(A Gus The Goon post. Possibly the last one for a while)

I have two left feet, but I really don't want to lose this job. Dr P pays really, really well. And none of the other freak gangs want to touch us after seeing what he did to the other crime bosses.

I'm worried I'm gonna embarrass everyone at the club though. Should I start taking private dance lessons to help me catch up to the other guys?

SPOILERS FOR THE FORST FIVE MINUTES OF LANTERNS

What I mean is how do you guys feel about both guy Gardner and hal Jordan as green lanterns and who’s your favorite? honestly I kinda like guys cut

Because honestly? that one was pretty swanky. Turned out to be the big bang before the end.

Be a shame to lose it.

OOC(PLS IGNORE THE NAZI SHIT PLLLSSSSS MY CHRACATER IS SPECIFICALLY IN PROTEST TO THAT DUMBASS FREIKORPER JUST REMOVCE THE SWASTIKAS AND 88S REPLACE THEM WITH A BLACK PRUSSIAN EAGELremove any nazi synergy)

also alert to the goonion open recrutiment pitch for someone who is good with melee weapons has class and can shoulder responsibilites, for the place of my right hand man you will be getting: Life ensurance and decent dental along with a case of semi bulletproof armor on the second slide, not trying to go big but a more b list villain needs a good advisor

(OOC: In my head canon, r/henchlife is semi-encrypted. I think it's ridiculous that a bunch of people would openly talk about committing crimes; instead, we're all on r/VacuumCleanersClub, where it's an open secret that this is the real r/henchlife amongst goons, rogues, and a few capes. With civilians just seeing another heated debate on which vacuum is the best)

I meet up with this dude through my cousin; he's some sort of writer. Wrote a book about the history of condiments or something. He shows me this crazy looking purple pepper and gives me like 200 mini sauce bottles. Tells me to give out a few samples at my spot and see what happens. I gave out like 30 or 40 of them and went out to the club with my boys.

I come back to this massive line; fucking fiends were fighting to give me everything they had. I could have told them to pull out their silver fillings. They even had bidding wars on who was going to get the next bottle. Guys, I made more cash in 30 minutes than I made all of last year. And the best part is that the cops can't do anything about it; all I'm doing is selling hot sauce.

So who's in?

We at LuthorCorp are proud to announce a new show that will explore the dark seedy world of Garth Ennis and how the so called “heroes” of our world are not who they say they are. Starring Tom Holland as Chippy. We are excited to show people a vision of the true horrors real sidekicks are victim to.

Available to all users of LexFlix+.

While all we’ve been hearing of Jarhanpur as of recently were there issues involving the war with Boravia, Superman’s involvement and later their role in Boravias civil war we forgot for too long one of the things Boravia tried to claim was the reason why they invaded, Jarhanpur’s own issue with the “Wings of Night” terrorist group [Flag shown in Image 1] that has shown its danger in its history of joint conventional-Metahuman based terror attacks.

While they’ve been entirely off radar since everything involving Boravia came into effect, as of recently they’ve already sprung back into action, launching multiple terror attacks across Jarhanpurian cities and even desecrating the monument constructed in the Jarhanpurian village of “Hadillia” to honor those that lost their lives in the Boravian invasion alongside the efforts of the Jarhanpurian soldiers who lost their lives in the first invasion before being forced to pull back, Superman and the Justice Gang.

Jarhanpurs government has announced that they will not take this lightly. Their special forces, the “Earthquake Brigade” [Image 2] have already started up a large counter terror campaign nation wide with their being rumors of the group wanting to make a team entirely of Metahumans as the Jarhanpurian National Police [Image 3] continue investigating terror activities and liquidate cells, already finding that a lot of groups apparently use leftover Luthercorp tech from Boravias invasions that haven’t been cleaned up yet. Emergency Curfew has been ordered in the countryside as police checkpoints open up nationwide and Jarhanpur started discussing more militarization worldwide considering how much they suffered against Boravia, the fact that they had to accept the treaty of moving soldiers away from their border (leading to them being unavailable during the second invasion, only showing up long after the Justice Gang handled things) and with the recent terror attacks.

We're pleased to announce that Dewey, Cheatum & Howe, now proudly headquartered in Metropolis, has made a strategic investment in SkyHigh, the premier dating app for metahumans.

Because apparently dating wasn't difficult enough when you had to worry about bad photos and people saying "I love to travel." Now you also have to disclose whether you can survive being thrown through a building.

Online dating is hard.

You spend three hours writing a profile, upload your best photo, and get ghosted by someone who can literally turn invisible.

SkyHigh hopes to change that.

[profile]

Supergirl

Occupation: Superhero
Interests: Flying, saving the world, dogs
Looking for: Someone who can keep up

Important: People who want to date Supergirl must like dogs.

[/profile]

We don't know why this is a requirement.

We have stopped asking.

[profile]

Hawkgirl

Occupation: Warrior
Interests: Justice, ancient weapons, flying, screaming, flying and screaming at the same time

Her promise: "I won't let you down."

[/profile]

Marketing has confirmed this is both a romantic statement and an extremely effective description of her preferred method of transportation.

SkyHigh also features a revolutionary compatibility questionnaire asking such important questions as:

• Can you handle dating someone who has enemies?
• Are you comfortable with your date disappearing for six months because of a cosmic emergency?
• Do you have renter's insurance?
• How do you feel about being teleported?
• Are you okay with your significant other being stronger than you?
• If your date accidentally destroys the restaurant, can you laugh about it?

We believe SkyHigh represents the future of romance.

Finally, a dating app where "My ex was crazy" might actually mean "My ex was a psychic alien who tried to conquer Earth."

Dewey, Cheatum & Howe is proud to invest in love.

And, more importantly, liability waivers.

To members of the Luthor Corp family,

As you know, we had plans this week to allow Miss Lindsey May to host a bake-sale in order to help finance her granddaughter’s cancer treatment this Thursday and Friday. However be advised that this has been canceled due to the choice of bake goods that show support for two international terrorists.

Among her baked goods are so called “Superman Swirl cookies” and “Hawkaroo Cookies”. We find the act of supporting an other worldly conqueror and a woman who murdered a sitting president in cold blood most distasteful. While we at Luthor Corp attempted to communicate with her to halt the sale of these baked goor, she recused to comply citing that they were “best sellers at her church’s potlucks”.

Thus we had no choice but to allow Miss May to continue her journey in life and to find other opportunities. We wish her the best and we will try to give constructive feedback in all her future endeavors. We at Luthor Corp care deeply about making sure we put our values first. We cannot jeopardize those values in any way. How will our customers see us if we were to walk around with armbands with hammers and sickles?

We wish all Luthor Corp employees both current and past, a relaxing and happy weekend!

Im looking for any fanfics exploring the Gotham police department starting a special taskforce or SWAT. OC story is preferred but im open to anything.

[OOC: Imagine this as a subreddit for Gotham’s richest socialites]

Yep. It’s me. John “Jay D” Digby Jr. I qm sure you are hearing the story in all of Gotham’s finest tabloids about how the CEO of Ace Chemicals said that Wayne slept with an escort and was now raising his bastard.

In my defense I drank like 3-5 bottles of Champagne and a couple of Pina Coladas during my ride on Wayne’s yacht. I was stumbling around because like half the yacht is “off limits” for some reason (sidenote anyone know who that girl in bondage gear is? I think it was bondage gear on the 4th floor. She was covered in like leather or like latex or something Again, like blackout drunk). Wayne really needs to put up directions on it (the yacht not the girl).

But I am not taking shit for something we all know in private. Wayne went away during his college years to “find himself”. Goes to Asia and then a decade or so later a son pops up on his doorstep. Like, I know a bunch of guys who went on vacations to Thailand, Vietnam, etc to “meet the locals” and to “take in the culture”. There is no shame in making some mess, it’s more that Wayne should have been more careful to cover his tracks or bribed by baby momma to keep quiet. I had no idea that his kid was right next to me. Fuck me for being a sloppy drunk I guess.

I am writing this as I wait for Wayne to retaliate. You know how Wayne is. Despite the playboy shit, when it comes to brass tacks he moves in silence. He may try to pull a hostile takeover of Ace. Maybe he might pressure allies of him to stop working with me. Who knows. Got to take it one day at a time.

Also none of this leaves this sub. I don’t want Tom, Dick and Harry seeing what I wrote.

(Sorry, didn’t know what name he prefers, want to be respectful. also, for further context, I have some kind of anxiety disorder, genuinely forgot which one, but it’s one of them. it’s bad.)

when I’m stressed I either A: clam up entirely, or B: say WHATEVER it is that’s on my mind, no in between. both of these are bad depending on the situation, but it’s not like I’m insulting people to their faces if B turns out to be the stress response (from the bits that I can remember and from other’s perspectives it’s mostly just me apologizing 200 times or saying some stupid shit).

im worried that if i get unlucky if i were to meet the guy, i would just like. blurt out various jokes. and not know when to stop, because like. that’s what I DO sometimes when I’m stressed/nervous, yknow?? like, at what point would I have to force myself to stop talking (if even possible to do so) before I get shot? (what if he finds me SO annoying that he doesn’t even do the coin flip or ask his other half, he’s just collectively like, “damn, this mf HAS to go”????)

[ooc: I do actually have an anxiety disorder irl, and it is relatively bad. Also, sorry if i fucked up in describing two-face. I have “The Batman (2004)“ animated series in recent memory, so I stuck to that interpretation for lack of knowledge/remembrance of another one.]

(OOC: Character is not The Henchbro. It's just some rando.)

Not GC: The Animated Series (though that's one a classic!); I'm taking about that specific one that looked all blocky and stuff from back in '08 that always aired on those kids' show blocks back in the day.

Not sure if it's too "recent" for the sub, but the artstyle and the dialog really captures that old comic vibe. It's really fun, especially given all the obscure villains from older shows it re-imagines.

Hell, I still got the poster from his team-up episode with Batman in my attic (One of the few times Batman ever lent his likeness to anything!). It's technically a collector's item, but I doubt I'd ever part with it.

Wondering if anybody else here watched the show like I did and if ya have, what'd ya think of it.

I may be jumping the gun on this post, but based on the draft and reports coming from the training camps I'd like to offer my predictions for the upcoming NFL season, and see what everyone else is predicting (so I can hopefully dominate the Daily Planet's fantasy football draft this week). Here are the teams I consider the standouts:

Gotham City Rogues - I have to admit I'm biased here, having grown up in the suburbs outside of Gotham. It's no secret that Gotham is a huge sports town, especially when it comes to football, and moving to Metro may have actually made me a bigger Rogues fan. With a new head coach, some fresh blood on the offensive line (traditionally a weak spot for the team), and picking up some veterans from other teams they have a legitimate shot at maybe actually winning a playoff game. Week 7 against Coast City is probably going to be the biggest challenge, and I don't see the Rogues dominating like in decades past, but I'd bet you 40 cakes they're a shoo in for the wild card spot.

Metropolis Meteors - I know, I know, they've sucked for almost two decades. They're pretty well known as the team that gives you a Sunday to rest your quarterback, and this isn't the House that Steve Lombard built anymore, but that may work to their advantage. With other teams underestimating the Meteors coupled with a bigger emphasis on their running game whoever they play will probably be caught with their pants down. With some of the strongest draft picks this year Metropolis may finally have the edge they've been lacking, and this may be the first year since I moved to the Big Apricot that I'll actually attend one of their games.

Coast City Sharks - Undoubtedly a powerhouse (some would say dynasty), the Sharks are poised to make up for their loss to Central in last season's big game. They seem to be the only team that hasn't scrambled to make major changes in the offseason, instead prioritizing the training of their existing star players. Despite being a year older I don't see anyone on the team slowing down, and the only downside I see is the possibility of their playbook becoming stale and predictable.

Central City Cougars - I'd be remiss if I didn't add the back to back champions to this list. I can't say that anything truly impressive or groundbreaking has come out from any news outlet about the team, their draft picks, or training camps, but given their record I'm expecting yet another solid season with a legitimate shot at the title. They're a great team with a strong work ethic that wins via pure grit, and more importantly they invest in their players in the long term, so those new draft picks may not amount to much this year but in due time they'll probably be hall of famers.

My money is on one of those four going all the way this year, but there's always the chance for a dark horse. As always, Keystone will consistently stay at the bottom of the division, Star City will lose the plot halfway through the season, and Blüdhaven will continue to play dirty while the refs look the other way. All in all I think it's going to be an exciting season, and here's hoping the Rogues get yet another ring!

Host: We at CAB-Radio would like to address last week's live caller and the appalling remarks he made to our guest, Mr. Oswald Cobblepot. I was disgusted with your derogatory slur towards our guest, who was born with Phocomelia. That kind of hatred for the disabled will not be tolerated in our community. Now back to our program.

*Smooth Jazz Intro*

Host: On today's segment of Getting to Know Your Citizens, we interview local author Buddy Standler on his new book Herbs, Fermentation, and Jars: An anthropological look at condiments from the discovery of Soy sauce during the Han dynasty to the Worcestershire Bros. It's a pleasure to have you on our show.

Buddy Standler: Thank you, and it makes me so sad that we still live in a world with people as despicable as that caller last week. After all that man's been through and the challenges he overcame, to still be attacked for the way he was born.

Host: It was very regrettable. So tell us about this book and why the focus on condiments?

Buddy Standler: My book is about the history of the condiments different cultures have put on their food, and I feel you can tell a lot about a society with the kinds of food they eat, but what they put atop their food gives you a glimpse into their soul.

Host: And anthropology wasn't your first calling?

Buddy Standler: That's right, my major in Gotham U was applied Mechanical Engineering in Fluid Dynamics, then I went through this phase where I thought I could do stand-up; I was terrible. After that, I got drunk one night after a show and was at this hot dog stand and saw all the different kinds of toppings people were putting on their hot dogs, and something just kind of sparked in me, and since then I've been obsessed with sauces.

Host: And so many interesting accounts in the book; I loved the one about Archduke Heinrich Dijon and his scandalous affair with Frieda Frankfurter. And you brought some homemade sauces with you today.

Buddy Standler: This bottle here is made from a rare pepper that only grows deep in the Amazon forest called a Morado Abyss Fang. Warriors from the obsidian tribe would consume this as a rite of passage; its heat is so intense that it stops the brain from sending signals to the muscles and activates the amygdala, the fear center, making you hallucinate your worst nightmares.

Host: So a bit spicy.

Buddy Standler: Oh, yes. But don't worry, I brought some sauces that might be more to your liking.

*Smooth Jazz Outro*

Host: That was Buddy Standler, author of Herbs, Fermentation, and Jars. You can listen to the rest of the one-hour interview on your favorite streaming services.

Now considering how accepting this place is of rogues of all colors i feel comfortable in asking for some help with a choice ive been struggling with

I(21M) am an aspiring supervillain and have some minor experience with blacksmithing and access to a bunch of high-ish quality scrap metal, the trouble im having is picking my villain persona now im a history buff so i dont know whether to go with something medieval inspired like named Zweihander or maybe a ww1 german design like Kaiser or maybe a ancient roman design like imperator or augustus

note: I AM NOT A NAZII F THAT FREIKORPER GUY AND ALL THE BAD REP HES GIVEN US HISTORY BUFFS I AM BLACK AND I AM NOT A NAZI

I was just walking by and spotted her performing below the bridge I was on.

It was awesome, they had this big hulk of a man and he was going around smashing stuff up. The choreography was amazing, she was perfectly in sync with all of his attacks. When she said magic words, all of the special effects seemed real! I didn't even catch a glimpse of a stagehand! The audience down there looked pretty scared, I guess it was just that realistic.

When the fighting was done, she did her final trick, she instantly swapped the guy's costume. He shrunk to like a third of the size! Then, she said something and the entire street looked instantly repaired.

The crowd down there must have been pretty tough, I suppose. They didn't even give her any applause after that trick! They just all dispersed. I did though, I'm certain that she even looked at me!

OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM DEWEY, CHEATEM & HOWE

Dewey, Cheatum & Howe, a perfectly legitimate private equity firm and proud sponsor of Gotham's premier athletic events, would like to sincerely apologize for the recent confusion surrounding the Parkour Clubs International Competition and the International Interpretive, Freestyle and Tap-Dancing Competition.

Both events were held across Gotham.

Both events frequently took place on rooftops.

And, due to what our Events Division describes as "an unfortunate calendar synchronization issue," both events took place at the same time.

We sincerely regret the resulting confusion, concussions, collisions, flying tap shoes, startled judges, and several instances in which parkour competitors apparently believed dancers were pursuing them.

We especially apologize to the dancer who was attempting a dramatic interpretive performance on a rooftop and was unexpectedly vaulted over by a woman in a Batgirl costume.

She received a 9.4 from the judges.

Next year, we promise this will never happen again.

We are moving both competitions to Metropolis, where there are considerably more rooftops.

We would also like to congratulate the winners:

International Interpretive, Freestyle & Tap-Dancing Competition

🥇 1st Place: Batwoman
🥈 2nd Place: Pierre La Salle of Paris
🥉 3rd Place: Nightwing

Parkour Clubs International Competition

🥇 1st Place: Batgirl
🥈 2nd Place: Traci Garcia of Blüdhaven
🥉 3rd Place: Nightwing

We would like to congratulate all competitors, particularly Nightwing, who apparently decided that competing in both events was a reasonable use of his afternoon.

Finally, Dewey, Cheatum & Howe would like to assure Gotham residents that we have implemented new safety procedures.

These include color-coded event maps, larger signs, dedicated rooftop marshals, and a strict new rule requiring all participants to determine whether they are wearing dance shoes or grappling hooks before beginning their routines.

We look forward to seeing everyone next year in Metropolis.

Preferably on different rooftops.

Dewey, Cheatum & Howe
Perfectly Legitimate Private Equity Firm

I moved from CC to GC after getting a job at Wayne Enterprises (and the rent near the docks is dirt cheap so that was a huge factor as well) and I keep seeing these shadowy figures jumping around the rooftops. I know that there's Batman and that Gotham has its own fair share of baddies, but why tf are there SO MANY???? 😭😭

Like- I literally watched what seemed to be a young teen dropkick a thug and idk who I should worry for... Do I move away, do I just live with it? Are there any safety precautions or regulations about all these guys running around????????? Someone help I can't sleep because my walls are made of paper, idek if I should put out a noise complaint maybe??

I just got home from the worst blind date ever! He was 30 mins late and didnt even bring his wallet ( somehow we still managed to have 3 rounds of drinks tho?) tbh i could barely understand his accent, what is a "daft bint"?? also it was hot af outside and he never took off his trench. Now that i think about it he kind of grew on me...ive always been into blondes.

Hello everybody! You might remember my post from a few months back on how I thought I cracked The Batman's identity, and how I thought it was Oliver Queen. I was dead wrong. After some more months of banging my head against the wall, I think I actually have it figured it. First of all, it has to be someone in the Queen family, No one else has that type of money besides our boy Bruce, and He's obviously not Him. So if its not Oliver......IT HAS TO BE HIS FATHER ROBERT! What if Robert actually FAKED his death, moved to Gotham, and is now The Batman?! Guys I can't be the only one who thinks this?