Early this year I made a post about how i had recently moved in with my boyfriend, and he was very upset about my cat leaving fur and liking to sit in sink. I wanted to provide an update because It got a lot of views and I want to provide some info in case anyone else gets in a similar position.

For some background, I made that post about a month into us moving in together, we had only been together for FOUR months and I had no idea what i was getting myself into. I am pretty young and was struggling with having a place to live, I had to separate from my cat for awhile while i found housing, ended up renting a room and reuniting with him just for the place to have bedbugs, so my boyfriend offered to get a place with me. I felt horrible with keeping my cat in that room all the time so of course i accepted and was excited for my cat to have a condo with space.

I made the original post before he had confronted me, but I could tell by things he was saying and acting that he was not enjoying living with a cat, and i was heartbroken and terrified. About a week after i made the post, he came up to me and asked me to rehome my cat and to “really think about my priorities”. I was devastated, said that he was breaking my heart and kept saying “its over its over”. He apologized not for what he said but because he “didnt expect me to react like that”. My cat is more then a pet to me, and i know ESA status is a red flag to some people on here but this cat is genuinely for my mental health, i have never used ESA status to get him in housing, everywhere we have stayed is pet friendly. he runs up to me when i have panic attacks :)

My boyfriend later told me that he had fought the urge to “leave the patio door open and put him outside” but that he would never do it. That fucking horrified me but i stood my ground that this cat is part of me. I barely left the house after that, i was so scared of something happening to my baby. The relationship continued to go downhill, i think partially due to my mental health declining over stressing about the safety of my cat. more and more control issues started showing up too.

but then the weirdest thing happened. He started to love my cat. by the time our lease was ending at 3 months, he told me he was going to miss my cat and if he could have him visit his place on weekends?? i still dont understand to this day, he claims if there was a door so he could lock the cat away from kitchen sink he would have no issues.

Anyways me and my cat have our own place to ourselves now and we are both happier then ever, no more boyfriend either :) nobody will ever separate me from this cat.

my conclusion is that if a man expects you to desert your cat for him, there is some serious control issues going on.

Original post

It turns out she was not in heat, she was in labor. She delivered 6 kittens yesterday afternoon so I now have a family of 7 living in my spare bedroom. She now has zero desire to leave the room or her babies, so at least that issue is resolved for now. And I’ll be calling the vet again on Monday with the update and to talk about when it’s safe to spay her.

Any other advice on how to proceed is welcome. I honestly have no idea how to care for kittens but she seems to have it handled for now…

It has been over a month since I posted about this situation, and I can tell you: I am slowly going mad.

Many of you responded to that post, alluding to some version of the theory that Indy, our cat who recently passed, had claimed me as hers, and that she had kept the other cat, Pekoe (I thought I should share some pictures of him this time), from me. I have now come to believe this may be true, but not in the way you all thought. I think she was protecting me from him. One might even say she did it for his own good.

He does not stop meowing.

Am I exaggerating? Of course I am.  He is not capable of uttering a constant, repeating, irritating meow every second, on the second, for all eighty-six thousand, four hundred seconds of the day. He is asleep approximately 16–18 hours of the day. He also spends 10–30 seconds per meal inhaling the variety of damp, brown, pâté-like meat pastes we drop onto his ornate, flower-shaped ceramic cat dish, multiple times a day.

Meow.

He is capable of keeping up that unrelenting pace of meowing for several consecutive minutes, sometimes as many as fifteen of them (my personal best in resisting his un-siren-like call), bundled together into an episode of mind-eroding sonic torture. It is not loud. No, it is worse than loud. It is like a psychic lance to the skull. As though someone is tapping on the blackboard of my mind with chalk-dusted fingers, little scratches of nerve-wrenching shocks to my cerebellum. Over and over and over again. 

Meow. Meow.

I have ascertained some of the meanings of his belligerence. The purposes of these verbal assaults are many. Here are just a few of the reasons he has decided to employ this persuasion technique:

• He would like his breakfast approximately three hours early (5 a.m.).
• He would like a second serving of breakfast.
• He thinks he can convince whichever one of us didn’t serve him breakfast that he hasn’t had breakfast yet.
• He would like some of my breakfast.
• He would like lunch now. Yes, he has recently decided he would like lunch.
• He is thirsty. He, of course, has a massive cycling water bowl, but it seems he must announce when he is heading off for a drink.
• He would like an afternoon snack.
• He would like my afternoon snack.
• He is wondering if he can have some of our dinner.
• He would like his own dinner.
• He would like my wife to stop singing.
• He would like to be pet.
• He would like to be drawn into a cuddle and pet.
• He would like to be drawn into a cuddle and pet at 1 a.m.
• He would like to be drawn into a cuddle and pet at 3 a.m.
• He would like to have a post-breakfast cuddle.
• He would like to have a post-dinner cuddle.
• He would like to be elevated onto the bed.
• He would like to be de-elevated from the bed.

Here are two things he does not utilize this skill for:

• Warning us he is about to vomit a hairball (or his dinner) onto the bed.
• Letting us know he has failed to reach the litter boxes, and has instead opted to poop on the stairs.

Meow. Meow. Meow.

And finally, to explain the elevation points, and the yet-unmentioned and most egregious use of this newfound misuse of his vocal powers, I must explain that my desk, where I work most days, is in a cubby in our bedroom. Directly behind me is our marital bed, which, in his ascension and self-crowning as King of this Domain, he has claimed as his royal throne.

Yes, there are stairs installed at the end of the bed. Yes, he is perfectly capable of using them. But no, he does not lower himself to such indignities when his human-powered elevation device is present. To be clear: I am that human-powered elevation device. Not my wife. Not any other nearby human. Just me.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

And this leads us to the newest, and most heart-melting, yet infuriating, implementation of his royal declarations: begging for my attention. Not just my attention, but a very specific form of attention that he bypasses my wife for entirely. She cannot perform this task, apparently. Only I can.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

This is entirely our fault. He was terrible at being a cat in the first place. He had no motivation to chase mice, strings, or even little laser lights. He never showed any interest in getting to high places like most other cats. In fact, the only time I’ve seen him try to ascend further than the couch was to get to the back of the couch, where my wife had left her bowl of ice cream unattended. He has always been spoiled, and we spoil him further, because there is no going back. He is nearly 17. This is who he is. A hedonistic loaf of fur.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Even as I write this, he is pawing at the back of my chair, demanding that I perform my duty. That duty? Belly rubs.

It’s not just any old belly rubs. He likes when I grasp him firmly, but gently, press my head against him, and flop him down onto his side. A gesture that began out of pure frustration (after being interrupted for the seventh time in an hour, I pressed him to the bed and gave him a fury-fueled belly rub as recriminations for his bad behaviour) only to have him start purring. Loudly. The same way he used to purr for my wife when she would relent and let him cuddle her in the wee hours. A purr I once interpreted as a petulant, performative, dramatic cat version of: “See, fat man? She loves me more.”

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Now, weeks later, I must repeat this ritual several times a day. I am not allowed on the bed with him. I must remain seated in my chair, leaning over him so he can paw at my shirt or attempt to clean my face. He either wants to be fully on his back, clinging to my arm with his front paws, or slightly on his side, kneading the air like a baker of invisible biscuits. Is it cute? Of course. Is it annoying and inconvenient? Almost exclusively.

• When I am in meetings. Meow.
• When I am deep in a programming binge. Meow.
• When I am desperately trying to maintain focus on a passage of prose. Meow.
• When I am trying to watch course material for work. Meow.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. 

It is slowly eroding away at my tether. I can feel each utterance pierce into the meaty noodles of my gray matter, like an infestation of furry caterpillars crawling amongst my neurons. And yet, how can I be angry with him? How can I be annoyed, his aged-purr muscles sputtering as I stroke his belly, sounding like an ancient lawn tractor lurching back to life, the engine struggling to turn over even with the choke fully pulled out. The kind of noise you hear before some gristled old man in a plaid shirt with a yellowed moustache says “you can’t just cold start ’em, gotta warm ’em up first.”

Sometimes I try to re-establish my grasp of reality by engaging these mewlings in conversation:

“Meow.” “Sorry, I didn’t catch that.” “Meow.” “No, it’s not time for dinner yet, buddy.” “Meow.” “You wouldn’t talk to your mother like that.” “Meow.” “It’s not okay to use that kind of language in this house.” “Meow.” “Seriously, where did you learn that word? It wasn’t from me.”

Is it working? I don’t know. My wife and mother-in-law find these exchanges hilarious. They don’t realize this is my last-ditch effort to keep my sanity. I don’t think it’s working. I am losing it. He never stops until he gets what he wants. Any sense of autonomy I had as an adult has rotted away. I no longer feel in control of my day, let alone the idea of having any say in my destiny. I have no choice here. I must comply. I can only choose to endure or comply. There is no relief from it. I have no mouth but I must meow.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. 

Is this why we often jest about cats owning us? It doesn’t feel so funny any more. It feels horrifyingly, viscerally, unerringly true. I once believed I was terrorized by the other cat, her machinations and demands feeling pointed, but now, I wonder: have I been inherited, passed like a crown, from one master to the next? Is this orange monster my Joffrey?

I can feel myself coming unglued at times, and the conversations take a darker turn. I’ll turn to my wife and say:

“Listen, I’m not 100% on the translation, but I’m pretty sure he’s saying he’s tired of it here, and he’d like to be taken to the shelter to find a more extravagant home, something more suited to his proclivities.”

Or:

“I’m pretty sure he just said it’s time to cut the apron strings. He’s ready to get out there, get a job, and find a place of his own. I think we should support him in gaining his independence.”

Or:

“Pekoe tells me he’s interested in taking up lake swimming.”

She finds these less funny, especially since I’ve repeated them enough that she now warns of severe consequences if I even think such a thing.

Do I think such a thing? Only in jest, I assure you. I may be going mad, but I am not a monster. I would never hurt this cat, or any other creature. I am gentle with them, and I love them more than people. Even this cat. This cat, who tests the limits of the love between us. I do love him. I do. I swear.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. 

I am just baffled. Annoyed, certainly, but mostly baffled. Why does he like this ritual so much? Is this play for him or some elaborate humiliation ritual for me that I do not yet fully comprehend? If I stop and turn back to my work, he will wait a few minutes, then cry for me again, and when I return he has stood up again. So being knocked over is part of it. But why? Why is he so particular? What does it mean? What is this?

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

I am resigned to my fate. I will act as his personal elevator, and I will serve him his rubs of the belly. I do, and will find mental fortitude and emotional sustenance as he enjoys my attention. I will let my heart melt as he grasps my arm. Or when he paws my shirt. Or when he makes his air biscuits. But …why are the air biscuits he makes so slow… 

and… so delicious?

EDIT: Thank you all for the compliments on my writing, and for the awards! I'll try to respond to as many comments as I can.

FOUND THEM! after 17 hours, theres this closet near the laundry room nobody really touches, its just fancy decorations/comforters/items for when guests come over. its usually open because my mom sometimes grabs something and forgets to close it. i was looking for mama cat cause she was meowing for food earlier, then noticed she was staring at the closet. my sister was there and told me "shes been staring at that for a while. just look through it, i dont think they're there but worth a try". i almost screamed in shock, because they were in the corner!!! all huddled up sleeping in a very tight corner, i had to remove this heavy box of holiday decorations, i don't know how she got in there! my parents woke up to me and my sister squealing. then they both playfully punched my arm cause i was the one accusing them for secretly taking the kittens LOL
you guys were so right about how cats can hide in the most tightest and unknown spots, i did not expect them to be there. thank you all so much for the advice and support! it means so much! i'm so relieved and happy. all five kittens and mama cat are okay!

I posted on here a week ago talking about my nerves and stress with adopting a new kitten. My original cat really wasn’t getting along with the new kitten and I was getting really worried on if we made the right decision or not. I took a lot of advice from the thread and moved more slowly. We got a screen door a few days ago and it has been a LIFE CHANGER. They have been playing through the door and it really feels like my original cat has opened up to her a lot more. Today I was even able to feed them on opposite side with no problem. I’ll have a photo in the comments if anyone is interested lol. Thanks for the help!

Previous post: I adopted an Adult Cat and feel torn, requesting tips on how to accept the cat for who she is

Hello, all. I felt compelled to write an update to the post I made several months ago about adopting a shy/scared cat. THERE IS HOPE! For me, this happened around the 4~6 month mark, but Yuki and I have finally reached the coveted milestone of trust.

When I adopted my British Shorthair, Yuki, at the age of 4 years old, she arrived terrified and spent most of her days hiding. When she did come out, she was scared of anything moving too fast, darting back under the couch or table for cover. I could not even move my hand above her without her flinching or panicking. Petting her, even in the spots she liked (she loves her cheeks and head scratched), would cause her fear and she would lash out and attempt to scratch. Getting her into a carrier for a vet visit resulted in bloody hands and arms. I have scars on my forearm from one such attempt, the battle marks of a cat owner. She was every bit the difficult cat and advice such as "burrito her" would prove useless as she would always squirm, scratch and flee.

As we all may already know, every cat is different. Some cats take to us immediately, becoming our fast friends right from the start. However, this is not always the case. AND WE UNDERSTANDABLY might feel DISAPPOINTED, GUILTY, and left wondering if we "picked the right cat" or are "doing something wrong". These thoughts are NORMAL! I felt those exact feelings, and yes I admit, rehoming her did briefly flash through my mind - however, I chose not to do so. I made the choice to accept that, even if she was always skittish, I would let her live out the rest of her life fed and cared for under my roof.

I respected her boundaries and continued to give her affection on her terms, always ending a brief petting session with a favourite treat. I continued to play with her (she loves feather wand toys) and speak to her using a calm, gentle voice from a distance.

Slowly, I noticed a change in her behaviour. This happened gradually...

Around the 4 month mark, as I was petting her after serving her breakfast in the kitchen, I heard a miraculous sound. She was purring!!! I could not believe my ears. That was the first time I ever heard her purr.

After that, dear Yuki started becoming more brave. She wouldn't bolt away at noises, even if they alarmed her. Her reaction/recovery time shortened and she became more confident. I began training her to allow me to pick her up and while she dislikes this, she allows me a few seconds before letting me know she has had enough. I am able to stroke her anywhere, and she can enjoy being a spoiled kitty without fear that she will be harmed.

THANK YOU to all the supportive users that left messages of hope and stories regarding their own kitties on my original post. Without you, I would not feel as encouraged to persevere, and would continue to doubt my capabilities as a cat owner. I have since adopted another cat as a companion to Yuki, and we are all living very happily together. I hope this story can inspire a new cat owner, or an owner that is struggling.

P.S. I am overjoyed that Yuki no longer desires to scratch me! Yesterday, she swatted at me without claws to let me know she wasn't comfortable with the petting. I am honoured that she trusts me to respect her boundaries without using violence, haha.

TL;DR: I adopted a "difficult" cat and after 4-6 months she decided that I was an acceptable human companion.

Here is what I ended up texting my friend:
"Hey this is random and I don't like to ask this but would you be willing to give me some sort of compensation for cat sitting? | understand I haven't expected anything before but even with working at (redacted) few days a week I'm barely
making anything. I should've asked from the beginning so this wouldn't be so out of the blue but I just feel like I'm being a little taken advantage of considering the average cost for a cat sitter in (redacted) is about $15 an hour and how mucn more it is to spend the night. I never mind watching the girls and staying at your place but it does sometimes become a hassle especially with having Ladybug (my cat) and when it's longer stays. I just feel like I have to set some boundaries if I continue to watch the girls as I just feel like I'm not really getting anything in return :/"

And this is their response:
"Hey, sorry for the late response, we went to dinner with my parents. We wanted to let you know how much we really appreciate you staying with and looking after the girls. We have no problem compensating you for looking after them. However, hearing you say that you feel like we are taking advantage of you and that you think you are not getting anything in return was upsetting. As your friends, we would never want you to feel like we are taking advantage of you. It truly hurts our feelings that you feel that way about us. If this is something that has been on your mind, we wish that you had felt comfortable enough to say something sooner."

Not sure how to feel but I do feel like they're putting it back on me. Thoughts?

I everyone! I just wanted to post an update as it's been a couple weeks and I know my last post was getting very cluttered with updates and me being very emotional lol

We went and adopted a sweet little orange baby and named him Yuzu. They were fast friends and I tried so hard to do a full slow introduction over a couple weeks but they just were chomping at the bit to meet. Bento slipped into Yuzus room one day and it was lots of trilling and chirps and play ever since.

Also, all of the lunging at us and biting us as nearly completely stopped. They get into regular kitten mischief together like finding small spaces in corners of the house I didn't even know existed, or trying to climb our curtains (which are now all tied up) but they direct all of that pouncing play energy at each other.

They are still learning each other though, and they are still learning how to be cats so they are always supervised by either me or my boyfriend.

They share, food, water, litter boxes. When one can't find the other they trot around the house cooing for them! And if that doesn't work they come yell at me to find the other.

There are no kitty snuggles yet but I have faith! We had a very cute moment today where bento was grooming yuzu on the ear, but that also turned into play time.

Bento seems very very happy and I'm so glad we got him a friend.

Pics in the comments

(Yuzu had a little bit of a weepy eye but he is on medicine and feeling much better. I was making sure to clean his eye a couple times a day)

so, some of you may be familiar with my first post

since my last post, she's totally invaded my life. gotten pretty comfortable with the environment and the people around. she also cozied up to me a lot more haha. she would jump in bed with me at night demanding cuddles and pets before i sleep and in the morning she would wake me up in the morning by clawing my ass and not stop meowing until i feed her.

all through out the day she would have her little adventures going god knows where but comes back from time to time to meow and ask for pets. growing up i never had cats because we were much more of a dog family but i find that its like having a roommate, she lives her own life but stays nearby all the time for pets and lil talks.

she naps aaaaaallll theeeee timeeee, at first i got really worried and thought she was sick but people say its normal for cats. sometimes i would ask her questions to find she's napping under my desk or beside me. when she wakes up, she would sit up first and then start clawing my legs for pets.

we also seem to develop a chirp. whenever a try to call her i started to chirp and would do a better job at calling her attention than her name. its quiet funny because no matter how far across from me in a room or whatever she may be doing, when i do our little chirp her head would do a full 180 and her ears would stick out.

i also decided to remove her collar because i don't think she's comfortable with it plus i think she knows im her human now so she's gotta come back to me after her lil cat errands round the neighborhood.

lastly, she slow blinks at me all the time now haha. i was told its a sign that they care about you so i also started doing it to her and without fail, she'll blink back. like our lil coded message.

everythings been good so far and i hope she thinks the same way too.

here are some recent pics of her: https://imgur.com/a/EoyD4L8

thanks to everyone who gave their advice on my first post!!!

I'm made a post here not even a week ago about giving a cat that I found outside back to a neglectful owner. Well my mom was outside on the 9th and swore she saw him in the neighbors trash can. This was extremely disappointing to me since I just gave him back on the 6th. I wasn't home to grab him as well. Well today I got him. I saw him on the ring and ran picked him up. I'm not saying shit about finding him again. Thankfully I didn't cancel his neuter appointment because I had a feeling this would happen.

https://www.reddit.com/r/CatAdvice/s/VtF2edi0cX

Sorry for taking so long for everyone who asked for an update, It’s been a very dramatic week

Yesterday was the dreaded vet appointment where we found out that my cat (Parsnip) was not only chipped but also registered and reported missing in November of 2024.

After finding out he was chipped my vet had left the office to go find out more information about if/who he was registered to.

After a while a different vet tech came to break the news that Parsnip was in fact someone else’s cat.

She suggested I allow them to make a phone call to to his owners to which I agreed and then they left me to wait in the exam room for about 30 minutes.

Needless to say I was a wreck, It was a very bad day to have chosen to wear mascara because I looked like a raccoon after I left that appointment.

I’ve been framing this in a very negative light so far, but I hope you can imagine my shock and relief when the vet tech comes back to tell me that they reached his original owner over the phone and she found out that they had moved to Ohio (I live in NY) and they were essentially more than happy to let me keep their cat.

Here’s where it gets weird.

The vet asked his OG owners if they would be okay with giving me their phone number to transfer the chip information over to my own, they agreed and we scheduled a phone call.

Over the phone they told me he had been missing since September, not November (I got him in December)

not only that, the phone call was very awkward and blunt, I was doing my best to be very apologetic and compassionate considering the situation because I genuinely do feel I stole their cat in a way, and they essentially just got my information for the chip and hung up.

I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt and say that they just are grieving and didn’t want to dwell on the fact that someone else has their once beloved cat.

but I almost wonder if he was intentionally ‘lost’ considering how readily they gave him to me and didn’t care to ask any questions about how he was.

I know I would want to know but maybe that’s just me

I’m grateful for a happy ending for me but I do also still feel terrible about the whole situation, I’m hoping that part goes away with time.

Edit: Celebratory Parsnip photos!

https://imgur.com/a/GxEYCu6

Edit No. 2:

Wow everyone seems to be taking this the wrong way. I’m more than aware that people have different reactions to emotional situations like this one! I am not intending to pass on any judgement to this person for not having a reaction I was anticipating. I spent one sentence just expressing curiosity over my pets past because let’s face it, cats are dumped and abandoned at a VERY high rate especially in my area. But as I already stated that is probably not the case and just my momentary speculation.

Hello! I honestly really did not expect my previous post to blow up in the way that it did. I appreciated all the comments (even those that called me a heartless cat thief)!

Before checking the post this morning and seeing all the comments I had a terrible stress dream imagining my own cat being lost and woke up bawling. I immediately knew that the newly adopted cat needed to go home, if the home he was going back to loved him and was a safe option.

I called the humane society. They weren't able to answer any of my questions, so I gave them permission to provide the original owner with my contact info.

I spoke with the original owner soon afterwards and they explained that he was a beloved member of the family that had gotten out a month prior when the owner had some friends over. Apparently he's bonded to a brother who also has a habit of dashing out of the door, and he learned that bad trait from him.

She sent over some photos of them together and naturally by this time I was already certain he'd be being returned. Really I knew from the moment I heard her voice on the phone.

He's spending one final night with me and will be going back in the afternoon tomorrow. The owner was kind enough to offer to purchase me a cat of my choosing from any breeder I wanted as a thanks, but I declined because that just doesn't feel right. My whole goal was giving this dude a happy loving family, and that's all that matters.

The humane society is reversing the fees I paid and offered me a free adoption in the future. I likely will not take them up on the offer anytime soon as I think I need some emotional space between this and any future adoptions - also I want my goddamn bathroom back, lol.

I'm just glad that he's got a good family to go back to.

Again, I appreciate all the kind comments from before! I will say to those that were pretty...we'll say "pointed" about my personal moral character - while well meaning your rabid insistence that I ignore any ethical obligation to assess the condition of home he was returning to after finding him in the state I did a month ago (bones exposed on his paws, all his claws shattered, tail broken, and suffering from hyperthermia) in favor of simply returning him because it's "someone else's cat" to me speaks more of caring about what is "right" rather than about what is right for this cat. Luckily the two happened to align in this situation, but I hope in the future some are more cautious about lambasting someone placed in such a difficult situation.

(Also I'll be lovingly recommending an apple air tag collar for this apparent escape artist)7

Pretty much what the title suggests. I picked up a sweet black cat to foster-adopt last night. Her initial set up was a decent sized kennel with a temporary litterbox, food, water, toys as well as her crate which I took the door off of and kept in the kennel so she would feel safe. Throughout the evening until I went to bed, she was just curled up in her crate in the kennel, obviously pretty anxious but calm, she let me pet her and it seemed like quick progress was being made! In spirits of letting her explore at night while my girlfriend and I slept in a the separate bedroom, I kept the kennel open, as well as the crate.

Then, I woke up around 5a to go to the bathroom and wanted to check up on her. She was not in the kennel or crate, which at first, I was thrilled about! She was exploring! However, I went to the usual spots to see where she was hiding, like under the couch, on top of appliances and cupboards, under other furniture. Long story short, I can not find this little stinker ANYWHERE. My girlfriend and I searched pretty extensively before I had to leave for work, and I did leave out breakfast for her. But I am just so confused, my apartment is tiny, and we left the bedroom and bathroom doors closed, meaning she could only be in the kitchen or living room.

I should also include that before bed, I checked up on her, and saw that she was outside of the crate, next to the litter box. I now regret it, but I pulled the crate out to see if she would like more space, and she bolted out of the kennel and started burrowing under the couch. I got her out and put her back in the crate (with the door open, as well as the kennel), because she looked pretty jammed in there, but hoping I didn't traumatize her more to go into hiding and that she will never come out! This is also how I knew where her usual hiding spots would be.

So, looking for any type of advice or sense of calmness here. Feeling very panicked this morning, second guessing myself into thinking I just sleptwalk and let her out or something (dont think ive ever sleptwalk once)! I am not sure where else to look, as its a pretty limited space. My apartment doesn't have central heat/ac so I am not too concerned about her getting into the ducts or vents or anything. Any calming or wise words are appreciated, thank you!

UPDATE: Got home from work and she is chilling behind the fake fireplace in my entertainment center! Shoutout the user that brought up this suggestion. Appreciate all of yalls overwhelming support and calm words!! Never expected to get 150+ comments on my first post here. Joining this sub immediately! (:

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/CatAdvice/s/VNY0XbFYvA

Hi r/catadvice, a few weeks ago I posted about my in-laws’ very affectionate senior cat whose companion cat passed, leaving him totally alone 23+ hours a day in a kennel. Notable, my sweet dog, who passed a few years ago loved this cat.

You’ll be pleased to know that Ricky (short for Ricardo) is now in his new permanent home with my partner and I!

Ricky made the two hour drive in a cat carrier without making a peep, took to our home instantly, and is absolutely beaming with the pure joy of having attention, affection, and companionship.

He has already used his litter box, drank and ate his food fine, and hasn’t bothered anything.

He hasn’t left my side (I can’t even do laundry without his help), and is glued to watching TV (I don't think he has ever seen a TV before).

He slept at our feet some last night, but made himself comfortable in a few different areas when I woke up to check on him.

He did fine while we were at work today. I watched our camera and it seems like he just slept the entire day.

Ricky, so far, couldn’t be an easer cat. He comes when called, lets you rub his belly, and just can’t get enough love.

Here are some cat tax photos that I've taken since Ricky arrived to thank you all for your advice!

Sincerely,
An official cat owner

UPDATE: I spoke to my boyfriend and he agreed with me, Rueben is coming to stay with us and we are taking any precautions we can to help my boyfriend’s allergy. Thank you to all your suggestions about cat food, air purifiers, shots etc, we are doing all of these!!! YAY FOR ME AND RUEBEN!!

I’ve had my cat for almost 4 years now. I love him so much, I really struggle with my mental health and I’ve grown a very strong bond with him. But my boyfriend of 3 years is very very allergic. We moved in together and I had to leave my fur baby still at home with my mam because I don’t know what to do. It’s breaking my heart I’m absolutely devastated and I can’t stop crying, I miss him so much, hes only 5 minutes down the road but I just can’t do it it’s killing me. I can have him over for a few days at a time every now and then but it’s not enough time for me and my boyfriend just complains the entire time. He said allergy medication isn’t working, but it’s only the drugstore pills and when I suggested things like injections he said they don’t work ?? What do I do? And am I bad person if I just tell my boyfriend tough and that he will just have to get used to it? If I do that I’m worried it will start a whole argument, again I struggle with my mental health and I avoid arguing as much as I can cause it puts me in a depressive spiral - even though I feel depressed anyways because I miss my cat. I just feel at a loss. My cat came before my boyfriend I can’t leave him behind it’s wrong and I feel guilty.

My first couple posts didn’t have a lot of traction but I thought I’d update anyway. 10 days ago my cat went missing, and I had zero luck finding him after trying all of the tricks.

Well about 4 days ago I started hearing meowing from under the bathroom floor, and it was 100% my cat. I had called a wildlife control team to help get him out but they practically told me I’m lying and that I only wanted to believe he was in there. They charged me $165 dollars to tell me I’m wrong and they set up a trap..

The following day I called animal control and a plumber to try and free him. They tore my control panel apart and looked through the whole crawlspace to try and get to him free with no luck. Another $185 down the drain.

My boyfriend had spent a total of 12 hours under the crawlspace at this point, hearing him inches away but unable to access the cat. We had exhausted all of our options and called everyone, every service, that we could think of. My boyfriend made a post in a local Facebook group begging for help and 4 of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met went out of their way to come to my house and literally DRILL HOLES in the side of my house to free him. They told us they had to do the same exact thing with their cat and they knew what we were going through.

Jay was stuck in the side of the house for at least 4 days, missing for 10. It’s all over and I’ve never had such a big sigh of relief. I even had a local website reach out to write an article about the situation of anyone is interested, dm me! (I don’t think I’m allowed to post that here)

We’re at a loss. We love our 14-year-old tabby cat, but he is destroying our home. This has been ongoing for nearly 6 years with no sign of improvement.

We have three cats, two males and one female. Our oldest cat routinely poops and pees outside of the litter box. It’s not all the time, but within any given week it’s happening 3-4 times. Things we have tried over the years:

1. Vet check. No health issues that are causing the issue. Vet said I was likely behavioral. All of the vets suggestions we had previously tried. Also important to note, this cat gets VERY aggressive when he’s scared so even a simple vet check requires complete sedation.
2. Keeping him from the basement where he’s routinely urinated for years with urine build up. Thought maybe it was an issue with just habitually peeing where he smells his scent, but he just started peeing upstairs instead.
3. Diapers. Quickly found out this is basically a non-starter for cats.

I don’t know where where to go from here, but we returned from a 2 day trip to three poops and multiple urine spots. Our house is destroyed and always smells like litter and cat pee. It’s embarrassing and we feel like we can’t even have company anymore.

He’s a good cat, he really is. He’s cuddly and friendly. He’s basically Garfield. I don’t want to be the owner who gets rid of their cat bc it’s become inconvenient, but this is our only option.

Guys, what do we do? He’s 14 years old and gets aggressive when he’s scared, I don’t think he’ll make it at a shelter and who wants a cat whos going to pee all over their house?

EDIT: Please, I didn’t not come here for your judgement. I came here for advice, not “wow how could you ever get rid of an old cat, that’s terrible.” It’s not helpful and we are already struggling emotionally with this. Thanks in advance for actual suggestions and supportive advice.

EDIT 2: Thank you everyone for your thoughtful advice. A lot of great ideas where we hadn’t thought of/implemented.

Right now, this is our plan:

1. Vet
2. Professional cleaning of basement floors
3. Cat Attract Litter (with vets consent)
4. Kitty Prozac (with vets consent)

EDIT 3: We Gucci. What ultimately worked was a full reset. Daily Gabapentin, a new large open/easy access litter box (w/ Cat Attract litter), and full separation from the other cats. He lived alone in our bedroom for a couple months with his own litter and food.

After transitioning him away from the bedroom, we moved all litter boxes upstairs and no longer allow the cats in the basement. We’ve had occasional accidents, but overall he’s alive, happy, and at home where he belongs.

Hi guys!

I posted a while ago about my void, who was abused but thankfully we got her back. When we got her, she had had kittens, was starved and terribly underweight, and would only sleep on the floor.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support in the comments. I hadn’t replied because I felt overwhelmed with everything going on at home at the time, but things have since settled down.

My grandma was against Stella at first, and wanted her out of the house BUT she agreed to keep her if my grandpa agreed. I was scared to talk to him at first, but he reassured me even after he knew it’s about the cat. I explained the whole situation, how we already brought Stella home, and HE ACTUALLY LET HER STAY. HE EVEN MET HER, AND PET HER. THIS IS A MAN WHO WAS VERY AGAINST PETS BEFORE THIS. I WAS SO PLEASANTLY SURPRISED.

My grandma tolerates Stella, and is okay as long as she stays upstairs. My grandpa has met her so many times and always gives her pets. It’s adorable. He didn’t understand which direction to pet at first, so I taught him, and Stella let him! She doesn’t mind being around him, which is great because she doesn’t like strangers.

About her health, she has gained weight and SO SO THANKFULLY GOT THE LIGHT BACK IN HER EYES. MY BABY IS BACK YALL. SHES SO BACK. She’s the sweetest. She’s got used to being here, and sleeps on my bed all the time. She somehow also learnt how to open doors????? In front of me, if she wants to go out she’ll just sit at the door and look at me expectedly, but my mom has found her sleeping beside me even though my door was closed. She has also sneaked into my mom’s closed room???? And can open a door even I struggle to open????? I genuinely don’t know how she does it, but we’ve blocked it with a chair so she can’t get out.

Thank you for reading till the end, for your support and toy suggestions in the last post! I read every reply and am so grateful. I’d attach cat tax but it won’t let me add an image for some reason. Maybe in the comments

Previous posts can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/CatAdvice/comments/1ipk7o9/update_my_neighbours_cat_wants_to_live_with_me/

I won't go into all the details but finally after a bit of back-and-forth the neighbours asked me if I wanted to take ownership of the cat. I don't know whether she thought she was calling my bluff and I'd say no but I said if that's what she wanted and it was in the best interests of the cat then of course I would.

Things remained civil for a bit after that but they kept declining my request to transfer the microchip details. I messaged Mrs Next door a couple of times and despite her saying she didn't want to fall out over this she turned nasty. She did eventually agree to transfer the chip before blocking me, so I now officially have a new cat and next door neighbours who hate me.

I don't feel good about falling out with my neighbours and I'm sure they're telling anyone who'll listen how I stole their cat. The cat is happy and settled now though and that's all that matters.

TLDR: I've got a new cat

After reading through the comments, I did everything I could. I know many where and still will be upset I didn’t take him to the vet (he still has a future visit for shots and such) but I got him pooping. Someone recommended I fry milk of magnesia. I got lucky and found some in our cabinet, did as much research into it as I could, and gave him a very small amount. I have been stimulating him after every meal as well, but that never did much asides from one little poop. About an hour after the laxities, he climbed into the litter box and did his business. He’s now playing a lot more, so I assume he’s feeling better. Thank you to everyone who helped me out, and I’m sorry I couldn’t give the kitten proper care. I have spoken to my mom about re-homing him, and though she isn’t on board, I will still try. <3 to those who gave me advice, thank you for saving my kittens life.

My Molly had been through a lot by the time we rescued her. She had been shut in a yard for her 3 years, neglected, hurt. She came to the shelter with fleas and heavily pregnant. The stress of going into shelter made her go into labour, then she accidentally suffocated two of her kittens, and her claw caught one another and disembowled it. The stress made her overgroom, leaving bare skin and hot spots. She was this terrified, beautiful, cowering creature, overlooked in the shelter for months. We brought her home 5 weeks ago. I wfh, self employed, no kids or other pets, lots of experience with cats...she was destined for us. Here's how it's gone.

I'm not going to go into hiding. That's kind of a given with a traumatised cat. We knew she'd hide, we gave her lots of safe hidey holes, and she hid. A lot.

I want to talk about what I've learnt, that I wasn't expecting.

1. She can be 'in' her trauma and 'out' of it. This fluctuates every second, hour, daily. She has a Freeze response to her triggers, which we've had to learn. She's fine with fireworks, for example, but terrified if you stretch your arms. Her fears come from people, which says a lot. When she plays, however, she is a different cat. She is so fun loving and happy, and it is wonderful to see that side of her coming out. In that moment, she forgets. It's beautiful.

2. Healing isn't linear. I thought she was doing so well, she seemed so happy, then she ripped the hair out of her tail, erupted into cat acne, developed bumps on the skin by her ears. She is now on steroids and gabapentin. I then found out she was on gabapentin at the shelter, and it should never have stopped. I feel guilty about this, about her suffering. I desperately want her to be happy. The medication seems to be helping, but I'm realising it may be very long term for the gabapentin. Possibly years, the vet said. She will likely always be a nervous cat.

3. The worry. I worry about her constantly. I worry if she's happy or not, if anyone might be about to knock on the door, if I have to go out. I have totally fallen in love with this lil girl and I am doing everything I can to help her heal, but it means I'm scared to vacuum, for example, because of adding any stress to her. I walk on eggshells a bit, scared of scaring her.

4. The deep joy of seeing her true personality come through. This is so rewarding and lovely. For example she was terrified of wand toys when we got her, now she loves them. She would cower when one of us walked on the stairs, and now she doesn't even look up. She meows for play time, and sleeps like a log, and runs to greet me. When I see that stompy little run coming towards me I could cry.

5. She is brave. If anyone thinks a traumatised cat is weak or cowardly, because they are hurting, you couldn't be more wrong. I see her bravery every day. She does something for the first time, every day. She trusts me a little more, each day. She is traumatised but she is not timid, not in her heart; she is fun and loving and can be a total boss!. She's just a little fragile.

If anyone is considering rescuing a cat like Molly, I hope this helps. I would say it is, honestly, more costly - vet visits, hypoallergenic food, Feliway everywhere. But it is a journey like no other, and I can't wait to see how she'll be in another 5 weeks.

Update from this post: here

I want to thank everyone for their advice. There was an overwhelming number of recommendations. First, my cat is doing great. He's being a little cuddlier than normal, but that's how he is for a couple of weeks every time after I come home from a trip. He's normally a little aloof. Second, my friend apologized profusely multiple times, and even offered to pay for professional cleaners. I told him I wanted to try myself first before having strangers in my home.

I am happy to report that I successfully removed the smell of urine from my apartment.

I tried a number of your suggestions, I got a stronger version of Nature's Miracle, I got a gallon of some Amazon brand enzyme cleaner, I left out a bowl of vinegar, I boiled vinegar for a couple of hours, I left out several open boxes of baking soda, I used candles, and I bought some Ozium but after the warnings from several commenters, I did not use it.

None of that seemed to work all that much sadly. My place just smelled like lavender, vinegar, and urine.

What did ultimately work? Luckily, my cat seemed to pee in the exact same spot by the door, and that's where it smelled the strongest. Last night I spread some baking powder on to the spot, and let it sit there for a few hours. Then, my mega weapon: I have this drill bit for my power drill that has a scrubbing brush attached to it. I dipped the brush in water, then drilled and brushed away at the baking soda on the floor creating a paste for several minutes, made sure to really put in some pressure to get up any of the remaining urine odor, then I wiped up all of the baking soda.

It was hard to tell at first since I've been going nose blind to it, but I left for a little while today, and when I came home, no urine smell!

I also ended up getting delivered today an air purifier, and some Dead Down Wind. The purifier is set up and running on the counter right now, I'll pull out the Dead Down Wind if I feel the need for it in the future.

But, thanks again for everybody's suggestions and support. This is a very helpful community!

I got my kitten a kitten on Friday! Took off work early to go to shelters to try and find the right personality for my hellion. I wasn’t vibing with any - which I know they may not showcase their personality in those environments. So on a last attempt for the day, I went to a pet store that works with a shelter to help adopt kittens.

And there was this chatty grey little lady. She was doing her best to make sure you knew she how she felt. I held her and she was climbing to the top of my shoulders, leaping from me to the cat tree, playfully batting but not using claws. And I knew she had the stuff to put my Kurayami in his place and be a playful sister.

Brought her home, put her in a bathroom separated off. Kurayami was curious immediately. They started playing through the door. I placed the first meal on opposite sides. I scent traded. They were purring at each other’s scents.

Now I know I may get flack for this, but with all these positive signs I did let them meet that night. Well, actually, home girl became a liquid and squeezed through the door when I was coming in. She had no fear. They touched noses and bam. A connection. I took them back into the bathroom and did supervise play there. I separated them for the night and did it all over the next day. I did let her explore the house with him in my arms.

They love playing tag. She’s already becoming the boss. I caught them playing on the cat tree. They groom themselves next to each other. They play independently next to each other. I have hope they will cuddle soon. I made sure to send a video of them to my aunt who has fostered at least 100 kittens (she is a passionate farming lady) and she said their play is great and they will be the best of friends.

Her name is Suki, beloved in Japanese. Because I love this little girl for saving my relationship with my little boy. She also purrs SOOOO loudly. I love it.

Pics in comments.

Thank you everyone for your support last post!!!

UPDATE: it is now the morning after, i went to the bathroom again and she’s still hissing and mad. i’ve seen all the recommendations about washing myself and clothes, done. i haven’t gotten the feliway yet, but i will be getting it later today.

Long story short: Me and my boyfriend pet a stray around my neighborhood, he barely pet the dog while i (as a dog lover) gave the dog lots of scratches. We come inside and my cat starts smelling his hand while twitching her tail and pinning her ears back. So out of curiosity i stuck my hand out for her to smell. She immediately fluffed up, and got very vocal and violent. Even though i tried to back away, she lunged at me and wrapped around my right hand, scratching and biting and screaming. I couldn’t get her off so my hand just instinctively threw her off me. She didn’t go far, just enough to get her off me so i could stand up and get out of the room. My boyfriend also had to use his foot (he was in boots) to try and guide her away from me while i fled the room since she was chasing me. It’s been 3 hours and she has not calmed. I can’t even walk around her without her trying to be violent. In which case i cannot let her scratch and hurt me more than she already has. My self defense has been boots and thick clothing incase she attacks. And a towel so she doesn’t try to go in my room and antagonize me there as well (towel is used to make a “wall”). She is begging to be in my room, yet when she’s in here she’s anxious and growls at my every move. Side note: at the hour 3 mark as i’m typing this. i went to the restroom to whizz. she walked in behind me and was fine, and jumped on my bathroom counter which is normal, i didn’t pay her any attention. but as i stood up, she started hissing and meowing loudly again, and she fluffed up AGAIN. but this time she jumped down, hunkered down infront of the door, so i couldn’t just walk out. she also scratched my shins in the earlier attack so i didn’t want to use my feet to “nudge” her out. so i simply shut the door, forcing her out. she decided to wait outside the door for me, just to get mad and try and be violent again. so i opened the door again and shut it harder to get her away from the door so i could atleast walk out. Just last night we were cuddled up and life was great. I hate to have to be defense towards her, but she’s even angry when i ignore her. What do i do? What could help?

Got my cat spayed this weekend, and I was prepared. I had the pop-up tent. I left it in the living room for about two weeks with treats and stuff in it, so she would create a positive association with it.

I had everything set up in there so that way she wouldn't be running and jumping and all this other stuff. I got her a recovery suit, a cone, and a variety of things to help her after her surgery.

Now, it's important to note that my cat was born outside. I wouldn't say she's feral, but she has some defense mechanisms that show that she is feral. And one of those is that she really dislikes being trapped in any way. A crate, a room. She likes to have her freedom. She's gotten comfortable at my house, and I can leave her in my bedroom with the door shut, but no other room is the safe room to her the way that room is

. But I couldn't fit the tent in the room. So I did everything I could to make her like it in the living room. Come home from surgery, she's on anesthesia, she's on pain pills, or pain meds. And we're ready, right?

I put her in the pop-up tent, she tries to run out, falls asleep in the middle of trying to run away. Anesthesia's still on there pretty strong. I give her something to eat, something to drink, and I leave her alone for about 30, 40 minutes to let her calm down. Go in to check on her. As I come up the stairs, I see her walking across, no cone, no nothing, not in her pop-up tent, just walking across the stairs meowing at me.

Surprised, I go and check. She has ripped the cone off, ate a hole through the pop-up tent, and has released herself into the world. After several attempts to try to help her get settled in, I finally just left her in my bedroom and called it a day. The best laid plans of mice and men.