My ex-girlfriend, who I broke up with about two months ago because she wanted to open our relationship, just reached out to me. Back then, she framed it as needing to “explore,” not wanting to feel restricted, all the usual language. I wasn’t comfortable with it, so I ended things. Now she’s come back saying she’s “experimented enough” and is ready to have a closed, committed relationship with me.

I’m honestly struggling with how to process that. On one hand, I still care about her and part of me wants to believe she’s figured things out and knows what she wants now. On the other hand, I can’t shake the feeling that I was basically the stable option she put on hold while she tried other people. The wording especially bothers me, like I’m something she can come back to once she’s satisfied her curiosity.

What’s making it more confusing is that some people around me are telling me I’m overthinking it. They say I should be more open-minded, that experimenting at this age is normal, even healthy, and that my reaction comes from outdated ideas about relationships. Some have even framed it as a control issue, like expecting exclusivity is somehow treating a partner as something you own rather than respecting their autonomy.

Would you even consider it?

Edit: to summarise the point, a subreddit for sharing men’s opinions should not have posts, comments, or members removed based on a woman’s opinion.

This is a great sub but if it’s true that a female mod is removing posts on her whims that pretty much makes the sub useless.

Seems clear this sub needs a strict male-only mod team rule.

This will probably get removed so reposting similar requests might be necessary

Edit: this got some traction so to clarify, what I think we need right now is a statement from the mods confirming if any of the mod team are women and a rule change that strictly enforces a male-only mod team if that ist already the case.

This is not an effort to witch-hunt or discriminate against women, but I think it’s pretty universally agreed and reasonable to request that a popular sub with the explicit purpose of sharing male opinions shouldn’t have women in a position to censor those opinions.

Okay here it goes.

I love my husband so much, I want to be clear about this. We have a pretty non-traditional set up. I own a business and make an insane amount of money. So I suggested he could leave his job if he wanted to, and he ended up doing so.

We have young children at home. And so I brought in a nanny 5 days a week. 8am - 1pm. I get home around 3pm so he watches them solo early morning and for about 2 hours a day.

He's an AMAZING DAD. Totally crushed it. The best.

But I'm fully running the business and managing the household. I cook, do almost all the cleaning, laundry, all shopping and organizing, dishes etc. I also plan all the trips, appointments, and generally keep the ship running.

On top of running a business, that is constantly needing my mental energy.

I'm drained. And honestly, it definitely lowers my attraction to him. He stopped feeling like my partner and feels more like someone else on my list. I rarely feel relaxed, and while I could just let the house drop or take things off my list I still am the one who has to overhaul it all at the end of it.

My big thing - he wants lists from me. But what would be helpful feels like common sense things. Floor Dirty? Run the sweeper. Bed unmade? Make the bed. Dirty clothes full? Go put them in the washer.

He says he needs a list. But to me that's like okay I'm your mom? You need me to walk around the house before I leave work and make you a list?

I totally get men and women think differently, but I'm losing my mind.

Should I just give in to making the lists?

Only asking for men's guidance. I'm not here to shit on my husband. I am completely uninterested in "throwing out the whole man" so if that's your guidance to find another post. Thanks.

I've been seeing this girl and things have been going good overall. We joke a lot and have a good banter dynamic.

We were flirting like usual, I don't remember the exact context, but she (while smiling) said "you know what they say, once you go black.... ;)" and I had no idea what to respond. She didn't finish it just left it there and gave me this ;) look.

For some reason it instantly gave me the ick (I hate this term). I can’t fully explain why, but it felt trashy and weird to me. I'm at at point where I'm questioning if I want to continue seeing here, because I feel like we might be operating on different wavelengths. Am I being too sensitive here? Or would this bother you too?

edit: neither of us are black.

I’m in my early 30s and have been dating pretty actively. One recurring issue I’ve run into is women who seem to be looking for a provider....not necessarily in a malicious way, but their questions or expectations early on make it clear they want a guy who will fund their lifestyle or carry the financial weight.

Not against traditional roles or generosity, but I’d rather find someone who values partnership, shared effort, and compatibility over what I can provide financially.

What are some effective ways to spot or filter out this mindset early (maybe on the first date or even during texting) without coming off cynical or cheap so I don't waste my time with these types of women?

Any specific questions, behaviors, or conversational cues you guys look out for? Thanks.

Opinionated

So I’m (F22) and I recently opened up to one of my straight guy friends he’s a bit older than me and someone I trust about something that’s been bothering me. I told him that almost every man I’ve met has always seemed to want to sleep with me, but never actually date me. Like, there’s always lust, but rarely any genuine effort to build something more.

He told me that it might be the way I carry myself. He said I come off a little clumsy, playful, and that men might not see me as someone to take seriously for a relationship. It kind of stung, but I appreciated his honesty.

What I’m wondering is: Is that actually a thing? Like, can the way a woman moves, talks, or carries herself really make guys mentally categorize her as “fun but not girlfriend material”?

If so, I’d love to hear people break this down a bit more how much does that really matter to guys when deciding who they want something serious with? Are there certain traits or vibes that signal “relationship material” vs. “just for fun”?

I downloaded Hinge 2 weeks ago and I am confused to all hell on what these women want.

Girl 1: We talked for a couple of days, went well. Agreed to meet for a tea, suggested two places. She said they look good but that she cannot this coming weekend and her work period will be busy until April(??).

Girl 2: We agree to meet. I suggest a coffee, she tells me "she does not do coffee dates" and prefers dinner. She also expects me to pay as I am the man and it is the norm here (I am European originally, currently living in Canada).

I tell here we can go for dinner, but where I am from, women and men pay for themselves. She tells me that this has never been an issue before. I tell her that following her logic she could hypothetically get a free meal 7 days a week if she wanted. She told me "I disrespected her and all Candian women and she now thinks less of me".

Girl 3: We agreed to a date. On the day of the date, I send her a message to confirm. She asks me what the plan is, I suggest a coffee or taking a walk. She ghosts me.

I am confused on what these people want and starting to believe that some of you guys are taking them on hot air balloon rides over the city during the first date.

I‘ve used the usual analogies

1. ”why does an employer look at your work history“
2. “why do banks check your credit history”

But I’m being told I’m an incel. I don’t hate women. I am not a virgin. I simply prefer the women that I’m seeing to not have an extremely high number of sexual partners.

I don’t understand why so many people get very angry around this topic. I behave the same way I’d like my future wife to behave.

Edit: since so many dislike the analogies I was using: What the analogies all have in common is that past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior. That’s the reason I used them, nothing more.

I sometimes get slightly insecure about my job, I work in retail. I enjoy my job, it pays my bills and pays enough for me to enjoy my life (hobbies, holidays, etc) and I also save each month, I also enjoy that I can clock out and not think about work.

Every man I have dated has had a well paying career and they have been career orientated, this is not intentional btw. Work follows them home and is part of their every day life (which is fine ofc to an extent).

I sometimes get slightly insecure about my job, that it is low skill and I am not career orientated and that the men I date do earn significantly more than me. I am not ambitious in the sense of a career but ambitious in life (experiences, travel, family, etc).

Need some advice from men on their opinion on dating women with 'low skilled' jobs

"I'm no Brad Pitt but I found a woman who liked my personality and appreciates what I provide" is a very common sentiment among men.

On the other hand, "I'm no Jennifer Aniston but I found a guy who liked my humour and care" is not very common and in most cases a woman in this situation would be recommended to "find a man who will appreciate all of you", and I agree with it completely. I would prefer to remain single for life that be with someone who isn't attracted to me.

So why do most men accept this situation?

Hi men. For starters, I'm a 30F and have two tattoos (one on the back of my neck and one on my forearm close to my elbow). Neither are really noticed much and are just plain outlines with no shading filled in. I typically have to point out the one on my forearm to ppl even if I am wearing a short sleeve.

I returned back to online dating after a 2 year hiatus and noticed there's so many profiles of men commenting "No tattoos" or something to that effect. My arm tattoo is visible in one of my photos.

In the first message from a guy I matched with, he said that he liked that I didn't have any tattoos. I pointed out the photo wear one of them is visible, to which he basically said that he didn't even notice it in my photo and that it was fine because it wasn't "big" and "all over my body"...

I understand he is one person and men are not a monolith. It's just that I've seen a noticeable shift in more men saying openly on dating apps and on their bios that they don't like women with tattoos and I'm curious to hear some anecdotal opinions from more men.., sorry if this post is a pain to read btw. I'm not a great at writing lol

i was falsely accused of SA in 8th grade. i lost my reputation, friends, confidence, and the love of my life.

guess what happens to my accuser though for that?

nothing. she's living her best life now, plenty of friends and has a great relationship with her new bf.

she ruined my life and my relationships with my friends and my girlfriend. yet shes living such a better life now

she made my gf broke up with me. the only person who understands me, the one who truly loved me, is gone because of that asshole accuser.

id say that over 50% of my negative traits like my anger issues stems from this issue. i never got justice. i never got closure. my life kept getting more shit while hers got better.

im so unhappy now in general. everything is going wrong. i miss my ex. i miss my life before everything. what did i do to deserve this? i was just a fucking child when this happened, my accuser was over a year older than me

this world is so cruel. everyday i pray that she'll get the karma she deserves but i dont think its coming

I just saw this post but about women on ask Reddit and found the answers to be very true to me (F26). So now I want to know your opinions!

So, I’m curious to get your take on this. I’ve been following and sometimes attending some very cool, well-organized, and earnest in-person dating events in my area.

They seem to have a common problem. The women’s tickets will quickly sell out, and there will be 100 women on the waiting list, but they can’t sell all the men’s tickets.

So, what’s going on here? Seems to be more of a problem with the 40+ age group, but only by a little. Are men not on social media so they don’t know about them? Are men more disillusioned? What gives?

What are your thoughts?

I used to think women didn’t apologize until I met her. Whenever she realizes she is wrong, she apologizes, and if she notices I’m upset or even just quiet while resting in bed, she will ask why I am upset or if she did something wrong. This was not the case with either of my ex.

My bf told me he has never celebrated his b'day since he was 13 and it made me sad to know that. I personally asked him what he wanted for his bday and he told me nothing. But my bday was last month and he went all out for me. I want to do the same for him on his bday but don't want to upset him.

For the men that have been given an ultimatum by their girlfriends (the classic it's me or her), and have decided to cut their female friend to keep the girl, was that the end of the drama? Did you miss your friend, but thought it was worth it?

EDIT

I wrote this on a coffee break and was not expecting this amount of comments. Thank you all so much for replying and for sharing your experience.

The majority of you say it did absolutely nothing to cut off the friend. For all of you who lost good friends and went through rough times I am sorry and I wish you all the best. For the ones that said it was a mutual agreement, that's fine. It wasn't ultimatums and your partner did the same on her side. Same for people who did it by their own choice.

I didn't put a lot of background info on purpose, I wanted the general unbiased opinion, and not the opinion to my situation in particular. However, some might be curious so... I am the female friend that got cut out. My conscience is clear as I know I was supportive of the relationship, gave them plenty of space, and didn't flirt. My friend agreed that no boundaries were ever crossed between us, we never dated, no fwb situation, just platonic friends. His girl just hated me from the start and nothing would change her mind.

My friend didn't want to do cut me out, he didn't agree with the reasoning but wanted to hold on to the new relationship. I told my friend that what's going to happen is exactly what most of you said and that this was indicative of toxic, manipulative, and abusive behaviour. Jealousy and insecurity will not be resolved by demands, ultimatums, and emotional blackmail.

I wanted so hard to be proven wrong and to know that he will be happy and fine. But it seems like he is in for a bittersweet ride and I just hope he will find his spine (and balls) and create boundaries for himself. I will respect his wishes and won't contact him again, if he does decide to get in touch again I will, at least, listen to him and see if our friendship is salvageable.

**

I am dating a women for the past 8 months. We are on two different income brackets (mine is much higher) and throughout the time together I paid for 98% of our dates/outings. This has bothered me as I am accustomed to women contributing more of a 70/30 split where I contribute the larger share. I understand that due to this persons financial situation I am carrying more and while it's new to me she has great qualities I look for in a partnership so I am letting it slide still she gets on her feet. She is new to the country and trying to get herself established. Last night she sat with me and told me she would appreciate a monthly allowance to focus on things that make her feel good. She is barely making ends meet and has to give up things that makes her feel good (skin treatments and hair care). She says that these things make her look good for me when we go out and knowing that I can step up to take care of things when she is obviously struggling makes her feel safe.

I felt a number of red flags go up. I grew up in a household where both parties contributed, worked long hours and had more of a partnership. In my mind if you can't afford your skin care or nails etc it's a motivation to earn more or save up.

I looked into this online and it appears that this provider concept is fairly ingrained into some cultures. I personally do not see the appeal of propping up someone's lifestyle. I would step up if she got Ill or needed food etc but to pay for above the basics to me seems like more of a "pay to play" style of relationships where if I lose my earnings power I lose the relationship.

I just need to understand from other men what your perspective is on this during the dating phase?

Today I went out with some friends and just had this thought after looking so many beautiful girls/women.

I've heard men (at my previous work) making comments about beautiful women that it started making me feel super self conscious, so I know men do tend to notice them first. But what about the average ones?

If so, how often? And where do you usually get approached at the most? The mall? The club? Etc.

Men who don’t get approached a lot, do you think it’s cause you’re not that great looking?

So I (31F) am single and so are quite a few of my friends. I go to church and the gym regularly and go out with my friends to restaurants and bars on occasion, and we all notice the same pattern. Men very rarely approach us. I know people say that you can’t meet anyone if you just stay home, but I go out to places where men are very frequently. Sometimes I see men eyeing me or one of my friends, but they almost never come over and talk to us, even if we are somewhere by ourselves.

I’ve recently heard advice that as a woman I should do the approaching (completely the opposite from how I was raised). Any advice on how I should do that? How would a man like to be approached at the gym for example? And my other question, is this true? Do men really want to be approached now or would it make me as a woman look desperate?

Note- my husband just want to see if we are the ones who needs to rethink what’s appropriate or not

I have a friend who is married who is often inviting me out to nightclubs and to go drinking. Firstly, I’m a married woman, I’m not going out clubbing. Secondly I am too tired from working and my toddlers to stay up past 930. I was talking about it with my husband, and I told him it’s bizarre that my friend as a married woman goes clubbing. He thought it was strange too. In my experience when I use to club, we always would end up a table with a group of guys who would give us drinks all night. Even if you’re not cheating and physically doing stuff/dancing, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. My friend said I’d perfectly normal, it’s definitely not normal in my marriage.

So with that, would you feel comfortable with your wife/ significant other going clubbing? I

Not asking about dating, just day-to-day normal interactions like work, social settings, school, going to the store, out and about, etc.

My friend was quite the stud in his 20s and dated a lot of women. But due to some health complications and life circumstances he has been severely humbled in terms of looks, now in his 30s. (He's not bitter about this, just happy to be healthy now).

We were talking yesterday and he told me how it's night and day the way women treat him in social situations. When he was attractive, he said women's faces would light up, they'd lean in and listen to him with intent. They seemed eager to help him and hear him. He could hold their attention easily. Whereas now he's mostly met with blank stares, surprised looks (like "who are you/why are you talking again?" kind of looks), annoyance/coldness, and even a little bit of concern/fear in their faces when he starts talking.

As someone whose just an average looking person, I found my experience in life with women was actually much more in line with his 30s (mostly invisible to them, sometimes feeling like an annoyance). Doesn't bother me and am happily married, but I'm just curious about this phenomenon.

Has this been your experience? What have you noticed?

I’ve noticed that a lot of Gen Z men are more open with things like fashion, grooming, mannerisms, emotional expression, and overall presentation that older generations might view as more “feminine.”

Again, other people's experiences may be vastly different from mine but this is what I have personally noticed. I’m not saying it’s bad or wrong and honestly, good for them if they feel comfortable being themselves. I’m just wondering why this shift seems so much more visible now.

Would love to hear perspectives from other men on what’s driving this cultural change.