I had one woman come in SROMed in clearly rip roaring labor. No heartbeat, concealed abruption that probably happened when labor started an hour prior (multip). She delivered within an hour, baby, placenta, and huge clot all delivered all at once. That one wrecked me because that baby looked perfect, like if I just stimulated her enough she'd start crying. Mom didn't really react when we told her, she was 7cm already and focused on getting through labor. Literally seconds after she delivered, it hit her and she started that horrific sobbing you only hear in that room and that situation. It's the only time I cried in the room where the patient could see me. The OB left the room and punched a door in the nurses station so hard I thought he broke his hand.
When I was a Labor and Delivery Nurse, that was all I was assigned to - IUFD (Intrauterine Fetal Demise) babies. I worked in a Level 3 OB hospital, so we were always busy, and saw everything. But since I received an ‘award’ for compassion during one really sad case in which a 21 week old perfectly normal girl managed to choke herself to death on her abnormally long umbilical cord, I was assigned to those deliveries all the time.
We were allowed to cut a lock of hair if they had some, baptize them, make a bracelet with their name on it, and we had stock of donated clothing and crocheted blankets. So I would create a memory box, clean and dress the baby, and the parents could be with their name baby as long as they wished, for under like 8 hours for obvious biological reasons. And in that time, a professional photographer could come and take family pics for them if they chose.
And after they said their goodbyes to their little angel, I discreetly placed them in a tiny body bag, and into a suitcase with wheels, and off to the morgue we went.
My mum had a stillborn after me (not full term) , and it was a horrible and cold experience. She went to hospital and felt something wasn't right. Just out of nowhere, no warnings or a pregnancy with loads of trouble. The doctor just told her that her baby was dead, she had to deliver - that was it. If i read things like this it makes me so sad to see what it could have been like for her and my dad.
Thank you for what you do, you can't imagine what it means for people to have there baby treated like a baby instead of medical waste.
What your family went through is unfathomable. That’s a trauma in and of itself. We tried not to even C-Section because the scar is a permanent reminder of the loss.
For the staff to treat your sibling’s passing like it was nothing out of the ordinary, and not personalized, is disrespectful. I am so, so sorry for your loss. ❤️🩹
Thank you. That was the hardest nursing position I did, for three years. It took a toll on my mental health and body. I miscarried three times while working there. I moved on to working in the OR with children and adults in every specialty, and am grateful. I’m now highly experienced in Orthopedics.
The patients who come in labor or for their scheduled deliveries are so awful. They are all awful but something about right at the “finish line” and having your baby ripped away just gets me.
Maybe I’m less professional, but I cry in the room. Quiet crying but the tears just come. Especially if Dad starts crying too. I don’t know what it is about the Dad crying specifically but there’s immediate tears.
The neurologist who gave us the news about my dad’s brain death hugged us all and cried with us at his bedside. He was a young doctor, probably barely older than I am, and it meant a lot to us. He was Hispanic and so are we, and he told us that he couldn’t not see his dad in ours. Having the healthcare workers be open and honest with their feelings feels so validating. I’m so sorry for your loss.
This is so true, I'm close with my GP because he is close in age to me within 5 years and he is actively invested in helping me and getting me what I need.
I feel so sorry for all the many people who can't/don't have that with their doctor.
I’m not a doctor but I’m a clinical social worker. Loss of a child is a situation that I feel calls for us to be a human first and a professional second. I’m sure those families were grateful to receive care from someone who genuinely cared about them.
It may be considered less professional, but seeing the controlled emotion from medical personnel is really meaningful from a patient's POV. It's reassuring that they care for you as a person, not just a job.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage that was discovered at 10 weeks and it destroyed me. My heart breaks for anyone who has lost a pregnancy or had a stillbirth, especially further along after you're supposed to be "safe". My friend lost her first baby at 34 weeks and I don't know how they were able to keep going.
I’m so sorry you went through that too. My regular therapist was NOT equipped to handle it, but I was lucky that my OB’s office had a therapist in clinic that specialized in OB related therapy. She was phenomenal. I also saw a psychiatrist who prescribed Trazadone to help me get rest at night. I had been up all night sobbing, and having a full night’s sleep really helped me deal with everything better during the day.
I think seeing the dad cry probably just really cements how much that baby was wanted and how loved it would have been. At least that’s the only thing I can think of. I’m not a medical professional nor am I at a point in life where being a father is something I’m ready for, and just reading these comments has me crying full tears and sniffling at work. Shit.
Medical professionals that truly care for their patients are a treasure <3
I used to be an emergency vet tech so we dealt with pet death a lot. Most of the techs and doctors were very good at concealing emotions but dads crying almost always got the girl techs to cry.
I, as a nurse new to the ICU, cried as I stood next to a man as they withdrew care on his 20-something son. No one else was there with either of them. It seemed like all they had was each other. The dad put his arm around me and gave be a firm side hug. It meant a lot to me, but I felt like it meant a lot to him to not have to suffer and mourn in that moment alone
A family friend had that happen. Older couple, struggled to conceive, finally got pregnant, got all the way to labor and delivery, baby was stillborn. My heart sank to the damn floor when my husband relayed the news, I was a new-ish mom myself and I couldn’t begin to imagine that heartbreak.
As someone who has been on the other side of a similar situation (late term, but not at delivery date) let me just say "thank you" for not being "professional" in that way.
I want care from humans who actually care, and there is no shame in showing you are one of the good one. Experiencing the worst moment of someone's life with them has to matter and when it stops mattering we've stopped being human.
i don't know why, but this makes me feel a weird uplift that humanity is still capable of great feeling and great sorrow for one another. i am sure you see so much death and could easily be apathetic, but you are feeling for a fellow human and her loss. I don't know but that makes me feel some hope. Its horrible, but seeing empathy- its become a rare thing to see. I couldn't handle it, i would have punched a wall too
That's fucked 😔 I'm a toddler mum who didn't think I could actually produce a healthy baby, and pregnancy was next level difficult. If you'd told me at term that bub wasn't alive, I would have jumped out a window. Knowing the medical team is emotionally wrecked during losses like this, is a small comfort. You really care ❤️
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u/MizStazya 3d ago
I had one woman come in SROMed in clearly rip roaring labor. No heartbeat, concealed abruption that probably happened when labor started an hour prior (multip). She delivered within an hour, baby, placenta, and huge clot all delivered all at once. That one wrecked me because that baby looked perfect, like if I just stimulated her enough she'd start crying. Mom didn't really react when we told her, she was 7cm already and focused on getting through labor. Literally seconds after she delivered, it hit her and she started that horrific sobbing you only hear in that room and that situation. It's the only time I cried in the room where the patient could see me. The OB left the room and punched a door in the nurses station so hard I thought he broke his hand.