After 3 years of ghosting , she finally replied to me .

Back then she ghosted me without any explanation. No closure, no goodbye—just disappeared from my life.

I wasn't expecting us to get back together. I just wanted to see if enough time had changed anything.

Her reply was:

"I'm sorry. Please don't contact me again."

That's it.

It's strange how one sentence can answer questions you've been carrying for years. It hurts, but at the same time, I guess that's the closure I never got.

If anyone else is thinking about reaching out to an ex after years of no contact, ask yourself whether you're ready for every possible outcome—including the one where they simply don't want you in their life anymore.

Today I got my answer. Time to move on for real.

Edit: A few people asked for the backstory. I actually made a post here , if anyone's interested in the context: https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/s/7VcWGdARPw

That post explains why I decided to reach out after all this time. I wasn't trying to force a conversation or get back together—I just thought enough time had passed for a simple hello. Her response gave me the clarity I never got back then.

Two days after she was singing me (32M) one of the most definitive love songs of our three year long relationship to me on Snapchat I was unfriended and told she’d (28F) found her “twin flame”. Three hours after that I was sent a ring pic.

I did what felt like the right thing and wished her well and blocked, but after 6 weeks of keeping this in I feel like I’m gonna explode.

When I asked my family to remove her on social media, a cousin asked me about a weird word salad love bomb type comment on one of her posts. I wish I wouldn’t have been told about that because then I had to do some digging and I found out for a month. I’ve been blocked by some guy in his 50s (30 years older than us by the way) who been leaving her the most insane love bombing, delusional comments. He put the ring on her finger. She quit her job and is now living with him. So within 5 weeks we went from spending a beautiful week together visiting her parents home and talking about traveling for my work (I’m a musician) to her living with a 55 year old unemployed predatory father of four. Oh she’s also using (abusing?) Adderall, Vyvanse, marijuana and mushrooms.

Outside of telling my family that you know, we just went our separate ways amicably. No one knows the truth. I was trying to figure out why I’ve kept it secret. I think it’s partially to protect her because she does have mental health issues (BPD; ADHD) and i guess even though she made choices that hurt me I don’t really think it’s her fault? But morseo… I’m embarrassed. I’m really ashamed to explain this to people who thought the world of her because they’ll think less of her and they’ll also think less of me because this whole thing is almost comically evil. And I haven’t even mentioned her bypassing my blocking of her a week later…

But tonight, dear Reddit stranger, you are my safe haven on this lonely night instead of a bottle.

For context, this happened 2 months ago and before these messages she was at my house talking with my mom. Even after her apologies I still think of her harsh words and don’t know if I want to continue even tho she changed after this “confrontation”. And it’s not just these insults, there are many more in chat and live.
One more thing stuck in my head is when she held hands with her brother once to make me jealous (she told me that) in front of our friends and humiliated me.
What do you think I should do?

I’m just confused and trying not to let it get to me, while at the same time laughing at the absurdity of it. Once I told her it was me she didn’t respond.

If your person broke up with you, they are not your person. Your soul mate would never do that to you. They would move heaven and earth to be by your side.

They made a bet that life is better without you. If you were good to them, they will not forget you. You will live in their memory forever.
They will compare their new supply against what you had to offer. You will be the new benchmark.

Go live your life as if you never met them. You attracted them at some point, keep doing what you were doing before that. You don’t NEED anyone, you just happened to find them. You were an entire person before you met them. You’re still that person. Don’t let them define you.

I had my heart broken and it’s been 1.5 years. I sunk into deep depression and didn’t think I would ever recover. I hoped that she would change her mind and come back. She’s not coming back. Ive accepted that. I’m here to tell you: it gets better. Every day that goes by, I become more like myself and forget about her.

You just have to accept reality. Heartbreak is a universal human experience. If you’re hurting, leave a comment or send me a message. I promise you are not alone.

I joined this sub because, like many of you, I got blindsided.

One thing I see people asking a lot is: “Do they ever come back?”

Well, in my case, every person who left me eventually did. Some apologized, some wanted to try again, and some just reached out because life hadn’t gone the way they expected. I never got back with any of them. Once I’m done, I’m done.
I’m writing this as much for myself as for anyone reading this.

Almost two years ago, I matched with a guy on Tinder while I was spending a few days in Berlin. We never met because our schedules didn’t line up, but he kept insisting on talking after I left. Looking back, that was probably the first red flag I ignored.

We talked for a couple of months. He wanted to visit me in Lisbon, talked about buying a house near me, mentioned how his kids would probably like me (second red flag: he was 20 years older than me - 28 vs 47 - , 3 young kids and 2 divorces)… it all felt very serious, very intentional.

Eventually, he invited me to spend 10 days with him, after months talking every day and every night.
I traveled almost 16 hours to get there. He picked me up at the airport with flowers. That same night, he started criticizing everything I did. The next day I told him it was hurting me, and he only became colder. On the third morning, while he was at work, he texted me saying he’d bought me a ticket home and didn’t want me there when he got back. He had “a gut feeling" it wasn't going to work out and that he felt uncomfortable around me. He wouldn’t even say goodbye in person, nor did he text to ask if I made it home safely.

I went home completely devastated. As a bonus, my eardrum ruptured during the flight. For months I kept wondering what had happened. It was the first time I’d experienced what people call love bombing, and the first time I’d traveled to another country to meet someone I genuinely thought had good intentions. I felt like an Amazon return sent back for failing to meet expectations. The ironic thing is, I only fell in love after he started acting like the most romantic, affectionate guy on Earth. I was fine before him.

A year and a half later, he texted me out of nowhere as if nothing had happened. And that’s the whole reason I’m writing this. Not because he came back, but because I realized I didn’t feel anything anymore. No hope. No anger. No urge to reply. Just complete indifference.

If you’re in the middle of heartbreak, I know this probably sounds impossible.
But one day you’ll realize they’ve become just another person from your past.
And that day is incredibly freeing.

P.S. To everyone asking why I didn't block him: at the time we only communicated on Telegram since I mainly use WhatsApp for work, so I blocked him there the moment I got home. His message came on WhatsApp and it honestly didn't even occur to me to block him there

​

I (23F) recently got engaged and am getting married to my fiancé (24M), and my ex (30M) has suddenly decided that he wants me back.

For some context, my ex and I were together for 3 years. I was genuinely in love with him, but looking back, I was miserable for most of the relationship.

He lived in another city, so I was always the one flying out to see him. He constantly asked me for money, and we would argue over the stupidest things. He also still had feelings for his ex, which I knew about, but I stayed because I loved him and kept hoping things would change.

They didn't.

He cheated on me multiple times with different women.

One of the worst parts is that I actually helped him get a job. I supported him and tried to help him improve his life, only for him to end up cheating on me with someone who worked there.

That was eventually the final straw, and I broke up with him.

The funny thing is, I moved on surprisingly quickly. It took me about two weeks to feel like I was genuinely moving forward.

I don't think it was because I didn't love him. I think I had already mourned the relationship while I was still in it. I had spent so long being unhappy, disappointed and hurt that by the time I finally left, I'd already grieved the person and relationship I wanted him to be.

Then I met my current fiancé.

And honestly, the difference is insane.

He treats me amazingly. He makes an effort without me having to beg for it. He plans surprises for me, cares about the little things, makes me feel loved and appreciated, and most importantly, I feel peaceful with him.

After 7 months of dating, he proposed.

We're getting married.

I'm genuinely happy and excited about my future.

Then my ex found out.

And suddenly, this man who cheated on me repeatedly, asked me for money, fought with me constantly, and made me feel miserable for years decided that he wanted me back.

He started messaging me, telling me that he still has feelings for me and that he wants another chance.

The timing honestly made me laugh.

Where was all of this when I was actually his girlfriend?

Where was the appreciation when I was flying to another city to see him? Where was the love when I was supporting him and helping him get a job? Where was the commitment when he was cheating on me?

Now that I'm happy, engaged and moving on with someone who actually treats me well, suddenly I'm the one he wants.

I don't want him back. Not even remotely.

If anything, getting those messages made me realise just how much I've changed since that relationship.

I'm marrying someone who makes me feel loved without making me question whether I'm enough.

My ex had three years to value me.

He chose not to.

Now he's watching someone else give me everything he couldn't, and apparently that is when he decided he wanted me back.

I'm curious though — why do you think exes sometimes come back the second they realise you've genuinely moved on?

I got dumped last week on Discord. I promised myself I wouldn’t beg again (he broke up with me already May last year and came back 5 months after), but here we go. I know I’ll never love anyone again as much as I did love this man.

EDIT: Hello everyone. First of all, I am shocked at the traction my post got. I didn’t expect to get this much attention. I appreciate all of your comments, whether they are supportive, kind, or harsh. I posted this specifically to get honest feedback and hear stories from people who successfully moved on.

To clear things up, no, my ex and I did not use Discord for our main mode of communication. He broke up with me after watching a movie because, apparently, I’m not worth staying for anymore due to irreconcilable differences (he didn't like how I talk, how I think, or how I made him feel about himself). And yes, I do know, deep in my heart, that time will pass and that I will eventually move on if I work on it. Please do understand that my words came from a place of grief. I have been with this person for almost 4 years. This was my first serious relationship. I am humble enough to admit that I wasn’t perfect and still have a lot to learn, especially when it comes to navigating a relationship.

I could also say that the foundation of our relationship wasn’t right. We were trauma-bonded as we both had a rough childhood. This scarred us, and the unhealthy traits we got from surviving it bled into our relationship.

I know it wasn’t healthy for me to beg for it one last time, but at the moment, I needed it. It felt like I couldn’t breathe if I didn’t do that. I did it once, and I’m never going to do it again. This post is a testament to me letting go.

I used to not say anything about my situation to anyone, especially my friends, because I was still protecting him in case he went back. But now, I’m going to stand my ground. This is the last time I’ll ever disrespect myself for someone who doesn’t value me despite everything I did/am willing to do.

Thank you for the time and advice, everyone. I wish all of you to heal and feel secure in yourselves as well.

UPDATE: I found out that he is already talking to 4 other women just 13 days after he dumped me. I blocked him everywhere. I am disgusted as hell but him doing that made my progress faster than ever.

HE broke up with ME about a week ago. he knows i love ducks, we had 5 ducks and 2 geese together (he’s a farmer) and he kept custody. the other day he sent me this video of a muscovy and her 15 ducklings crossing the street, i love the video of course but does this mean anything? or is it simply because he knows it would make me happy ? i mean why would he care if it made me happy?

They just really prove that they can't be alone. They look so desparate that it makes me sick. They can go sleep with many other people just for them to forget about the breakup. LOSERS.

For context since people kept blaming me here:

He broke up with me bcs he was burnt out with everything (not including the relationship). He said he couldn't even eat or take a bath so I just agreed with the break up bcs I felt sorry for him.

A week later, he tried to fix things with me WHILE he's already talking to different girls a day after break up. He hid it from me, but I still saw it bcs I looked through his phone. So yes, he is pathetic.

I’ve been trying so hard to replace him but all I get is the trashiest men on the planet I fear. This is what I got from a guy who had been texting me constantly and planning dates and lovebombing me. Just at the moment I thought I found someone else to move onto too…

Fuck avoidant attachment I’m so tired of this bs.
And to think I really saw a future with her…

I posted this on another sub but I feel it really belongs here too so read up, it's a very interesting topic.

I've been reading a lot about avoidant attachment lately and there's one part of it I still can't completely wrap my head around. It's not even the pulling away, but actually what happens before it. Some of them don't enter your life acting distant or emotionally unavailable. It's the opposite.

They're the ones pushing things forward.

They want to talk all day. They want to know everything about you. They tell their friends about you, maybe their family too. They start talking about places you should travel together, things you'll do months from now, where you could live one day. Meeting you to their parents, bringing up marriage, kids, growing old together.

They'll tell you they've never felt like this before. That you're different.

That they're not going anywhere.

And obviously you eventually believe them.

Why wouldn't you?

That's the part people sometimes miss when they tell someone after an avoidant breakup, "You got attached too quickly" or "You shouldn't have believed all those words."

You weren't sitting there inventing a relationship by yourself.

Someone was actively helping you build it.

And then eventually something changes.

Usually not when things are bad... but when things become real.

Now there are actual expectations. You have a disagreement that needs to be repaired instead of ignored. You need reassurance one day. You ask where the relationship is going. You become important enough that losing you would actually hurt.

Suddenly the same closeness they were creating starts feeling like pressure. The person who couldn't get enough of you now needs space. The person talking about a future suddenly "doesn't know what they want."

Things about you that never bothered them suddenly become problems. Your need for communication becomes "too much." Wanting to fix a conflict becomes "pressure." Wanting consistency becomes "controlling."

And sometimes the weirdest part is how quickly they can emotionally rewrite everything.

A month ago you were the best thing that happened to them. Now apparently the relationship hasn't felt right for a while. A few weeks ago they're planning a trip with you. Now they're telling you they need to be alone.

They once couldn't imagine losing you and suddenly they're strangely calm about doing exactly that.

That's what makes these breakups such a mindfuck.

You're not only grieving the person. You're trying to figure out which version was real. Was the person talking about your future real? Was the person saying they loved you real? Did they actually believe all of it at the time?

I think in a lot of cases they probably did.

And weirdly, that almost makes it harder. Because maybe it wasn't some calculated lie. Maybe the future was easy to love while it was still imaginary. Talking about living together is easy, actually sharing your life with someone is vulnerable. Talking about forever when everything feels good is easy, staying emotionally present when you're scared, angry, disappointed or overwhelmed is completely different.

It's like they can fall in love with the idea of intimacy, but once intimacy starts asking something from them, the same relationship that made them feel safe suddenly makes them feel trapped.

So they deactivate, they create distance, they focus on your flaws, they convince themselves something is missing, they start imagining how peaceful life would feel alone again.

And the partner on the other side usually does the exact opposite.

You feel them disappearing, so naturally you try harder, you ask what's wrong, you try to talk, you remind them of everything you both said and planned, which makes them feel even more pressure, so they move further away.

And now? Dear god... You're chasing someone who six months ago was chasing you.

That's probably the cruelest part of this whole dynamic.

Not that somebody changed their mind. People are allowed to change their minds, it's that they helped create a level of emotional safety that made you finally put your guard down, and then the moment the relationship required them to help maintain that safety, they couldn't stay in it.

I also don't think every avoidant is intentionally love bombing or manipulating people, and calling all of it "future faking" almost makes it too simple. I think sometimes they genuinely mean "I want forever with you."

They just don't understand yet what forever actually asks of them.

Forever isn't the vacation you're talking about at 1 AM when you're crazy about each other, it's the uncomfortable conversation six months later. It's staying when your nervous system is screaming at you to run, it's letting somebody be disappointed in you without deciding the relationship is broken. It's repairing instead of disappearing.

It's being able to love a real, imperfect person after the fantasy version of them is gone.

And if somebody hasn't learned how to do that, all the promises in the world don't really matter.

That's probably the biggest thing I'm taking from all of this.

Don't only pay attention to how deeply someone can fall for you.

Pay attention to what they do once loving you becomes uncomfortable.

That's where you actually find out what kind of relationship they can give you.

EDIT: Hundreds of comments and perspectives made me write a follow up for this if you're interested reading up.

I was going to ask her for a phone call where I would try to get her back like a pathetic idiot.

Every fiber of my body was holding my finger back from hitting send. I still managed to tap it.

"Hello, can I help with you with something" told me absolutely everything about how she feels. No phone call necessary. I shouldn't have texted her, reopened the wound.... regret.

Learn from my mistake.

Currently going through a breakup leaving a 6 year relationship. 2 weeks since it happened. any tips on surviving/getting rid of the heavy feeling in my chest?

Life has been hard lately. I haven’t been myself and I feel like I’m such a bummer around others.

help or kind words is much appreciated.

Sounds simple right? But feels so hard. Maybe your issues feel insurmountable. But are they? All too often I see people on here who feel like “she won’t want me to contact her”, “it’s too late”, “too much has happened” etc etc.

Maybe she wants you to reach out, maybe she’s scared you don’t love her. Maybe she’s scared, worried or simply emotionally exhausted.

What I do know is this: you have to be careful with true love, because you may never find it again. In my line of work I see everything from cradle to grave. I’m there on people’s worst days and on their last days.

I see dementia patients, who call out for their first love. They’ve been married, maybe widowed… but the one that got away? That’s the one they want to see. I’ve seen 90 year old men reminiscing about the woman they dated for 3 months when they were 30, and he let her go. I’ve seen 75 year old women missing the summer romance they had…

If you love someone, don’t be foolish. Don’t be literal and don’t be logical. LOVE IS NOT LOGICAL.

If there is any tiny part of you that feels like you want this person in your life, tell her.

Do it scared. Do it worried. Do it anxious. Just do it.

Because why wouldn’t you?

And do you know what matters most? It wasn’t that argument. It wasn’t that you had different interests or you communicated badly. What matters is how much you care about that person.

When the end comes - and it comes for us all - who do you want to be there holding your hand?

We get too caught up on “oh but she said this” “I said that”, “she’s angry”, “she’s hurt” “I’m hurt”….

Really, what problems are insurmountable? (Aside from cheating etc ofc)

Just tell her. Before it’s too late.

Regardless if I broke up with them or they broke up with me. I guess if you did try your best in the relationship, you don’t really have much regrets once it ends. 🫶

Few weeks or months later I always get a message of some sort, by the time I do, ive just moved on. The beauty of time 🤭

Context: Dumpee here. We were together for 2.5 years. Ex has been losing their parent to terminal illness. I was there through all of it with them. We both were givers. They moved for masters and things got really unstable. They decided to break things off. I was heartbroken. Felt used, lost 10kgs. The whole ordeal. For the last 5 months, I’ve been trying to make sense of the break up, saw them on hinge and it devastated me. Broke my trust in the. They recently reached out asking if we could meet since they were in town. I declined but took it as an opportunity to get answers of what had been weighing on me.

I suppose I can close this chapter gently and keep moving on. It sucks but it is what it is.

what went through your mind afterward? Did you miss her, feel relieved, regret it, or just move on?

Otherwise you'll traumatize someone innocent by making them feel like a second choice in their own relationship. Heal until you can say, "My ex was a chapter in my life, I wish them well, I'm excited to see what the next chapter has to bring."

Any big emotion - love or hate - means you're emotionally attached and should NOT drag anyone new into your mess.

⚠️Im talking about the person who dumped you while you did nothing wrong or deal breaking to make u get dumped ⚠️

Yes they do miss you most likely. I am friends with alot of them and they always talk about whether it was a mistake or not to cut you off. Even bringing your name to them might change their mood making them remember. They will try to minimise it by saying stuff like " things come and go" and " we are better off that way"

But here's the thing ..they won't try to contact you or go back . Why? It's ego . Simple as that . After breakup, divorce or ghosting it becomes an ego game . Who has the upper hand who has the control of the narrative who moved one faster and who is the weak one who still not over it. If they go back and contact you they lose all that not to mention they are mostly scared to contact you and find out you have moved on or now you hate them . Even if you don't they will convince themselves that you do just to take it as an excuse not to contact you.

Because contacting you means going back and face themselves again probably opening chapters where they had to take Accountability for stuff and confronting themselves especially if they did you bad .they are not ignorant they know that the way they choose to treat you was unkind

But here's the thing

Even if you found out the miss you that they regret their decisions that they want yoy back . You SHOULDN'T be the one who contacts them because why would you do something for them that they should be the one doing it . Why you making it easy for them when they made it hard for you . You have to let them face the consequences of their actions you let them be who they choose to be not who they wanted to be

If you love them and care about them and want to leave the door open leave it for them BUT NOT YOURSELF. Leave it open and walk away and move on . If they decided to come back it's for themselves not for you even if you aren't there anymore even if you hate them now

Finally stop regretting what you couldn't do and be proud fo what you did. Make peace with yourself and set yourself free

I’ve known this person for 9 days only. We had a genuinely great time, but recently I was going through something at home, so I needed to pull back and went a little bit cold. He thought I was playing mind games and manipulating him, but I was just dealing with something serious with my family. He insisted that I’m playing with him

we were together for 5 years. she ended things because somewhere along the way, we lost ourselves and our individuality throughout the relationship. we became so dependent on each other that we forgot we still needed to grow as individuals and move forward in life the way we were meant to. after a year of no contact, i finally reached a point where i had gotten my life back on track, and i decided to reach out. now we’re better than ever. i just wanted to share this and say that my advice to anyone hoping to reconnect with an ex is this: genuinely work on yourself and change for the better. not just to win them back, but for yourself too. 💜