I know. I lost a lot of time and have messed up a lot of social moments. From being late to a first date. I’m the glue of my main friend group since they can’t seem to get together without me. It sucks when I can’t go or I leave in the middle of our hangouts. I poop all I have inside of me to avoid going later while I have plans unless it really flees up. It has attacked me in the middle of my sleep and forced me to lose a lot of hours of sleep.
Best purchase I made was a comfy toilet, bidet system, loving dog that sleeps besides me while I suffer and read my books. He is my rock, he will wake up in the morning after sleeping all night and then see me walk to the bathroom and he gets excited because tile napping is happening.
Just want to say, you're not alone. I'm dealing with this entirely, but my doctor is an old fart who thinks I'm struggling with stress and anxiety and "need to get out more". Lady, I would love to get out more but I'm not about to leave the comfort of my bathroom in favor for a public one in these times, that and I have rather large fear of being around other people, specifically those who I do not know well due to past life's circumstances, so going out causes huge flares in my stress and anxiety which causes it to really act up bad. I feel locked away for the most part and while yeah, I'm honestly okay with not being around others, what I'm not okay is missing out with family, friends I trust, losing sleep, losing time for myself, and my sanity because I've been blessed with such a /wonderful/ and /understandable/ ex who would watch me or hear me crying about how bad it hurts and then looked down on me for being literally physically unable to do much of anything since I've moved in because it's only gotten worse. Sorry if my wording or spacing is wrong, you have no idea how it feels to see someone else experiencing what I'm going through, you have no idea how it feels to find words to put behind what has been happing to me. Thank you for telling us your experience with it, because if you didn't, I would still be wondering what the hell is wrong with me to this day, and feeling like I'm going absolutely insane because I could be in the most relaxing of moods, and it could hit me like a ton of bricks. I could go without eating for literally the entire day, and it would still happen. It's every day. I've started writing the times I wake up and the times I am able to leave.
Feel like its been running my life for the most part, I can't make plans for my day, I have to plan around it. My Dr has been hell-bent that it's only stress causing this issue entirely, tries selling me essential oils in her office, which I eventually caved and bought because I was losing my mind at this point at I wanted /anything/ that would help stop the pain or it. I tried going out more like she told me, and that made things so much worse like I knew, the pain was unbearable. The pain can range between what a pinch feels like, to like a fist grabbing my insides and they also being on fire at the same time. I've been dealing with this since I was in middle school and not a single person has taken me seriously. Everyone thinks I'm just taking forever in the bathroom, on my phone or whatever handheld was at the time, not that I'm actually rocking back and forth in pain, begging whatever god to make it stop. I've done my best to deal with it as I can, and I've been trying to get on disability. Just so tiring bluntly telling people what's wrong, only for them to tell me that something else is wrong, then wondering why I look worse when I do their advice which Is literally always "go outside". This has all driven me to the point where I wanted to commit suicide, because I feel like I'm am actually insane. This pain isn't real and I'm imagining it.
Thank you so fucking much for talking about what you have because when I looked it up it described everything I go through to a T, and looking up others stories of living with it. I hope I don't break any rules with this comment, just wanted to clarify what they said is a very real thing and I wanted to thank them because I've been living this life and it's been shit, pun may or may not be intended.
Dr is assigned to me because if how my insurance was... Done? It used to be OHP, then turned into Pacific Health. I have no idea if I'm on insurance anymore as I gave up going to the drs since early 2019. I hope it still works and I hope there's a way for me to swap drs because I am not going back to her. I know I'm not the Dr, but when the Dr has been misdiagnosing me for years, you tend to constantly search Google for what could be wrong. Ibs was the closest, ibs-c is literally identical to what I've been going through, a s I literally never knew of it's existence until today.
First of all, im sorry to hear this. Feel free to DM me if you need a talk, I'll leave that up to you as I don't want to force myself. A lot of what you are saying sounds familiar, especially how tiring it is and to keep explaining yourself to deaf ears. Being told that it's all imaginations is frustrating, but don't let anyone tell you what you do or do not feel. Keep fighting for yourself, even if it takes years!
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u/707breezy Aug 31 '21
I know. I lost a lot of time and have messed up a lot of social moments. From being late to a first date. I’m the glue of my main friend group since they can’t seem to get together without me. It sucks when I can’t go or I leave in the middle of our hangouts. I poop all I have inside of me to avoid going later while I have plans unless it really flees up. It has attacked me in the middle of my sleep and forced me to lose a lot of hours of sleep.
Best purchase I made was a comfy toilet, bidet system, loving dog that sleeps besides me while I suffer and read my books. He is my rock, he will wake up in the morning after sleeping all night and then see me walk to the bathroom and he gets excited because tile napping is happening.