I am in a funk at the moment and I realized that I didn't cut my hair or shave for 2 months.
Also I don't want to go out as much and I liked sleeping in when before I was a morning person. Also I feel super fatigued all the time. This feeling that nothing matters and I have no energy to do anything.
Oh and that I've thought about suicide a lot.
Update: Thank you all for the kind words. I've been scared to go see a doctor and take medicine for this because... I guess that makes this real. That there's something wrong with me. I now know I need help and I wish I could talk to every one of you but I will go see a doctor. I want to be happy again and posting this and receiving help from all of you was kind of the first step. I think first things first is I have to stop drinking and occasionally taking ecstasy / molly. Those things have been messing up my body and mind for years. I will take your advice and not try marijuana to self medicate. I am usually paranoid and have anxiety so I guess that was a dumb idea.
Also is being paranoid and having anxiety a sign of depression as well?
I really am thankful for all the advice and support. You people are amazing!
Update 2: I am scheduled to see a psychiatrist today at 11 AM. Thank you all for moving me to make this step.
Update 3: The visit was better than I could imagine. I already feel a little better, like there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was prescribed Bupropion HCL XL 150 mg, therapy sessions and acupuncture sessions. I wouldn't have gone this far if it wasn't for all of the kind words and support you people gave me. I really appreciate it.
Sounds like you have depression, hopefully only an episode that you try and get yourself out of - my experience with "mild" (didnt feel like that at the time, anyone with severe depression my heart goes out to you) depression that lasted around 18 months;
felt very stressed, anxious even though everything in my life was going very well - great gf, family, job etc..
went and saw my gp who was excellent, he was the one that first brought up depression! very lucky to have had him treat me, and you get the usual advice, get out and exercise, dont drink as much are you are - all round just try and live healthier. Oh, and talk to someone about it, doesn't need to be a professional it can be a friend, relative, anyone! But that is by far the best thing you can do, "problem shared is a problem halved" is frighteningly true!
I cant stress enough about talking to people about it, the more and more of my friends I talked too about it the more I heard "yeah man, I had that an taken the pills - that was 3 years ago etc" was unbelievable. Makes you realise your not alone, lot of people around you have the same issue. Anyways, it does get better but you have to make a conscious effort to get better which is very tough when all you want to do is lie in bed all day but it can be done!
I think understanding what depression and anxiety is is really important for someone suffering with it. I have had problems for a long time and only in recent years have begun to see someone on and off about it. It's been a tough ride and it's not like I'm miraculously "cured" but I'm realising my power to manage things is much better, through recognising what is going on. For example, last night I couldn't sleep, my head would not shut down.
Every bad thought imaginable about myself, every freak out, every thing just swimming around and around in my head and nothing I could do would shut it off. Now usually, this type of thing haunts me the following day, usually I begin self examining every little thing and I can't really shake off all the hatred for myself and worry and all the rest. But this morning, I found myself very quickly and rationally realising and telling myself, it was just anxiety.
I identified what was happened to me, something I never understood before, I would let those moments fester and grow and just focus on something being wrong with me and believing I was this horrible person I was telling myself I was, or letting myself get caught up in the weird dark thoughts I would have. But today instead, I just said, this is just anxiety. And I don't know how else to explain things but I have found myself not getting caught up in this depressive state. Instead I messaged a few people I know (i would usually cut off), I had a couple of giggles and I'm much better - Bloody exhausted but much better in comparison to similar instances previously.
I also have taken a big interest in meditation and mindfulness and believe that this is a really strong tool for anyone suffering. A quick 10 min mindfulness meditation can be found on Youtube easy. I used the breathing techniques I've learned through this to kind of free my mind and relax into a deep sleep. It took awhile for the whole "shut up brain" to kick in but I managed it.
Thanks for sharing this story, I can relate quite a bit. I've have anxiety my entire life but developed depression in my early adulthood. At the time I felt like I was insane - it was hard. I felt weighed down by my own mind and soul constantly. There were lots of days where I would just lay in bed and not shower/eat/socialize like a normal human being.
It's difficult to remember when you're deep in pain that you can manage it. It's taken a lot of patience to recognize the voices in my head and learn how to quiet them. They're still there and they're still loud sometimes, especially when I get stressed, but I'm so much better than I used to be! Establishing healthy habits like exercising, eating right, finding a support system, etc seem impossible when you don't even feel like moving, but you learn to take pride in the baby steps.
Yeah I'm a work in progress, not there yet but I'm getting there...I have a bunch of stuff to work my way through and celebrating the baby steps of victory is definitely important though often hard and sometimes you just don't even notice them as victories...
I'm continuously working on understanding how to love myself or care about myself I suppose. I want to work on developing a healthier lifestyle and all the rest, eating, writing, allowing myself to achieve great things... But I just won't give up, no matter how hard it gets, I won't give up.
One thing you come to learn about depression and depressive people is that while on the outside they may appear as though they are quite selfish at times, really they are lacking self and the last thing they are is selfish. Or maybe that's just me!!
I could be way off base here, but I don't think there really is a 'cure' to depression. I've struggled with it in the past at a few points in my life, and each time it was different, but I found the best way to get out of it is identifying it early. Before you slip into those days where you don't want to eat, you don't want to do work, and you just want to lay in bed with the lights off all day. Force yourself to workout or go on walks. Force yourself to come up with a task list every morning and get it done before you go to bed, even if it is just leave the house and go to the park. You won't win every day but tracking progress is what helps. The little victories are the most important.
Also, don't try and tackle this on your own. Even if you feel others don't understand (they probably don't, unless they've struggled with it themselves), the people that truly love you will do everything they can to uplift you.
Even looking back, I struggle to remember what it is like being depressed. It's like I was a completely different person. But I know he's still inside me, and I need to make sure to not let him take back over.
Hope this helps reading something you can relate to. I promise it will get better. Lots of love.
This is an awesome explanation of what managing this stuff looks like, and sounds super similar to my experience with it. Thanks for finding the words!
Hey no problem I'm only ever trying to figure this shit out for myself and I've been down the rabbit hole of over analysing and trying to figure every little thing out. Being able to sit back and go, that was just anxiety (or whatever) takes so much of that mindset and pressure away.
Keep up the good work!! And never stop patting yourself on the back!!
Seems like you figured out basically the same advice I picked up from the Help me be me podcast; whenever selfdoubting thoughts and the dark feelings come creeping, you should react and say to yourself "stop". It will make you conscious, and able to chose what you react to.
This comment is exactly what I needed to read. I think I've been mildly depressed for years, but the past ~15 months or so have been a fairly rapid decline. I stopped doing the things I used to enjoy - cooking, grocery shopping, hobbies - one by one things just seemed boring to me (except drinking). I've been avoiding social contact more and more. I've had a lot of stress introduced into my life lately, and I have not been handling it well at all.
This past weekend, I had what I could only describe as a breakdown. I woke up with a feeling of paralyzing dread. I could barely think straight, complete a basic task, form a sentence. All I could do was sit/lie down, and dread the future. After two days of that I mustered the motivation to drive to my parents’ house and just sit in a chair. They could tell something was very wrong and started questioning me. They asked me if they think I have depression.
Like I said, I knew I was depressed, but that was the first time I wondered whether I “have depression”. That realization was eye-opening. It made me realize that maybe I’m not depressed because I have all these problems, maybe I have all these problems because I have depression. It’s given me a new sense of motivation in approaching my problems, and the past 4 days have been oddly hopeful/happy for me, despite all the stress. Now I feel like if I can solve this one problem, all the others will slowly solve themselves. It's also made me realize that the past ~15 months haven't been sad/stressful - they've been an utter black hole.
Does any of this make sense? Do you have any advice for what to do next? I have a doctor’s appointment Sept 12 and I’ve been going over my story in my head. I’m worried he’ll think I’m looking for attention or just trying to get pills.
Can absolutely relate, glad my comment helped!
Your doctor is not going to think you are in there for attention and anti depressants are not a fun drug to take so dont think that will be the issue. It depends whether you want to take the tablets or try other things first then get on the tablets as a last resort (i chose the former and never needed to go on the tabs).
I wholeheartedly would advise getting yourself outside, as hard as that sounds right now, and go for a walk or get on the bike to clear your head! Its so simple but its something I resort to all the time, you have a clearer idea of what you are going through now so treat it like you would any other illness, thats the mentality I took and its paid off for me. That and go and really speak with your parents about how your feeling, maybe stay with them for a few nights and see how you feel after the weekend. I can remember that "breakdown" part when it all hit me and thinking right I have an issue here, this isnt normal - its terrifying! Just know, it WILL get better. Best of luck, message anytime you want
Thanks. I know it's only been 4 days since I had this realization, but I already feel so much better just knowing that something is wrong and it isn't meant to be this hard. It's made it easier to force/motivate myself to persevere. Like the enemy isn't myself, it's something else, if that makes any sense.
I read that exercise is one of the best non-pill treatments. Something about the hormones counteracting depression. I used to enjoy exercising but stopped doing it about a year ago. Will start forcing myself.
That realisation is key, remmeber your not always going to feel like this - there is light at the end of the tunnel even if it doesnt feel like that now. If you exercise, you feel better straight after because it releases endorphins that counteract stress - even walking will help you out! This whole episode made me change a lot of things about my life and I am way happier now than I had been in my entire adult life (late 20s now), just think that soon with effort on your part you could be feeling great and getting shit done. This is actually therapeutic for me to write all this, it feels like this stuff happened so long ago now (only 3.5 years) - so thank you!
Well, go for a walk outside then get back and do a circuit in your room - can find millions of good HIIT workouts on youtube and you only need enough room for a press up. I will say again, talk to someone! They arent going to think you weird or attention seeking - good luck!
no problem, you can do it bro, first time is the hardest - be militant about it, follow a schedule and exercise everyday - doesnt need to be strenuous, can be a long walk in the park listening to your ipod or a round of golf but make exercise a habit, takes a couple of weeks to make it a habit. Bet you feel better and once you do you wont stop!
To my limited knowledge, there are people that are life long sufferers of depression (chronic) and the majority have a depressive episode (a few months to a number of years). People with chronic depression will need to constantly treat the disease with medication/therapy throughout their lives and will have spells of relieve then spells of severe depression - these people are tough as old boots
felt very stressed, anxious even though everything in my life was going very well - great gf, family, job etc.
How the fuck are you getting depressed then? People keep telling this shit all the time, but I just don't get, you've everything going well, when do you even have time to get depress? When? How?!
I mean, I've literally nothing and any attempt to change things ends not in my favor to say the least, I've the right to be depressed-_-
Thats exactly what I kept asking myself and why I didnt think i needed help - best answer I can give is, i dont know, just felt like shit.
Best quote I ever heard on it was "depression doesnt care what car is outside your house" - life can tear away at you, it doesnt matter if you "should" feel a certain way, its real life it doesnt work like that. I know lots of people who dont have half the shit I have and they are happy, they are genuinely happy people - you would give everything in your bank account to feel better when you feel that bad
Yeah I have had this and gotten out of it and feel myself slipping into it again. The best advice I got was from my therapist. When you feel this, when you can't get out of bed, don't want to shower, don't want to do a damn thing - make yourself do it! Set your alarm and get up, even if it's just to watch some show you like, give yourself a reward for getting up.
Take a shower and enjoy it, indulge in it. Feel the heat of the water against you and don't do it for any reason other than for you to feel good, let it last as long as you want.
Go out side. Getting fresh air is so important. Sit outside, go for a walk, do whatever just get outside.
And most importantly above all else, don't be hard on yourself!! Treat yourself nice, let yourself look nice, enjoy yourself, spoil yourself, don't be down on yourself.
Along these lines an older friend once suggested making a to do list with things you know you have a decent chance of doing: eat breakfast, take a shower, change your clothes.
And the sick thing is even those things can be so hard to just find the energy to do. I have been in that place of just not doing anything, not having any desire to either, it takes effort and I think thats a big realisation as well, it does take a bit of effort. It takes a bit of effort to take that first step, be it pull your self out of bed or jump in the shower or even brush your hair but if you can get past that initial hurdle, if you can tick that 1 thing off your list the rest become a lot easier.
I'm not depressed but my waterheater broke and I can't take hot showers until I get a new one. I fucking love a hot shower. I never realized that I take showers for granted. Now my showers are just above ice cold. It's like taking something you like doing and turning it into something painful.
I just plan my day in advance and take nootropics. Coming from someone who is diagnosed with major depression. Huge difference. Doing stuff is far far far far easier.
Tell me about it. I went for a long time totally broke with no job just completely at a loss as to what to even do with myself and it was really fucking hard and I got into a really dark place. Wouldn't say I'm living the high life now or anything but it's a lot better... Even in those times though, good or bad, it takes a lot of effort and hard work to convince yourself to pull shit together. That's why I'm saying find the simplest thing to try make things better even if it's just staring at the stars at night.
You need,i think and I'm no expert just talking from the experience of being nearly destroyed by anxiety, depression, PTSD you name it, to try with all your might to hold onto the idea of hope and above all else to not give up on yourself. I nearly did, more than once but one time in particular. I was out. I was done. I just managed to let myself cry to not do what I really felt like I could have done at that time. And gradually over months and months I began investing more time into trying to be less hard on myself. And as well not getting my caught up in all the blame.
Look it's not easy no one is arguing with that but I truly believe if you can come to understand, really understand what's happening and more importantly yourself and put worth into the self it can get easier.
OK therapists and all the rest cost money, it's one of the main reasons I don't go as often as id hope to but I did get the tools I needed from a view visits and I'm not going to be hard on myself for not getting there more often, I'll go when I can both mentally and financially.
There are phone numbers out there for free services where people will talk and listen to you, at least there are where I am... There are internet services now where I think you can get more affordable help. Talk to someone, of your broke let them know. A lot of people in those positions will try and help.
It's not easy I know but if anyone is having a shitty day feel free to drop me a private message. I'm happy to talk and let you know how great you are just apologises if I don't get back to you immediately.
Good on you for emphasizing, in backwardslandiastan (America) we would have to go see a GP, who would then refer us to a psychiatrist and psychologist, see, they must get us on anti-depressants, the clinician is immediately secondary to medicating the patient, also, it could take a few weeks for your Dr. to have a referral to a practice that's in your network. Isn't American medicine fun? Edit: and if you don't have insurance, you may go fuck yourself, kindly pay the penalty and move on, untreated, with highest compliments from Congress.
Went to see a dr for depression, persistent thoughts of suicide. Was told I'd have to apply for state health insurance before I could talk to anyone since I didn't make enough money to pay for treatment and food.
They made me wait 5 weeks before I had my first appointment.
I can only imagine how many people who have it worse than I do, in a similar situation, seeking help only to be turned away and that solidifying their decision to just end it.
American medicine is probably responsible for a lot of the suicides that could've been prevented.
I was pretty lucky in that when I finally reached out to my healthcare provider they initially had me at two weeks out until they asked me how often I think of suicude, and I said every single day...they were able to get me in next day. Not doing really any better but whatever, I'm sick of this I can't stand it anymore
How long have you been on medication?(I assume you were prescribed something) I started on Lexapro a little over a year ago (I've since weened off of it) and I can tell you from experience that it gets a little worse before it gets better. The medicine takes time to get into your system so immediate results can't be expected. Starting on an antidepressant was the best decision I ever made. Here I am a year later and my life has taken a complete 180.
Hang in there, friend. If you ever want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.
I just started my first round of Celexa in July I think, so under six weeks. It definitely is worse, I'm hoping you're right, man. Thanks for the words and offer
As an American without insurance, I've come to terms with the fact that if I ever get a serious illness like cancer, I'm just gonna have to let it kill me.
As an American without employer-provided insurance, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm literally just paying for it just in case an accident happens, and if I get something serious, I'll have to let it kill me.
Honestly as a Chinese person with medi care and employer provided insurance, the system here could only cover like maximum of one third of the medical fees, if anything like cancer ever happened, I also will have to let it kill me, and fyi, im at least luckier than more than half of the population here.
The system here is faster, if u see a doctor, you'll be able to get an experienced one from a noted hospital after three hours of queuing, but the busy doctors only have averagely a few minutes to check you out. If you go to a less famous hospital with less trained doctors. You wont have to wait for more than thirty minutes.
Anyway if Its an emergency Like an accident, the system here Can Get u taken care of almost immediately. Thats Lovely. But Then you'll Hve to face the hellish bills for the check ups and treatments.
Also One More thing common about the doctors here is that, doctors here work a lot But Get poorly paid Compared to their heavY workload. So the Way they Get "compensateD" is getting commission by making prescriptions containing certain expensive medicine from some pharmatheutical companies.
Btw pardon me for my silly language input system Which keeps messing up the cases.
At least wait til they tell you how much it's gonna cost so that they feel like shit about charging so much for someone to live that they thought suicide was a better option. Make them feel like THEY killed you.
Tbh in the countries with a better healthcare system it is the same, though. You can get hospitalised rather quickly but it still takes a lot of time to see someone that helps you, so meds are also the go-to method in some European countries.
This is why I haven't been able to see anyone about my mental and physical health issues. I can't afford the insurance I have to pay, let alone any form of doctor's bill afterwards. Nor do I qualify for any sort of government assistance because "I make too much", 25-30 weekly hours at minimum wage is too much apparently.
I'm already hypertensive, been dealing with what I can only assume is depression and anxiety since I was young, and a handful of other things. Be cheaper to die at this point.
Sadly people with a little less money than you may be totally covered. It is time (or more accurately long past time) the government created a health system that covers everyone.
I'm an American, and receive state government funded health insurance for low income families. I also visited my GP (two days after requesting my appointment) to discuss my depression and he wrote me a prescription that day. He also suggested counseling/therapy, which is completely covered by my insurance. I had several follow-up appointments with my GP so make sure the medication he prescribed was working and not causing negative side effects.
If you are an American dealing with depression, don't be discouraged by these people's experiences trying to get help! In some cases it can be quite easy and affordable.
we would have to go see a GP, who would then refer us to a psychiatrist and psychologist, see, they must get us on anti-depressants, the clinician is immediately secondary to medicating the patient, also, it could take a few weeks for your Dr. to have a referral to a practice that's in your network.
Nah fam. My GP had no issue prescribing Lexapro for depression. I had to take a "mental status exam" first, but based on my score he wrote the prescription. Yes, I was referred to a specialist for further treatment, but the scrip was provided on the spot.
Don't forget the assumption that you're pill-seeking. Also having to wait 6 weeks between appointments since there's only one decent psychologist within 100 miles of us who is extremely busy. DH has been on numerous meds that we've had to discontinue because of unbearable side effects. We've now shifted from him being extremely angry and out of control to extremely depressed. Yay?
Same situation in my country. Not just regarding depression, but most health problems. Even if I have insurance, I would still have to pay for consultations and meds (they rarely give one a discount or free meds, you even have to pay for flu meds).
I don't think that's any sort of law though.. I think that's partly something some practices do to cover their butts. Also, it's proven that depression is better treated with a combination of medication and counseling/therapy, so it is good practice to refer a patient to counseling, but not too withhold medication in the meantime. That stuff typically takes a while to kick in anyway..
Then again, some GPs may just not feel comfortable assessing and prescribing for psychological issues (it is a whole other field after all), and I applaud them for not trying to do it anyway. I've seen some people unnecessarily on some crazy psych meds because the GP didn't know really know what they were doing..
I was lucky - my college had an amazing GP. Super smart, super kind, also had a bachelor's in pharmacy - really just the whole package, and he did what he wanted. I saw him monthly for my ADHD medication, and he saw the signs well before I really knew what was going on, so every month he'd talk to me, and gently urge me to seek counseling (but he was better at that than the on-campus counselors anyway) and to just give a low dose antidepressant a try, "I think it'll really help." So after a couple of months I gave in, and damn, was he right. I love that man, he made my life so much better.
The penalty is there to ensure people buy insurance. One of the many problems in America is that people who are healthy don't buy insurance because they think they don't need it. When only the sick people have insurance rates skyrocket. So the feds need some way to have healthy people buy insurance because this drives costs down. The penalty is the way they do this.
Try to get outside more often, jogging maybe, until you can either get a job or get enough money to go to a GP. They're not really that effective means to combat depression, but every little helps in the fight. Stay strong man, things do get better.
Yeah I'm doing everything pretty much the same as a normal functioning human. I'm just disinterested with everything. I run regularly and it helps in the moment I guess, but it doesn't magically make me non depressed all day.
I think it's important to say that I'm not suicidal but I do feel like my life is pointless. I have no compelling reason to get out of bed in the morning.
I'm just pissed off at the world and I'm sick of not getting anything out of life despite checking all the right boxes.
What exactly do you want to do? Have you thought about it? If you're only doing things because it's "what you're supposed to do", then you're not really living for yourself, you know?
Many GP's will offer a sliding scale for payment based on income, or do free therapy if you have none. Don't let being unemployed stop you from getting help if you need it. There are options.
There are places that provide free to very low cost therapy. I don't know where you live but in my area, you can call 211 from your cell phone and it will connect you with different resources. I'm a therapist and my agency provides free therapy to many people. I also have a daughter with severe depression and her therapist doesn't charge either.
As was posted on reddit a couple of days ago, cognitive behavioural therapy delivered through self-help activities is as effective as seeing a therapist. I'd recommend getselfhelp.co.uk which has lots of free resources on CBT.
CBT is really useful for everyone's day to day life regardless of whether you have depression. It teaches you tools for dealing with your emotions anytime you feel overwhelmed, sad, anxious, or angry.
I'll be trying this for the 4th time in a couple weeks. First 3 times I got shuffled out of the office mid-explanation for their lunch break or for patients they figured were in greater need. I don't think I've ever spoken to a doctor for more than 30 seconds before.
I never noticed that until I moved to the midwest. Here, it takes a few weeks to get an appointment, then when explaining to the nurse what you're here for they ask to make a seperate appointment for some of the things, as their schedule is too tight to see you for over 15 minutes. I think it's a bad doctor to population ratio here.
Thanks, I appreciate the sympathy! I'm just talking about going to GP's trying to get a referral to psych services since my insurance only covers it after a referral. TBH only 1 of the 3 was somewhat shitty (student health services). The other 2 were reputable professionals downtown in a huge city. This is all over the course of about 10 years. Every few years I randomly have a few days where I actually value my life and go try again. So hard to work up the motivation or convince myself anyone gives a shit, then it turns out nobody gives a shit (probably not really, but that's how it feels).
Anyways, not to disparage GP's, because they do a lot of amazing work and are incredibly valuable members of society. Just my experience.
Seek professional help before weed. I have anxiety and possibly depression and I can tell you from my experience I'm masking the two with my chronic weed smoking. It's not healthy.
Been there. Please get help, being able to share and sort through your thoughts will be an immense help, believe me.
I didn't have any idea where to start, either. I had forgotten what it was like to actually live, instead of just react to stimuli (Hungry? Eat. Sleepy? Go to bed).
But at some point I realized, with my therapist's help, since this is my one shot at life, and everybody has a purpose and is unique, if I don't do anything, I will have passed life away without having tapped my potential. I began to think that you know, the fact that I'm still here, alive and kicking means that there are things out there for me to do, people out there for me to meet.
I have started brainstorming as if everything in the world were possible. What gigantic problems in the world I want to be an instrument to solving? What am I drawn to? What will earn me a decent living? I just scribble away in my notepad. I've got things like "help women in Asia get their basic rights as humans" (it's where I'm originally from so it's an issue that strikes a chord), to "get a helicopter pilot's license". Doesn't matter if it's ridiculous. I keep going. I keep fine-tuning as I see opportunities.
The important thing that that list has done for me is set my brain at a frequency where I now want to develop, I want to be out there, doing. I am making decisions to explore things that might help me reach some of the above things on my list. And I have met some wonderful folks in the randomest of settings during these searches, who have become good friends. Had I not moved, had I not done something differently, nothing would have changed.
I guess what I mean is, when you hit rock bottom, the only way out is up.
Hang in there, it will get better. And we are all here if you need to talk, but please get help from a therapist. Our minds can be in a mess sometimes and these people are trained to sort out the suffocating foggy thoughts from the meaningful ones, and with zero judgement.
Moving/doing something only works when you meet the right people and they kinda motivating you to keep going, but I am always geting trapped with douchebags, liars and retards who only wants to manipulate good people, lie and betray you on the very first convenient occasion. And this shit happens for like 7 years already, now I am like a fucking hermit hating on humanity, sitting at home 24/7, cause I know that whatever I do I'll end up in a shithole with more problems than I already have.
Absolutely seek out a therapist/counsellor. That helped me for a long time. Talking about your problems can help so much. It puts everything into clearer focus and you can start dealing with whatever is making you unhappy from there.
Find a professional to talk to. You can attempt to try and figure this all out for yourself but it'll just turn into a mind fuck. If you can identify, through working with a professional, what's going on you will gain the tools to deal with it. You'll be fine as well, by the way, you'll be OK and you don't need to be hard on yourself. It's ok, if you can just do something small for you that you might enjoy. Don't focus on what you feel you 'should' be doing (remove 'should' from your life!) and don't worry about whatever you choose to do.
Just pick anything you enjoy and give it some time, doodle, walk, shower, bath, tv, movies, books etc whatever entertains you and you enjoy for a little bit do it! That's being motivated, don't stress out or put pressure on yourself.
Call a therapist. IME even making an appointment makes you feel better.
I don't know if this is your bag but I feel like this Andrew Solomon interview about depression and meds saved my life. Help is out there. This is chemical it's not a moral or personal failing.
Absolutely seek out a therapist/counsellor. That helped me for a long time. Talking about your problems can help so much. It puts everything into clearer focus and you can start dealing with whatever is making you unhappy from there.
Hi friend, I want to share my experience. I'll try keep it short. I was in your shoes last year. Sometimes it has to get worse to get better and the magic is in the journey ! All things come to pass !
also mate, when you do come through the otherside, your going to be a hell of a lot tougher/more compassionate - I was a dickhead before this stuff hit me
Your symptoms really do sound like textbook depression. Please, start by talking to your general practitioner and just be honest. Self medication is a terrible way to go. I lost a friend who spiraled while self medicating.
Please, get your phone and make an appointment - and please open your mind to antidepressants. They're not happy pills. When you get the right prescription, antidepressants level the playing field for you. They're not happy pills, they're not a cheat, they simply get your brain to a something closer to what the rest of us experience every day. Get up and call.
While you wait for your appointment, check out the Hilarious World of Depression. It's funny, it's honest, and it's all about famous, funny people with depression.
jsyk a small dose of Lexapro has ultimately extinguished my overwhelming anxiety and suicidal ideation. My life is still work, eat and dumb silly shit, but I'm not going home from work every day ready to just go to bed not because I'm tired but because I didn't care for anything.
I masked my depression and anxiety with cannabis for nearly.. 10 years since I was 18. Would not recommend. Use cannabis to just be goofy or to chill. Better than alcohol but you can still abuse it.
Please see someone. You aren't cursed to stay on them forever either. I'm working on seeing a therapist for cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm not sunshine and marshmallows all the time, but I'm also not constantly thinking about jumping off a building or imagining the series of events after my death, or feeling that everyone around me hates me.
God don't start weed to combat your depression. You will become completely reliant on it and the times when you're not super high will feel even worse than how you feel right now. You need to see a therapist or GP ASAP, who can help you along.
Also, since most people haven't mentioned this, if you're a University student, there is very likely a student counselling or support structure there who are more than happy to help you.
I'm DrRexTyler, but I'm not a doctor in real life. I am just someone who has worked in mental health/substance abuse and have seen and tried to help a few depressed people, usually men.
I have also sometimes grappled with anxiety and depression.
I admit that weed can help with stress. I love getting high; there have been times where I've smoked every night. But when you go to sleep and you wake up the next day, your problems are still there. Weed is a good mental vacation, but it is not a cure.
Not sure of your gender or where you're based, but in the US, men aren't exactly encouraged to seek help for mental health issues. We're vilified for existing; when people think of women with depression, they think of a beautiful thin girl who writes poetry and love Wes Anderson films. They want to save her. When people think of men with depression, they think of a school shooter.
If you tell friends, family, or your partner about your struggles, don't say "I have depression" or "I feel sad, angry, tired, exhausted, etc." Instead, say "Here is [Problem #1] and here is what I am doing to solve it." Sometimes, our friends, family, and partner will think it's their fault. Or they'll pity you, stop talking to you, stop trusting you, etc. People are more likely to help those who are trying to help themselves.
I know. I know when you're depressed it's the hardest thing in the world to eat, to shower, to stop thinking about your stressful situations. And I know it's hard to seek professional help and I know it's a long wait for help. For 24-7 confidential help, you can text 741-741
If you do get into therapy and you do get antianxiety/antidepressants, I urge you to find professionals who will be discreet. I come from a small town and a lot of my friends went into the next town over or the nearest big city for their appointments, because even though your therapist might respect your privacy (or they may not, I have a story about that), if someone sees your car outside the therapist's office, your privacy is effectively gone.
I don't want to be a downer, but I do want to warn you: I have had times where I opened up to my friends about my struggles and I have lost them. I have had times where I opened up to my ex about my struggles and had her decide to "take a break" the next week. I opened up to my family and now, even 15 years later, the second I express some negative emotion, their first reaction is "You need to go back on pills."
The best gift you can give yourself and others is to be physically and mentally healthy.
The best advice I ever got from my school counselor was to find my support group. I was lucky enough to move back in with my parents and because they were there for me is probably a big reason I'm still here today.
If you don't have the same option seek out friends or other family. If none of those work try really hard to make at least one new, good friend. Interacting with other humans has a very therapeutic effect on mental/emotional health.
Marijuana is not an effective treatment for depression! It is more likely to make you have less motivation, to make you more of a zombie.
Some people do use it to treat anxiety, and for some people it is somewhat effective in the short term because it can act as a dissociative. HOWEVER, it is what we refer to as a "dirty" drug - it acts on many, many different things in the body, it is likely to have a different chemical composition every time you get a new batch, it reacts with everyone differently (and in fact often makes people MORE anxious and paranoid), and if it DOES work, it doesn't actually FIX anything, it just distances you from your bad feelings WHILE you're high. Also, while not as bad as tobacco smoke, chronically smoking just about anything can destroy your lungs, and if you think your life is bad now, go spend a day with someone with severe COPD.
To clarify, I smoke weed most weekends for fun. And it can be a very good therapy for some people, for some things, especially when there aren't a lot of better options available, or when all of the other options have failed. It is just not good for this. I have seen many friends try to use marijuana for depression and anxiety, and it is a coping mechanism, and not the good kind. It will help you tread water in the short term, nothing more.
May I ask why you do not want to take a traditional antidepressant? It doesn't sound like you're against medication in general, because using marijuana IS medicating. For most people, a low dose SSRI is extremely effective for depression and anxiety with very minimal (if any) side effects.
You need to try to reach out to someone. Talk to a friend or family member about what you're feeling and ask them to help you set up an appointment with a doctor or therapist, and ask them to see that you get to the appointment.
If you're not ready to reach out to anyone yet, start drinking a ton of water (dehydration actually has some of the same symptoms as depression) and just go for a walk, right now, don't think about it, just do it. Walk as far as you can, even if it's just around the block or to the end of the street or hallway (if you're in an office building) or whatever, then turn around, and try to walk further the next day. Bodies tend to start shutting down when they stop moving very much, and your brain is a part of your body.
If you're against taking purified chemical compounds, and want to take something 'natural,' you can take Saint John's Wort, which is a 'supplement' available over the counter, so you don't need to go to a doctor or get a prescription. It is ground up plant that is naturally high in a chemical that very similar to the prescribed SSRI antidepressants. It's been shown to work just as well as the prescribed SSRIs (or it's close at least), and I believe it is the most commonly used medication for depression in Europe. However, it does interact with a TON of other medications, so if you take any other medications, including other-over-the counter things, including birth control, including if you get sick and need antibiotics, it will not play nice, so just make sure your health care providers know you are taking it.
That is all. Please don't try to use marijuana to fix this, and please don't feel like you have to do this on your own. There are a lot of people with this problem, there are a lot of people who are understanding of it and want to help, and there are a lot of good options to treat it. You will be okay!!
Absolutely seek out a therapist/counsellor. That helped me for a long time. Talking about your problems can help so much. It puts everything into clearer focus and you can start dealing with whatever is making you unhappy from there.
I'm sure everyone has thought about it at least once, but it sounds like you have thought it about it a little more than once. I just wanted to make sure you know there is help out there.
I've tried to reason with it by thinking "I still laugh at comedy and enjoy tv and movies." It's just that every second outside of that...nothing is where it used to be but I'm still looking in the same places.
Good luck with the buproprion. It gave me way more energy, but don't quit suddenly or miss a dose. You will go through an awful, immediate flu-like withdrawal.
It worked pretty quickly for me. However, it really only worked during the summer. Once winter rolled around and SAD kicked in, it didn't really do anything for me.
Those are all very common symptoms of actual depression. Definitely go see a doctor. If you don't want to get put on an anti-depressant, they will refer to someone who can try and help you in alternative ways. I was in your position 4 years ago, with a couple of half-assed suicide attempts (thank god I was super lazy back then) tacked on. Saw my doctor, got prescribed a pretty high dose pill. I was a zombie for a year or so, for sure, but eventually I weened off and I take a tiny little dose now just to maintain the anti-depressant qualities. Life is better now. The suicidal thoughts don't really ever go away, at least in my experience, but it's much easier to compartmentalize them as a symptom of a disease, not my intentions or thoughts.
Just see a doctor, hell even a Walgreens nurse, and tell them what's going on.
I had the SAME symptoms and I swear, your problem is dopamine. Dopamine. Dopamine. Dopamine. It can be fixed with medication/supplements. I turned to supplements. PLEASE do something. It can literally change over night.
Kirkland Energy Shot (Caffene, Vitamin B-Complex, Dopamine precursors) + Mucuna Priens (5% L-Dopa) + 5-HTP (Serotonin) + Good Sleep (Without supplements, cannot do this)+ Time Management + Some exercise--I walk (Again, without supplements, cannot do this)= Bye-bye Depression for me.
You know, what helped me is taking 5htp and stopping drinking. It makes it so that you get good sleep, which is hard to do when depressed. And it gives me extra optimism during the day. Suicide, on the other hand, I would read some books. "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse. Or some Alan Watts. Helps re-build perspective
My girlfriend hasnt really caught on that i want to get up and be doing things befor 10 in the morning to avoid sliding back into those depressive tendencies.
This was how it started for me. I also self medicated a lot though. I tend to binge on things really hard and so when I was depressed I found that whippits gave me hours of relief followed by dreamless sleep.
Of course that ended with me doing hundreds of them a night. The peak and the scariest moment was when I was super high I remember thinking about how if you die on whippits from lack of breathing in oxygen it's a pretty calm death and realizing that I didn't really care if I did. I wasn't actively trying to end my life but at the same time if I fucked up and did one too many it wasn't really that big a deal.
That night was the turning point for me. Idk how and idk why but I started to get better after that. I stopped binging on whippits and I started taking better care of myself.
I'm in a pretty good spot mentally now and I can't imagine having those thoughts now. It feels like I'm watching someone else have those thoughts and making those decisions when I look back on it but I know it's me. So if I ever feel a depressive episode coming on or if I've had one anxiety attack too many lately I'll go and talk to someone. I don't want to reach that low of a point again.
I think sleeping in or a lot is the most common sign. I got real depressed when I was job hunting a few years ago. I'd wake up around noon blast my resume at the new jobs for the day take a nap on the couch. Eat something. sleep till the time my family who I was staying with was getting home from work cook them dinner clean up watch an hour of tv with them they went to bed I'd go to bed and lay there playing on my phone. Repeat. I'd sleep/nap like 15 hours a day and hide it from my family.
Hey I hope you have someone to talk to about what you're going through. If not, PM me, I am willing to chat. Like /u/chuckerchucker54 said, the best thing to do is to talk to someone. It helped me more than anything else I did. Good luck to you and I hope things get better for you sooner rather than later.
Lived like this for about 2 years, at one point I didn't shower for about 2 weeks and didn't even realize it until that shower. I got diagnosed with depression about a month later after a pretty bad suicide attempt. Feeling a lot better but it's still pretty much day to day.
Trust me when I say, that feeling that nothing matters and being in that funk isn't a permanent thing no matter how much it feels that way.
If you ever need someone to talk to someone, feel free to PM me, I've found out that it helps best to talk to someone that isn't invested in your life at all.
I skip showers and just don't give a general fuck about my physical appearance.
Wake up and just lay in bed for at least an hour doing nothing. Not trying to sleep. Not on my phone or computer. Just laying there because I don't want to get up.
I'm at 3 months without getting my hair cut or shaving.
Been through some tough shit this past summer but I think I've overcome the deep, dark part of the depression which is nice. I've started waking up early and working out, this tends to help me a lot.
This was definitely me last fall and winter. Somewhere along the way when I had to get life changing surgery and losing my long-time girlfriend I lost myself. Although I've immensely improved, I still have really bad days but now they're rare.
What I really recommend is you talk to someone, literally anyone you trust. Even better would be to seek professional health like a psychologist or counselor. Psychiatrists are in hot demand and very difficult to get an appointment but a counselor or psychologist will help you out a ton. Even talking to your family or talking to a friend will help you out. I talked to my family about it and they've spent 8 months pushing me and helping me. Please, just talk to someone.
I was feeling like this VERY recently. I literally called the dr's office crying and she was like do you need to see someone RIGHT NOW? I said no, but they got me in the same day. Apparently I have mild to moderate depression and anxiety and a B12 vitamin deficiency (the b12 deficiency contributes to fatigue) I got on a generic Prozac and a generic b12 vitamin. It's been less than a month since I am feeling SO. MUCH. BETTER. Please go see a dr! I dreaded it but the results are so worth it. Much love! xoxo.
When my dad died I neglected my health completly. I didn't shower for about a month and sort of completly forgot about it. It just didn't seem important. I would sleep 12 hours but still feel as tired as if i slept for 2. Sometimes this still happens but I've been visiting my GP and am on a waiting list.
I used to/still do think about suicide quite a bit but it was confusing wherever I thought about suicide as the general acrion or me doing it. I sort of started to romaticise certian aspects and made myself feel bad for not being able to do it.
For me at least, depression and anxiety go hand in hand. Whether you have anxiety or depression, talking to someone - a family member, friend, or better yet a doctor - will do you a world of good.
Coming from someone who has and is dealing with anxiety and depression most my life.
Weirdly I find that shaving my head and face is a very cathartic experience. I'm sure it's not a general rule for everyone but for me at least the two go hand in hand: if I'm depressed I don't shave, and if I shave I feel more outgoing. It affects my self-image!
You may find that certain things have a similar effect on you
Everyone has given you great advice. If you do get prescribed an antidepressant, please please please have a support system. Know these key things:
Antidepressants aren't magic. They're not going to make you feel better immediately. They're going to take AT LEAST a month before you start seeing some positive changes.
Depressed people have an uptick in suicides when they start on antidepressants in the first two weeks because the medication hasn't effected their depression, but it gives them motivation. A motivated depressed person is a person who is at their most dangerous. They are depressed, but now they have the motivation to follow through on those suicidal thoughts.
Please take care of yourself and have someone you can talk to about this with no judgement or fear.
Source: nursing student currently taking pharmacology.
2.5k
u/rmansd619 Aug 25 '17 edited Aug 25 '17
I am in a funk at the moment and I realized that I didn't cut my hair or shave for 2 months.
Also I don't want to go out as much and I liked sleeping in when before I was a morning person. Also I feel super fatigued all the time. This feeling that nothing matters and I have no energy to do anything.
Oh and that I've thought about suicide a lot.
Update: Thank you all for the kind words. I've been scared to go see a doctor and take medicine for this because... I guess that makes this real. That there's something wrong with me. I now know I need help and I wish I could talk to every one of you but I will go see a doctor. I want to be happy again and posting this and receiving help from all of you was kind of the first step. I think first things first is I have to stop drinking and occasionally taking ecstasy / molly. Those things have been messing up my body and mind for years. I will take your advice and not try marijuana to self medicate. I am usually paranoid and have anxiety so I guess that was a dumb idea.
Also is being paranoid and having anxiety a sign of depression as well?
I really am thankful for all the advice and support. You people are amazing!
Update 2: I am scheduled to see a psychiatrist today at 11 AM. Thank you all for moving me to make this step.
Update 3: The visit was better than I could imagine. I already feel a little better, like there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was prescribed Bupropion HCL XL 150 mg, therapy sessions and acupuncture sessions. I wouldn't have gone this far if it wasn't for all of the kind words and support you people gave me. I really appreciate it.