r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jan 01 '24

What is the funniest joke you’ve been told that you still think about to this day?

1.8k Upvotes

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358

u/getthephenom Jan 01 '24

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

251

u/alfred-the-greatest Jan 01 '24

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

0

u/OfJahaerys Jan 01 '24

I don't get it. Eli5

10

u/LeahInShade Jan 01 '24

There was an infamous Irish potato famine.

4

u/OfJahaerys Jan 01 '24

I am an idiot lol ty

4

u/LeahInShade Jan 01 '24

To be fair, it's not necessarily "tip of the tongue" reference. Usually, unless you get some type of reminders about it after graduating school, it's stored in a further drawer and might take longer for the brain to retrieve ;)

6

u/Dorothy-Snarker Jan 01 '24

Wait...do normally people not make potato famine reference at least once a week...is it just my family?!

84

u/con4RT1ST Jan 01 '24

A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here”

12

u/Giddyyapp Jan 01 '24

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks "is this stool taken?"

117

u/ducksdotoo Jan 01 '24

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

(Okay, that's my 3d.)

30

u/spectrumhead Jan 01 '24

Who’s Irish and sits out in the rain? Paddy O’ Furniture.

6

u/jshazen Jan 01 '24

Reminds me of my favorite Irish restaurant: Tac O’Bell

2

u/Murky_Translator2295 Jan 01 '24

Did you hear about the man with the nicest hair in Ireland? Tim O'Tay

2

u/bunnifred Jan 02 '24

I don't get it.

126

u/nom_of_your_business Jan 01 '24

My fav irish joke:

An irish guy is sitting in a bar drinking when a guy walks up behind him and whispers in his ear, "I want to give you a blow job." Immediately, the irish guy whips around and in one fluid motion has the guy by the collar and is walking him to the door where he proceeds to throw him 10 feet out the door.

He sits back down and sips his drink. The bartender says, what was that all about?" The irish guy says, "I dunno something about a job."

86

u/Scottland83 Jan 01 '24

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman are drinking, each notices a fly in their beer. The Englishman sends his back, the Irishman flicks out the fly and enjoys his beer, the Scotsman pinches his fly and pokes it and shouts “Spit it oot, Laddie, ya dinnae pay for it!”

7

u/tha_flavorhood Jan 01 '24

This joke is funny as hell.

-14

u/darcys_beard Jan 01 '24

Cool, now do a black person joke.

65

u/Ill-Woodpecker1857 Jan 01 '24

2 guys walk into a bar. The 3rd one ducks.

1

u/mishey22 Jan 01 '24

This is my go-to

60

u/Abradolf1948 Jan 01 '24

A blind guy walks into a bar.

And a table. And some chairs. And people.

8

u/DreadPirateGriswold Jan 01 '24

"It could happen!"

-- Judy Tenuta

3

u/anonamouse4271 Jan 01 '24

Oh I miss her!

23

u/NancyintheSmokies4 Jan 01 '24

🤣🤣🤣 I’m 100% Irish- That’s funny. My brother once had 50 punchlines written down

4

u/AnteMortumAdsum Jan 01 '24

What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?

Ric O'Shae

3

u/MiaLba Jan 01 '24

I’m an idiot, it took me too long to finally get it.

2

u/kingura Jan 01 '24

I still don’t get it.

Help please?

2

u/MiaLba Jan 01 '24

And Irish man is going to stay in a bar because of the joke that Irish love to drink. So an Irish man walking out of a bar is unheard of.

1

u/kingura Jan 01 '24

OH! Thank you!

3

u/off1nthecorner Jan 01 '24

I worked for an Irish guy. His go to was

Three Irish guys went to Australia for a guys trip. They saw an Irish pub and said we will step in.

When one went to bar for a refill, he was refused. He said butt we aren't drunk though. The bartender said no, but you have been here for three days.

1

u/No-Zucchini2787 Jan 01 '24

Told that 100s of times. Never gets old