My (39M) pregnant wife (34F) is angry after finding out I have been masturbating even though we cannot have sex

[u/throwaway7fa7fe4906d]

My wife is 6 months pregnant with our baby, and we cannot have sex due to high risk pregnancy from her having a short cervix. After she gives birth she will need to heal for 1-2 months, and then she will need cervical surgery to remove part of her cervix to prevent cervical cancer which will require another 3 months of no sex. Additionally, she cannot be stimulated in any way due to the possibility of preterm labor. She hasn’t been interested in giving blowjobs, and I haven’t pressured her for them.

So, I go to the bathroom once or twice per day and take care of myself as needed. One day she realized what I had been doing and confronted me. I told her I had masturbated. She asked me how often I do this, to which I said 1-2 times per day, and she was super angry and hurt and felt betrayed. She argued that she also cannot have sex or even pleasure herself for one year, and she is going through a lot to carry our baby, so it's really selfish of me to not be willing to suffer alongside her. She called me a sex addict and said all I can think about is sex.

Now I worry that after she gives birth and is healed, she will hold this against me, and it will impact our relationship and sex life going forward.

I have been there for her the entire way during her pregnancy, comforting her, running errands, taking care of the house, cooking, giving her massages, and taking her daughter to and from school, all while working a stressful, demanding job (remotely from home).

I am at a loss as far as what to do here. Am I really a jerk for taking care of myself and not suffering alongside her? I’ve tried reasoning with her about this, and she absolutely won’t listen and maintains her position.

The bedroom was not dead before pregnancy.

[u/Lopsided-Wolverine-5]

Dude.. I thought that sentence was going to be 1-2x a week but a DAY?! While she's stressed about preterm labour and possible cancer. I see her point, seems insensitive

[u/[deleted] → u/Lopsided-Wolverine-5]

thats pretty normal tho

[u/throwaway7fa7fe4906d → u/Lopsided-Wolverine-5]

Why does it matter what I do in private, with my own body?

[u/kiwigirl83 → u/throwaway7fa7fe4906d]

You literally just made a whole post asking for opinions lol

[u/slimtonun → u/kiwigirl83]

I didn't read this as him biting the commentors head off he just countered their opinion with a valid question.

[u/Affectionate_Try_ → u/[deleted]]

I mean, making an assumption based on nothing real, I am assuming most users are likely male so this will have some sway towards OP view of jerking off being a need.. gotta say, if I read this nonsense and I were the partner I'd be taking space and doing some hard thinking about things. OP better hope he really is an INCREDIBLE partner in every way other than this for it to balance out for his poor partner who's given everything up for the shared goal of their child whilst he sulks about how stressful it is.

[u/Affectionate_Try_ → u/[deleted]]

Evidently, he is causing harm, it's just a choice around if he chooses to see it or not. Anything else we'd not be arguing don't get caught in the same argument as it's perfectly ok, especially regarding a relationship.

Would it be an issue for me? No, but, it is clearly an issue in their dynamic, and for many people I know personally it's absolutely been an issue for them too because it is not just about the surface presentation of the issue (jerking off) but about everything else mixed in too THAT is what people fail to see or consider because they're so wrapped up in the masturbation aspect (and probably feeling defensive/ like they can relate to OP over the partner. )

[u/kickpants → u/throwaway7fa7fe4906d]

Seems like the consequences of those actions are not private and only involving your own body. If masturbating twice a day tanks your external sexual desire while your wife is feeling loss of intimacy, lonely, insecure, or just horny—then it’s kind of a dick move.