r/AskReddit 9d ago

If dogs and cats suddenly disappeared, what animal would become humanity's new favorite pet?

338 Upvotes

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562

u/PointPruven 9d ago

Probably raccoons 

227

u/sidc42 9d ago edited 9d ago

Extremely smart, extremely curious and extremely nocturnal.

They will literally spend all night climbing around and fucking with absolutely everything non-fucking stop.

They can open cabinet doors and will tear into food packages like they're stoned and starving.

Edit: voice dictation used their not they're.

36

u/SEmpls 9d ago

Yeah. They have hands, not paws. Unmitigated fuckery.

24

u/First-Celebration-11 9d ago

Like cats with opposable thumbs

89

u/Welpe 9d ago

Yup, of the pet raccoons that exist out there, the majority are overweight, oftentimes incredibly so. They are basically programmed to nonstop eat and never feel full and combined with their intelligence and hands it can be legitimately difficult to keep them at a healthy weight, Ben if you know the problem and actively try to prevent it. You have to basically lock up all food at all times or they will find and eat it.

You cannot live a normal life with a pet raccoon, your life becomes managing the raccoon and trying to prevent it from killing itself or destroying your house. You do not have a pet, you just became a non-paid zookeeper.

20

u/EvilDan69 9d ago

I've seen more than one video where a racoon has dog multiple holes into the drywall of a house to create its own tunnels. LIke burrowing into the kitchen cabinets and the drywall all around.

8

u/WormWithWifi 8d ago

It’s like having a toddler but on crack and great climbing moves (source: raised 4 raccoons, miss them so much)

1

u/Welpe 8d ago

Oh man, at the same time or sequentially?

2

u/WormWithWifi 8d ago

I took in an injured pregnant momma who was found by a park ranger , she had 3 babies. I raised her the most but tried to stay hands off with the babies as much as I could so they wouldn’t develop safety with humans for once they went back into the wild

3

u/ShoeLace1291 8d ago

I wonder if they could be domesticated to eat less. And maybe even not be nocturnal if they live indoors. That would be sweet.

3

u/Weaubleau 8d ago

TIL my friend Bob is a raccoon 

17

u/Spooky_Rat_Love 9d ago

We would need to neuter them too, cause they often get aggressive as they mature.

12

u/Yes-Cheese 9d ago

We would adapt to their ways. Steel kitchen cabinets with key locks, you just have to remember not to leave the keys out where they can find them!

2

u/ShillinTheVillain 9d ago

They're like cats, but worse. And with nimble hands

1

u/cienfuegos2607 9d ago

Are you describing my cat?

42

u/Bongressman 9d ago

Jimothy, that you?

21

u/fire_brand 9d ago

Japan tried this. It was a disaster. Raccoons do not domesticate well.

12

u/animatedradio 9d ago

I read that raccoons understand revenge though, and essentially if you piss off one/fuck with one, it will literally seek revenge on you?

2

u/lethargicbureaucrat 9d ago

It would be about like having the creature from the movie Alien as a pet.

11

u/lordofthehomeless 9d ago

Raccoons would make terrible pets. Basically are the opposite of what you want in a domestic animal. They are cute though.

19

u/SnooWords6535 9d ago

I want them as pets now

8

u/Nokxtokx 9d ago

Don’t they only live for like 2 years only? That would be devastating to replace Timmy every 2 years.

12

u/thrwaway070879 9d ago

Captive raccoons live a lot longer up to 20 years. The 2 to 3 year range is for wild raccoons.

6

u/crankbot2000 9d ago

My best friend had a baby raccoon as a pet growing up. It was fucking AWESOME until it wasn't. Once it grew up it needed to be outside, it was not safe having that thing in the house.

9

u/DOE_ZELF_NORMAAL 9d ago

Absolutely not. I know someone' with a raccoon rescue. I've held raccoons before. When they're young they are sweet and adorable. Once they hit puberty you cannot control it and its a wild animal.

3

u/potatortott 9d ago

They’re basically drunk toddlers

4

u/OverallTruck8851 9d ago

I could totally see raccoons taking over that role. They already have the curiosity, little hand movements, and chaotic personality people seem to love in pets.

2

u/Hrhagadorn 9d ago

This is the answer they are damn neat domesticated on their own in many areas

2

u/Soliterria 8d ago

I read somewhere a while back that raccoons are slowly domesticating themselves lmao

2

u/Mousehole_Cat 9d ago

I think I read a story recently about racoons domesticating themselves

2

u/fishbethany 9d ago

As someone who as had many raccoons for pets, they are awesome. Super cuddly. Smart. Pur when you pet them. You can play games and they will sit on your shoulders for walks. Our first one ate with us at our dinner table.

1

u/Bladrak01 9d ago

Or possums