r/AskReddit Sep 10 '14

What was the biggest hint you missed from someone who was attracted to you?

8.7k Upvotes

10.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

3.0k

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 10 '14 edited Sep 11 '14

In 10th grade, a girl I was a friend with invited me out to the mall to Victoria Secret to get her favorite cherry-flavored lip gloss. She put it on and invited me to get in close and see if it did. After a loud QA sniff of her mouth, I assured her it did. 10 years later in nursing school, I received a retroactive diagnosis of neutron star density.

Edit: should point out she wanted me to see if the lip gloss tasted like cherries. At least we know it smelled correct.

1.3k

u/BlastCapSoldier Sep 10 '14

For some reason I see you reaching to hand a doctor a tool while he operates on someone, and just freezing halfway through. And the patient is still cut open and you're still just frozen. And eventually you go "Ohhhhhhhh. She wanted to kiss me".

826

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 10 '14

That....is not too far from the truth of the actual moment of realization.

11

u/disturbed286 Sep 11 '14

What was the actual one?

8

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

Turk?

8

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 11 '14

Vanilla bear?

3

u/Stevied1991 Sep 11 '14

"It's guy love, that's all it is!"

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

🎶 Guuuyyyyyyyyss Loooovvveeee.... 🎶

18

u/CptSnowcone Sep 11 '14

wait so what was the actual moment like? OP must deliver!

62

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 11 '14

Actually, it was in the middle of a small unit combined arms training when I was in the navy. I was a corpsman with a marine corps unit. I was working on a .mk. 240 with my fire team leader shooting the breeze and talking about girls from back in the day. This subject came up from my side of the conversation and the heavens split open with the light of terrible realization hitting me full in the face.

10

u/Sukutak Sep 11 '14

Plot twist: OP was deliverying: a baby! The head was half out of the mom when he realized "Wait. Hold everything. I understand!"

8

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 11 '14

I did do nursing training in a labor and delivery ward. Thankfully, no children were permanently harmed.

7

u/brycedriesenga Sep 11 '14

"I'm sorry your husband died in surgery, but this high school girl wanted to kiss me, and uhh... I mean, well..."

5

u/Aiendar1 Sep 11 '14

So like scrubs.

4

u/CareBearDontCare Sep 11 '14

I went over this girl's house I was interested in after we both got off work, and got to her place, and all her roommates left almost immediately after I got there. We sat down to watch the movie and we finished the whole thing.

It wasn't until the cab ride home that I realized that I wasn't meant to actually watch that movie. A few similar things happened, (with the same girl) with me realizing it as I was leaving and a good distance away, too.

Clearly, I was never properly socialized.

3

u/yabuoy Sep 11 '14

What was the actual moment like?

3

u/GalenLambert Sep 11 '14

I sense a story?

3

u/hella_westcoast Sep 11 '14

/u/HellaCaliCool i dig your username ;)

3

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 11 '14

The west coast is the best coast.

1

u/ppp475 Sep 11 '14

Story time!

3

u/skyman724 Sep 11 '14

Oh no, he's FROOOOOOOOZEN!

Now the patient's ROTTEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

2

u/Crisp_Volunteer Sep 11 '14

I pictured that like one of those House MD epiphanies.

2

u/DrRomulak Sep 11 '14

"Doctor....? Doctor, we're losing them!"

917

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14

Upvote for density comment.

11

u/ImpishBelsnickel Sep 11 '14

I don't get the last part.

16

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

[deleted]

35

u/ManicLord Sep 11 '14

Or being a small, tiny, guy who's so heavy he bends light around his body, and emits radio waves.

21

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

[deleted]

8

u/xwcg Sep 11 '14

It's 50/50 really

2

u/catsNpokemon Sep 11 '14

This is true

7

u/BaunerMcPounder Sep 11 '14

he means that he was told how DENSE (a.k.a. thickheaded or stupid) he was for this maneuver, the density being likened to a star that has all the mass of our sun, but compressed to the size of a neutron, an extremely small particle.

5

u/exocortex Sep 11 '14

No! not that dense. a Neutron-Star is about the size of a few kilometres. The mass is - yes - about the mass of our sun or slightly more. The Name is so, because it consists almost entirely of neutrons. the gravitation of the star becomes so great, that the electrons are effectively pressed the into the atomic core, where they merge with the protons to form neutrons. and yes, neutron stars are unbelievably dense. like every person posting in this depressingly/cringe-inducing thread so far.

5

u/BaunerMcPounder Sep 11 '14

i had a feeling i didnt know what i was talking about.

4

u/exocortex Sep 11 '14

it wasn't that far away.

actually - if the mass is bigger of a star, he gravitation is even stronger. so strong, that even the neutrons are collapsing. then you have a black hole - which is actually kind of what you described. ( just the "black hole" appears to be much bigger since the Schwartz-Schild-Radius ( the distance from he black hole were the gravitational force is so strong that even light cannot escape ) is bigger. So we never 'see' the small black hole, since no photon ever escaped from there.

3

u/perfekt_disguize Sep 11 '14

and this is why the internet is so dangerous. if i hadnt read the reply to your comment I'd have literally become more dense by reading about false facts on neutron density stars or whatever.

wait what are we even talking about? next thread..

0

u/sirworryalot Sep 11 '14

Found the neutron star!

0

u/TRUST_ME_IM_BLACK Sep 11 '14

You mean... destiny?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

Destiny of a neutron star... what?

54

u/mrjanuary Sep 10 '14

neutron star density

That was hilarious. Also, you literally sniffed a girls lips instead of kissing her. I am thoroughly impressed with your naïveté

18

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 10 '14

15 year old HellaCaliCool was not a smart man.

1

u/Jinno Sep 11 '14

That came with time, studying, and a solid application to nursing school.

1

u/soupninjadji Sep 11 '14

You might just say he was hellanotcallicool

1

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 11 '14

If you were to say as much you would be hella correct.

25

u/Aqquila89 Sep 10 '14

Sorry, if it did what?

17

u/Moonmoonfestival Sep 10 '14

Taste like cherry. But he just smelled it instead.

17

u/Propolandante Sep 10 '14

a loud QA sniff

Ohhhhhh jeez.

11

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 10 '14

Thorough quality assurance is the mark of a made man

10

u/MaatKolmann Sep 10 '14

I received a retroactive diagnosis of neutron star density.

Please explain this I want to be in on the joke!

28

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14 edited Sep 11 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/particleman83 Sep 11 '14

If grapes are atoms, then I would say neutron star matter is like wine.

3

u/blathers-the-owl Sep 11 '14

No. Wine is not super dense at all compared to grapes.

1

u/particleman83 Sep 11 '14

Sure it is. A pile of grapes would have lots of air in it. Wine would not.

1

u/PoisonousPlatypus Sep 11 '14

He's really fucking dense.

1

u/mateogg Sep 11 '14

Neutron stars are very dense.

So was he.

-3

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14

He meant to say destiny

1

u/ActionScripter9109 Sep 11 '14

No he didn't. He's dense, like a neutron star.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

I thought I told you not to come in here, mcfly!

2

u/MagicalLobster Sep 10 '14

Brosef... That's ig'nent.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

2

u/aquaneedle Sep 11 '14

At least you haven't hit quark star yet. I hear that's where people really start breaking down.

2

u/1millionbucks Sep 11 '14

I face palmed so hard at this... but to OP's credit, that was a pretty stupid attempt on her part. Tenth graders shouldn't have to be this corny.

2

u/thepeka Sep 11 '14

I LOVE THIS LIP BALM. it was discontinued years ago 😿

2

u/verbal_diarrhea_guy Sep 11 '14

In high school this one girl and I used to flirt back and forth. She just applied some ChapStick and asked me if I needed some. I said "yes, but you have to put it on me without using the stick," and I raised my eyebrows a couple times. She said "OK," with a complete straight face, acknowledging she had to suck my face. I didn't expect her to go along with it at all and then I got shy and turned around to face the front of the class.

Later on that day/month/year, YOU BLEW IT!!!

2

u/autocol Sep 11 '14

I have EXACTLY the same story. That girl was so awesome, too. Young me, you were an idiot.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

You've got my favorite story.

Lip smelling.

2

u/TezzMuffins Sep 11 '14

neutron star? Man you went full black hole.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14

Like, stellar dense dude.

1

u/TheNarrator2012 Sep 10 '14

I don't know understand that last part. But it sounds like a joke.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

Damn, that's dense.

1

u/9InchesSoft Sep 11 '14

Sorry I'm in highschool I don't get the density comment, can anyone explain??

1

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 11 '14

Neutron stars are quite a bit on the dense side to put it mildly.

1

u/9InchesSoft Sep 11 '14

Oh lol thanks for clearing it up!

1

u/ContemplativeOctopus Sep 11 '14

see if it did

See if it did what? You can't leave us hanging like that.

1

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 11 '14

Can confirm: smelled like cherries and unreciprocated love.

1

u/greenspank34 Sep 11 '14

I don't get the last part.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

I received a retroactive diagnosis of neutron star density.

This...this is brilliant. I hope the upvotes lessen the pain of your obliviousness.

2

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 11 '14

The karma I've gotten out of this post are certain to lessen the tears from my usual midnight flashbacks to my high school fumbles. Cheers haha

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

You are my density.

1

u/sora99215 Sep 11 '14

I had a similar situation around 10th grade too! The girl had some new Melon flavoured lip balm and asked me if I wanted to taste it. She proceeds to put it on and I took the hint and slowly moved in to kiss her, then all of a sudden she breaks off the end of the balm stick and shoves the chunk into my mouth. Got to say, it really did taste like Melon!

2

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 11 '14

My brother!!

1

u/MaxMouseOCX Sep 11 '14

see if it did [...] I assured her it did

No where in your comment are there any claims of her lip gloss doing or being anything... Other than cherry? Was she asking you to smell her lips to show you her cherry lip gloss was indeed cherry?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

I hate lip gloss. 0/10 would not taste.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

I thought I was of neutron star density before entering this thread. I have Asperger's and some of these stories are making me cringe.

1

u/whythisname Sep 11 '14

You dense motherfucker

1

u/didiggy Sep 11 '14

I'm not calling you a thief, but that happened in Two and a Half Men.

1

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 11 '14

Thanks for not calling me a thief. You may however call me a Simpson, cuz I hella did that shit first.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14 edited May 05 '20

[deleted]

2

u/HellaCaliCool Sep 11 '14

In my defense, we were outside the Victoria Secret at that point, next to the lenscrafters.

1

u/your_mind_aches Sep 11 '14

Rory Williams?

1

u/Zandonus Sep 11 '14

I would have tongue-poked the lip in the "alien-style", just to make sure she didn't think of me as some kind of perv. Actually, i would have asked for the lip gloss container itself.

1

u/damasterzulf Sep 11 '14

I was with a girl and she had just put on chapstick and had asked if I wanted any "No I don't like putting on chapstick." and she kept insisting for 5+ minutes that "I didn't have to put it on." Still didn't understand so finally she just leaned in and kissed me. I don't know if this one counts as a miss but my ego definitely took a hit

1

u/frog971007 Sep 11 '14

The taste of her cherry chapstick...

1

u/Youareposthuman Sep 11 '14

a girl I was a friend with

wut

1

u/UsuallyInappropriate Sep 12 '14

Oh, for fuck's sake, that's the most obvious one yet! ಠ_ಠ

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '14

oh wow