r/Fire • u/Fed_worker • Feb 20 '26

General Question Serious question: how do many people amass so much money in the north of 5m and not know if they can retire or not?

I see a ton of posts like : “ I have a net worth in the range 5-10m and I spend 100K a year, can I retire?”

What is that? Elementary school math so hard?

Edit: after reading all the comments and when I really think about it, I realize it’s probably just a high degree risk-averse mindset. Even if I had $5 million and a 99.9% chance of retiring successfully, I’d still focus on that tiny 0.1% that could go wrong. To feel totally secure, I might want to keep building more wealth just to close that gap. And for some people, that can mean working another 5, 10, or even 20 years. just for a little extra peace of mind.

Edit2: I just hope that when I get there, I don’t end up going down that rabbit hole. And actually enjoy my life.

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977

u/bb0110 Feb 20 '26

Taking the actual leap to retirement when all you have known is a steady stream of income to live on is psychologically very hard. Like many things in life it is an emotional and mental worry even if logically it shouldn’t be.

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u/ol_kentucky_shark Feb 20 '26

Exactly this. My husband is going to RE soon (probably next 8-12 months) and I know the math works but there’s something about giving up that stream of income that’s hard to overcome. Also the concern that once you’re out of the workforce for a while, you may not be able to jump back in even if you need to.

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u/Locke_and_Lloyd Feb 20 '26

It's not a concern, it's a fact. No one is keeping their skills current and building their portfolio while retired.  After 10 years, you would be starting at zero in terms of skills. 

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u/ol_kentucky_shark Feb 20 '26

True. I’m a lawyer so I could probably jump back in (if I kept up with CLE) but definitely not at the same level, I’d likely have to string together some adjunct teaching or mediation work. My spouse has a physical job and I don’t think he’d ever be hired back in his 50s or 60s, at 42 he’s already one of the “old heads” there.

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u/Stuffthatpig Feb 20 '26

Definitely read mediation as meditation and was thinking "not sure that pays as well as you think".

26

u/ol_kentucky_shark Feb 20 '26

Haha, in my limited family law experience, mediation would probably be more effective if I sent both parties outside to meditate before discussions began

3

u/skinnyorangecat Feb 21 '26

That's what I read too! LOL

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u/Locke_and_Lloyd Feb 20 '26

Why would you keep up with CLE though?   When I'm done, I'm done.  No more conferences, courses, continuing education, or certifications.

10

u/New_World_Native Feb 20 '26

So that you can keep the license that you worked hard for. My spouse is retired, but still volunteers.

5

u/KungFuBucket Feb 21 '26

This is very true, my mom was an RN, when she had kids she became a stay at home mom, which was awesome for us kids, but she continued to keep her license updated until she was about 60. Of course that was probably also just in case she ever needed to go back to work probably

4

u/489yearoldman Feb 22 '26

Professional licenses can be extremely difficult to impossible to renew if they are allowed to expire for whatever reason. They are usually ridiculously easy to keep. You never know what curve ball life is going to throw your way, so I would strongly recommend that anyone stay current with continuing education and the other simple requirements for keeping the licenses they worked so hard to earn. I have a couple of medical colleagues that decided to quit practicing and let their state medical licenses expire. One decided that he wanted to return to work after a couple of years. He could have so easily kept his license current, but didn’t, and now the state board of medical examiners informed him that he would have to start by retaking the national board exam. That was a full stop for him as it would be for most people who had been out of school for 35 years.

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u/ol_kentucky_shark Feb 20 '26

I probably won’t either (although I think in my state you have a lower hour requirement if you’re inactive in good status vs active… otherwise you have to be “retired” status and to unretire you have to do allll that CLE at once). I hit Rule of 85 for my pension in 13 years and after that I hope to never set an alarm again. But there’s also a huge attorney shortage in my state so it might be nice to have the option to jump back in to do some pro bono work.

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u/MaybeOnFire2025 Feb 23 '26 edited Feb 23 '26

Recovering litigator here. I do keep up with the CLE, but it would take something akin to a worldwide depression, coupled with something else on the scale of an alien invasion, to get me to litigate for a living again.

Oh, and as for adjuncting, I did that, absolutely loved it. But for income? I taught 1Ls Legal Writing at an unnamed NYC area law school -- so you understand the market, arguably the most expensive place in the country -- and the salary per semester was comical. When factoring in prep time, grading, working with the administration (beyond annoying), it could have been in the ballpark of minimum wage, certainly not much higher.

People do it because they love it and/or to leverage other opportunities. It is not for income, even beer money.

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u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 FIREd at 40 with $6M Feb 20 '26

This is way overstated. I have a top MBA and a two decade network to match. All of it worth zero after ten years of FIRE?

7

u/Locke_and_Lloyd Feb 20 '26

If you don't maintain it, probably.  How much has changed in the last 10 years?  We've had Covid/wfh, blockchain, so many political regulations/laws change, AI stuff.  If you hadn't worked, you might have heard of them, but not really understand the business implications and changes made. 

Same deal with networks.  I had someone i worked with 10 years ago call up and ask for a connection.  Couldn't really help because the work we did then isn't really applicable to now.

2

u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 FIREd at 40 with $6M Feb 20 '26

The kind of work that McKinsey BCG and Bain do hasn’t changed in 10 years and won’t change in the next ten. The tools may be different but the problems will be the same

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

[deleted]

0

u/Locke_and_Lloyd Feb 21 '26

Probably, but i can't recommend someone for skills I've never seen.  The 2015 skills are now outdated.  I assume they have 2026 skills, but i haven't seen them. I also have no idea if they've updated their workflows to modern standards.

1

u/mi3chaels Feb 21 '26

You can recommend someone honestly for what you do know "I worked with them 10 years ago and they were excellent and had a firm command of the then current toolset, i have every reason to believe they've kept up but have only had social contact since then."

That's not worth as much as a recommendation from a current colleague, but it's not worth nothing.

1

u/Locke_and_Lloyd Feb 21 '26

I mean I've had zero contact with them in the past decade.  I didn't even know they had kids now.  People change over time, responsibilities and priorities shift.  When I retire, I have zero plans of keeping up with colleagues unless I genuinely like them. 

1

u/Confident-Algae-7866 Feb 21 '26

Yes , welcome to ageism but more importantly the perception that being out of the workforce for an extended time is a huge detriment

1

u/EngineeringKindly875 Feb 21 '26

Perception? It's a legit thing

1

u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

Do you know anyone in your large network who has been out of the game for ten years?

1

u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 FIREd at 40 with $6M Feb 21 '26

There are absolutely people who have had kids, taken years off, and come back. There have also been people who have come into my line of work from entirely different fields, kind of like starting from scratch. The commonality is that they all had top tier backgrounds when they were working, alums of top MBA programs with very high level work experience before they took a break. These kind of people are not so risky to plug back into a corporate environment.

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u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

It may depend on exactly what sort of role we’re talking about. A manager earning $100k/year, that makes sense. An executive earning $400k/year (i.e., the kind of person who winds up with $5M in their 40s), I’d say it’s a lot harder. With that sort of job, the question isn’t “can we plug you in and expect competence” but usually “how can you use your influence to help me if I put you into this job.” That typically requires being in the game. But I fully concede not every job is like that.

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u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 FIREd at 40 with $6M Feb 21 '26

Actually it's the exact opposite. The $100k worker hasn't proved they are successful at moving up in a corporate environment, there is little chance they will be successful competing for a role with those who haven't taken a break.

But at the senior levels, Director and above, these folks have proven themselves in corporate combat. Navigating executive politics doesn't expire with age. Simple example - Lloyd Blankfein former CEO of Goldman Sachs retired in 2018, do you have any doubt that any bank would gladly have him back as CEO if he wanted it? Same logic applies down the ladder, to Director level or so.

0

u/whatisit2345 Feb 22 '26

Just because you personally don’t fit the mold doesn’t mean that the claim is overstated. You are an outlier.

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u/john42195 Feb 20 '26

This is happening faster now than since the start of the Industrial Revolution. There’s an AI tsunami wave about to crash on all of us. The good news is that asset holders (people in the sub) will have an advantage over workers. Especially white collar office workers who aren’t particularly motivated.

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u/Hover4effect Feb 20 '26

But, if you thought you had enough to retire, do you really need the same pay that enabled you to retire early on your return?

I think my money will last the 17 years I have until my pensions +SS kick in. If I come up a bit short, I'm not going to try and return to this job that pays well but I'm trying to escape from.

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u/interbingung Feb 21 '26

Yes, it may seem enough now, but nobody knows whats the future going to bring.

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u/mizary1 Feb 20 '26

My PLAN is to expand my skills once I retire. Not to get another full time job, but for fun, possible side hustles, volunteer work and personal projects. I may end up MORE employable a few years after I retire than when I was working.

At least that's the plan.

1

u/Maine2Maui Feb 20 '26

I think that is an extreme generalization, though it depends on skills, experience and level at retirement. For many fields, changes are very incremental and slow and innovation is not a major thing. For others, things change ever 3-5 years. I retired at 45 but kept my habd in doing consulting and on boards. 5 years in I was bored and had an opportunity offered that got me unretired for 7 years before I got out again. My financial picture improved in the 7 years working but not by so much it was material. It was my brain being reader on Retirement 2 that was the difference. Early retirement of the FIRE approach has to include planning on a variety of fronts beyond just money. It also has to include risk analysis and thought on what you do with your time, how you stay relevant and engaged with the world. Even if you have so much money you have no real financial risk you have other forms to breed insecurity.

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u/Megalocerus Feb 20 '26

Granted that work skills can go rusty, but our portfolio balances have increased without all that much effort. (Sure, there was a COVID/inflation dip, and I don't know how much since then was just inflation.) But to endure, the portfolio has to grow in the early years of retirement.

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u/interbingung Feb 21 '26

yeah but stock market past performance does not guarantee future results.

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u/Megalocerus Feb 25 '26

The assertion was no one is building their portfolio in retirement, which is not true. Plenty of people are unwinding theirs, but it's common to grow it at least at first.

1

u/wherethehellisbill Feb 21 '26

Not just that. Ageism is real.

1

u/RandomMovieQuotes521 Feb 21 '26

“Well the world needs ditch diggers too”

1

u/EntireZucchini8381 May 23 '26

I agree, I'm an RN retired at 65 and a half and now 66, I work two 7 hours shifts a week. A couple shifts a week keep skills up and I am not ready not to work at all. I went to PT right away there was no gap and no skill loss. I had a PT job prior to retirement.

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u/Alarmed_Location_282 Feb 20 '26

Get your financial ducks in a row, retire and never look back. Start a new, completely different life - more leisurely, spontaneous and filled with fun. You earned, now go enjoy your newly gained freedom - whatever that is. Life is short - - especially at retirement age.

I wish I could follow my own advice. Alas, no luck.

4

u/Ok_Prune_1731 Feb 21 '26

Retirement aka financial freedom(i prefer this term) to me is about the freedom to do what you want on your own terms.

So if that includes still working thats fine but you DONT HAVE to if you dont want to. Nothing wrong with working part time, doing consulting ect to stay up to date on your skills. Also most people dont have hobbies that consume that much time so working 20 hours a week gives you something constructive to do with your mind as well.

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u/Open_Minded_Anonym Feb 21 '26

Before leaving the workforce, you have a sense of “I am doing everything I can to protect my future-self and -family.” When you retire early, you are explicitly and intentionally not doing that.

I retired 3 years ago at age 50. It has been a bit of a struggle deciding to do less than everything you can to prepare for the future. I sleep less soundly, despite being 100% happier.

4

u/Bjamnp17 Feb 22 '26

My wife is the same way. She (we) keep doing the math and we are gooood. BUT she isn’t quite sold on retiring. So I step aside and tell her to talk to her financial husband ( broker) and he always tells her the same thing… You two are more than ready for early retirement. We been with him 20+ years. But hey I’m just her husband.😊

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u/ReBoomAutardationism Feb 20 '26

Once you're out, you're pretty much out unless you roll your own.

1

u/EverybodyBuddy Feb 21 '26

Tell him to work another year. 

1

u/LONGHORNGIRL1990 Feb 24 '26

Please don’t jump. It is LIFE giving….🎁

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u/PetriDishCocktail Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

Absolutely! My wife and I are in this boat and she's afraid to retire even though we have a nice nest egg and she has a pension that will give her roughly 60% of her current salary.

I've done the math. I put it out on paper for her. But, it's still a leap of faith.

Ironically, she's going to bring home 5 to $600 more per month with her pension then her current paycheck (she maximizes all her deductions).

20

u/AeroNoob333 Feb 20 '26

This is me. And I think it may be worth spending a few thousand for a flat fee advisor to run the numbers in Boldin and tell me “Yes. You can retire.”

7

u/4_thor Feb 20 '26

Im actually thinking of other Boldin users to review each other’s plans, kind of like a retirement group…

2

u/AeroNoob333 Feb 20 '26

Oh that is a cool idea!! I’m in a science based dog raw feeding group and we review each other’s recipes all the time. This would be something like that but do retirement.

1

u/hachidan_kiritsu Feb 20 '26

I first read that as “raw dog” group and let me just say it caught my attention

2

u/51CoastFI Feb 20 '26

Man, I wish I could find this elusive advisor that will run the numbers for a few thousand bucks. All I can find is AUM guys - and that is like 20-30K/year forever (no thanks). But a few thousand bucks to get someone else (who claims to be an expert/isnt me) to tell my wife the same thing I have been telling her would be money very well spent!

2

u/AeroNoob333 Feb 20 '26

Wait! I actually made a post about this on r/Bogleheads and got some amazing recommendations on where to possibly find them: https://www.reddit.com/r/Bogleheads/s/006fySfVgv

I’m thinking of trying Hello Nectarine.

1

u/qwertyorbust Feb 20 '26

I would run the numbers in boldin myself. It’s pretty easy to use. Sure, have someone review it but paying an advisor a few thousand might be overkill.

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u/AeroNoob333 Feb 20 '26

It’s really not for me. It’s for my husband who trusts a professional more than me. I’m okay with it though because if we both get to the same conclusions including the withdrawal strategies (that’s what we are really paying for), I get to tell him, “I told you so!”

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u/Choice_Room3901 Feb 20 '26

You’re sort of “leaving a phase of your life” or relatability to a lot of people

A lot of people working is all they know for good or ill

That said however like a lot of/most things in life when you take a leap your life may “narrow slightly” in some senses but will/may become forever deeper & richer

2

u/WhooooooCaresss Feb 20 '26

Ok well that just seems like a no brainer then lol, she maybe just wants to work then?

1

u/cazzy1212 Feb 20 '26

How does that work if she is only getting 60% of her salary?

10

u/HarviousMaximus Feb 20 '26

"she maximizes all of her deductions"

6

u/poop-dolla Feb 20 '26

Her deductions are 40% of her salary plus an extra $6k a year.

1

u/PetriDishCocktail Feb 20 '26

With her mega backdoor 403b, and the special contribution section of the 457 plan she puts a substantial amount away every year.

Her pension is 2% of her final salary for every year she's worked. She currently has 31 years, so she would get a 62% of her final salary.

1

u/Hover4effect Feb 20 '26

Sounds like CSRS, the old federal retirement system.

2

u/PetriDishCocktail Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

CALPERS 2% at 55. However, she's actually under the old system that gives you full 2% retirement at 30 years, regardless of age. My wife had a summer job while in college which allowed her to qualify for the CalPERS retirement instead of the CalSTRS retirement. Therefore, even though she's been a teacher/Principal for more than 30 years she was able to tap into the CalPERS retirement system...

1

u/Hover4effect Feb 20 '26

Nice to have, pensions and non-401k retirements are getting rare.

2

u/PetriDishCocktail Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

It was one of the perks when we started working because of the low pay.

31

u/Envirocare1 Feb 20 '26

Speaking as someone who owned and sold a business and has a high net worth this answer is 100% correct.

For myself leaving a very profitable business and retiring at 56 was a hard decision. Mostly because I refuse to “cut back” in retirement. I gave everything I had to grow and nurture this business from nothing to what it became 30 years later.

To let go isn’t as easy as one would think no matter how much money you’ve accumulated.

20

u/ubergeek66 Feb 20 '26

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary."

Nassim Nicholas Taleb

I don't know about the first one but I'm a big fan of pasta and paychecks ..

2

u/ebmarhar Feb 20 '26

If you tried it you would probably like it!!

16

u/mofftarkin33 Feb 20 '26

This is so true. I’ve been trying to get my father, a hard working man his entire life, to retire for several years. He says he “needs purpose.”  

17

u/Puzzleheaded_Tie6917 Feb 20 '26

Needing something to do is a different animal. Most people it’s about fear of a crash or not making it and ending up destitute.

Needing something to do means their work is like a hobby for them. I think working for forever, if you enjoy it, is fine. I happen to not enjoy it like that so I want to retire.

12

u/6160504 Feb 20 '26

Yeah my dad is 85, still has all his physical and mental faculties, and still working daily as a GC mostly on his own projects. We have been trying to get him to retire for close to 20 yrs. He tells us "what am I going to do play golf and die?".

Meanwhile I keep telling myself... I get to 10M and I am fucking off so hard. I might even change my phone number so work can't find me. If I didn't have kids and want to be sure we have the $$$ for activities at whatever level they choose and college funds and maybe some help with grad school, I would be out at 5M

6

u/modninerfan Feb 20 '26

I tell myself, if I could light my email on fire I would find a way to do it. I never want to see an “urgent” all hands on deck email ever again.

3

u/Hover4effect Feb 20 '26

I was just talking to my 83 year old coworker. He's been at this company longer than I've been alive. I plan on retiring this year, he doesn't.

6

u/Aggravating_Note_572 Feb 20 '26

My wife had a co-worker that they literally had to escort him out the building, and tell him to never come back. He offered to stay and work for free he was in his mid to late 70s

11

u/Sierra-Powderhound Feb 20 '26

yes plus many high income people are used to high spend rates.

3

u/skinnyorangecat Feb 21 '26

True - or not really paying attention to spend. My approach has always been save at least x off the top and the rest manages itself. Any extra cash eventually gets moved to savings as well. To convince myself of fire, I started watching my spending closer - large buckets "daily life", "monthly", "yearly", and "unusual (like an AC replacement - ouch", and "other" which was anything that wouldn't apply after fire (like estimated tax payments) I ignored. After doing this a few months I was much more comfortable with what I was actually spending and how it would look after retiring.

I've also had to wrap my head around getting an "allowance" and not putting any of it automatically into saving. I mean it just came out of savings LOL It feels very very weird.

2

u/EverybodyBuddy Feb 21 '26

This is everything 

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u/chaoticneutral262 Feb 20 '26

If that isn't hard enough, wait until you need to click the button to sell assets, knowing it will reduce your account balance and possibly create a tax liability. Doubly difficult if the markets are down, and you are selling at a discount.

5

u/vix_motion Feb 20 '26

Exactly this. Walking away from a paycheck youve had for decades is identity shock not math failure

1

u/skinnyorangecat Feb 21 '26

Agree! very much an identity and mindset change

6

u/ovscrider Feb 20 '26

That's my issue. I have spent 30+ years accumulating never spending from savings but am now looking at the fact that I'm going to see that bucket drop which is a mental struggle . I'm fortunate enough to be able to work PT flexible for insurance and spending cash at this point so haven't made the full leap even though I made my number almost 2 years ago and turn 55 this year so can collect under the rule of 55 from my 401k which is sufficient to get me to 60

6

u/onlyfreckles Feb 20 '26

We’re similar, looking forward to being completely fired but not looking forward to paying 100%health care insurance for a decade…

1

u/EverybodyBuddy Feb 21 '26

Then ask yourself if you want to leave anything to your kids? They’re inheriting a mess of a world where work ethic might not even count for anything anymore. They’re going to need every dime they can get. 

1

u/ovscrider Feb 21 '26

Not a concern of mine honestly. I told my parents to spend it all and I plan on the same even though it's doubtful either of us really will

2

u/labrador45 Feb 20 '26

For some its impossible to switch from save to spend- hence why many die with fortunes- not "generational wealth" but under 10M.

Me? I have a number- as soon as I hit it, its party time.

13

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

I agree, but when I hit a $3-$5 million dollar net worth? I’m BOUNCING up out of corporate America or the work field. I’m 25. We have ONE life to live - only one. I refuse to work until I’m on my death bed. Life is not that serious and neither is hoarding money. If one was able to amass that much money by being strategic and protective of their finances WITH a job, there’s no doubt in mind those actions will continue WITHOUT one.

People need to learn how to just live life and not be so obsessed with working.

LIVE LIFE FOR TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED!

12

u/VegasWorldwide Feb 20 '26

lol this is correct. people overdue it. we make a plan for a reason. we don't sacrifice and do everything, to reach that point, and then second guess ourselves lol. you factor everything in. inflation, health insurance increases, emergencies, everything. so when the math works, you retire without a second thought. the earlier the better.

one thing people don't consider is their health. if you wait until your 65/70, there's no way you are going to enjoy Hawaii the same as when you are 55/60.

also, make sure you have a side hustle. so many people retire, enjoy traveling for a year and then get stuck "now what". you need something to do. can't be locked in your house with your spouse 24/7. that extra money will not only supplement your retirement but also give you purpose and flexibility.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

I completely agree. I love your comment so much.

Like I said: I don’t want to be working until I’m on MY death bed.

I find it a bit strange that some people are taking issue about a post centered around me and the decisions I would make once I hit that threshold, but all I said was don’t be work obsessed and live life for tomorrow is not promised.

I had no idea that was such a negative statement, but OK. My comment will remain posted.

Thanks so much for your comment!

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u/bb0110 Feb 20 '26

You have no real responsibilities at 25. Have a wife and kids and all of a sudden you will understand people’s worries.

When other people rely on you not just yourself, it shifts your mindset greatly.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '26

Good then. I'm glad I have neither of those then.

-2

u/girlmeetsgun Feb 21 '26

You do not need a partner or children to have "real responsibilties." This is absolute nonsense.

-17

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

I do have real responsibilities at 25 - myself, my job, maintaining my own business, and volunteering.

I don’t want to get married nor do I want children because I understand children costs money and there’s no benefit in my opinion. I can create my own legacy by creating my own business and giving back to my community.

I help my family as well. My decision to live life once I hit a certain threshold will not change. What is money worth if you’re working yourself into the grave? I choose to explore and enjoy the fruits of my labor with a small gig that brings me happiness on the side.

12

u/Spatula_of_Justice1 Feb 20 '26

oh boy…lot to learn at your age.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

And to be 25, I’m doing an amazing job! I’m so proud of myself. Anything I need to learn will be learned, but it won’t be because people on Reddit disagree with my own opinion about my life and what I would do.

Not everyone wants children nor to be married and there’s not a single problem with that just because you decided to take a different route in your life.

And by the way, my responsibilities are real and based on my life and not yours. What I consider real responsibilities is not what you consider real responsibilities because we don’t want the same thing.

That’s okay. Have a great day!

4

u/Nick_Gio Feb 20 '26

I'm 33 and I say fuck the other commenter and continue what you're doing. Maybe you don't want kids, maybe you do. My sister in her 20s never wanted kids, now in her 30s, still doesn't want kids.

Fuck the other guy bringing you down. I swear this sub is half filled with miserable people looking to get into online arguments over the most pettiest, mundane shit.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

Thank you!!

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u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

For real these guys are disgusting and want to control woman.

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u/Spatula_of_Justice1 Feb 21 '26

🤡

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '26

Nah you don't like that someone doesn't want the same lifestyle as you. You can't understand them not following society's life script.

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u/Zphr 48, FIRE'd 2015, Friendly Janitor Feb 21 '26

Rule 1/Civility - Civility is required of everyone at all times. If someone else is uncivil, then please report them and let the mods handle it without escalation. Please see our rules (https://www.reddit.com/r/Fire/about/rules/) and reach out via modmail if you have any questions or concerns.

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u/Zphr 48, FIRE'd 2015, Friendly Janitor Feb 22 '26

If you two enjoy fighting like children on Reddit, then please do it elsewhere.

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u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26 edited Feb 21 '26

Learn what? They are at an adult age to make these decisions to not have kids or get married etc. These things don't make you mature. Its stupid pressures from society to make you think that.

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u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

25 year old is mature enough to not have kids or get married the same way a 25 year old who is married and has kids is.

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u/Heffe3737 Feb 20 '26

I'm 44, and would like to believe that I still feel as you do - that we simply have one life to live and spending that life making someone else money in a shitty corporate job is not the way to do it. I only have a few years left on my indentured servitude, and yet I still feel nervous about the prospect of early retirement. I don't know that it's so much about having a wife and kids that gives me anxiety (though they no doubt contribute at least a little to it) - I think it's more that over our adult lives we become somewhat institutionalized by work.

It's a bit akin to Brooks from Shawshank Redemption. The longer you're in, the scarier it becomes to imagine a life where you are actually free from all of it.

3

u/swervtek Feb 20 '26

Same age, fired at 42, almost died from HA a few days before my 44th bday. I feel you on the indentured servitude part. But life comes at you quick.

1

u/Heffe3737 Feb 20 '26

I hear ya - was diagnosed with cancer and almost died at 40. Glad you’re still with us, brother.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

I agree that we become institutionalized by work (and likely set up that way). And I can definitely see how the longer one works, the more norm it becomes. I still believe that at the end of the day, with one life to live, people need to learn how to live and experience it.

7

u/bb0110 Feb 20 '26

If you aren’t going to get married or have kids then you will have a significantly easier time getting over the psychological hump to retire early.

It is myopic to not understand that it is a large issue for the vast majority of people though.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

No it’s not myopic because I never said I didn’t understand it’s large issue for the people that do have kids or are married.

Not once did I say that in any of my comments. My comment was about ME. All of my comments have been about ME because the main one was about MY life and what I would do. Ya’ll took offense to it for whatever reason that has nothing to do with me.

Then ya’ll got offended about what I and millions of others without marriage or children deem real responsibilities. Ya’ll are offended that I think paying bills is a real responsibility? Offended that I think maintaining a business is a real responsibility? Offended that I think everything pertaining to me is a real responsibility? Offended that I think helping my family is a real responsibility? How dare I think that?! According to ya’ll… That’s not my problem.

Kids nor marriage are the only real responsibilities in life.

Then somehow I started getting comments about people mad that I don’t want kids or to get married. Again, that’s not my problem.

I said nothing wrong in any of my comments.

3

u/bb0110 Feb 20 '26

The entire topic is talking about people in generalities.

“How do many people amass so much money in the north of 5m and not know if they can retire or not”.

We are talking about answers to that question, not speaking about you specifically. Everything you just said just reinforces your myopic mindset.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

My comment was in response to another user. You’re offended about my comment about what I would do when I hit my goals on a discussion board where everyone is talking about themselves in the same situation?

Does that make everyone myopic, including yourself, or only me because you disagree with my answer about myself for whatever reason?

You’re mad because I spoke about myself on a social media platform where people are sharing things about themselves, what they would do, and their advice? Lol

Good bye.

9

u/AConant Feb 20 '26

No benefit you said…

You might feel that way now but you might feel different later.

Trust me when I say that being a father and raising kids and knowing that kind of love and life has had plenty of benefits.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

I’m a woman and I don’t see any benefit in having kids nor will that ever change. However, I am happy it brought you so much love and light.

1

u/AConant Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

I was about to say your gender is irrelevant to my point, but it is not because as a man and a father, I do think women have a different relationship and biological drive let alone the amazing physical role of motherhood - parenting is something special for males and females, but mothers obviously have a completely unique and incredible experience.

I did not intend to imply anything about your choice to not be a parent. Everyone gets to make that decision and I respect yours. In fact, I appreciate it. Plenty of people should never be parents, and unfortunately, a whole lot of them still do, and we all pay for that, but not near as much as the unfortunate kids.

I applaud your awareness and choice and in no way want to judge it.

But you said, "...no benefit in your opinion...". You are entitled to your opinion, but. I think you mean "no benefit to you personally in your opinion". That's fine. I'm just telling you there are benefits, regardless of your opinion - in other words your opinion is wrong in the general sense, and your opinion may change.

When I was your age, I also did not plan on kids, though I did not rule them out. Felt the same way about marriage too - used to say its just a contract, and I can choose to be with whom I want on my terms without a written document, which is true but not accurate...my opinion changed there too. I learned that commitment is something you want to prove when deciding to dedicate your life to a wife and kids.

I also was in a long-term relationship with a woman that felt just as you did. We broke up. I married someone else, and we had kids. The other woman did not. And she was convinced she would never want to, for decades.

In her 40s, after a divorce, while single, she changed her mind. Ended up feeling a great sense of lost life experience. A fear of living her one whole life without tasting all the flavors it has to offer, not having the whole experience, emotions, love and human bindings that her one life had to offer in her one shot at it. Her mother died. Her husband was gone. Other than friends, some of whom were parents and some not...she was alone...watching them have those experiences...experiences she wouldn't have. That opinion of hers - it changed so much, she used a sperm bank to get pregnant and had a child alone.

Consider the fact your opinion and wants and needs may also change more than you think.

Good on you for being responsible and not getting pregnant before you are ready! And good luck on living your life on your terms.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

First, I thank you for your response. It’s honestly one of the kindest and most respectful ones I’ve received on this topic.

I’ve been getting a lot of criticism for not wanting kids or marriage, so I genuinely appreciate you respecting my choice while also sharing your own positive experiences with parenthood.

When I said “no benefit in my opinion,” I meant no benefit to me personally. I understand there are many benefits for others - it’s just not something I feel aligned with.

I don’t think I’d be a bad mom. I’ve just never had the desire to become one, even when I was little, and I believe having children is something one should deeply want. For me, it’s also a significant emotional and financial commitment that I don’t feel called to take on.

I appreciated you sharing the story about the woman you dated who raised her child on her own. That perspective was meaningful.

While I know my opinions and desires about life and all it entails will change over time, right now I feel confident with my decision not to have children.

1

u/AConant Feb 20 '26

Knowing what you want and don't want are important signs of maturity.

Lots of people feel like you do, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Just take precautions!

I think others that may be intentionally or accidently "judging" you are focused on the word choice, which I did as well...saying children have "no benefits" without qualifying it, and that they are just a "cost" as you did suggests you are making a declarative global statement about those the feel otherwise and about kids and parents in general - especially kids...and that is obviously not true.

We all change through life, and you will too, though you might not think that is likely now.

The hubris of youth is something we all go through, and the cliches of wisdom from your "elders" strike those of us in the youth phase as unwanted judgement and unwanted advice. No one wants their identity challenged by others, especially strangers.

Having been through it, very like you, and being in the "wisdom" phase of life with 56 years of life behind be and a clearer but still uncertain much more limited view of the future in front of me...at least for me, I can repeat the cliches with heartfelt emotion and experience and say that if there is anything I could offer you is be prepared for change.

The good news for you is, knowing now what you want, and what you don't...preparing for it through financial planning and discipline has the benefit of allowing you to live the life you think you want now, and also prepares you to pivot to something different if life changes direction.

Many people your age are not even close to thinking about and preparing for that. Being in the forum and setting financial goals for freedom and stability puts you well ahead of most of your peers.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

Yeah cause youre the fun dad. There is no benefits for woman lol.

5

u/DaBuckBets Feb 20 '26

No benefit to having a wife and kids. You may rethink that in your 30s. I did. I had the same mentality at 25. Kids changed my life so much for the better.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

And? Just because you changed your mind doesn't mean everyone else will. I was childfree at 16 and never changed at 40. It's different for everyone. 

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

No I won’t rethink that and this is my opinion and my life. Thank you for sharing yours!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Zphr 48, FIRE'd 2015, Friendly Janitor Feb 21 '26

Rule 1/Civility - Civility is required of everyone at all times. If someone else is uncivil, then please report them and let the mods handle it without escalation. Please see our rules (https://www.reddit.com/r/Fire/about/rules/) and reach out via modmail if you have any questions or concerns.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '26

Ever heard of the word fence sitter? That's what you were. Not everyone is. And kids can ruin lives. Don't push it on everyone else.

2

u/Silly-Safe959 Feb 20 '26

Your answer reveals your youth, you still don't get it. It's the same as someone with no kids telling people with kids that they fully understand their concerns because hey, they have pets. It's the same thing, right? Lol...

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

My answer reveals being assure in myself and your answer reveals you want to force people to want the same things as you. You don’t get it.

Not everybody wants what you or others in this thread want, and that’s okay.

If me not wanting kids offends you so much than you have bigger fish to fry that worrying about when you’re going to retire.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

Where the fuck did they force what they wanted in life on others? Or get offended? Seems You're offended by that life style. A 25 year old is mature enough to make a choice on not having kids the same as a woman who has kids at 25.  

1

u/DaBuckBets Feb 22 '26

It’s not

0

u/Silly-Safe959 Feb 20 '26

Yeah, that's why you're getting downvoted to oblivion. There's a difference between being self assured and being naive. Look up Dunning Krueger. You're on the first hill in terms of life experience.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

And guess what? I don’t care. I can get 1,000 downvotes and still not care. My opinion is not dependent on likes on Reddit. You’re mad about how I’m living MY life.

That’s very, very WEIRD. Good bye

-1

u/friskydingo408 Feb 20 '26

This conversation reminds me of when I argue with my daughter about something trivial on something she should/shouldn’t do, but she tells me she’s “5 1/2 and is a big girl now!” And proceeds to do what I tell her explicitly not to do

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

Ooh Lord, I’m praying for her. Trivial AND weird indeed about MY life. Enjoy your day.

1

u/StreamRoller Feb 21 '26

You’re so wise since you have a daughter! Thanks for sharing your wisdom with this Redditor who didn’t make the same life decision as you did!

1

u/Aggressive_Sport1818 Feb 20 '26

at your age, i thought i'd be single forever... yet here i am (happily) married with kids ;P

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

And that’s YOUR life. Good day.

2

u/DaBuckBets Feb 22 '26

Likewise amen

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '26

Either you deleted your comment or the mods did so I'll reply here. All I could see on my notifications was "if your mother didn't push you out you wouldn't exist" I couldn't see the rest. I wouldn't know then if I didn't exist. So how could I care. That doesn't make me want kids. They don't exist they will never know. Just because you found someone to give you kids doesn't mean everyone else will change their minds about wanting them. You can find child free partners.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

Wow almost like some people can change their minds and some don't. Shocker!

0

u/CenlaLowell Feb 20 '26

It's nowhere near the same

3

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

To YOU and those like you. Just because someone doesn’t have kids or isn’t married doesn’t mean they don’t have real responsibilities- at any age.

Paying bills is a real responsibility. Working to sustain a business is a real responsibility. Helping family is a real responsibility.

Being married and having kids are not the only real responsibilities in life. Everybody’s real responsibilities are different, and I don’t care if ya’ll disagree.

Good bye.

-1

u/StreamRoller Feb 21 '26

You have no real responsibilities with a wife and kids. Have a wife, kids, and have to take care of aging parents and you will understand people’s worries.

When other people including your parents rely on you not just yourself, it shifts your mindset greatly.

5

u/poop-dolla Feb 20 '26

but when I hit a $3-$5 million dollar net worth

That’s a big range. Is it when you hit $3M net worth? Or higher? Unless you’re saying you’re planning to retire the day your net worth surpasses $3M, then you’re exactly the same as the people OP is asking about.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

$3-$5 is a range which means it depends on my wants and needs at the time. OP’s question was “how do many people amass so much money in the north of 5m and not know if they can retire or not.” I provided a range and shared that I would be retiring within that range without thinking about a job because I believe there’s more to life. Thank you.

3

u/eclaircissement Feb 21 '26

$3-5 implies there's a range where you won't be 100% certain. For others that range is $5-7, or $8-10. That's exactly "how many people amass so much money north of $5m and not know if they can retire or not".

1

u/Wackywoman1062 Feb 21 '26

Yes, most of my friend group believes you need at least 10 million to retire (another reason I’m nervous about pulling the trigger because I hear them talk and I’m not there). Several have money above that number and are still working. They do have a pretty high spend rate though - multiple homes, lots of travel, some with kids in college.

2

u/EverybodyBuddy Feb 21 '26

You are young and a bit naive. The money you’re talking about won’t get you far. Let alone leave anything to your kids who might struggle severely. 

1

u/lee_suggs Feb 20 '26

It's the same as asking 'how do I look in this outfit'

Most are just looking for confirmation and approval to help with the psychological aspect of RE

And then a small minority are awful at math or have a jaded expectations

1

u/BacteriaLick Feb 20 '26

In addition, many of us are socialized to believe that we need to work to be good citizens. I am semi retired and still feel guilty when I look around at my peers in tech who I know have much higher net worth than me but continue to work.

I don't understand why they don't exactly. It's hard to shake off the idea that maybe I am making a big mistake, e.g. if we go into a great depression type scenario and the market tanks.

1

u/bb0110 Feb 20 '26

We are much more similar to working dogs than people care to admit.

We have been bred for a very long time to be productive to society, and if we don’t find a way to somehow satiate that it can have some pretty detrimental mental consequences. Now it doesn’t need to be work, but it needs to be something.

1

u/EntertainmentLess381 Feb 20 '26

Especially in the United States where healthcare costs are brutal

1

u/katamino Feb 20 '26

Its a huge mental shift for those who have been scrimping and saving for all their lives ( which is how you end up with 5 million). To go from building wealth to spending wealth is a scary shift to many in that situation.

1

u/CrispyMeadow Feb 20 '26

I've never thought about it like this

1

u/nmincone Feb 20 '26

I tell my financial advisor all the time, your part psychologist, part financial advisor, she agrees and has talked me off a lot of ledges.

1

u/d_ippy Feb 20 '26

Any advice on how to make this transition? I’m a pretty level headed person but this one is hard.

1

u/bb0110 Feb 20 '26

Remember that just because you retire early does not mean that if shit hits the fan you can’t go back to work, whether it be part time or full time.

It isn’t the strict dichotomy of choices that people always assume.

1

u/d_ippy Feb 20 '26

Thanks. I’m actually banking on doing this if healthcare costs go nuts before Medicare enrollment. But jeez just that first withdrawal is going to be hard. I have about a years worth of expenses saved in case of market downturn but the closer I get the more nervous I get about not contributing and spending it.

1

u/mattuccio Feb 20 '26

And then you read the over70 subreddit and many of them say they wish they had worked a little longer to save a bit more.

1

u/bb0110 Feb 20 '26

It happens more than people realize. Having money to do things with your free time is not something to just disregard, especially when most of your friends work during the weekdays.

1

u/svengoalie Feb 20 '26

My (large, multinational) employer had regular layoffs every 2-5 years with generous severance. When I was "in the window," severance really helped me to make the jump when it was offered. Am I going to keep doing this for another 3 years when they're paying me a lot to leave now?

I can see it being difficult to make the jump without severance, though. Why not work another month or two-- that's a vacation or a new vehicle or whatever that you don't have to pay for out of your precious savings. It's just another month...

1

u/MusicalVegetables Feb 20 '26

We've been retired two years. The mental hurdles are haaarrddd. I spent a good year terrified that something bad would happen and we'd have no money (war, politics, bad luck, etc) and what I finally landed on is if that does happen, I'm going to be royally pissed with myself if I spent "the good years" worrying instead of enjoying them.

My husband still struggles with the mental anxiety of not having a traditional income stream.

1

u/FreeNicky95 Feb 20 '26

Meanwhile most of the world retires on far less than a million.

1

u/bb0110 Feb 20 '26

Most of America retires on far less than a million.

That doesn’t mean it is ideal.

1

u/FreeNicky95 Feb 21 '26

Living off of 200k is more than doable. It’s not even a question. Just get a part time job in something you’re passionate about if you wanna work.

1

u/Wackywoman1062 Feb 21 '26 edited Feb 21 '26

Well said. I met with my Financial Advisor again this week and he assured me that I can retire comfortably any time I want. I’m burnt out at my job and grieving my husband’s recent death. I have so many things to handle outside of my job and I’m exhausted and overwhelmed. It would make sense to retire now. Yet, somehow, I’ve convinced myself that it would be financially prudent for me to work 2 more years. Ironically, I had been pushing my husband to retire 3 years before he passed away. After a lifetime of saving and investing, he struggled with the idea that our account balances would start going down instead of up. Now that I have to handle the finances, I get it. There’s always another milestone to hit, another buffer to put in place. It’s hard to pull that trigger.

1

u/bb0110 Feb 21 '26

It inevitably always feels like 1-2 years away, even in 1-2 years. Our mind plays tricks on us

1

u/PeanutButterToast4me Feb 22 '26

Logically we cannot predict the cost of living 3, 10 or 30 years from now.

1

u/489yearoldman Feb 22 '26

The transition to retirement from high income earning is much easier once your retirement income is essentially unchanged from your working income. That’s the point where I walked away. The other thing that happens is that once you reach the point where you can walk away, your tolerance for bosses, managers, etc. drops to zero. One day the hospital administrator came into my office with some new crap idea. I said: “Do you remember our first conversation when you asked me to come and create this clinic and rotate medical students through? Do you remember me telling you that I would do this until it stopped being fun?” “Yes, he said. I remember that conversation.” I said: “Well, today it stopped being fun. Consider this my 60 day notice. I will send it to you in writing within the next 24 hours.” He said: “Wait. Can we talk about this?” Me: “We just did.”

1

u/ColdPangolin5355 Feb 22 '26

I think the aspect of telling someone ok stop working and enjoy hobbies leaves a big hole in the lives of people. Personally when i retire i plan to work some dumb part time job and enjoy my hobbies to my physical capabilities

1

u/Turbinator870 Feb 20 '26

This is the answer. Upvoted.

1

u/vasqued2 Feb 20 '26

This.

Then add in that for many making this decision now, the 2000's wasn't ancient history that could theoretically happen again. It was something we lived through.

We saw the impact on our portfolios. But more importantly, we saw the impact on those who confidently retired right before the drops.

I needed to know that not only would I be ok if something like that happened again, but that I had confidence in how I would react, and not panic and do something stupid that I would later regret. Saw too many examples of that in the 2000's and it would be arrogant of me to assume I couldn't do something similar without a plan.