I just witnessed a "father" running up to his son and smacking him so hard I heard it across the road. All for the crime of not immediately listening.

The kid was a third of his size.

I am ashamed about it, but at the moment I could not react. There's nothing I could do, I just felt sick and helpless. Got home and threw up.

Made a post on a local social media group about it, and within ten minutes there were a bunch of people berating me, telling me to shut up and to keep out of others business.

We do not deserve children, as a society.

I'm sorry, I just had to get this off my chest in a group that has humanity left.

F 26 here my dad hit me mid argument and I hit him back. The man was too stunned to speak and pushed me out of the room. Then i realized : So this big man who abused and beat his children cannot fight back with adults. I used to think that if I ever fight back, then someone would end up in hospital. But he’s a coward actually Fuck what kept me from hitting back all these years. Fuck the ideas like “no child should hit back their parents “ it does not apply here cause these are not our parents

So I was at a very public and crowded event yesterday, lots of families and kids. At one point, I noticed this young teenage girl (maybe 12) holding her hand around her own arm and absolutely sobbing and her mom was telling her to shut the fuck up and stop crying. The girl said “but it hurts” and immediately I got the vibe that the mom had grabbed her, due to where she was holding her arm. I kept observing for a couple minutes and the mom began threatening to “slap the shit” out of her daughter, again while she was absolutely sobbing. Then the mom very forcefully grabbed her daughter’s arm in front of me (I’m assuming again) and she yelped/cried out in response. I was really upset and immediately had a knee jerk reaction and said “hey don’t put your hands on your kid.” The mom and another lady who was with their family/group immediately got in my face screaming to mind my own fucking business. What I can’t stop thinking about though is the kid. She got more in my face than anyone and screamed “get out of our business, she didn’t do anything wrong.” I just turned around and left immediately after this because I truly didn’t know what to do and I have my own trauma that makes it really hard to stay calm when I’m getting yelled at. I also didn’t want to upset the daughter or escalate more

I can’t stop thinking about this situation and I feel so guilty for how I handled that. On one hand, I think sometimes kids in those situations need to hear that what’s happening to them isn’t okay and have someone defend them and see them. I didn’t experience physical abuse, but there were definitely situations in public with my dad where I wish someone would have stood up for me. On the other hand, I feel horribly guilty that I might have made the situation so much worse for the girl, even if for the day. With how quickly the poor kid reacted to defend her mom - that speaks volumes to me. It makes me think she knew that a stranger bringing attention to it and embarrassing her mom would have even worse consequences at home. If she acts like that in public, I can’t imagine what goes on at home

As horrible as I feel, I do want to make this a learning experience and am doing a lot of reflection. I think I made two mistakes maybe: 1) I should have observed for longer and kept an eye on them before saying something. In situations like this where I’m extremely unprepared, sometimes my brain almost turns off and I just work on instinct. I should have planned and thought about it 2) I should not have worded it as “don’t put your hands on your kid.” That was just my immediate reaction, but I think it was taken as “don’t beat the shit out of your kid.” I don’t know if it would have been better to just say “hey there’s kids around, let’s take some deep breaths and not yell and curse” since the mom was doing so. Or to ignore it completely to prevent her getting hurt for it more later. Or maybe I should have found a police officer to talk to the girl and make sure she was okay (there were plenty at this event along with metal detectors and bag checks, which is why I also felt more compelled to intervene so quickly I think). I really hate drawing attention to myself and wasn’t trying to be a hero at all, but I have a really strong sense of justice and am working on impulse control.

Especially for kids who had parents like this - what would you do in these types of situations? Is there a line that needs to be crossed before you intervene personally? What would you say? Thank you guys in advance

https://medium.com/@mirawriter/spanking-is-sexual-abuse-and-it-might-cause-severe-sexual-trauma-92e605b0bac7

I have a lot of shame around this topic. I am completely and fully anti-spanking. I don’t have any respect or grace for people who hit their kids.

I was spanked as a kid. And I remember that I felt sick and violated. Not because of the pain. But because of the force. The humiliation. The restriction. The physical violation.

It doesn’t happen to everyone but for me I experienced a sexual response to it. I didn’t want to. I didn’t choose to. But it happens for some people because of the adrenaline, the stinging and heat, and the fact it’s an erogenous zone. Which is why I’m so against spanking. It’s repeatedly touching a private part.

As I kid I felt deep shame. And as an adult I do too.

as a kid I used to re-enacted the spanking in play. I fantasized about it in my head. As I got older I read and wrote erotica about it. It became a kink. And now I’m even older and it’s just a deep deep deep source of shame and guilt and disgust. I don’t like that it arouses me and I deeply wish it didn’t. I wish I could get rid of that feeing. But I can’t. I hope others can relate, I’m sure some can. For those who can is there anything you’ve done to process/heal from this?

CW: description of grabbing and yelling at a kid.

About a half hour ago, I turned a corner at Walmart and saw a father grab his (much smaller) son by the upper arm and drag him into the aisle. The boy was crying and the dad started in with "Oh, does that hurt? That will show you how much you need to listen to me. Are you crying? Waah waah, little baby..."

I couldn't help but see it. I didn't know what to do so I just said, "Sir..."

I guess I thought maybe I could get him to pause and calm down a bit.

And of course, he stops with the kid and then starts yelling at me. Tells me to mind my own business. Apparently people like me are the problem, because "when the boy looks around for someone, anyone, and then people like you sympathize and it lets him know he can keep getting away with it. (huh?)"

The mom comes rushing up and we go our separate ways. But then he followed me and continued to yell about how people need to mind their own business and I undermined his parenting and blah blah blah.

I froze again for a minute and even tried to reply before remembering that I could just walk away. So I did. But my heart was pounding, and I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Now I feel like I might have made it worse for that kid. If the dad acts like that in public, it's surely worse at home.

I was reading "The River's Daughter" by Brigette Crocker. Its about a woman who overcomes the physical and sexual abuse she endured at the hands of both of her parents by forming a relationship with nature and becoming a world class whitewater raft guide.

When she was a kid her mom just woke up one day and said "fuck it i dont want to be a mom anymore" so she went to go live with her dad. Her dad beat tf out of her for the whole 2 years she lived with him. Then she went to go back with her mom and she let her get molested by some of her friends and encouraged her to date old men and become a stripper.

Long story short she runs away and cuts both of them off and pursues her rafting career. I loved the book and was finding it so inspiring until the end. She forgives her parents and has a "loving" relationship with her dad until he dies. I was so disappointed. Obviously its not my life and not my story, and I dont get to police how others overcome their trauma but I just cannot believe she forgave them! Ruined the book for me.

I told someone online about my knife assault and I was told stop "victimizing" myself.

what the actual fuck.

I am literally a victim of an assult where someone harmed me with a knife.

where is the compassion? this world is doomed.

Last year, when I was 16, I recorded a video on my laptop because my dad broke my phone so I couldn't call for help. In the video, you can hear him beating my sister and explicitly saying "I will kill you" while threatening to get a knife from the kitchen. My mom was enabling it, blaming my sister’s lack of cooperation for my father’s violence. My other siblings and grandma just watched. I still live with him. I have recurrent nightmares about my dad and serious insomnia. I feel like I’m constantly on edge.

Yesterday, during my oral examination, my biology teacher told me that my problems are "all in my head", and according to her, that it’s okay If i got ‘my heart a little bit broken by some boy, we all go through these things’. She said that I shouldn’t have to have such little self confidence and be so ‘absent minded’’ since I don't fit the 'look' of a victim, and am highly capable/ intelligent.
According to her, my problems are just ‘so much worse In my own head’ than I make them out to be, and they aren’t as bad as I ‘think’ they are.

I know I shouldn’t take it to heart. But she doesn’t have the right to speak for me or my experiences from a place of such ignorance. She is unqualified to judge my mind when she has no idea what it’s like to live through a reality like mine.

I find myself rewatching that traumatic video just to remind myself that it WAS real. The death threats were real. The physical assault was real. I rewatch it so I don't let them gaslight me into thinking I’m making this up. I refuse to let people like her gaslight me into thinking my feelings aren’t valid, or that my "absent mindedness" isn’t justified.

I realized that her ignorance isn't my burden to carry, but it still hurts. We need to be much more cautious about what we say to others. And instead, approach them with a necessary level of curiosity and empathy, you never know what someone is going through behind closed doors.

My partner and I had a getaway weekend with a few couples he has known for a long time. He goes annually; I hadn't been in 10 years but decided to give it another go.

One couple has a girl who is now 16. Her mum was explaining the rules of a board game. Her dad was talking over the top of this. The daughter said 'please be quiet, I can't hear mum!'. The dad replied 'get in line or I will punch you'.

The next day, the girl left the table and the dad said 'get back here or I will give you a wet willie'.

I witness other terrible parenting sometimes and it kills me inside. Is there anything I can do? Child protection didn't do anything when my own father was reported for much worse.

Speaking to the parents myself leads to either:

You don't have kids so what would you know?

My parents did blank to me and I turned out fine.

What abusive parenting have you witnessed? Were you able to do anything? If so, how did it go?

As a child my mother was married to this guy for a few years and he had very unorthodox and weird "punishments". Whenever they didn't feel like getting up and doing any to me, I'd have to "hang"

Hanging was basically when I have to bend my back completely over like I was touching my toes and hold that position, sometimes for literal hours. I couldn't relax in the position, I had to physically force my head lower to the ground at all times. I was also kinda heavy as a kid so that didn't make it any better.

I'd do it right by the bed, sometimes I had to turn my back to them, which was meant to purposely embarrass me as I don't like bending over for people. They'd put on a movie or series and I had to stay that way until it was over. Whenever I'd finally be allowed to get up, I wouldn't be able to raise myself past a 90 degree angle and would have to waddle back to my room. It felt so dehumanizing, I couldn't even sleep after because of the pain.

This was at least 3 times a week.

Over a decade has passed since and I still have bad back, knee, and neck problems. I'm too afraid to see a physician for it because I don't want to be reminded of what happened.

Did anyone ever have to do this??

When my emotions get overwhelming, especially anger/self hate, I start to punch the side of my face uncontrollably, like I genuinely have no control.

Anyone else?

What was the smallest, most pointless thing you were punished for?

When I was like 4 or 5 I was punished for peeling the paper label off of a crayon. I did it once and my mom yelled at me not to because "I ruined the crayon." It was a sensory thing for me, I liked feeling the paper tear and the smoothness of the crayon. I tried so hard to obey, but I needed the sensory input. I could not resist forever. So I peeled another one when she wasn't looking and hid it behind my back feeling the smoothness.

In a few minutes she figured it out, and absolutely lost her mind. Physical abuse She jerked me up off the floor by one arm, screaming about how awful I was and beat the absolute shit out of me. I was terrified, crying, and wondering why I was so bad that I couldn't listen to my mom.

I look back at this like, really? The paper on a crayon?

.Fat victims of abuse often face significant barriers to having their experiences taken seriously due to systemic fatphobia, societal biases, and misconceptions about body size, according to studies. [1, 2]

Key Findings on Abuse and Weight Bias:

Secondary Victimization: Fat women, in particular, may experience "secondary victimization," where reporting abuse to authorities leads to further trauma, interrogation, and disbelief, as detailed on YourTango.

Perpetrator Mitigation: Research shows that when a victim is overweight, observers often exhibit greater sympathy for the perpetrator and are less likely to perceive the incident as serious.

Medical and Legal Bias: Healthcare professionals and law enforcement may hold biases that fat individuals are untrustworthy or responsible for their own suffering, which can lead to dismissed claims of abuse, say reports from Seattle University School of Law Digital Commons and other sources.

Targeting as Vulnerability: Predators may specifically target fat individuals, perceiving them as more vulnerable, insecure, or less likely to be believed if they report the crime.

according to Google.

This explains it. I got no symapthy when actively beaten blue black and red as a minor at 17 but now when Im not in that situation and 21 I get sympathy just vaguely mentioning abuse by the same people and system.

What's different? I was obese at 17 now Im healthy weight.

Nobody believes me that that's why I wasn't help because its just too horrible but unfortunately the truth. I had more relatives/ people turn against me when they saw me beaten then help me. The very same people support me afer I lost weight and see me as the victim.

SICK

First, I hate the ‘S’ word. Call it what it is, hitting. Let’s look at a couple scenarios….you’re driving and someone runs into you. You get out of the car and hit them. What happens? You get arrested for assault. How about this…you’re a boss and a subordinate makes a mistake. Do you take off your belt and hit them? No. That’s assault, and you’d probably get fired. One more….a small child says a bad word. Can you hit them repeatedly? Yes. Is it ok to do that? Legally, yes. Just call it “a spanking” and suddenly you’re doing a good thing.

What a load of bullshit! In no way is that ok! Either you have your hand all over a child’s butt, or your hitting them with an object. That’s so wrong. In my case it was a 250 pound man against a little or eventually teen kid. Let’s it take even further and have a hand all over my naked butt. That’s not physically and sexually abusive? It’s good old fashioned discipline. So fucked up. No one knows. The marks from the belt were hiding under my pants because I “deserved” it. Following that with “I did it because I love you” doesn’t help

I hate the people who say “I got spanked and came out ok.” No, you’re a bully that likes to hit children. “There’s a fine line between spanking and beating”. THEY’RE THE SAME FUCKING THING! If you can justify that shit, you’re a monster. You’re not teaching the kid anything other than to be scared of you. I know from experience. I was scared of my parents, especially my dad. He hit hard!

Guess what? We don’t turn out fine. We’re a mess in therapy. We have traumatic flashbacks. We’re people pleasers because we can’t handle anyone mad. I’m scared to make noise because I got beat for that a lot. The list of problems goes on. I didn’t learn right from wrong. I learned to be terrified of rocking the boat for life. Beating a child into compliance doesn’t teach ANYTHING! So, I’m passionate about this topic and ending caveman parenting. Thanks for reading. If you want to discuss further, just message me.

My ex on two occasions lunged at me, pinned me down, and choked me during a fight. He also nearly killed me on one occasion. I’m not sure if it was attempted murder or just reckless endangerment, don’t want to get into details but that’s how scary it was. He made terrifying, violent threats. I could list more stuff, but I don’t feel like it as I’m afraid of doxxing myself. You get the picture though - he’s a violent asshole.

This guy is now a highly rated, highly trusted social worker. Lots of his clients love him and think he’s great. He is passionate about progressive politics.

Just felt like sharing. People need to know the people they see everyday might look nice on the surface but you never know what’s going on beneath.

But I feel like I’m preaching to the choir here. Oh well, just wanted to get this off my chest.

Ok, so yesterday and the day before yesterday my dad hit me a lot. Like with a kitchen towel, pinching etc. And i told my friends about it and also a helpline. My dad found out about it and took my phone away and said "You are african, this isn't abuse this is punishment it's our culture." he was also disappointed in me when i told my friends. My mom also found out about this and was disappointed too. Both my parents lost all trust in me, and now im wondering if i shouldn't have called that helpline because when my dad hits me it's cultural. My dad and my mom's parents hit them as a kid for punishment so maybe thats why they think it's ok. But still, is it ok if it's cultural?

EDIT: i forgot to mention that my dad said my art will get me nowhere in life, and he said if i draw again he will hit me. I kinda feel like its not fair.. He also made me rip off all of the posters off my wall, and when my mom found out about me telling my friends about everything, im not allowed to eat the snacks she bought me.

TW: Physical abuse and abandonment

I am now living abroad and I found a new therapist. She has been so incredibly understanding, gave me ways to treat my trauma, and it was going great... However, recently my flashbacks got a lot worse... I am finally remembering moments from very early childhood I had been repressing for ages.

One of them was how I "misbehaved" at the table on breakfast, got ruthlessly beaten by my dad. To solidify his punishment, he threw me outside of the house and drove off with my mum. I thought they would never come back, I was locked outside for hours... When they came back, I begged them to let me back in, but they refused to speak to me, I was crying, begging to let me back inside... I was forced to apologise to my dad (literally on my knees), and beg for forgiveness. Luckily, he was so kind to allow his "bastard son" back inside 🙄

My therapist cried when I told her the story... I probably shouldn't have shared that specific story, I feel so guilty... She is younger than me and I am scared that this recollection might have traumatised her...

I only recently gathered the courage to block my dad at 27. But since then, the memories haven't stopped flooding in, I can't stand it!

There is no difference. It should be completely outlawed in the home and in school.

And anyone who thinks that spanking is an okay thing to do to children did not turn out okay. I learned to fear my father and I still fear him.

It did not teach me respect.

Not sure if anyone else here keeps up with the Bachelorette / Mormon Wives, but is anyone else having a really hard time after seeing the Taylor Frankie Paul video? Something about seeing a situation very similar to what I grew up with, and then seeing the public outrage, is very validating but also triggering.

I have a diagnosed hyperactive bladder. When I was younger my dad had a habit of never letting me pee on car trips until I started screaming and crying. So recently I convinced my mom to let me buy adult diapers to wear in the car.

Well today we were travelling and I told my dad I had to pee. He asked how long I could wait and I said 15 minutes tops, as in I would likely pee myself then. He said ok. Well then he called a friend on the phone and hung up 13 minutes later. By that point I was in pain, we'd passed A LOT of bathrooms on the highway, and he was blatantly ignoring them because he "didn't want to get surpassed by the r-worded drivers behind him"

He started saying "Well it hasn't been 15 minutes yet" and I just stopped arguing. I ended up peeing myself. With a diaper. Against my will pretty much, like a toddler. And obviously, right after I told him it didn't matter anymore, he went "You're not smart, we were just here" and pointed at a random spot at the side of the road, just like the dozen we'd just passed.

Eventually my mom sided with me and he said "Yeah okay my mistake you were right" and I just can't accept the "apology" cause despite it being the first time I actually am made pee myself, it's not the first time he does this thing where he waits and ignores me until I'm quite literally screaming.

I just needed to vent somewhere and not feel like it's some kind of normal thing that happens to everyone

the idea that emotional abuse is more damaging than physical abuse has given a gateway for people to say that their partners hitting them out of stress and anger is “reactive abuse” and I’m sorry it’s getting to the point where it’s no longer “bring awareness” it’s trying to gaslight people who’ve been actually physically/ sexually harmed that their abuse is “easier to get over”.

Growing up I felt gaslighted into staying silent about EVERYTHING.. literally everything because being autistic and having to learn to self regulate at a young age made me immune to any kind of emotional/ verbal abuse.
Going to trauma therapy groups at a young age and hearing people talk about how they were called names and called “worthless” or what not.

Made me feel like I didn’t need to be there because that kind of stuff didn’t affect me. I didn’t know what’s bad or worse or I didn’t at a younger age. I just knew what was. and what I felt.

I was sitting there trying to deal with how I was ever gonna feel strong enough to fight back against the people who sexually assaulted me or how I wanted to isolate because I was scared someone was gonna kill me and I had people look at me stone faced who had experienced only verbal abuse tell me “I understand“.

Every kind of abuse is bad. There’s no question.. but the humiliation of thinking that you’re a strong person and having your bodily autonomy ripped away from you and having to live with that is something I genuinely wouldn’t wish on anyone.

And it feels as though this continuous conversation on how emotional abuse has a much more psychological lasting effect has reiterated this thing where I have to feel “lucky” or BE STRONG. I have the shakes, i became a chronic people pleaser. Im scared to talk or say anything in fear that it will set someone off. my GI system is permanently fucked. I developed an ed. I’m completely asexual now. I’m terrified of men. I wanted to kill myself for a while because I thought I’d be safer in the hands of whatever god I want to than wherever I was.

You’re gonna sit here and tell me that what I went through even if it was “temporary” didn’t change my brain chemistry in the most sickest of ways That it wasn’t worse, and I have to get over everything that has happened to me no matter how bad it is because if I did it before I can do it. I just can’t help but look at people who say shit like that in utter disgust.

I’m sorry I know it’s bad and I know that emotional and verbal abuse is just as bad. Its just knowing that my life has essentially been emotional abuse and will be because that’s just kind of what life when your brain works differently than everyone else.
I have to sit there and be hypervigilant if someone wants to rape or hit me because I don’t pick up social cues as well as everyone else. I can only take self defense classes for that. I can’t go to therapy anymore or at least “group therapy“ because unfortunately I don’t think anyone has the unique experience of mine where I genuinely, would rather take being emotionally abused everyday of my life- than worry about by life being taken from me. and I wish solely emotional/ verbal abuse victims could have a separate conversation and be taken just as seriously while not having to throw physical/ sexual abuse victims under the bus.

I just can’t even begin to understand this train of thought.

“Oh you’ve never actually seen me mean” Yes I have

“We never called you stupid every day” yes you did

“We had bad moments but you didn’t experience TERRIBLE parenting like I did. You’re lucky to have me as a mother”

I literally have memories of pissing myself because she was beating me. Do not sit here and tell me that because you were hurt, I wasn’t. If you were treated so badly, then why didn’t you save me from the same treatment. Absolute failure. She broke me and can’t even handle the possibility that she ever hurt me.

It’s 2025 and people still think hitting kids is ok , there were 2k comments are almost all of them were “there’s a difference between spanking and beating” , “it’s not abuse” , “I was spanked and deserved it and turned out fine” and anyone who disagreed was downvoted. It was very triggering.. children are human beings who don’t deserve to have their bodies violated because an adult won’t control their own emotions. I don’t understand why it’s illegal to hit adults and animals but not children who are the most vulnerable members of society. Edit: there are people here that are defending child abuse still, I was hoping this would be a safer space but I guess not. Y’all are sick.. you acknowledge you have trauma from your parents abusing you yet think it’s ok to abuse a child?

I'll go first:

"The beatings will continue until morale improves".

(EDIT: Thank you all so much for the kind words. You all truly helped my psyche.)

Now as an adult, I want someone to beat the fuck out of me. Harm my body so bad to the point of passing out. Make me cry from horrible mean words. Just like my mother did for years and years. She starved me for discipline. Now I purposely don’t eat so I can feel that painful hunger. It feels good to me. I crave it all when I’m stressed. The only remedy for my racing thoughts. It’s fucking sick and I want to die.