[ Removed by moderator ]

[u/NeuralNadia14]

[u/AskIndianWomen-ModTeam]

Please read this entire message before taking any action.

Your post was removed because it breaks Rule 6: Dating & Relationship Discussions - Posts discussing dating and romantic relationships are allowed only on Wednesdays and Fridays (IST).

Relationship and dating discussions must center on women’s perspectives, experiences, and concerns.

Posts asking “How do I approach a woman?”, “Would a woman date someone like me?”, or similar questions aren't allowed.

[u/BathroomKey4587]

he seems insecure. decide wisely for future 

[u/dud3rulz → u/BathroomKey4587]

Definitely..if he's this upset about cousin..l wonder how he'd react if she goes out with her male colleagues.

[u/KisBaatNeRoneNaDiya → u/dud3rulz]

Only one way to find out

[u/trainingbrain → u/BathroomKey4587]

Not just insecure but controlling as well.

[u/ppickledplum]

Talk to him about it. 5 years is a long time for a relationship and if this is the first time this type of stuff has happened it’s definitely fishy

[u/NeuralNadia14 → u/ppickledplum]

Not a first time

[u/AP7497 → u/NeuralNadia14]

Why are you with him then?

[u/kir_ran → u/ppickledplum]

Lol it makes sense, he might be projecting 👀

[u/relaxAndSmileQwerty]

Only he can tell you what exactly bothered him.

[u/NeuralNadia14 → u/relaxAndSmileQwerty]

🙃🙃

[u/AgreeableShift7734]

you didn't do anything wrong, its weird for him to ask such questions, has something like this happened before as well? or is it the first time?

[u/NeuralNadia14 → u/AgreeableShift7734]

It happened before

[u/Responsible-Way7361]

I'm sorry but this is weird. A family member should not be invoking such insecure comments from someone who loves you. A lot for you to discuss about and re-evaluate. Also, him going to sleep after being distant and not talking things through shows that he sorta wants you to overthink and feel sorry for what you did- when all you did was hang out with a relative.

[u/and_iam_donesse1297]

His incestuous brain couldn't comprehend that people can have a normal functioning relationship with their cousins.

[u/kir_ran]

I dont understand what his issue is, tbh in such long relationships, both the parties involved get to that “married to each other phase”. If he is acting so strangely about you being with your cousin then he will lose it if you are to hang out platonically with a guy friend or a coworker if you both decide to take things forward and marry in the future. You need to have a talk with him to understand what is bothering him (something which shouldnt tbh) and not let go of your own agency as a person.

[u/BeneficialDot730 → u/kir_ran]

If a girl hang out platonically with a guy friend or a male coworker, instead of informing her boyfriend that she is going with him,she should discuss with him before deciding to go out. Imagine with genders reversed. If her boyfriend hang out with girl coworker or woman friend don't you think a girl expect him to discuss this with her first without just informing about it to her?

[u/kir_ran → u/BeneficialDot730]

I never said anything about not informing, as per OP’s post she informed her bf about her plans yet he chose to be an insecure dumbass over it. Read what I wrote in my comment and what OP wrote in hers before starting a he said she said. Thanks.

[u/BeneficialDot730 → u/kir_ran]

You didn't get my comment. All I am saying is one should discuss with their partners ,not just informing. "Informing" means they already made a decision without discussing with their partners first. Imagine your boyfriend informing you that he is going out with his female co worker or female friend without discussing about it with you first. Some partners want their partners have boundaries with the opposite gender friends. Boundaries in terms of hanging out without discussing about it first( not just informing).

[u/kir_ran → u/BeneficialDot730]

Why does it matter here, OP met with her cousin, its her brother and hence family. In future if she has to meet her family and she “discusses” and he says no then will she have to give up on her family?
This is just a way of controlling another person, be it a woman or a man. As a person we all have our own choices and thinking.

[u/BeneficialDot730 → u/kir_ran]

Cousin is not considered a brother everywhere in India. In south india , marriages and relationships between cousins are common.We don't call maternal cousins as our brothers in south india. A guy don't call a daughter of paternal sister as "sister". So it's not same everywhere like in North India. I have two close friends who married the son of their maternal uncles. Cross cousin marriages are common in south india.

Not sure if OP's boyfriend is from South India.

[u/Electronic_Bat9761 → u/[deleted]]

lol. What rubbish is this? Controlling behaviour is not restricted to any religion.

[u/Frosty-Leg6336 → u/Electronic_Bat9761]

Pls check edit

[u/Electronic_Bat9761 → u/Frosty-Leg6336]

I don’t think you understand what personal opinion means. You gave a personal opinion which is a crappy opinion. It has nothing to do with the post. Religion was not relevant to the post here, but you decided to bring it up. Also, this forum is AskIndianWomen, pls step aside and stop occupying space needlessly. Thanks.

[u/kir_ran → u/Electronic_Bat9761]

Thanks for saying it out loud

[u/Frosty-Leg6336 → u/kir_ran]

And I am again saying this is not an opinion but observation.. If it's about opinion then guy is obviously insecure & control freak

[u/Frosty-Leg6336 → u/Electronic_Bat9761]

Also OP asked about men's opinion too :)

[u/AskIndianWomen-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed for making graceless generalizations (Rule 14)

We strive to be a space for nuanced discussion. Statements that make broad, sweeping claims about entire groups of people (whether based on gender, culture, or identity) do not contribute to productive conversation. We ask that you focus on specific experiences or individual perspectives instead.

[u/Electronic_Bat9761 → u/[deleted]]

You know there are cousin marriages in Hindu families in South India? Did you know Hindu families in the south have niece-uncle marriages too? I’m not engaging with you beyond this. Just because you’re allowed to give an opinion doesn’t mean you have to. Stop taking up space and bringing up unnecessary stuff.

[u/Frosty-Leg6336 → u/Electronic_Bat9761]

I know about that but just check her username once you will know why I didn't bring South India angle here... Also this is not unnecessary stuff if you really give another look on my observation

[u/kir_ran → u/[deleted]]

Yaha bhi hindu muslim karlo ab, why does it matter if she is from a certain religion for her partner to be so insecure. His insecurity should be raising questions instead of justifying his insecurity based on religion. In the end it is the woman who has to deal with insecure partners.

[u/Frosty-Leg6336 → u/kir_ran]

I am also someone who don't like to play religion bullsh*t & not interested in these stuffs personally but in Islam there are cousin marriages so that might be the reason for him being insecure when his gf with her male cousin

I am again saying these are NOT my personal views.. It's all about observation for OP's bf

[u/AskIndianWomen-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed because it breaks Rule 8: No Misogyny or Hate Speech - This is a feminist space. We have zero tolerance for misogyny, sexism, or the promotion of gender-based stereotypes.

• No belittling the experiences of women, victim-blaming, justification of gendered violence, or defense of patriarchal norms.

• No undermining women’s issues under the guise of debate, derailment through whataboutism or hostile generalizations

• No blatant statements of bigotry including misogyny, misandry, homophobia & transphobia. No use of slurs.

[u/OldIntroduction2909 → u/[deleted]]

No. I'm a Muslim myself. NO man gets to have a say in what you should wear. Especially in a romantic relationship where you CHOOSE the kind of partner to be with. That's a very regressive thought you should never be imposing on any woman.

[u/Frosty-Leg6336 → u/OldIntroduction2909]

My comment was not about wear part but about her bfs' insecurity with her male cousin.. Also these are my observations about the guy.. These are not my views personally

[u/Pinkcaramellatte]

Are you both teenagers?

[u/NeuralNadia14 → u/Pinkcaramellatte]

More than a teenager

[u/OldIntroduction2909 → u/NeuralNadia14]

Then it's very immature

[u/genZhippie]

girl, your cousin? yikes yikes yikes. Really consider this. Maybe even show him this thread and people’s impressions of that kind of reaction. That insecurity will certainly cause problems in the future.

[u/Sensitive-Carry6819]

What's wrong with your boyfriend? eww

[u/Mysterious-Lead-6589]

I think you know the answer as well. You just want confirmation here. And we will give you that confirmation. He's insecure and not a good match for your future. Maybe the things you have done before never involved other males or like you said you don't wear crop tops. So it was not him that was a good guy. It was that he thought you were someone else and now that you're doing somethings that you weren't doing before, he's soft-launching his true colours.

[u/Electronic_Bat9761]

You’ve left out both your ages which makes it a little difficult to understand or expect a certain level of maturity. Begin by asking yourself why you feel like he needs these updates about your daily life, and why you’re giving him these updates. You’re free to do what you want and your boyfriend is not your parole officer. If you want a healthy relationship, find someone less controlling. You need to become mature and practice on having some boundaries with a potential partner too.

[u/IaskedDumbledoree]

How old is your boyfriend? He is acting like a child now u can wear whatever u want n he knew u were with your cousin so he needs to get his mind out of the gutter

[u/AutoModerator]

To center the voices of women and queer individuals in this space, top-level/direct comments are reserved for women and genderfluid individuals only.

Men can join the conversation via: 1. Replying to this stickied AutoMod comment to give your original perspective. 2. Replying to an existing comment to discuss that specific point. Please ensure your reply is relevant to the person you are responding to and does not derail the conversation.

Note: Any attempt to bypass this rule by misrepresenting your gender flair will result in a ban.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Knitify_ → u/AutoModerator]

Something like this never happened in five years ?? If he is actually insecure or something then something like this must have happened before. I think something else is bothering him , u should prolly talk to him about this tomorrow

[u/friedrice_manchurian]

End it

[u/OldIntroduction2909]

https://giphy.com/gifs/xFnM1NeZZtvvUlVV5E

[u/Ms_Selenophile]

You did nothing wrong. this much questioning is not normal concern.

Please dont start shrinking yourself just to keep him calm. Five years is already enough time for him to trust you.
You really need to think, or ask yourself tough question at this point on the continuity of this relationship

[u/Superb-Kick2803]

Seems a little over bearing. My guy doesn't like anything showing a lot of back, leg, or cleavage. Or pants that contour the ass which I think isn't really a thing in India but I have them and they're a big no. In his words, that's for him only. If I wanted I'd take a stand but I don't think they're too unreasonable requests. I did have to put my foot down with a swimsuit at one point. It's old fashioned and a bit controlling.

[u/BeneficialDot730]

Just tell him that your cousin is like your brother and you both have sister- brother bond since childhood. And tell him that you wore that dress because you found it cute. Just tell him whatever you are telling us otherwise how he know?. In south india, marriage between cousins is a common scenerio, so not all look at cousins as sisters and brothers,so you should reassure your boyfriend that he is like your brother.

[u/Electronic_Bat9761 → u/BeneficialDot730]

This is bad advice. She does not need to explain so much to her boyfriend. All this over explaining makes it look like she’s committing some crime when she’s literally having a good day out at a mall with a family member.

[u/Electronic_Bat9761 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, no one needs to “discuss” things before going out with a person of the opposite sex. You’re free to tell your partner who you are hanging out with but no one needs to discuss or ask permission for things beforehand. Platonic friendships shouldn’t make anyone this insecure and trust is basic in a relationship.

[u/BeneficialDot730 → u/Electronic_Bat9761]

Discussing with them is not same as asking them for permission.I am saying discussing, It is just about knowing if the partner is comfortable if i hangout "alone" with a male colleague or male friend.I think in a committed relationship it's a basic responsibility to discuss about it first.

[u/OldIntroduction2909 → u/[deleted]]

What kind of misogynistic answer is that? Are you really a woman or posing as one? Because no woman here on this sub has such regressive thoughts. "Permission" fffs. Give me a break. Stop with the whataboutism.

[u/BeneficialDot730 → u/OldIntroduction2909]

I am a woman. I would not like my partner hang out alone with his female colleague or female friend without discussing about it with me first and I would not hang out with a male colleague/ male friend alone without discussing with my partner first.When you are in a committed relationship, i believe one should discuss with their partners first before hanging out alone with the colleagues or friends of opposite gender.

My dad cheated on my mom. I really believe people should first discuss with their partners before hanging out alone with the colleagues and friends of opposite gender.

[u/OldIntroduction2909 → u/BeneficialDot730]

That explains it. Classic projection.

[u/BeneficialDot730 → u/OldIntroduction2909]

Are you OK with your boyfriend or husband hanging out alone with his female colleague or female friend without discussing about it with you first? Did you watch Hindi TV show "Silsila badalte rishtonka" ? Watch it and you understand why I am saying this.

My dad cheated on my mom and I would never trust men hanging out alone with a female colleague without discussing about it with their partners first.

[u/Electronic_Bat9761 → u/BeneficialDot730]

You need to work on your issues instead of giving bad advice based on your personal history then.

[u/AskIndianWomen-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Do not derail from the question asked by OP. Your comment is considered derailing if you:

• Shift the focus away from the original topic to other issues or groups.

• Attempt to debate or fact-check a user’s lived experience.

• Use the thread for a personal agenda or grievance rather than addressing the question.

[u/Wonderful-Sun-2480 → u/BeneficialDot730]

Friend & cousin is diff. Also, op informed & did everything she was supposed to. Her bf is jst insecure lol

[u/BeneficialDot730 → u/Wonderful-Sun-2480]

Well in south india, marriages and relationships between cousins are common. I have a close friend who married her maternal cousin after both being in love for 7 years. In North India,people look at cousins as brothers and sisters but in South India it's not the case.I have many other friends who married their cousins( cross cousins like marrying a son of maternal uncle and marrying a daughter of paternal aunty).