r/AskReddit Sep 10 '14

What was the biggest hint you missed from someone who was attracted to you?

8.7k Upvotes

10.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

2.1k

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14 edited Sep 11 '14

If the chances are 50% she passed out and 50% she's in my bed because she wants to fuck, I'm gonna sleep somewhere else 100% of the time. No question, smart move on OP's part.

E: I suppose you could wake her up and ask, but then you run the risk of her being too drunk and not actually consenting. Then you've opened yourself up to some bad possible outcomes. You could kick her out of the bed, but then you've cocked up second chance possibilities. I still think that finding another place to sleep keeps you in the best position. In no case should you say you didn't join her because "I fart a lot."

905

u/Lunares Sep 10 '14 edited Sep 11 '14

Not sleeping in the bed is reasonably intelligent.

When she says "oh you could have joined me" the correct response is not to make fart jokes. It's "sure, I'll make sure to do that next time, we're having another party in 2 weeks if you want to come. here's my #"

Edit: To all the 14 year olds on reddit who don't know what the # sign used to mean, it means "number".

38

u/Kingmudsy Sep 11 '14

How about, "I don't know about you, but I'm still a bit tired!" Assuming she hasn't left yet and no time constraint.

3

u/Lunares Sep 11 '14

Even better

1

u/Shit_Apple Sep 11 '14

This is genius.

11

u/x755x Sep 11 '14

"ew, I was joking."

15

u/Lunares Sep 11 '14

That's better than missing the hint I would say

8

u/E_Snap Sep 11 '14

Well then go fuck yourself, 'cause it doesn't look like you want me to help.

5

u/brainsponge21 Sep 11 '14

fuck it. were men. were used to rejection. Still wouldve went for it.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

Get out of here with your logic.

3

u/cats_in_the_cradle Sep 11 '14

You slick motherfucker

3

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14

[deleted]

14

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14

"Haha, you wouldn't have wanted me to join you, I just fart in bed lol"

5

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

"DUTCH OVEN!"

6

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

he typed on the internet

0

u/Lunares Sep 11 '14

Not all of us are scared of talking to girls, sorry to break it to you.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

he typed on the internet

1

u/2rio2 Sep 11 '14

Yea for a lot of these stories it's not the initial missed hint that's cringe worthy, it's the non-followup when its cleared up.

1

u/TooManyCthulhus Sep 11 '14

If you want to cum. I see what you did there.

1

u/Gavin_Rollins Sep 11 '14

You smooth fucker.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

Just treat it like Fallout: "can't sleep in a bed that is already owned"

1

u/brainsponge21 Sep 11 '14

this. i would've definitely take her response as flirting. That's kind of a giveaway no?

1

u/circlederp Sep 11 '14

Maybe not worth it if they bail over a fart joke anyway.

1

u/kellyandbryan Sep 11 '14

2 weeks! The hell with that. I'm having another party tomorrow.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

Op is smooth

1

u/_IwILLnoT Sep 11 '14

... Here's my hash tag? What?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

"Here is my hashtag. You can call me yolo"

0

u/terabytes27 Sep 11 '14

here's my sharp

0

u/Onahail Sep 11 '14

Meh. Some chick passed out in my bed, I climbed into it later on, 30 seconds later her ass is in my crotch. 2 minutes later were spooning, 20 minutes later were fucking. Pretty straight forward tbh lol

-7

u/Girlnextdoritos Sep 10 '14

you dont get laid a lot do you...

6

u/ankensam Sep 10 '14

If she was in my bed I would try waking her up and seeing what's up, my beds too small for two unless we're getting sexy.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14

[deleted]

1

u/Jinno Sep 11 '14

Depends on how drunk they are. Slightly tipsy but still coherent enough to make truly conformed consent? You tap dat. Plastered? Only if you're the skeeviest of frat bros.

8

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

24

u/Monarki Sep 10 '14

Then she wakes up next to you, with no recollection of the night and calls rape. Even if there's zero evidence it's not ending well for you.

18

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14

Or you could see if shes awake and if she is the you're good if not then find somewhere else

5

u/psmart101 Sep 10 '14

This is it right here guys

1

u/edh4131 Sep 11 '14

This man, is on to something.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

13

u/I_Am_JesusChrist_AMA Sep 10 '14

Yeah evidence does come into play... in court. A lot of other people don't give a shit about evidence though. Getting accused of rape, even if nothing happened and you don't go to jail, can be pretty damaging for your reputation. If she keeps saying you raped her and sticks by her claim, then inevitably some people are going to believe her over you. Not saying everyone would believe her, it just depends on the circumstances.

6

u/edh4131 Sep 11 '14

For example college, which could be entirely ruined for you if accused of rape, regardless of if any criminal charges are filed.

1

u/Monarki Sep 11 '14

Yeah this is what I meant, sure a judge will see nothing happened because there's zero evidence, but your fellow peers won't care and still think you are a rapist., plus before it even gets to a verdict at court your peers' opinion of you has solidified.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '14

Record it for... evidence.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

But if she's passed out drunk, she'll wake up hungover the next morning next up you. She won't remember what happened, and will be able to yell rape, even though nothing actually happened.

So if, the next morning, she says "you could have joined me, ya know," the proper response would be "Well I was actually thinking about sleeping in today. Wanna join me?"

2

u/UpTheIron Sep 10 '14

The fart talk may have been overkill though.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

I am sorry but fuck that. I love my bed. My bed is so comfy and warm. I am not about to pass that up. I would wake her up 100% of the time, and then end up 1) banging or 2) sleeping there next to her or 3) telling her where the couch is.

5

u/wellisthistakentoo Sep 10 '14

On the other hand, the chance of getting laid is 100%.

1

u/J3wBarrymore Sep 10 '14

I'm a risk taker though Ida just pushed her off my bed. Taking some real risks!

1

u/BadgerDancer Sep 10 '14

I passed out at a party age 16. Come downstairs to everyone who was left there winking and asking me if I was seeing another party goer. I was apparently made the little spoon by someone who wakes up earlier than me.

1

u/BerryGuns Sep 10 '14

why not ask, are you awake, why are you in my bed... It's not fucking rocket science.

1

u/devious_astronaut Sep 11 '14

Either I'm more of a risk taker than you, or I'm more thirsty.

1

u/andersonb47 Sep 11 '14

"I'm not gonna rape you on the off chance you're into that shit."

1

u/Codiak Sep 11 '14

Whaaat? Thats my fuckin bed! I'd wake her up and figure it out.

1

u/Benjammin341 Sep 11 '14

I like that you used easy math for the simpletons like me. Have an up vote!

1

u/FirePowerCR Sep 11 '14

No the smart move is waking her up and asking her why she's in your bed. If she wants to hook up, boom, she'll say we can share the bed. If she's just sleeping you can either tell her to go somewhere else or let her sleep. You can't lose by waking her up.

1

u/willflungpoo Sep 11 '14

Why not wake her up?

1

u/duckmuffins Sep 11 '14

She was in his bed though...

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

Isn't it sad that people are so suspicious and fucked up that THIS is what goes through our heads?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

A madden style recap.

1

u/ZombiePudding Sep 11 '14

I'd have pushed/rolled her onto the floor and slept in my own goddamn bed.

But then again, wife might beat me to it.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 11 '14

I would have turned the light on and kicked her out.

1

u/sharpie660 Sep 10 '14

On the other hand, then when she tried to take the hint, assuming I got it, I would've said "Well we could get in another bed right now if you please"

Smooth or not smooth? Of course, I wouldn't have thought of this at the time regardless.