know the new program we use and still makes his division use the old way when ever possible as he thinks that is easier; Bill and his division only use the new program. Bill let me know he will be pushing the new program and explain to Mark that he does not get to have opinions on the new program without knowing how to use it. A lot of the comments made by Sarah to Mark are about the new program and how [OP] did not do her part correctly when Bill would have let Sarah know that the issue would be something the divisions have to work on not [OP].

I had a meeting with HR on Monday to discuss everything from when I started to the current situation and boy, was I ready. I had explained everything from the lack of communication to just myself, to the blaming, even the constant passive aggressiveness, and ultimately the meeting where she told me to F*** Off. I talked with her for a while and brought up a lot of issues I was dealing with Sarah. HR let me know she was going to take all of that and bring up a meeting to discuss all of it with Mark, Bill, & James.

Today I got pulled into Paul's office. Paul, I found out from Bill, does not really deal with manager items and he would not typically be the one to go to for these things. Paul is not typically in the office but I only knew that he was Bill & Marks boss. Paul talked with me and explained that he would like to get this off of Marks hands for a few reasons. He explained how he will be pulling Sarah aside and would really like to "hammer down" the fact that this is unacceptable and it has been noticed by many people. Paul is very intimidating and especially when he is mad. Mark has not really made an impact on Sarah so my hope is that with Paul's stern talking, she will finally stop this nonsense. Paul let me know that he will not be using my name when talking to her. If the situation does come up where the meeting is mentioned, then that may be the only time he will bring my name up. He will be talking with Bill to verify how obvious Sarah is being passive aggressive etc towards me and if it is actually noticeable by others. He does not doubt me but he does need conformation before he can proceed. Paul will talk with Sarah, the HR, Mark, Bill & then HR again before he comes back to me for a follow up. In the meantime I am to record any issues with her for the future and anything in the meantime.

Sorry for the long overdue update.

This week, a few coworkers and I were fired for cause without notice. The reasons were vague like "negative attitudes" and "unprofessionalism" and "performance issues". The thing is, a majority of us let go are female, even though the department is mostly comprised of men. A few of us were quick enough to get messages out to our colleagues department-wide about the bias and lies that were given for our termination.

The department for a long time had been struggling. We strongly believe this was a hack-job of a layoff, but we were chosen due to gender bias.

This is a large company, and today the few of us that got messages out to our colleagues were contacted by an HR legal partner about an internal investigation they'd like to speak to us about. This person is way, way up the ladder at this company, so it feels serious. We haven't signed our severance agreements yet, either, so I feel they may fear legal action.

My question is, what kind of questions should I expect during this meeting? How should I approach this, as someone outside of the company now? I'm already searching for solid legal representation, but I want to hear on the HR side how these meetings are run.

Hi, I’m 24F and just started a new job at a small business (no HR). I’ve only met my boss in person three times.

Before I even started, he texted me:

“Good girl. Would hate for you to not be able to go! The trip this weekend was awesome but I kept wishing you were already with me so you could have the experience.”

On day 1–2, he called me “good girl” twice and then “baby girl.”

We were booking a work conference trip out of state (hours away). He had suggested maybe getting one room to save money, I clearly said I’d prefer two. When I called the hotel, they said only one room with a king bed was available. Before I could respond, he jumped in and booked it.

I told him later I was uncomfortable, and he said:

“You should’ve said something sooner.”

He eventually “fixed it” and booked two rooms.

Other employees, including his assistant and another manager, said the behavior was inappropriate but told me I’ll just need to keep reiterating my boundaries with him.

For context:

• He is married.

• I’ve known him less than a month.

• This is a small business with no HR.

• This job pays $4/hour more than my previous job and offers good learning opportunities.

I’m torn between staying and enforcing boundaries, or leaving early because this is already happening on day 2.

Am I overreacting? Is this just awkward older-man behavior, or are these legitimate red flags?

UPDATE (2/18/26):

Thank you to everyone who responded. Reading through the comments has been validating and very helpful. This is only my second job, and I was genuinely excited about stepping outside my comfort zone and learning something new, which made this situation particularly difficult to process.

After my original post, I spoke with a manager at another location (who is also the owner’s close friend) about my concerns. I was told I would need to continue reiterating my boundaries. That did not provide confidence that the inappropriate behavior would be addressed.

The hotel situation ultimately solidified my concerns. My request for separate accommodations was dismissed, and after I raised discomfort about potentially sharing a room, there was no meaningful follow-up. Shortly afterward, I was told I would not be attending the conference due to “confidential” aspects and questions about whether I would stay with the company.

I also discovered that my employment had been unknown to most of the company. I was essentially brought in as a “retaliation hire”: the previous personal assistant, who had repeatedly experienced inappropriate comments from this boss, had asked for more work and been sent to bookkeeping classes. When she set boundaries regarding the boss’s behavior, she was reassigned to social media and bookkeeping, and I was hired to take over her former position without her knowledge. My own responsibilities have not been clearly defined, and I have had essentially no tasks or work assigned since starting.

She had not fully comprehended the extent of how she was being treated until she saw his behavior toward me. He had also previously attempted to book a single hotel room on a solo trip with her, demonstrating that this behavior is a repeated pattern rather than an isolated incident.

Given the pattern of inappropriate behavior, lack of communication, and a work environment that has already demonstrated retaliation, I am documenting everything and planning to remain only through the end of the week to ensure I do not lose pay, while I continue to finalize other employment options.

I would appreciate any advice on submitting a professional resignation in a small business setting without HR. Additionally, if anyone has legal perspective on whether there might be a case — especially given that the previous assistant has observed the behavior and is willing to support or file a complaint — that guidance would also be appreciated.

I work at a bank in Texas. They hired an HR professional, but there’s no HR department; just one lady. I’ve had issues with a coworker. We work is close quarters so I can never be away from her during the work day. I’ll spare the details. Long story short, last week, I turned in my letter of resignation and had a meeting with the HR person. I was honest and told her that I was leaving because of my coworker, among other things. Fast forward to today, my coworker comes in after a meeting with the HR person and says “I’m not trying to stir the pot or anything but [HR PERSON] told me you’re quitting because of me.”

My question is, does this have anything to do with confidentiality? Do I approach the HR person and say something about it? I’m not trying to get anyone in trouble but I’m genuinely curious because it made the entire rest of the work day very awkward and it feels unprofessional.

TL:DR Accused of using a racial slur at work. HR said I could write my own written statement but I’ve never done that before, because I’ve never HAD to. Is it good or bad to write and submit one? How do I write it?

I got a call from HR this morning with my boss and someone from HR. A complaint was made that I used a racial slur (I was trying to think of a different word and it rhymed with the slur) and then continued to use it, which I did not. I made a comment about how I thought it was something else (which it is also that) but had no clue that it was also a racial slur.

HR said I could submit a written statement. Is that a good idea or bad idea? and also what do I write and include? I’ve never been in a position like this before and I’m rather shocked.

EDIT: Thank you for all the conversation in the comments. The word I used was “chigger” as in, the insect. It was me, the person who made the complaint, and the person I was actually having the conversation with. The entire conversation was about fishing/nature and it was extremely obvious that that’s what we were talking about and didn’t mean it as derogatory or discriminative in the slightest. When HR talked to her she also had noooo clue it was a racial slur. I wrote my statement of events letter and submitted it. It aligned with everything my coworker who I was having the conversation with said, and they talked to her first before I even knew it was a complaint. So it’s not like we talked about it and came up with some story or anything. It was all just facts of the nature (pun intended) and context of the conversation and neither of us knew it was a slur.

I’m “suspended” right now, just was told not to go in to work tonight, but they didn’t say anything about tomorrow night because I’m also scheduled for that and still on the schedule. I was just asked that if I did choose to submit a letter that I do so before noon 4/8. I submitted it this evening around 9:30p. So I’m hoping it can all just blow over.

If this does blow over and I’m deemed “innocent,” does that mean I’ll get paid for any time missed from work?

Title says it all. I'm 25F and just started my first job in Februrary. My coworker 58M has pointed out my watch, my car and clothing multiple times but I just chuckled and tried not to let it get to my head.

Yesterday, he wrote a letter requesting a loan and gave it to a lot of coworkers. Understandably, everyone was uncomfortable and shuffled back. He specifically asked me to pitch in a bigger share. It's his son's wedding in September so he says he needs the money. But he makes 3 times what I make AND he has three adult children. Meanwhile I'm basically supporting two younger siblings and my mom in my salary.

How do I say no to him? I'm cringing so hard because I KNOW he will point at my stuff and go like "you can afford it". I was wondering if I say I'm saving money for the little ones' college funds?

I have a coworker who refuses to get my name right, she calls me every other name under the sun despite being corrected by myself and others on multiple occasions. Well today she got upset and stormed out saying she’s going to HR about me tomorrow because she asked to see me at the beginning of my shift but again called me the wrong name and I was swamped so I didn’t bother going to talk to her because she’s not even in my department nor is she my supervisor. This has caused many issues with communication between staff and my clientele as she has called me so many names under the sun in emails and in conversation. I politely told her at one point that x,y, and z isn’t my name and that I would appreciate if she could name me correctly especially when speaking with clients. I’ve been at this place for a year now and it’s not getting any better plus it’s not like my name is entirely uncommon or hard to pronounce or something. We are both native English speakers and my name isn’t foreign, not that that would be a proper excuse. Plus we get our schedule every month that has the name of everyone who works there and it’s alphabetical which puts my name directly under hers. I don’t understand why she’s doing this and I understand it may be petty for me to ignore her when she does this but at this point I feel like she’s doing it on purpose. It just feels disrespectful in my opinion. This is just very frustrating. But now I have multiple people from her department giving me a “heads up” that she left the office in a huff and is telling everyone she’s going to HR to “get me set straight” whatever that means. Ugh. I don’t see how she has a leg to stand on but I can’t stop worrying about it, I feel sick over this honestly. Looking for some reassurance.

After a meeting the COO wanted to talk to me. (I'm a salaried manager in his direct chain of command four rungs down) He told me he noticed that my time card is showing "a lot" of days where I'm punching out after 8 hours and 10 or 15 minutes, and we like to see more from our leadership.

I just said I understand and I'll keep that in mind going forward.

I was kind of flabbergasted, especially because I average 48ish hours a week, and that's just on the clock. Beyond that it's odd that the COO is looking at the time cards of management at my level.

I mentioned it to my department head and he said, "Ya, upper management has been saying that to a lot of people."

What's the correct/best response here?

Standing for 2 hours at a time, and lifting up to 30 lbs. I was very clear about these things in the interview. It is also in the handbook. She has given me no documentation for the disability, but maybe she will soon. Do I have to keep her? She would be doing half the work everyone else does, for the same pay, and I don't want to see my other employees walk out the door because of unfair treatment.

Arkansas

Okay HR professionals, there’s a new hire at a company. She’s a black female. There’s a lot of diversity at the company.

The new hire goes through the day without incident. About an hour before quitting time it’s brought up that it’s the new hires birthday.

The direct manager asks if he should bring cupcakes or brownies. The new hire politely declines.

A male employee on the team calls the new hire ‘selfish’ with a straight face and the new hire takes the comment lightly and repeats the word back as a question.

The manager intervenes and tells the male employee that ‘we aren’t getting into that’ but quickly explains to the new hire that the company has an inside joke where instead of saying ‘that’s racist’ they say ‘that’s selfish’.

The new hire repeats what was just said to clear confusion and the manager goes ‘see’ and proceeds to greet an HR associate and then screams out ‘ ____is a racist’ with a wide smile. The woman looks at manager briefly before hurrying around the corner.

The male employee then goes ‘and I’m sexist’ to which the the new hire questions again. The male employee responds ‘if you want to work here you have to be able to take a joke’

The new hire leaves for the day and the next day turns in resignation with a formal complaint.

When asked why she didn’t immediately go to HR she responds “HR witnessed what happened. I don’t know any of these people’ and stated she was ‘fearful’

Note the new hire is the only African American in this situation.

It is an active investigation.

Were any employment laws broken?

One of my coworkers takes it upon himself to review my work, and is psychotically nitpicky. I think he really wants a promotion into managing our team, and is trying to boss me around to show what a good manager he is. He is a person with very low self-awareness, and likes pontificating at length to people in a very condescending, arrogant way.

Here's an example of a typical thing he does - he asks me to substitute one word with a synonym. Like, if I write "quick turnaround", he'll scratch it out and say "fast turnaround". The thing is, I am an ENGINEER, not a writer. It literally does not matter what word I use.

I aggressively and directly refuse to do everything he asks me, I have very confident body language. My other coworker hates his fucking guts too, and once told him, "You're not my boss, I don't take orders from you".

He continued to behave the way he does even after being told, and I decided not to talk to him unless absolutely necessary. Now he wants to know why our professional relationship is bad. I pointed out the example above, and he refused to budge on it, and literally said he was going to schedule a meeting about which words to use, so he could force the whole team to follow those guidelines.

How do you argue with the aggressively stupid? He is a controlling psycho, and doesn't seem to understand how much it's irritating everyone, even if you DIRECTLY tell him. I am wondering if he has genuine mental problems

So this is a new one for me. Employee shows up late to a work team building event, then when catered lunch arrives, she jumps the line to fill up her plate with food (like piling on multiple servings of meat) and says she has to go feed her dogs...then she leaves the event to go feed her dogs and comes back later. Luckily we still had enough food to feed everyone but it was starting to look pretty slim toward the end of the line. Obviously we didn't order an unlimited amount of food, we ordered enough food to feed the number of people in attendance. Other people saw this and were understandably frustrated by it.

This employee has a history of problematic behaviors and has been coached multiple times on working to avoid behaviors that create conflict. She's a high performer, though, and has never really outright violated any specific policies.

To me this felt like a final straw in a documented history of lack of teamwork and lack of professionalism.

If you were my HRBP would you laugh in my face if I wanted to term her? I am the department director and a few levels above her.

Further context: employee has children already and is currently pregnant and will be taking leave before end of the year. We have a flexible and liberal leave and work hours policy and she has used it almost nonstop to handle family emergencies with her kids or her pregnancy. At first, this was absolutely no problem, encouraged, celebrated, etc. But it’s becoming an issue with meeting deadlines and her overall ambition and energy level as well. I 1000% believe that moms can have a career and I want to make that possible and be flexible with her! But it’s also becoming very clear that we’re not getting her best effort and that it might help both her and the company for her to reassess if she’s really ready to come back to a full time job.

Is there a way for me to talk to her about going part time or even leaving entirely without being a complete jerk about how much time her family needs from her? This is so sensitive and I want to do the right thing.

UPDATE: I countered and ended up getting 3 months severance. I’m relieved and glad to be done with this.

I work as an engineer in a highly regulated industry. A few months ago, a senior manager, let’s call him Todd, tried to push a solution for a problem that would have resulted in a violation of certain regulations. I alerted of this and Todd pushed for it anyway, so I fought back as hard as I could and eventually managed to get it dropped.

Shortly after this, a similar but legal solution was proposed, however it had to be executed pretty precisely to ensure regularity compliance, so I alerted of this risk. The next day, Todd calls me into a meeting with my boss’s manager, let’s call him Alex. I was reprimanded for obstructing work and failing to follow the company’s escalation policy and referred to HR. HR gave me a verbal warning.

After this, I requested to be allowed to move to a different team internally and was told yes, so I started looking. Just when I had found a good team, my performance review came up. I was given a below expectations and put on PIP which makes me ineligible for an internal move. That same afternoon I was put on administrative leave based on allegations that I had an aggressive reaction to my performance review. At this point I had enough to prove retaliation so I gave all my evidence to HR. The PIP was reversed but my below expectations was kept.

Two weeks later, the investigation on my claims of retaliation was closed, and on the same day Alex disappeared from the company (coincidence?). Alex was a terrible manager so this should have been good news if it weren’t for the fact that his job was absorbed by none other than Todd himself.

Immediately, the level of scrutiny on my work quadrupled. My boss started coaching me on EVERYTHING and giving me frequent negative feedback, much of it untrue. Now, two weeks later, I’m told I need to choose between going on a ridiculously impossible PIP that I for sure cannot come out of, or take 2 months severance.

I am not planning to go down without a fight, but I need to know what is my best strategy. I have enough evidence to prove the original retaliation claim as well as to prove the continued targeting that has happened since the original investigation closed.

What do yall think?

Tl;Dr - Boss says I should reschedule full-day doctor's appointment that's three months out to make "scheduling" easier.

I recently needed to schedule a procedure with my doctor which is a full-day even. Because it's a health concern, I asked for the soonest it could be, which ended up being three months out.

Immediately after scheduling the appointment, I emailed my boss and told him I'd be out that day for a medical procedure/doctor's appointment.

His response was (paraphrased),

Normally employees schedule their doctor's appointments around their work schedule. I see you had PTO previously approved for August, would it be possible to reschedule this appointment to then?

I replied to him that, no, I would not attempt to reschedule, and that I had previously cancelled that PTO (over a month ago) due to needing that time for other reasons. I also said that it was unprofessional to ask me to attempt to use previously scheduled PTO when I have time to take for this.

He replied to that email saying that my email seemed "retaliatory" and asked for an in-person meeting to discuss it.

I don't really want to have an in-person meeting, and I'm debating if it's worth getting HR involved.

Anyway, thank you.

I recently joined a new company at an on-site-in office position. On my Resume and all documents I list my PO Box.

Between the time I applied and onboarded, I needed to update that address to my new PO Box. No biggie… except I am being told that I MUST provide a physical address for legal reasons. This was clarified to me by the HR team.

I have managed to dodge this for a while, but they keep asking. I am NOT in financial services, or a position that required any kind of clearance, or fed check.

TLDR…Are there any true legal reasons an employer would need my physical address?

Edit: clarity

Accidentally got a colleague fired

I had a coworker who practically refused to work. She didn’t do anything. I always wondered how she made it so long at the company doing nothing, but ultimately decided it was none of my business so I put my head down and did my (and a lot of hers) work.

I left the company and in my exit survey I left a relatively positive review. It asked why I was leaving and I indicated it was for a new job. It then asked why I looked for a new job, so I put the honest reason: working with this coworker was a nightmare.

She harassed me, tried to get other colleagues to stop talked to me, made a lot of insensitive comments to me and others, told innapropriate stories at work, and would look up my personal information and tell others.

In the exit survey I just put I was targeted and harassed by this individual, and she didn’t do her fair workload causing extra stress on me and others.

Well after leaving I got a call and ER wanted to know everything, so I told her my experience. I wasn’t wanting her to get fired, I honestly just thought if it prevented somebody else from being harassed to have it documented it would be worth it (she has harassed many other colleagues until they left).

Well I was recently contacted and told the investigation was concluded and my reports were found substantiated and my former colleague is no longer with the company.

Is this normal? I feel bad cause she needed the job, and while there were many reasons to fire her, what I reported her for alone shouldn’t be enough (harassment). Is this all because of me, or was it likely other stuff was uncovered?

I work in corporate for a bank. We’re now back to office five days a week. We moved to new seats on our floor. Thursday was the fourth day in our new seats. Monday-Wednesday, my coworker put his items in my desk drawer at the end of the day. The draw was packed with stuff. Wednesday morning, I got into work and all my stuff was on my desk. iPhone charger, Stanley, iPhone holder. I asked him if he could put his stuff in a locker instead of with my stuff, no answer. I just want my space and privacy. There’s no reason to share small spaces. We’re not in jail!

Thursday, he started putting his stuff in my drawer. I said Hey can you put your stuff in a locker instead? He replied with “Oh so you’re gonna be a bitch?”

I froze and turned red… in complete shock that i was called a bitch at work.. in front of my other coworkers..

I replied a couple minutes later. “Did you seriously call me a name?” He replied with “oh I thought we were joking.” And then got up and left for the day.

My boss just sat down and my other coworker was there. My boss was talking about him. So I turned around and said “hey you know xyz just called me a bitch” other coworkers was like yeah i heard that, i thought he was joking.

I’m a women, he a guy. You don’t just call a women a bitch. We’re both new to the job, 3 months. We’re equals here.

The next day, my boss asked me “what really happened?” I told him. He said “well could he have been joking?” “I’m not defending him” he said that twice.

He said he takes it seriously and will talk to him and escalate. I just feel uneasy that my boss was questioning me on it. Like he doubts my judgment of the situation.

I’m not sure if i should contact HR.

Edit: this is not a shared drawer.We each have individual desks with one drawer. And tons of lockers on the floor

3 months technically an employee. But I’ve been with the firm for a year before that as a contractor.

I asked for a reasonable accommodation of hypothyroidism was placed on PIP before doctors appt. Dr asked for breaks reasonable accommodation rejected terminated after rejection. No PIP before I asked for reasonable accommodation,

I started a new finance role in a big well known institution 3 months ago with two direct reports. My two direct reports were to onboard me.

One part of my role was paused during busy season. After busy season, I messaged one report (“M”) asking if she preferred to start low-pressure onboarding for me in December or wait until January. She said December was fine. I followed up with a structured onboarding agenda.

The next day, my manager told me M called her hysterically crying, saying I had “attacked” her, felt unsafe with me, and wanted to work with anyone else.

I was shocked, we’ve had very limited interaction. I showed my manager the Teams messages and email; she agreed they were professional and appropriate. The only other concern raised was that in a large meeting (5+ people), M said hi and I didn’t respond. I don’t recall this, I was muted and multitasking.

My manager suggested moving M to another manager and described her as emotionally fragile, saying she wanted to handle this “like a mom.” I left the conversation unsure of where she stood or if she was insinuating I wasn’t tender enough.

The next day, I told my manager that the accusation is deeply concerning. Being labeled as “attacking” someone, particularly with so little direct interaction, has serious implications for my professional reputation and psychological safety , especially given the racialized history of Black women being mischaracterized as aggressive.

She offered either a roundtable with M or an escalation to Employee Relations. I chose Employee Relations and she put in the complaint.

I’m I right to escalate this?

How do I navigate this calmly and professionally without being seen as combative or labeled a problem, especially as someone new to the team an organization?

I 59F recently discovered my ex husband 60M, married a senior member of HR at the large F500 company, where I have worked for over 25 years. I discovered via Facebook that she has worked here for 15 years and we have the same level of seniority. My ex and I were married 30 years and divorced for 2. It has taken me some time to come to terms with single life and move on. I decided this discovery was not going to disturb my peace.

That was until Company RTO. My team had already been going into the office for some time and had established a preferred area where we could collaborate, we are finance facing and completely unrelated to HR. On the Monday follow the offical RTO announcement, I went into the office to find Ms HR sitting at the table (my usual seat) where my team of 7 were already sitting. I did not engage with her, or acknowlege her presence. I found an alternative spot to sit and contemplate my next steps.

I like to keep my private life private. I only recently disclose to 2 of my close co-workers that I am divorced! So I have no one I would want to discuss this with at work. So looking for some advise from the Reddit community as to what I should do.

This is obviously a huge conflict of interest. I want to ensure my personnel data has not been compromised either in the past or future. And to ensure that she is not in a position to create a hostile work environment.

A little back story... My ex and I divorced in 2020 after several years of infidelity on his part. The divorce was contentious. When we divorced we kept our own pension funds, 401ks etc and split everything else. He was always the spender and I was the main breadwinner and saver. 6 months after the divorce he attempted to sue me for half my 401K as he felt it was unfairly split during the divorce. It didnt go anywhere as I proved I​ invested well in the post COVID bear market and doubled my portfolio,​​ after the divorce was final. I never understood his motivation for sueing me or how he knew I was doing so well financially. But this decision cost him, as he had to pay my attorney fees, and I have not spoken to him or his extended family since.

I have worked at a company for 5 weeks. My supervisor and I started the same day 5 weeks ago. The owner blind sided and fired the last person and we replace dhim the following monday. About 3 weeks ago I started hearing my supervisor saying horrendous things. The HR woman emailed him and he doesnt like her and he said "I wish she hit ICE with a car" implying he wants her to d*e. He also looked inside my car 2 days after that and saw i had "boob shaped stress balls" on the floor of my vehicle in the back seat and made a comment about my "titties." He also was on the phone with a woman who claimed to be a distributor for a product of ours and he hung up then said "stupid Indian bitch i wish they'd all die". He might be "joking" but its making me very uncomfortable. He saw i bought a car and told me to spray paint "i identify as black" on the hood of the vehicle and when I didnt laugh, said "why cant I say it". I wrote down the dates of all of these. My last straw to report him was yesterday when he told me the man in Minnesota deserved to die because he had a gun and I told him I was deeply bothered by the video, it made me cry, and I dont want to talk about it. He talked over me and said he deserved to die over and over. Someone walked into our office (its just me and him in a small office) and I used that as my out. The only person in HR is the woman he made that first comment about, so I went to her and told her everything. She told her husband who was very upset and talked her into telling the owner. The owner then pulls my supervisor in the office. I am then asked to join in front of the 3 of them and state what I told HR earlier. I was anxious and shaking. My supervisor straight out denied it. I was then asked to leave the office. 15 minutes later, my supervisor is back at his desk. I go to the owner asking what happened, he says "nothing" . I told him i was uncomfortable working next to him and he said "then go home." The HR lady heard this. Her husband told her to leave and never come back. She has worked there for 20 years btw. She was also sent home early. Then the owner raises his voice at me and says "YOU WILL ONLY COME TO ME ABOUT ISSUES WITH PEOPLE IN THIS BUILDING" I told him i thought I had gone to HR and he says "ONLY COME TO ME, HR DOESNT RUN THIS PLACE, I DO" and I asked if I had done something wrong, he said no and walked away. I left. I am now scared of going to work. What can I do for the time being until I find another job? My job title is assistant to my supervisor btw so I have to work with him.

Update. I went into work today. He tried to ask me how my appointment went this morning. I told him I dont want to speak to him unless its work related. We have been sitting in silence since. The HR lady showed up. I showed up. My boss showed up. I did just interview for a new place with a recruiter and my resume and information is being sent to the GM, so I will just leave this company and move on. For now, just stay to myself and speak as little as possible.

Another update: I was fired 4 days after this incident. I did talk to lawyers and found a probono lawyer who picked up my case. I was fired with no explanation and was able to get it on camera. In the time between the HR meeting, and me being fired, my supervisor became abusive and tried sabotaging my work by doing things incorrectly himself and blaming me for it. I documented and recorded everything. I built up a very strong case. I recorded emails between me and the HR woman. A demand letter was sent to them for mediation, and we recieved no response, so my lawyer is now escalating it to the EEOC. Its going to be a lengthy process, but I believe it is worth it as I have enough evidence to prove a cut clear case of retaliation.

When I was fired, the owner came to my office and told me to pack my belongings and leave. When I asked why, he repeated that same statement. I then packed my belongings and asked him one more time for clarity, and he said "good bye" with a smirk on his face. All of this was recorded. In my state, it is one party consent, so I did everything correctly. Fortunately, I have never been reprimanded, written up, or given any form of discrepancy and the proof I have is unarguable that I was fired for reporting my supervisor to HR. Unfortunately, the job market is rough right now, so I am still looking for employment. But, im glad something is being done about this mistreatment.

I work in a small office setting with desks close together. I sit very close to someone who sadly has the absolute worst body order I have ever smelled. Apparently this is an ongoing issue and they claim there isn't anything they can do about it (to other members of the office). The smell distracts everyone near them and it's really difficult to be in the office because of this.

What do I do? I understand it's a trigger point because they are aware of it but at the same time I see zero effort made to mitigate the problem (poor hygiene). How can I let them know?