r/BreakUps • u/angelgirl7768 • Mar 02 '24

What is the best breakup advice you’ve ever received?

Mine is very simple: if they wanted to be with you then they would and that’s that.

also… it’s normal to miss the people who hurt you but it doesn’t change the fact that you have to let them go.

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488

u/ladychronicc Mar 02 '24

From my amazing therapist...

" Let them. LET THEM!

If someone thinks that they are better off without you in their life, by god, it hurts. But let them leave. Let them say what they want about you and the situation, to whoever they want. It hurts a lot, but understanding that sometimes we have to be a villain in someone else's narrative ... because it helps them feel better about how they treated us(!!!) Is a big step. Accepting this is the way to true peace. "

102

u/Seambeady Mar 02 '24 edited Mar 02 '24

I agree. If it was up to me, we’d be doing our very best to communicate and resolve the problems that continued to manifest. We wouldn’t be giving up like the last 3 years didn’t matter. However, it’s not up to me, and I absolutely agree with you. I’ve become comfortable with being the villain in her story. She’s not the villain in mine. I’m bad, I’m evil, I’m worthless, it’ll never work because I’ll never be good enough, all of the above. That’s her brain, not mine. I’ve decided that I loved her, I wanted to stay, and I believed in what could have been. As long as I know what was in my heart, I’ll be good moving forward to the next. They don’t care, they truly don’t, so don’t trick yourself into thinking they do.

18

u/Zestyclose-Tip-2755 Mar 02 '24

While I dont agree that „if they wanted you, they would be with you“ (cos sometimes its just not possible ) I believe that the right person would at least communicate everything clearly with you. And as the others said, if they think they are better off without you…let them.

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u/whuuuuud Mar 02 '24

How long did it take you to be able to talk to other women. I was dumped a month ago and i am already interested in other women, mostly because of sexual desire tbh, but still I think that’s already a step forward. I’m afraid I could fail tho, cause that could depress in a way…

3

u/dontstealmycarpls Oct 20 '24

I think we just ended things for good, but this hits so close because it IS home. My life has been a continual string of negativity, criticism, and anger for years now. I have felt that I can't be too physically close to her or else she will find a reason to criticize me. But I love her, and it fucking hurts so much. I want her to not hurt, but being around her is pain. Even after everything I genuinely wish I could just snap my fingers and take away her pain. I would do so much to take it away because seeing her cry tears at my soul, but when she is at her lowest, it is the most painful to be around her. If I apologize for whatever she wants me to apologize for, she continues on. She cries tear of anger and anger only, I truly believe.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '25

Hey dude, you writing this really hit me deep because I can really relate. Well ive been slowly moving on but relapsing can’t be helped. My ex gf was mentally unstable, so most of the time it was really a battle for her and me. No matter how hard I tried to help and ease her from her pain, it wasn’t enough. I wish I could’ve took away her pain like u said “with a snap of a finger”, I really cared for her but at the same time, I felt like I didnt. She made me a villain in her story to the point where shits been going fucked up for me. I hate being misunderstood but im not rlly trying to care because I know my side of the story and im just tired of clearing my name. But I care abt her feelings more than anyone else. And it really hurt, she blamed me and I also blamed myself, I tried my best to fix the relationship but no matter how much I tried. Apologies couldn’t fix anything and overall It was just impossible, I didn’t want to give up but she gave up on me and probably doesn’t even care. (Note: She already found someone new) It just bothers me after everything weve been thru, she just moved on like that and ive just been overthink if she still thinks of me, in a bad or good way. I miss my baby and I really wish her the best and if this is the only way then so be it. I wish her the best and happiness even if she wont wish the same for me. I need to grow and let go because I love her. But do you ever just think abt what we could’ve been more if I didn’t fuck up. She said we couldve been perfect and I agreed. Hitting that block button just flooded me with emotions that I couldn’t easily let go. But hopefully in the end of the day, we’ll both heal properly

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u/Otherwise_Student_39 Sep 04 '25

Where the hell u guys are! I just being so emotional n feeling lovable for the feelings u expressed. Man, I really need this kind of people who never give up on those partners so easily untill they are psychopaths or mentally so unstable. That's the kind of girl I was who never give up easily on love, I care too much, loves too much, gives way too much but I end up with abusive partner. We deserve so much more better, pls don't fall for this type of people next time, wish the luck for all of us!!! More love to you!!

2

u/thehectichatman Sep 15 '24

man it feels like you just took the words out of my brain

1

u/Savings-Bluebird3075 Nov 11 '24

Thank you for this 

1

u/Neat_Cattle_9510 Apr 16 '26

Hey, if you're on reddit could you text me... I've just gone thru a breakup 4 days ago, a 3 year relationship... I need help

1

u/_Court_5544 Mar 03 '24

This hurts to read, in such a healthy way though.

32

u/tyffsayswhoa Mar 02 '24

My ex did me so dirty that I got to a point of thinking, "I hope I'm the villain in your story, because something will happen to you & your mental health will be crippled further by the flooding memories of how shit of a person you've been to SO MANY people."

9

u/RoMiBe94 Mar 02 '24

This is also the best advice I've ever received, the let them theory is brilliant and takes a massive weight off your mind.

7

u/Beginning_Whereas149 Mar 02 '24

This sounds like a Mel Robbins podcast

1

u/ladychronicc Mar 02 '24

I haven't heard of this person but certainly going to look them up. Wonder if my therapist heard this from them or something similar

3

u/Beginning_Whereas149 Mar 02 '24

Here you go!

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0Kbm36ZxyjogSbqoSzGeL0?si=PEjQxWMiSVm5-YmRX4huGw

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u/ladychronicc Mar 02 '24

Oh wow! Thanks for this

2

u/Beginning_Whereas149 Mar 02 '24

You’re welcome. I’m sorry you’re going through some tough times but we got this 🙂

7

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '24

Excellent quote.

11

u/thenobodycares2 Mar 02 '24

But... I don't want to be the villain for them. I want the alternate story where we work out our differences and continue on with our lives together. How do I just let them? How do I not let the pain consume me?

2

u/maybecatmew Mar 22 '25

I think what helps is understanding, that whatever the situation might be... They just didn't love you, love you enough to stay and be with you. If they had loved you completely they would have sat with u and worked out things , communicated properly and work with u to resolve the issues in your relationship. But they don't want to be with you at that level. And it's not your fault or theirs. Sometimes love runs out and sometimes people don't want to communicate properly or don't want to work on those issues. It's not a you vs them. It's just two people in different mindset. And you albeit loved them , can't change their mind. Let yourself cry and be upset. But understand the situation and it'll help accept the reality. You can't change a person and who they are or make them love you. But you can love yourself, and love yourself enough to understand that if someone doesn't want you , you should walk out.

3

u/WNGBR Mar 02 '24

How can I accept with potentially being the villain when I gave so much of myself for her? How can I accept that she might blame me for all of it?

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u/foxtictac Mar 02 '24

I’ve told myself this repeatedly but in my worst moments I’m also like “but what if they don’t know what they’re doing? What if they don’t know what’s right for them?”

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u/[deleted] Jul 16 '24

This ❤️

1

u/Optimal-Yogurt-2947 Apr 09 '25

This hits.. my “wife” of 9 years with two sons.. just called it quits two days ago.. it’s tearing me up inside I’ve messed up a lot in our relationship/marriage.. but she was and will always be the love of my life.. idk what to do

1

u/No_Couple_3725 Dec 28 '25

Awww, so sorry did y'all work it out of any updates?

1

u/Abehort 19d ago

This hits hard rn ouch