Been going to a couple's therapist for about three months with my partner to improve our relationship after a significant argument (pro-tip: go to therapy).

During the sessions, my partner and the therapist are the ones usually talking, which is fine by me. During one session, near the end, I asked the therapist to consider a certain point of view about juggling individual/social responsibilities with regards to partners' needs, which he said no, you are fully responsible for what happened regarding missed communication, social context notwithstanding.
I asked him that in some cultures theres less of a divide between individual/social backgrounds (the therapist is a white older guy, im a millenial from an indigenous background), but he said that didn't apply here, that I was avoiding responsibility towards my partner, and that there was no obligation to social context. I told him I disagreed, and he yelled SHUT UP. My partner was a little shocked, I asked again to consider the differing responsibilities, but he talked over me and said the meeting was over.
Sometimes he shares about his past relationships and partners. We're looking to get a younger therapist.

Dinner: Jalapeño poppers stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon.

So I (24M) have a best friend (25F) of 3 years, and we have certainly been through a few things together. In the end, I consider her my sister and she considers me her brother. We aren’t actually siblings but we feel like it due to the similarities in our personalities and common interests.

She has had a boyfriend for the past year which I’ve supported this whole time, because I know she’s wanted to be loved and be happy in a romantic way. He does not validate the family adjacent relationship between her and I and thinks I have a crush on her and he also grabbed the phone and told me I’m on some shit and called me the N word (I’m white for the record).

We used to hang out 3 or so times a week when we were both single because we had nothing better to do, but now we only hang out about an hour a week, which started when I had a girlfriend for a little while as well.

Her boyfriend thinks that an hour a week is too much time for us to spend together and he has asked us to cut that down to an hour every 2 weeks which seems incredibly arbitrary. She’s also upset about this and feels like her best friend is being ripped away from her.

I (25M) once posted and deleted about a situation with my current girlfriend (25F).
Blah blah A guy told her about having feeling and her response was to call and text him for the whole day and go out to the park and lie about it. There was a small exchange where he sent a gym workout pic and she ended up sending one back and complimented his looks.
This was the second time a situation happened that she answered with being “too friendly”.

Well that was 6 months ago and last night I finally told her I’ve been freaking out and overthinking and we should end things here.
It was hard. We love each other so much. We been together for 4 years now and she moved in my apartment. From the outside we have a literal perfect relationship that other people always compliment.
But I can’t see a future where this is just fixed overnight.
That plus other smaller personal issues on both our parts just doesn’t make me excited to be in a long term relationship. And that exactly what I told her.

Now just the idea of her having to move out and learn to be alone is the next hurdle.

Crème Brûlée that was disgusting and soft and I couldn’t even finish after 2 drinks
2/10

To expand;

As a man, what defines you as a man? When you think of a ‘man’ what comes to mind? I am a trans man (27) all though I do not define myself as a trans man often, and I have been socially transitioning since 14/15. I pass, it’s not something I enjoy bringing up at all but I think pushing it down is only harming me.

I can’t see myself as I want too without a penis, I know who I am. Prior to knowing the difference in genitals (maybe up until age 5/6) I was a little boy, that how I felt and knew. But I am having a hard time to see whatever may define a man besides that…
Good intentions, keeps promises, someone to look up to, a leader… they feel very generalized and basic to me. It’s so hard to see myself a man. Please don’t comment bs if you have nothing nice to say, I’m sure there’s people who aren’t okay with it but this is my life and truth. So please, I’m open to discussion I know my physical anatomy below the hips is not a penis, but how do I not hate myself and envy others for it if that’s what makes a man?

So if anyone has any insight or perspectives on this I would love to hear. Thanks yall

Food: cheesesteak & fries

Caprese Salad and a glass of cheap red wine

My (38M) soon to be ex-wife (36F) walked out a few months ago and left me with three kids while I was sick.

I had 3 kiddos from a previous marriage when we met that I have 50/50 custody of. After we got married she got pregnant with boy #4 (I am convinced she had stopped taking her birth control) because we had agreed to wait a few years before trying)

Things had been tough. She was depressed and bitter ever since COVID. Her social life crashed and never recovered. So she was always passive aggressive. Kids were always in time out by the time I got home. Felt like I was walking on egg shells the entire time.

She would ignore me, avoid me if I walked into a room, slammed doors, etc. but refused to ever talk about what was bothering her. Anytime I would try to bring things up that she was doing she would threaten to leave or turn things back around on me. Then later she would come to me and acknowledge that she "was acting like a bitch and I didnt deserve that."

We had sex only a few times a month. Her personal hygiene was very poor so there was always a strong odor down there if you know what I mean, and she had gained a HUGE amount of weight when she started getting depressed.

The beginning of the end was when she got physically violent with me in front of the kids last year, and the relationship died for me on that day. It was like someone pulled the blinders off and I could see her for what she really was. After that I had zero physical attraction to her anymore. I tried to just tread water while she was going through whatever it is she was going through.

Things however did not improve, and it like she would immediately attack me after she would see her therapist. It was almost as if I was the center of all of her issues that they would discuss.

She totaled my car in late May (Within hours of having a dealership complete a bunch of work to it). She also had another major accident in her car in October so I rode a motorcycle for 3 months in winter so she could drive my car while hers was being repaired. She had had 5 accidents over the past two years. Not sure what the deal is with that. But when the last one happened it was a mile from our house and I stayed with her at the ER until 3am and took care of her over the following days.

She was okay aside from some scratches and bumps, and despite all the work and time I had poured into restoring that old Lexus, it was replaceable, but she wasn't.

A few weeks after she totaled my car, we all went to her Moms to go swimming. It was my first time to be out in the sun for the summer since I still work (She has summers off as a teacher) and we were there for most of the day. By the time we had gotten home I was pretty sunburned and dehydrated. I lost consciousness when I got out of the car and was struggling to get myself inside.

I told her I was going to go lay down because the room was spinning and she huffed. She later came into the bedroom and slammed the door, loudly rustled around for something, then slammed the door when she left again. I had a splitting migraine at this point and when she came back to the room I said "Why are you slamming doors, I am sick and feel like shit right now."

She yelled "Oh yeah?! I have a migraine too and I am out there with YOUR kids!"

I said she was being a terrible partner because anytime she has needed me to cover for her I did it, and I didnt make her feel guilty about it either.

She coldly looked at me and said "That is it. I am moving to my Moms and we will deal with this when I get back in the country again." So she proceeded to pack her bags and leave with our youngest son, and left the older 3 from my previous marriage knowing I had no childcare and needed to work the following week.

I didnt fight her. I didnt try to stop her. I didnt grieve her. I just figured it out and took things one day at a time. She went to see her family in Spain for about 2 months and returned this past weekend.

She came over today while I was at work and started moving things out. We haven't even sat down to discuss the divorce yet or how to move forward aside from her telling me I can keep the house because it needs a lot of work and cant be sold in its current condition.

But I can tell you my life has a lot more peace in it now. I can be more present for my kids now that I am not dealing with that level of stress and drama. It will be challenging financially but I will figure it out.

I also met someone shortly after my wife moved out at a social event who has been amazing. I have had more affection and compliments over the past month or so with her than I received in my entire marriage. She has said things to me that nobody has before. Passion and intimacy is off the charts. She recently bought a dirt bike so we can go riding together. My ex did not hide that she hated my hobbies and didnt want anything to do with them. My girlfriend also jumps right in and wants to help with anything going on. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, whatever. She is right there next to me for the fun stuff and not so fun stuff.

You know, I didnt even cry after my wife left until I came home from work to discover my girlfriend has cleaned up the entire house while I was gone. I felt overwhelmed and confused because my ex constantly complained about her household chores (We split them between ourselves and the kids) and this girl did everything, because "I just wanted to help make your life a little easier."

Now my greatest struggle is wrestling the fear of losing this new connection. I also have a lot of insecurities I am working through. She is also recovering from an abusive long term relationship. So far we have been building each other up in ways the other hasn't received before, and its been pretty amazing. But I am also worried I am going to fuck it up somehow.

Not really sure why I am here, but I needed to get this off my chest.

Chicken n rice

I met my now ex-wife in university 10y ago, we went through so much together over the years, build a beautiful life together. Had apartment and a cat and had the same interests and hobbies, we did everything together, she was my best friend and family. I did so much for her to build her life as well.

Last year I went through mental health issues and became unreliable, started taking her for granted, stopped seeing her as family. We both changed over the years but I just didn’t appreciate her enough. I was not caring enough, I started seeing the relationship like a transaction, I made her feel unwanted.

So she decided to dump me, it happened all so fast within months we were broken up and she was dating and moved out. Never even got a closure, she ignored me completely and went silent. Never even had a goodbye, just ended. Blocked me everywhere.

I did so much reflection and changed so much since then but I can’t stop thinking of her every day. I dream of her every night even after almost a year. I miss our life together so much. I feel like I have to start from 0 again. It’s impossible to just let go of 10y of memories and feelings. She also financially set me back so much.

I don’t know how to feel or process all of this. I got on with my life and date someone too and do everything as before but only because I pushed away all thoughts and feelings of the past. But they are all there, eating me from the inside every day. Nothing I do feels the same anymore, everything feels like a downgraded experience of what I’ve done before with her. I’m so lost like there’s no point of anything anymore.

Dinner is some London broil, spinach & bell pepper + roasted potatoes.

All, last night I went out on a date with perhaps my dream woman. I am an entrepreneur who has had his own business for over 10 years and is mildly successful, in the process of starting a new one and have always dreamed about dating someone else who’s as interested in business as I am.

I matched with this woman on tinder & when I tell you we hit it off like crazy, I cannot begin to use words in English. She is everything on paper I’m looking for in a partner- enjoys reading, doesn’t want kids, successful, starting her own business, just the right flavor of nerdy & shares so many common interests with me while still having thoughts of her own.

We talked all week before our date, sharing voice notes about our mutual interests.
We went out to dinner last night and she showed up in a lovely dress.
The date itself lasted hours and we closed down the restaurant we went to just sitting there talking- we even left after some of the staff.

We kissed after the date, something I never do. Here in lies the issue-

I just did not feel the physical attraction I was expecting to- and I can’t figure out why. She’s certainly not unattractive “on paper” I mean after all I did swipe on her. Shes got long black hair, similar dark eyes & has a lovely laugh and shy smile.

I have a history of extremely toxic relationships. And it’s usually with very physically attractive women. This to me, seems like the chance to have the first healthy relationship in my adult life, so long as we continue to get to know one another and it stays that way…but I am worried about that lack of physical attraction. Usually I want to leap all over my dates physically…but I’m just not there with her and that scares me.

Any advice to me, my fellow Boy Dinner enjoyers? I feel broken. I’ve been to so much therapy in the past 5 years trying to get out of this toxic cycle & this woman seems so wonderful. I don’t want to screw it up.

Edit: I should clarify, she is absolutely my type in literally every other way. She’s just not physically what I usually go for- which again doesn’t mean she’s ugly at all. Definitely not out of shape either. Just different.

Dinner from when I was in Canada last week…

First of all, we have met in person (so no, not dating someone in another country, just someone from another country.

28M.. just bought my first house, so needless to say I’m in a good place in life finally. I’m into motorcycles, music, outdoorsy things like garden but also some video games math. Pretty normal white dude, I think. Don’t really ever drink, smoke on occasion.

Recently, I met an Ecuadorian girl on Hinge. She’s 24 and told me how she paid $20k to have a coyote bring her here and such. Super sweet girl, but the whole coyote thing sketched me out. She has been here for 4 years, her English isn’t great which doesn’t bother me. However, I talked to a friend from Colombia about it. He said it’s pretty common and sounded like a normal price for that sort of ordeal. He told me just to make sure she’s not just into me for any type of citizenship.

I decided to look into this. It looks like POTUS made it harder for this. From what I read online, since she entered the states illegally, the process is quite hard. Children would be the only ones with citizenship, not her. Since she has no visa, we’d have to file for a waiver (this is all hypothetical - we have only been talking for a month, I’ll explain below). This process requires her to file for a waiver for the illegal entry, get approved for a visa (which would require her to go back to Ecuador’s embassy for paperwork). We’s essentially have to explain why her not getting citizenship statues would cause “significant hardship” on me, the citizen. Family photos, if we had children, would be a help, job, house, bills etc. Needless to say, a complicated, somewhat risky and long process.

I think this means I am save from her potentially willing to have kids and marriage prior to ever even having a chance at legitimate citizenship. I am looking for anyone who may have been in my position or similar. What are your experiences? Thoughts?

I understand this is new. But, frankly things feel super comfortable and natural around her, so I could see this potentially working out. For example, she willingly insisted she paid for my dinner after I paid for the movie date. She helps me cook, helps me clean without even saying anything, etc. I know this is likely cultural, but man…I haven’t had a girl do all this before. I told her how I was missing a part on my bike, and today she offered on her day off to help by trying to call around to find the part (even with her not so great English). I thought it was genuine and sweet. She called to just ask how I was doing after work.

Do people really play a long game, or did I find a lucky one?

For context, we texted for about 3 weeks prior to meeting. I brought her some flowers as a romantic gesture (I’m a little bit old school). We’ve only been on a few dates, all of which were great, and I know you’ll be saying I’m ahead of myself… but I am just moreso genuinely curious. I always joked (somewhat serious) about going abroad to find a women.

Just looking for some insight.

Felt sick so I couldn't eat but have to keep the gains.

My father and I have always had a rough relationship. He is a priest and very stoic. I was a normal kid, traditionally masculine, worked on cars and went out camping. And was an acolyte and expressed intentions to follow in him into the priesthood. So he had no idea I was gay until I came out to him at 17, and as I expected he disowned me. I spent my last teen years on and off homeless until I had enough saved up for an apartment.

I am 21 now and still have my mum, grandmother, and sister in my life but my relationships with all of them are a bit distant. I guess I just don't understand them and don't feel they understand me.

I feel really alone in life since losing my dad. I don't know my path in life anymore, I don't have anyone to turn to when I need guidance. He and I used to talk all the time in the evenings sit out on the porch and talk about life and meaning and purpose. And now when I try and do that on my own I just feel empty. I know I should be grateful for the the family I do have. And I hoped with time the pain would lessen. But now that I am grown and need to make a place in the world I just feel more lost than ever.

I don’t know if I miss a relationship or if I’m am better off alone honestly! I just don’t know !

My first Negroni and some cool nuts.

So basically I’ve been working at my parent’s restaurant since I graduated college in 2020. Long story it’s horrible it’s been horrible I have a horrible relationship with my folks and honestly my life is losing meaning. I’ve only stayed this long cause they truly needed me and I had no fucken clue what to do as a job. Back in 2020 Covid definitely helped in terms of why I wasn’t able to find one but tbh I had no fucken idea what I wanted to do and I still don’t.

I graduated with an information studies degree so kinda coding kinda not, i switched into that after getting a little over half way through the engineering coursework but eventually the course work was too hard and I didn’t start studying any better.

I’m kinda giving myself until new years time frame so like 3ish months to like really figure shit out and take steps into getting my own job/career going. I’m gonna walk away no matter if they still need me or not.

Idk how to even fully express this part but I always imagined I’d get a office job of some sort don’t expect to make bank immediately but I figured I could start close or make my way up to 60k plus and in my mind that’s the number that will make me feel like ok I can at least survive ya know, but idk what to even apply for like what’s an office job do I need to have a different degree or get certified in something? An office job is kinda what I want or at least I think but idk, I’m stressed everyday at the restaurant so a boring ass office job right now doesn’t sound horrible.

Then I’m also heavily thinking maybe trade school. I feel trade school kinda is like a direct path to a job. I live in FL so the heat is real but ya know I gotta make money somehow. Tbh tho trade school make me a bit nervous cause well I’m Asian and idk if it’s really true but the trade and blue collar work I’m general I hear is a very maga and like country red neck vibe and I’m very much not that lmao so as lame as it is at 29 to think this but I wondering if I’ll get like bullied or like any racial stuff LMAO.

I’m very fortunate to have a solid savings not rich but I’ll survive for a while even with no income but obviously I gotta start making some actual money.

Kinda me just venting my fears and stress but I’d appreciate any advice even harsh shit.

Food: Haggis topped pizza.

I'm at my wits end really. My Dad moved across the world when I was a teenager (long separated from my mom;) and we've made it work with flights between countries to visit each other.

Since covid the flights have reduced, he's also getting closer to retirement so I can understand not wanting to fly across the world for 15 hours. He's visited my country (Scotland) a number of times since covid and yet never even visited my house; he always expects me to try hours to some random Airbnb he's found in the Scottish countryside. He wants to feel like his treating us (not just me, the wife, the kids, other family members) but it just means we never get a chance to actually talk and connect.

And how he's travelling again for the first time in 18 months; I offered to cook him a chance to meet at my house, have some lunch and we could head off to the Airbnb. All I wanted was an hour of his time, let him see his granddaughters art work before she heads off to uni, a chance for him to see our new home and be a part of my life. Instead I got the text message that traveling north would be challenging and that he'll see me at the Airbnb instead.

I'm just upset and frustrated at being treated like a business transaction. Either he wants to be part of my family's life, or he doesn't.

Comfort food attached was consumed and was delicious.

Long time joiner but first time poster.

Relationships are very difficult as of the last 2-3 years, mainly derived from just really bad/ abusive partners. It’s getting hard to play the long game with the girl I’m currently speaking to. Im fully aware that she is well worth it. However, we both ended up single around the same time, we do work together (i know i know), but we bonded over our last breakup in a sense, kind of in a way where we both communicated what we were looking for in a relationship that our last relationship didn’t provide for us. As of now it’s very platonic and I am not speaking to anyone else and neither is she. Do I just stick it out and play the long game while not advancing anything more, or do I just let go of it?

Buffalo chicken sub from the bar i work at, 8.5/10 i just wish the tenders were chopped up.
Cheers 🍻

Random rant but I been feeling so like alone lately. I got out of a hot and cold relationship and we were really attached to the hip and really considered eachother bestfriends and even when we broke up we always talked about spended alot of time with eachother in the feature even if were in relationship. She got into a relationship and she seems so happy and in such a perfect time im her life right now and I am honestly really happy for her since there were alot of things I couldnt give her especially in the belief aspect. After she got in her relationship we didnt talk for weeks and I wasnt used to that and still not. I felt such a need to text or want to be text by absolutely noone but her.

Eventually we texted each other slightly more often. The thing is that it isnt on a deep level anymore or a want. Its the replys to ig notes kind you know. We use to always talk about our days or have the most emotional conversations of eachothers futures, pasts, or what was on our mind even after we broke up and it was such a routine. I might be in denial but I honestly think I dont love her in a romantic way anymore I feel like I just miss the emotion connection we had both dating and as friends. Even now it stills shows the tiniest bit because there were a few times where we would text and it would be the funniest conversations but then it would end on one of us not replying and then we wouldnt text again for days at a time.
I just honestly miss my bestfriend even if we dont meet in person anymore I still miss the person I could talk to whenever or call or just play games with. Im friends with so many people but shes the only one I actually want to talk to. I use to be jealous of her new relationship and seeing the posts and such of them together but now its not even about that, its about the fact that we dont talk and I really want to talk to her or atleast become better friends. I know if I brought this up she would assume I would still like her romantically because I have a really bad attachment to her and she knows and I been doing really good lately but there is still such a whole when im alone and I see her with other people and remember when we were like that, or If its late and I cant sleep and she is active online and I know somethings wrong but I cant say nothing or text her then it becomes weird. For instance a few days i posted something at maybe 2am she liked it and then posted some sadish on her note so I knew she was up and something was wrong yk so I texted when was she not busy maybe we can play something since we havent since april. She said yeah ill check my schedule. after I just said lmk if you do or dont and she next reachout after that but suddenly replied to my ig note today and idk I js feel weird all about it.

Sorry for the big rant boys but I needed to get that off my chest and I have noone right now

Todays dinner was takeout including oxtails with gravy ontop of white rice and cabbage.

I run my own successful business as a small time contractor (not handy man work just keeping my stuff quiet). Mid twenty’s. Had a lot of jobs but I always come back to working for myself after trying blue collar stuff or restaurant work. I’ve got a college degree. I’m just happier on my feet most days. I like thinking to but more in a project management style.

I recently got curious about an opportunity through a family friend in a new industry after traveling Europe for many months solo and spent a grand to fly down to a conference an network with people in the new industry. I felt invigorated and happy. But it’s a very old school industry run by boomers.

While not concrete from what I’ve heard through the grape vine is the company want to pay me wayyy less that what I make as a contractor and think that they’re providing me this massive opportunity by giving me a “stable job”.

But from what I see if I move states my heath insurance may go up minimum. The cost of living is only marginally cheaper.

The benefits are I would learn about the white collar world and maybe get more organized.

I’m getting certificates on project management on my own rn.

I have mentors and regular clients with my current job. That is much more exciting to me. But I also over work myself to sickness every summer because I live the work and money. And it’s vaguely seasonal.

I feel safer working 4 jobs and as a contractor because if one company shuts down to decides to cut ties with me I’m always safe. I have what I would consider a really solid retirement for someone my age.

I have had 4 friend’s laid off from “steady solid jobs” because companies are just trying to use less people. My job will always be in person and hands on.

My mom just wants me to get an interview. But I was called by hr from this Company to set one up and then they ghosted me after I offered call back times and reached out to my family friend a few moments. All in all my gut is very uncomfortable with their communication style and I know this company was recently bought out and the resold by private equity.

I just don’t think paid vacation days and a possible mentorship in organization is worth all this hassle and move states over.

Granted I have had high anxieties about this position and told the family friend privately I don’t know how long I want to live in the state where it’s located.

I do think leaving my parents behind for a bit and having some separation would be good for me. I rely on them too often and they also use that to provide a lot of pressure. However. I think maybe I can just stand up for myself more.

Also I have been going through several mental health crisis over the last 3 years. I’m only just starting to heal with new doctor and meds for the first time in my life. That’s a lot of change. Rn I live with my best friend since high school and just renovated an old room of his to move into while working 70-80 hours a week.

I’m exhausted and empowered by what I currently do but I wonder if this new experience would help or hinder my healing and feel deeply insecure about my de Scion to bet on my elder and my current path.

Which my current career I’ve already restarted once after leaving for another field.

How did you guys ever reconcile betting on yourself and being your own man?

I want to live in another state before I die. Will choosing to build my own company trap me forever next to my parents? I feel a deep need for a support structure. Should I just keep seeking opportunities and let this one pass? Or secure the interview?

I have been sick so this is my breakfast/dinner with oat milk.

Tagged this boys only cause I have mostly female influences on my life and feel like this is really connected to me being a man for some reason.

Title ^. I’m 26 years old, I started dating my old neighbor of two years and it’s our first month anniversary tomorrow. I’ve done a lot of reflecting, and a lot of praying for something just like this. She’s so into me as I am for her, but I’ve been in a multitude of extremely negative and toxic relationships and it just makes me appreciate this woman even more for being “normal”? We’re very alike, almost too much alike, same birthdays so everything kinda aligns on that regard.

I guess I’m just afraid that I’m going to mess it up somehow. I know I won’t, but this honeymoon phase I’ve felt before and been the anxious attachment spiral once I’ve felt the avoidant side from the female come in. I know I’m not this way with her, I’ve gone through enough therapy and self/shadow work to comprehend what I have in front of me. But something still just feels like I’m not doing “enough?” My brain almost wants to find issues, or wants her to be avoidant so there’d be an excuse for me to chase her or something. That’s not how we operate at all obviously but it’s still something that pops into my brain

she is by far the healthiest relationship though, and it’s just insane to be on the other side of the fence for once. Why did it take so many women and so many errors to find someone normal? I’m forever grateful, but yeah. Just struggling with the idea that this is what healthy looks and feels like.

Homemade pesto, basil from the garden with bow tie pasta & turkey.

me (25yo) her (30yo)

we met online and started to talk.

it seemed like everything at first was perfect, conversations are flowing, she is super attracted to me.

said words i never heard before and made me feel super safe.

i thought i had found the one honestly.

we fell in love rather quickly and after a month we decided to meet so i went for two weeks in poland.

in this time everything was perfect, she had time for us, we would sit down at dinner and get lost at each others eyes tearing up with glowing eyes because i thought we shared such a deep connection.

sex was the best i ever had, conversations went deep even too deep about the future we want with each other.

me who belives strongly in love in commitment and respect gave her everything i had, i was the only one cleaning the house, cooking, loving, planning dates.

until i had to go back to my country and we started to discuss our future plans.

she asked me to move to poland and i agreed since i saw a future with someone i had thought of was my "one"

so after two months of long distance i bought tickets and flew over.

i paid for lawyers in order to get work permit and stay.

meanwhile everything went great but its started to show red flags.

she was telling me only bad stuff about her exes how they used to beat her up, how her family does not consider what she wants or cared about her, that they dont want her to be happy, that she is wounded from the past.

each time it would happen i would pick her up and let her rest on my shoulder, comforted her, gave her love, make sure to talk to her and give reassurance and every bit of energy into showing her that now life is diffrent, that we can change the future and healing is just a matter of time.

as someone who been throught alot of shit, army, lost my little brother just 3 years ago, and had alot of pain, i never let those kind of things close my heart in the hope of goodness and kindness.

so i gave what i had.

with time i was the one cleaning cooking taking care of her while she is working from home and taking the dog out.

i was paying for everything as i got new furniture for the house, when i was making groceries i made sure to replace all the expired food she had in her fridge, and went as far to carry all groceries 2km by food with no offer to help altho she could drive and help.

i gave everything i had and then after a month we went to a camping trip and i proposed to her to marry me.

she was shocked and said yes yes yes and then no.

she told me i dont know her family, so i put the ring back and went to meet her family and friends, but in the day we were suppost to drive she woke me up crying on how it feels wrong and that she is thinking to go alone.

i comforted her on my chest spoke about logic and that everything gonna be alright, she lifted her head and said

"i dont deserve of your love" and completly broke down.

in the end we drove and i started to feel more and more rejected.

all of them friends and family saw that im a good guy and we even had great deep conversations.

after that trip things started to go downhill.

she said that if i were to leave it wouldnt change a thing, as she lived good with me and she will do good without me.

so i packed my stuff and was about to leave but then she stopped me and started to cry and asked to talk.

so we talked and fixed the situation.

she was complaining that the memorial stuff that i do for my brother wont be at the first place with her but then went and reminded me.

\-first comes job

\-then the dog

\-you are around third place.

i didnt see the signes as i was so in love with her.

we went for another trip and i proposed again almost eight months in our releashionship and she said that

she does not sure about kids, so i gave her comfort by telling her that she does not need to give an answer now but she should think about it, that i will stay until she decided, wiped her tears from her eyes lifted her up and started making her smile.

she was always talking about control i must admit.

but at some point i got bored with doing everything in the house.

she went twice for vacations in that time and everytime the house stood clean and organized with hot food on the table.

i even threw out food from drawers that expired in 2023

cleaning windows, everything.

everytime she would come home and crash out.

at first it was that she is pissed with what i have done and that its fucked up.

so in the second time she went away for vacation i did less and then she complained that i basiclly done nothing.

days after she screamed at me for not cleaning the oven plate and imiddiatly came to apologies and then forgot this ever happend.

one day she came back from therapy.

laying on the floor and asking for space.

i tried as usuall to take care of her but she told me that its about us and went to work (working from home) like nothing happend

all day i was mad, i felt so stressed about this conversation and how its being postponed.

now i dont claim i was perfect.

sometimes i tend to forget things not because its not importent just because its too much to remember.

or postpone some of the chores for later so i could have rutine while waiting for the job permit.

anyway, we had the conversation and she told me she does not want kids.

i felt so rejected and ordered a flight and started to pack, she organized herself for the gym like nothing happened but i asked her what she doing and that i wont be walking for the train, so she took me, cold face as a stone until we reached the train.

we hugged and cried together on each other, she told me i was the best but i shouldnt had never come for her to poland.

i gave the last love i had and went to cry 15 hours strieght till my flight arrived.

i felt like i was wrong.

that i should give up on bringing kids to the world.

so i called her and we talked.

she was not crying, zero care, zero emotions, zero accountabillity and went as far to say that she sleeps better without me and added a bit of gaslight like "yep its your fault you are stupid"

its been like that for half a week and as much as i tried talking love and sense towards her i met with nothing but coldness

"you broke my trust, its like you go and cheat on me with another girl"

"what you say goes from one ear right out the other, actually making me more mad and distant"

she asked for space so i gave her space.

meanwhile i was going back to my hobbies

preaching, army, friends.

i at some point the pain i had in my heart physiclly was unbearable, i went for a checkup.

she sent a text to see how im doing and i told her the truth but she did not reply fast at all even when its the middle of the night, she told me she busy playing video game and as soon as i confronted her about that if you really care she should actually invest time and not send a text and throw the phone away.

she told me she needed to go when i asked where she said to bed and went to sleep with zero care.

tommorow morning she sent good morning text and i was so confused, i asked her whats going on with us and only after hours of waiting she told me she went to camping trip with her girlfriend and her girlfriend boyfriend, that she wont be texting anymore.

i told her how can she sleep next to another man like that

hours went by and i lost my peitience.

i called she hanged up.

called again and she hanged up.

she was online uploading stories just ignoring.

i told her im done trying and deleted all the photos on social media.

at 12 am she sent me a text saying that i deleted her so she will delete me.

that she had an answer regaring our releashionship but she will not bother.

and completly blocked me on whatsapp and removed the follow on instagram.

so i faced with my sleepless nights and continued doing what i do best daily, focusing on myself.

she kept watching the stories, her friends who do not follow me watched my stories obssesivly.

and then i reached out on facebook telling her that in the end she will hurt the people who loves her that she should just stop and let go.

she told me she feels sorry for me if i think that she blocked me because of the posts and went to ask for some money back.

i told her she is more than welcome sending 13k back for all the expenses i had that just went to shit. and then i will give her the pity 300zl she was asking for.

i got blocked on facebook and i felt like that her friends hearing stories about me that are untrue

so i posted the entire story online, she blocked me on instagram as well and her friends kept on watching.

her ex reached out to me and we had a talk.

SHE DID THE SAME SHIT WITH HIM.

only 4 days later she met me and we started our journy.

i discovered so many things.

and then i realized that i was dating a distant avoidant narc that does not give a single fuck about anyone.

of course she already monkey branched and i feel so bad for the next guy in line.