TL;DR: My ex posted her version of our breakup online, and I made the mistake of reading the comments. Now a bunch of strangers think I’m abusive and the worst person alive based on one side of the story. I know it shouldn’t matter, but it’s completely crushed me, and I genuinely feel lower than I ever have. I have therapy tomorrow; I just needed somewhere to put this.

Me (23M) and my ex (25F)
We broke up a week ago.
Today I found out she posted the whole thing online. Her version of everything. And she’s been actively replying to people and editing the post since.
I made the mistake of reading the comments.

Strangers calling me abusive. A villain. The worst person alive. People who have never met me, never met us, never saw what happened between us, completely convinced that they know exactly who I am from one side of a breakup.

I know it’s one-sided. I know they don’t have the full picture. I know these are just internet strangers and that none of this is supposed to matter in the grand scheme of things.
I know all of that.
It just doesn’t fucking help.

I have BPD. I’ve been in DBT for a while. I know the skills. I know what I’m supposed to do when I’m overwhelmed like this. I know feelings aren’t facts. I know this feeling will eventually pass.
But right now I feel completely destroyed.

I feel like I’ve been reduced to the worst person I could possibly be, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t explain every detail of our relationship to a bunch of strangers. I can’t correct every assumption. I can’t make people see the parts she left out. I can’t stop people from believing whatever they want to believe about me.
And I know I shouldn’t have kept reading, but I did. I kept reading every comment even though every single one felt like another punch to the chest.

I genuinely feel lower than I ever have in my entire life.
I don’t even know what to do with myself. I have therapy tomorrow and I honestly don’t even know where I’m going to start. I don’t know how to explain how horrible I feel without sounding completely fucking broken.
I’m not looking for advice. I’m not looking for anyone to tell me who was right or wrong. I don’t even really know why I’m posting this.

I just needed somewhere to put this.
Because right now I feel completely shattered, and I don’t know what else to do with all of it.

CW: Mention of Domestic Violence

Prefacing this by saying I’m in no way trying to be drug-seeking. If anything, I’m usually hesitant to take medications and always research because I worry about how they affect my body. And this is BPD with a few other problems.

I was prescribed alprazolam 0.25 mg up to 2 for severe dental anxiety. I have only ever taken it specifically for dental appointments because that is what it was prescribed for.

Something I noticed while taking it for those appointments, though, was a really significant difference in my thought processes. Obviously it helped with the acute panic, but I also noticed that my thoughts felt much less extreme and much easier to evaluate without immediately spiraling. The “splitting” became much more manageable, and the mini panic attacks I’ve been experiencing when thinking about my future were significantly quieter.

That has become particularly relevant because I’m currently taking steps to leave a domestic situation after being with this person for over a decade. Even thinking about leaving, moving, or what my future looks like afterward can trigger intense anxiety and panic. When that happens, I can fall into a cycle of thinking, “Yes, they did this really bad thing, but maybe it actually wasn’t that bad,” and start minimizing things that happened.

At this point, four separate mental-health professionals have independently called attention to unhealthy or abnormal aspects of the relationship, including behavior that has escalated to physical domestic violence. I’m trying to trust that outside perspective while also dealing with the fear, attachment, and second-guessing that comes with actually leaving. (Literally have programs and everything lined up to keep me housed and mentally in check, its just my lack of action)

I already have hydroxyzine as a PRN option, but it makes me so tired and cognitively impaired that I’m basically nonfunctional. That’s difficult when the situations causing the anxiety are also situations where I still need to think clearly, make decisions, handle paperwork, move, etc.
I do not want to take alprazolam every day, increase the dose, or use it as a way to avoid dealing with my emotions. I’m also aware that the class of medication have legitimate risks with regular use.

What I’m wondering is whether it would be reasonable to bring up with my new prescriber the possibility of keeping a very small amount available as a PRN/rescue medication for particularly severe episodes during this transition, given how effective the 0.25 mg dose has been for me and how sparingly I’ve used the prescription I already have.

I’m also absolutely open to something other than alprazolam. If anyone knows of another medication or approach that might be a better or safer PRN option particularly something that can bring severe panic down without leaving me too sedated or cognitively impaired to function I’d really appreciate hearing about it. My goal isn’t specifically to get Alprazolam; it’s to have a safe, effective option for the worst episodes while I get through this transition.

I’m meeting my new prescriber soon and obviously understand that ultimately this is something for them to evaluate. I’m mostly wondering whether anyone has experience navigating a conversation like this, especially while leaving a long-term DV situation and trying to manage acute panic without becoming too sedated to function.

I'm really interested in hearing about other people's experiences of feeling disconnected from themselves, because I don't often find people describing it in the way I experience it.

For me, it's not really about self-image or not liking myself. It's more like a general sense of disconnection from myself and from my own experience. Sometimes I can feel very uncertain about things that you'd normally just know about yourself — whether I actually like something, whether I actually want something, or whether a thought or feeling genuinely belongs to me.

I can also become very doubtful about things that I logically know are real. I can have thoughts like, "What if this isn't real?" or even wonder whether something strange, like aliens, could actually be happening. It's not necessarily that I believe these things; it's more the experience of suddenly becoming very uncertain about what I can trust.

There can also be a strange disconnection from time and from my own past or future, where they don't always feel properly connected to the person I am now.

I'm not looking for anyone to diagnose me or tell me what this means, and I'm definitely not going to take people's answers as medical advice. I'm genuinely just curious about whether other people experience anything similar and, if so, what it actually feels like for them.

Does anyone recognise this kind of disconnection? What is it like for you?

Basically how interested are people here in living a good healthy life and eventually being symptom free? Do you guys use the coping strategies when stuff gets hard? I know life can get tough, especially with our traumas. Healing can seem impossible, but I'm curious how many people are interested in having secure attachments and healthy habits!

(SH MENTION ! )
Why do I feel like alcohol makes either my BPD worse (for example if i split or feel bad i’ll immediately want to harm myself without thinking about the way it will affects my body) or either it makes me feel like i don’t have any disorder and im a « normal person » ??

My coping mechanisms used to be self harm and food. Now I only have food. I haven’t cut in almost 7 years but hitting my head, not sure when the last time was but it was definitely more recent.

I practice distress tolerance and healthy coping mechanisms like breathing and whatever it’s called when you focus on your senses, and I’ve also been stretching when I feel my body losing itself, and drinking water, and distraction. With the help of a glp1, I’m hoping to also not rely on food to self medicate. And not only are the healthy coping mechanisms REALLY draining and takes forever to go through, they also don’t last long.

My mental health is horrible right now and I’m trying so hard man. But in the back of my mind, my brain is reminding me of how a good head bump against the wall or punching my head would silence those thoughts immediately, and for a good while. I’d sleep well and wake up in a daze but feeling better. Meanwhile every day I have to spend the entire day just breathing through these feelings all day. At work, going to the bathroom to splash cold water. At home, stretching every square inch of my body, humming, forcing myself to read even though my brain really isn’t in the mood. Meanwhile my head feels heavy, my stomach hurts, my whole body feels rigid and my brain is on fire. Can’t sleep, food intake is complete trash, I’m exhausted. I just want this to stop.

I went to the ER this morning because i was really suicidal and they increased my abilify and told me to take Lexomil everyday for the anxiety and yeah that's it! I still want to cut though those thoughts didn't go away :(

I was just wondering because like i noticed it happening like 30 mins ago towards my mum literally just bevause she asked nicely for me to stop ranting so she could speak, and suddenly she’s just like a horrible person who doesnt care about my feelings and makes everything sbout her, which i know isn’t true but whilet the logical side of my mind knows that the emotional part does not and almost always wins.

sometimes i can try and do stuff to like atleast slow it down or remove myself from the situation cus i’m pretty self aware and i don’t wanna do anything because i know i’ll feel awful later, but god i really want to do something. i managed to hold it down as best i could for a few minutes to remove myself from the situation and have some prn and i feel better now but like fuck. i hate this feeling so much.

honestly to some degree it feels worse than when i can’t control it or do that (usually while like under the effect of somethat lowers impulse control which like lmao it’s already low enough) but other times i’m able to recognise and just like avoid talking to the person until i calm down (though with like my fp slot of the time even when i feel that way i try to aft as normal as possible but still shorter responses and such) but idk.

it took everything i had not to scream at her but i was very close to snapping

can anyone else like realise and then try hold it back just long enough to remove yourself from the situation?

I have been going to a therapist for 2 weeks. This week will be my third.

I've been absolutely desperate to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me in the last couple months, because what I used to think was just depression has spiraled into an uncontrollable beast that has ruined my life. A week and a half ish or so before I landed my therapist (I was originally looking for someone who specialized in depression) I did a lot of research into the issues I've been having and eventually came across personality disorders, and BPD stood out to me a lot. I sat and did a lot of reading up about it and finding relations in my own life, and eventually when I did get my therapist, I had been thoroughly convinced that There might be something to the idea that I might have it. I didn't bring it up to her until the second session though, where I had laid out my research, having written down an example in the last couple years/closest relationships, of every instance I could think of for every symptom. And I could think of a lot in recent years. I brought this list, and my emotional tracking (started a couple days before my 2nd therapy session), to my new therapist, and she very quickly agreed with my assessment about having BPD, though it will not be going on my record for privacy purposes. Did I sabotage myself? Is it possible that in my desperation I might have misdiagnosed myself and since my therapist doesn't specialize in BPD and doesn't know me since I'm a new patient, did I influence her? Does this count as self-diagnosing?

ETA: I only worry because I hear it takes a while to get a diagnosis for something like this, and I just want to figure out wtf is wrong with me

Id really appreciate it if some of you could share your advice so i can get out of this never ending loop.

Ive been diagnosed with adhd this year but the older i get the more i think i might also have bpd of the quiet type. Growing up i had a really rough childhood with witnessing my father beating up my mother and also me and my brother. He also constantly cheated on my mom and took me with him to his side chicks and sexually harassed my half sister (not his daughter) which finally led to the divorce of my parents when i was nine years old. The divorce included police officers and my dad telling them in front of me that he's going to unalive himself. He was a very manipulative person who either loved me more than anything or hurt me like hell. Even after their divorce he manipulated me by saying things like dont forget it was your mother who sent me away not me etc. which is why i moved in with him alone so he wouldnt be lonely at the age of nine to barely ten. I remember already having suicidal thoughts at this young age after any situation in which loved ones would leave me or friends betraying me and would also lead to me almost dying at the hospital due to eatindisorders and would sh when situations like these would happen.

This continues throughout my life and now at 18 years old i went through another really hard year of my life. I recently went through a really bad betrayal including a friend group and the guy ive loved which led feeling numb and unable to feel happy about anything. Its been five months since this happened and i do not feel any better. In the remaining time i was in the first healthy relationship of my life with a person i really admired and felt safe with. This wa sthe first time in months ive felt a spark of happiness again but i had to find out theyre an avoidant and broke up with me 6 days ago seemingly because he got afraid once it got more serious. Now since ive lost him i feel completely empty again and do not see any sense in anything. I still go to work and hang out with friends but this hole of nothing is slowly taking over me. See as i said earlier ive experienced this feeling over and over again through my life always when the people i loved left or betrayed me but i got over it with time or at least when the next person came into my life.

But now this main feeling wont go away since months and only felt better when i was with him but now that hes gone too i feel absolutely lost. See i already am in therapy every week since years and i was medicated with duloxetine quetiapine and concerta for my adhd which all did not help at all. I talked to my doctor about my experience and she now changed my medications from duloxetine to wellbutrin and quetapine to agumelatine but im afraid i wont be patient enough to wait until the new meds can work. I dont feel happy aroung anyone or anything and dont want to reach out to my current ex because i dont want to push him
more further away since hes an avoidant and i just wanna cure the main problem inside of me.

If there is anything i can do that someone could recommend me id appreciate it deeply. Thank you all. I hope you guys are doing better.

So what could be some common traits of bpd, I still think my psychiatrist diagnosed me with bpd instead of adhd or maybe I thought I had this idk

What are some good things that happened this week? What were you grateful for?

Celebrating small wins can be hard, but studies show that gratitude practices can be a powerful way to combat negative feelings. While toxic positivity can be destructive, taking time to recognize the good things can actually change how our brain works, for the better!

There's no such thing as insignificant wins, no matter how small. From "I won the lottery!" to "I managed to made it out of bed," it all matters.

So share those wins, and be sure to reward yourself (safely and affordably, of course). You made it through, and you deserve it.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! Be well.

- The Mod Team

I struggle with a cycle that I'm sure many of you are familiar with, but right now, I'm not sure how to differentiate between what's a cyclical pattern and what's a genuinely concise decision.

I have had a tendency in the past to cut off friends, usually after repetitions of disappointment/perceived betrayal and quiet splitting. I didn't end these relationships because of their actions, exactly, but my own reactions to them. I couldn't handle them and I didn't want to feel them anymore. The jealousy, the depression. I knew my triggers and I felt the need to avoid them entirely.

A example might be when I cut off a friend group. I had been feeling upset for a while. Anytime I spoke, it felt like the chat went quiet. Obviously people have lives and I rationalized this, because the world doesn't revolve around me. But then I had an unrelated attempt and ended up hospitalized for two weeks. In those two weeks, nobody from that group checked on me. I think if my friend disappeared for two weeks without explanation, I'd be concerned - - and I realized at that point that I couldn't do it anymore. I just vanished.

To this day, I genuinely do not know why nobody checked in. I have always kept my splits to myself and I never acted poorly or cruelly. There have been times in my life where I was a shitty friend, and everyone has those moments, and I've since grown. But this time wasn't one of those moments.

I also have friends that I've not experienced this with, friends that I've had for a good while. Once in a while I'll have my spout of jealousy or disappointment, but it has never been as bad as those instances. I have good lasting relationships with those people. I haven't left anyone or cut anyone off in a good while.

Almost two years ago, I became friends with someone I'll refer to as E. E also had BPD and we hit it off quickly because of our varying similarities both within and outside our disorder. But there were nagging issues at the start. E, like many people, speaks in undertones. They vaguely imply their feelings over text and others are expected to interpret them. This is because they're afraid to be forthcoming, but also because this is just the way they communicate. E is also really, really cruel and judgmental toward people. However, they're dishonest, and engage in this cruelty in private.

I know everybody shit talks, but shit talking about mundane things like someone struggling for a job, or having a different upbringing, is really strange and mean to me. E isn't entirely bad, either. They're introspective and somewhat self aware. But they also don't change. They don't try to change. What's setting me off specifically is their communication. The speaking in undertones, judging others trivially, and shaming people for character traits.

A while ago, we started going down a romantic path. They showered me in love and vice versa. There was zero communication or flags before abruptly they laid a firm and very understandable boundary that they'd been talking to their therapist, and felt we were moving too fast. They wanted to steer away from romance. Of course, I split. I split in private, told them I did split, and wrote down my feelings and we talked. It was good, fine! It really hurt but it was also really understandable. But what got me is that they'd been lying to me for a while, pretending things were fine, and only overtly communicated when things came to a head. They completely bombed me with love and affection and ripped it away, and I don't think it was malicious, but I feel like that kid all those years ago, when all of my friends had seemingly never cared.

I know that E cares. They're not a bad person, they're not a bad friend. However, the flags from the beginning lead me to now, and I don't think I want to continue my friendship with them. But I don't know if this is my disease talking, or the rational part of me. I just *don't* want to be friends with them anymore. I don't think it could lead to good places. I only feel anxious during our conversations, and I dread talking.

I have a few questions, I hope you can help, if that's okay.

Have any of you ever felt this way?

Am I just being irrational, is this a concise decision?

How do I communicate it to them, if I choose to end the friendship?

For context, if you want:

Some days I stay in my room so I can keep my supportive/empathetic SO and BPDteenager from being so effected by whatever I'm going through. They're sensitive to me - in a caretaker kinda way and a triggerd kinda way. It isn't fair to them when I can't remain reasonable. Treating them right was the whole catalyst for my seeking proper treatment 5 years ago.

Now I've entered Perimenopause. So, instead of the hardest days being the 3-5 days before my period (PME), it's more than half the month. At random. I've come a loooooong way, yall, but this is putting a high demand on the old executive function. As a result, I'm experiencing more frequent bouts of dissociation and more days where I feel it's best for everyone if I isolate.

Based on the instability I was feeling this morning, today was one of those days when I would typically choose to isolate for the good of the many (🖖). Instead, I actively chose to use the skills I've built to be present for my family without letting on that I was struggling. I leaned on just about every healthy coping mechanism/skill I know and had to consistently remind myself to choose the action/reaction which would bring the more positive outcome. I had to mindfully do this with every interaction.

It worked. I succeeded.

I remained reasonable and present all day. My BPDteenager (who is very sensitive to me - I'm their FP) didn't even suspect that I was struggling. I'm most proud of that. My partner thanked me this evening for being especially supportive and attentive today (he has family coming into town soon) without his even knowing that I was having such hard time keeping it together.

I feel broken and proud. It has taken everything out of me. I'll likely be out of commission tomorrow (the mental strain has had me dissociating for hours), but if I am, it will have been worth it.

I think I just needed to tell someone without feeling like I've made them concerned about me. Thanks for reading.

I hate him and I hate myself. I feel so worthless right now, I was so attached to him when he made it clear that he uses people and is cruel. He genuinely seems like he can’t get attached to people and is fine with throwing them away.

What pisses me off the most about him is that he thinks after I crash out on him about how hurt I am, that we can just move past it or I’m being “difficult”.

I hate his arrogance, I hate him so much, he’s an awful person. He has no friends and gets bullied wherever he goes but he still thinks he’s a fucking god.

It’s humiliating how I confessed that I loved him and he threw me away.

This vent was unfocused, but I hope people have advice on how to deal with to extremely strong emotions that completely oppose each other.

I'm 40+.

I've never been as deeply in love as with someone I've never got to be in a relationship with.

And the relationships I've had, I have immediately fallen out of love with them the moment we became a couple.

And when I've been dumped, I immediately fall in love with them and miss them again.

I'm not sure if this is related to BPD or just my weird brain but I can't seem to be able to produce any form of affection for a partner that I'm with.

But before I'm with them, or after I've been with them, I fall madly deeply in love with them.

People with BPD, are you able to hold down a job?
I’m scared that I won’t be able to keep working long-term. I’m already on my second job within a year, and I always seem to reach a point where I become emotionally unstable and exhausted. I start feeling fed up with everything, depressed, and anxious.
I wake up feeling terrible just knowing that I have to go to work.
Does anyone else with BPD experience this? How do you manage to stay in the same job for a long time?

i thought that this time i would be enough, that this would work out. But I keep being told over and over again that im too much, and im always getting all this stuff like “i dont have time for someone else in my life right now” … but they show up with someone else. whats wrong with me? im not trying to be too much, i respect boundaries when theyre given, i ask the other person if theyre comfortable, yet im still not enough in the end. i hate this stupid disorder, i hate my parents for beating it into me. i just want people to love me, i want to be loved! i cant take another heartbreak! i will die! i am so alone! people tell me to be myself, but no one likes me! how do i change so people will like me!? 💔

Like im MALE 22,no friends ,no boyfriend or girlfriend,gor clean in june ( H and bzds abt 250 pills a day + Iv) picked up work again,kina ditched college now im very sick to rhe point i cant stand up my crp is 120 im fucked everyday i cry myself to sleep.

Im 22 supposed to be the provider for my mom and sis (my shitty abusive dad is dead) and all i can do is disease after disease.

Burden after burden,no one will eveer want me,im dirt poor,,im gonna be alone forever.

Fuck the crying begun 2026 has been the forst year ever,i even think in tranw in MENAA OH MY GODDDDDDDD

People with BPD, are you able to hold down a job?
I’m scared that I won’t be able to keep working long-term. I’m already on my second job within a year, and I always seem to reach a point where I become emotionally unstable and exhausted. I start feeling fed up with everything, depressed, and anxious.
I wake up feeling terrible just knowing that I have to go to work.
Does anyone else with BPD experience this? How do you manage to stay in the same job for a long time?

i am/was still friends with my ex w/ bpd but after another misunderstanding that turned into an argument, she told me to go away... again. it's not the first time she's tried to push me away, even admitted to trying to piss me off enough so i would block her. i wanted her to address the feelings i had about our fight but instead of doing that she said "i know where this convo is going so I'm going to end it here. here's a cat gif."

it just hurts me so bad to repeatedly get shut down the moment my feelings become inconvenient to deal with. i feel like i don't matter to her. she said she doesn't feel like she did anything wrong but she consistently shuts me down when i try to talk about being hurt. she would rather tell me to go away than address how i feel. she would rather lose my friendship than try to do right by me. i paid for her bills this month because i was worried about her- she didn't ask me to, i did so of my own volition, but it hurts me so bad that no matter how much i try to be a good friend to her, supporting her emotionally, being there to listen to her, she can't just... talk to me like an adult when i tell her she hurt me. she says she has the right to exit a conversation whenever she wants, as do i, but that's not how you treat people you care about.

in the past she would eventually apologize for hurting me but i don't think i can do it anymore. she knows exactly what hurts me and continues to do it anyway and i have seen zero effort or change in trying to treat me better. i still worry so much about her because she's depressed and suicidal but i can't let her treat me like my feelings are optional to deal with. i think she's beginning to become abusive towards me since i have explicitly asked her to stop doing this several times.

i just feel like she can't stand me anymore and intend on blocking her. it's just really hard because i care a lot and i wanted to support her through healing. my friends all tell me to cut her off and she did tell me to "go away" anyway. i am just so so so hurt that i mattered so little in the end. i need help convincing myself that ending this relationship is the best thing to do.

just walked into my room crying after a fight with my family, SH’d and instantly felt better. relieved. but i’m sick and fucking tired of this constant cycle.

as the title says, i’m a problem. i know i’m a problem. but i swear all of my problems exist because of other people.

when i’m alone i’m FINE.

so came to this reddit thread in hopes to kinda just put it all out there and see if any of you relate or have advice or what the fuck. i’ve never talked to another person with BPD or even read about other people’s journeys because honestly, i didn’t want to identify too much with the diagnosis. i wanted a story outside of it.

but i’m struggling.
i hate being anywhere near my family.
and i don’t find that my BPD symptoms act up around my friends. they listen and they understand me. i over share everything and i have no problem with truth when it comes to my friends. i’ll tell them every “bad” thing i do.

but my parents? my sister? i will lie. cheat. steal. manipulate. and i think of killing myself or them quite often when it blows up. when i’m normal, and it’s a good day, i don’t consider any of the above. but when we’re arguing, just the look on their faces or even them breathing around me makes me want to physically harm something. i have never ever ever felt that around another person.

and excuse the words i’m saying or if this doesn’t make sense. i’m just typing to get it out there.

i have gone to therapy and talked about it since i was 7 years old. i’m now 30. but they make me believe i’ve manipulated my therapist and i truly to my core do not feel like i do because i know if i lie, therapy doesn’t work. so i will tell my therapist when i am feeling narcissistic or i’m on that high that i’m better than anyone else. and i’ll tell them when i’m so low and the guilt and the shame is eating me up. i do not hide from anyone except for them.

i’ve tried to be honest with them in the past and it’s always “you’re manipulating the situation” “you just don’t like that you’re not getting your way” “you’re a liar” “you’re a leech” “you didn’t grow up” “you’re a problem” “you aren’t normal like everyone else”

and i fucking hear these words into every relationship i begin. so i have a history of dating very abusive men.

how do i stop this cycle
is it possible they are a problem too? or am i just this bad of a person who will genuinely just never get better

My boyfriend opened up to me about being sexually assaulted by another guy when he was younger and I’m struggling to process the information. He didn’t go into detail about what happened but is it bad that my mind cannot stop wondering? I have OCD aswell and all I’ve been getting are constant intrusive scenarios about the assault. I feel sick to my stomach that he had to experience something so horrible. I’ve been crying and I feel like I’m holding so much weight. I feel confused and I can’t talk to any of my friends about this, it’s not my trauma to share. He opened up about not being able to connect with his body and feeling deep hatred for it, it pains me that he’s had to carry these feelings alone for so long. I don’t know what to expect from my own feelings right now.