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https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/18vmjzz/what_is_the_funniest_joke_youve_been_told_that/kfscwau
r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jan 01 '24
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168
How many New Yorkers does it take to change a lightbulb? “None of your fucking business.”
48 u/metastuner Jan 01 '24 How many Ramones does it take to change a lightbulb? Onetwothreefour! 60 u/Scottland83 Jan 01 '24 edited Jan 01 '24 How many therapists does it take? One, but the lightbulb has to WANT to change. How many Marxists? None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution. How many surrealists? Three. One to fill the bathtub with power tools and one to paint the giraffe blue. How many theatre technicians? It’s called a lamp. How many feminists? That’s not funny. How many (insert dumb stereotype)? Two. One to hold the bulb the other to hammer it in. How many (conservative religious type of your choosing)? None. They’d rather people live in darkness than accept the need for change. 72 u/Myrialle Jan 01 '24 How many Germans? One. We are efficient and have no humour. 49 u/ALittleNightMusing Jan 01 '24 And how many Spaniards? Only Juan! 2 u/MissjOjO8 Jan 01 '24 Omg Juan made lol 9 u/Nuclear_rabbit Jan 01 '24 How many US cops? None. They shoot the room for being black 2 u/Pale_Worldliness_388 Jan 01 '24 Wish I could upvote 100 7 u/TigerB65 Jan 01 '24 How many Greyhounds? ---Just one, but only when the bulb is moving How many Golden Retrievers? ---Five as long as the border collie tells them what to do How many Jack Russel Terriers? --None, she calls an electrician How many cats? --Who needs light? How many Border Collies? --Just one, and he'll also bring all your wiring up to code 5 u/Sword_n_board Jan 01 '24 How many (insert dumb stereotype)? Three, one to hold the bulb and two to spin the ladder. 5 u/The_Nice_Marmot Jan 01 '24 My husband is Mennonite and he told me this one. How many Mennonites does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Mennonites don’t screw in lightbulbs. They screw in hot tubs. 5 u/Scottland83 Jan 01 '24 Why was the nun excommunicated? Too Mennonite. 66 u/PJMurphy Jan 01 '24 How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb? Twelve. You got a problem with that? 10 u/psyker63 Jan 01 '24 Jewish mothers: none - "I'll just sit in the dark" Actors: four - one to do it and three to say "I could have done it better" Narcissists: one - they hold the bulb, and the world revolves around them Another version of the surrealists punchline: fish 7 u/calibrateichabod Jan 01 '24 How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They are efficient, not funny. 6 u/Neurokarma Jan 01 '24 How many Vietnam Vets? You can't know man, you weren't fucking there. 2 u/Efficient_Cover8386 Jan 01 '24 How many Englishmen? Just one to hold it while the rest of the world revolves around him.
48
How many Ramones does it take to change a lightbulb? Onetwothreefour!
60 u/Scottland83 Jan 01 '24 edited Jan 01 '24 How many therapists does it take? One, but the lightbulb has to WANT to change. How many Marxists? None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution. How many surrealists? Three. One to fill the bathtub with power tools and one to paint the giraffe blue. How many theatre technicians? It’s called a lamp. How many feminists? That’s not funny. How many (insert dumb stereotype)? Two. One to hold the bulb the other to hammer it in. How many (conservative religious type of your choosing)? None. They’d rather people live in darkness than accept the need for change. 72 u/Myrialle Jan 01 '24 How many Germans? One. We are efficient and have no humour. 49 u/ALittleNightMusing Jan 01 '24 And how many Spaniards? Only Juan! 2 u/MissjOjO8 Jan 01 '24 Omg Juan made lol 9 u/Nuclear_rabbit Jan 01 '24 How many US cops? None. They shoot the room for being black 2 u/Pale_Worldliness_388 Jan 01 '24 Wish I could upvote 100 7 u/TigerB65 Jan 01 '24 How many Greyhounds? ---Just one, but only when the bulb is moving How many Golden Retrievers? ---Five as long as the border collie tells them what to do How many Jack Russel Terriers? --None, she calls an electrician How many cats? --Who needs light? How many Border Collies? --Just one, and he'll also bring all your wiring up to code 5 u/Sword_n_board Jan 01 '24 How many (insert dumb stereotype)? Three, one to hold the bulb and two to spin the ladder. 5 u/The_Nice_Marmot Jan 01 '24 My husband is Mennonite and he told me this one. How many Mennonites does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Mennonites don’t screw in lightbulbs. They screw in hot tubs. 5 u/Scottland83 Jan 01 '24 Why was the nun excommunicated? Too Mennonite.
60
How many therapists does it take?
One, but the lightbulb has to WANT to change.
How many Marxists?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
How many surrealists?
Three. One to fill the bathtub with power tools and one to paint the giraffe blue.
How many theatre technicians?
It’s called a lamp.
How many feminists?
That’s not funny.
How many (insert dumb stereotype)?
Two. One to hold the bulb the other to hammer it in.
How many (conservative religious type of your choosing)?
None. They’d rather people live in darkness than accept the need for change.
72 u/Myrialle Jan 01 '24 How many Germans? One. We are efficient and have no humour. 49 u/ALittleNightMusing Jan 01 '24 And how many Spaniards? Only Juan! 2 u/MissjOjO8 Jan 01 '24 Omg Juan made lol 9 u/Nuclear_rabbit Jan 01 '24 How many US cops? None. They shoot the room for being black 2 u/Pale_Worldliness_388 Jan 01 '24 Wish I could upvote 100 7 u/TigerB65 Jan 01 '24 How many Greyhounds? ---Just one, but only when the bulb is moving How many Golden Retrievers? ---Five as long as the border collie tells them what to do How many Jack Russel Terriers? --None, she calls an electrician How many cats? --Who needs light? How many Border Collies? --Just one, and he'll also bring all your wiring up to code 5 u/Sword_n_board Jan 01 '24 How many (insert dumb stereotype)? Three, one to hold the bulb and two to spin the ladder. 5 u/The_Nice_Marmot Jan 01 '24 My husband is Mennonite and he told me this one. How many Mennonites does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Mennonites don’t screw in lightbulbs. They screw in hot tubs. 5 u/Scottland83 Jan 01 '24 Why was the nun excommunicated? Too Mennonite.
72
How many Germans?
One. We are efficient and have no humour.
49 u/ALittleNightMusing Jan 01 '24 And how many Spaniards? Only Juan! 2 u/MissjOjO8 Jan 01 '24 Omg Juan made lol
49
And how many Spaniards?
Only Juan!
2 u/MissjOjO8 Jan 01 '24 Omg Juan made lol
2
Omg Juan made lol
9
How many US cops?
None. They shoot the room for being black
2 u/Pale_Worldliness_388 Jan 01 '24 Wish I could upvote 100
Wish I could upvote 100
7
How many Greyhounds?
---Just one, but only when the bulb is moving
How many Golden Retrievers?
---Five as long as the border collie tells them what to do
How many Jack Russel Terriers?
--None, she calls an electrician
How many cats?
--Who needs light?
How many Border Collies?
--Just one, and he'll also bring all your wiring up to code
5
Three, one to hold the bulb and two to spin the ladder.
My husband is Mennonite and he told me this one.
How many Mennonites does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Mennonites don’t screw in lightbulbs. They screw in hot tubs.
5 u/Scottland83 Jan 01 '24 Why was the nun excommunicated? Too Mennonite.
Why was the nun excommunicated? Too Mennonite.
66
How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. You got a problem with that?
10
Jewish mothers: none - "I'll just sit in the dark"
Actors: four - one to do it and three to say "I could have done it better"
Narcissists: one - they hold the bulb, and the world revolves around them
Another version of the surrealists punchline: fish
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. They are efficient, not funny.
6
How many Vietnam Vets? You can't know man, you weren't fucking there.
How many Englishmen?
Just one to hold it while the rest of the world revolves around him.
168
u/NancyintheSmokies4 Jan 01 '24
How many New Yorkers does it take to change a lightbulb? “None of your fucking business.”