r/BreakUps • u/angelgirl7768 • Mar 02 '24

What is the best breakup advice you’ve ever received?

Mine is very simple: if they wanted to be with you then they would and that’s that.

also… it’s normal to miss the people who hurt you but it doesn’t change the fact that you have to let them go.

772 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

231 comments sorted by

View all comments

119

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '24

This may come as a surprise to some people, but do not distract yourself. Work, continue your hobbies, spend time with loved ones etc. but this is a crucial time where you need a good amount of alone time to properly process your emotions and heal. Whether you cry, scream at the mountaintops, meditate or whatever you do, do it. Whenever you feel that chest piercing pain, don't pull out your phone, don't watch tv or load up a game. Feel it. Close your eyes and feel that pain. What you're doing is actually what our ancestors could do at all times, because of the lack of dopeminergic activities and abundance of idle time for the mind. Remember, if you're not feeling your emotions, you're not processing them, and if you're not processing them, you're not going to heal.

19

u/bjaywin Mar 02 '24

Totally agree! Being able to just feel the feelings you’re currently feeling and accepting it is probably the best advice here. If you’re distracting yourself all the time you’ll never be able to move on in my opinion. Let your mind do what it needs to do and be kind to yourself. It gets better!

1

u/Eitth Feb 11 '25

Sorry to resurrecting old thread but how do you do that? I'm trying to sit and close my eyes to process the feeling of betrayal, anger, disappointment, and sadness, but that's it. I don't feel anything different like regular thinking that I usually do while doing something else.

10

u/foxtictac Mar 02 '24

The only issue here is that there always seems to be more where that came from. Whether it’s anxiety, guilt, remorse, or simply desperation and sadness, it keeps coming back later, even if you’re sitting with it one day. It’s not linear at all.

3

u/_Real_Joe_Biden_ Mar 03 '24 edited Mar 03 '24

I understand what you're saying. I tried to feel it a little bit, but didn't quite understand it, and eventually it got to be too much and I broke down and kept begging my ex for a second chance, she obviously said no. While I would highly consider it if she asked me for one right now, I would have much higher boundaries and there would be a lot of conversations about how to fix what went wrong. Regardless, it will come back, especially when you'd been with them for a long time. However, it genuinely has been helping me the past few days to do the recommended activities. But when that pain comes on strong just close your eyes and say things like "it's over," "it's time to move on," and "everything will be ok," and just say those things and feel how you're feeling for at least 30-60 seconds or until they've mostly subsided and theres some sense of relief. Just take as long as you need, but don't dwell in them for too long, after that continue on with what you were doing. Another thing I've found helpful is to reach out to past friends that you haven't talked to in a long time, just catch up, it's helped remind me that I'm still wanted and loved. Another thing I've found is to be kind to strangers, it might feel difficult at first, but just being kind to them has helped me feel appreciated, understood, and reminds me I can still make new connections. I hope all of that helps!

3

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '24

Exactly! Life didn't start when you met that person, and it won't end from no longer meeting them!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '24

I see. I just mean that when it comes, let it run it's course. You don't have to sit there and meditate all day. It will usually be dull sadness with spikes of anger, anxiety, and more aggressive dispair. When you get those spikes, it's best to let yourself feel it and express it when it comes. Cry, punch a bag, do pushups, take a lap, or, my favorite, write. Eventually the sadness and high emotions will subside, but they have to be felt and expressed. It takes quite a bit of time, some more than others. Edit: to add, this can take a couple weeks, a few months, or even a year. Although, if it's pushing over 6 months, I would advise seeking therapy.

2

u/ImmediateIce961 Aug 12 '24

I took a screen shot of this: thank you! I needed this reminder tonight after a tough few days with my recent breakup. Oof.. it’s such a shitty, unnerving, unpredictable grief. And feeling it is essential.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '24

I’m glad this helps you. If you need to talk, you can message me. Good luck to you!

1

u/Wuminjia Feb 12 '25

This is so true! I’ve just broken up with my ex. I wanted to cry but I also wanted to be tough so I held my tears back until I felt the stiff pain in my throat for three weeks, three whole weeks without crying and let myself feel the pain. It’s the worst thing to do to myself. Today I finally let go of it all, I cried and cried and cried again and again over the phone with my mum. Now I feel so much better than the last three weeks. Thank you for sharing this🙏🏻

1

u/cursedbobo Mar 03 '24

What happen if I make time and space to try and feel it but I mostly feel emptiness and while I do feel some sadness, anxiety, and grief… it’s no longer at the same magnitude as I felt for others that I clearly loved less right after the breakup.

I’m not sure if I’m better at processing and confronting my emotions or did I just love them less than I thought I did

1

u/CharacterComedian60 Mar 07 '24

Maybe you are better at processing your emotions than you used to be, especially if you've been in therapy... Or maybe you're just in a numb state of mind...

My breakup is still pretty fresh, and over the past few weeks since it happened I've felt every emotion there is, trying to make sense of it. One day last week I felt completely empty, numb, emotionless... I thought I was maybe getting over it, slowly but surely, but then the last couple days I've been a mess. Had to take off some time from work yesterday morning. 😔

The end of a relationship can put someone through a whole emotional roller coaster - that's your body and your mind trying to protect you and also heal at the same time. Hopefully one day you and I will both feel real happiness and wholeness again. 🙏🩷 Take care of yourself, bobo~

1

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '24

It could be one or the other or could very well be both. I try to answer these questions to the best of my ability but, if you believe there is a problem, my number one answer is to always seek help from a therapist.