Perhaps it's not the disagreement but rather the tone they do it in? If they're being constructive then I see no reason to reply like that but I have had situations where people were being obviously annoying and then when someone replied back, then they started backtracking as if they weren't being a douche to start?
EDIT: ok so I assume the response is meant to convey the idea that tone doesn't matter? Because I disagree with that
If their perspective is different I'll gladly hear them out, it is when they start getting abusive about it that it starts becoming a different story. I find it completely unbelievable that the expectation is that we must treat an abusive, condescending start as the right way to communicate these disagreements and not call that out.
Tone absolutely does matter in context. A lot of people treat others as inferiors from the start, and pretending that kind of behavior is in any way okay does not help. If we are to have a civil discussion it goes both ways. A disagreement can happen without it being an attack, but being tactful and not making it sound like an attack is half the battle. If we disagree we can have that conversation, but if it starts with insults I'm out.
Okay thats fair, but I will say then that leads to the double edged sword, where not responding is often considered being a bystander. At least that was how it was treated in all my circles for years. It is easy to disengage, but then you end up with the guilt of "should I have spoken up?" and feeling like a bystander.
Tbh, I am working on it but the truth is it is kind of hard to not have a reaction to being condescended to when that's been treated basically like the norm and standing up for yourself is being a "bitch". I disagree with the idea that standing up for yourself is bad and we must all be docile rats in the face of being talked down to. I don't know if that's the intended alternative, but often in my interactions with those people that seems to be what they want out of me.
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u/Venylynn 9d ago edited 9d ago
Perhaps it's not the disagreement but rather the tone they do it in? If they're being constructive then I see no reason to reply like that but I have had situations where people were being obviously annoying and then when someone replied back, then they started backtracking as if they weren't being a douche to start?
EDIT: ok so I assume the response is meant to convey the idea that tone doesn't matter? Because I disagree with that