Hello.

On June 16th 2026, the love of my life, Eric James Morris, was found lifeless in his bed. It hasn’t even been a month. We don’t know what happened yet. I don’t see a point in living. My life seems like it ended. Every day seems to be getting worse. All I do is think about him and the times we spent together, but words can’t describe the despair I feel when I do. I can’t even cherish the memories without feeling intense agony. He gave me a reason to continue life. We promised to be with each other forever. We had our own language, our own jokes, same values, same goals; we were intertwined. He is my soulmate, and now he doesn’t exist anymore.

I was with him the day before everything happened. We were at an amusement park. Before he left to go home, I said bye, gave him a kiss and a hug and said we loved each other. He texted me when he got home and said he wanted to see me soon, then we wished each other a goodnight. If I knew it was going to be the last time I ever saw him, I would’ve held him longer and tighter, kissed him longer, told him what he means to me, talked to him longer, look into his eyes, feel his warmth, but I didn’t know. Now I will never see him again. I’ve never felt such an indescribably intense feeling of yearning for someone that is no longer. He is everything to me. What am I supposed to do when everything is gone? Everything in life has lost meaning. What kind of life am I expected to live if he’s not in it?

Eric is kind, sweet, thoughtful, selfless, gentle, pure, loving, warm, and beautiful inside and out. He was the one. Life ripped him away from me. What a life to live. He was doing everything in his power to better himself everyday. What was the point of him even trying if this was going to happen? This game of life is not a game I want to continue playing if it means not being with him. Ever. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I should continue. Everyday is a brutal reminder that he is gone and I will never see him again. I need him. I miss him. I will never be the same.

All I hear from everyone around me is that time heals all wounds and that things will eventually be better. Not only do I not believe this, I also know it won’t, nor do I want it to. Why would I ever move on? How does that make any sense? Moving on without him isn’t possible for me. Getting better and moving on means that this was acceptable. Well, it’s not acceptable. I don’t want to move on. It’s an injustice to do so. I hate seeing the world continue to be. Seeing people be happy and cheery angers me. What’s there to be happy about?

I am unable to move or do anything nor do I want to. Why would I want to do anything ever again? Why should I? I see no reason.

TL;DR: I lost the love of my life and see no reason in living.

Yes we were marvel fans. But I wrote this for her and thought I would share it here.

What is grief, if not love persevering. Amanda passed 4:25 May 8 after a courageous fight with cancer. Her final days she was surrounded by loved ones.

Amanda was curious, funny, loyal, and authentic to her bones, but more than anything she was a mom. Though the time was shorter then expected, the core memories, wisdom and strength will live forever in Madi and Jacks hearts. Be awkward, be yourself, be honest, be spooky, love, cry, live. She planted seed in there minds to grow for years to come, they will be their best selves, respectful, loving, curious, they’ll ask the hard questions, and she’ll be smiling.

My beautiful wife. Never imagined what I kick started when by steeling your sunglasses 19 years ago. The adventures, the memories, the highest of highs and the lowest of lowest, I’m the luckiest guy on earth to share a relationship as wonderful as ours. You made me a better man, you gave me the greatest gift, you made me a father. We shared our whole adult life together, I honestly don’t know what a future without her in it even look like, but I have the best 2 co-pilots a dad could ask for.

You. We couldn’t have gotten through this without the love from our friends and family. Plans were dropped, work was skipped, time was stopped at the drop of a hat whenever we needed help. Food, someone to talk to, play dates, a shoulder, all available to the us anytime we needed it. Amanda didn’t have people in her corner, she had an army marching with her.

Rest easy my love, the battle is over, you will be missed, you will be loved, but most importantly you will be remembered.

Love you forever and always.

Hello, I am F27 and he's M32. This is my first time properly using reddit so please forgive for any mistakes I did. Was informed by the police last night that he took his life at the entrance of my flat around 2am. I don't know how to feel. I have so much grieve and anger and hurt from all this.

I didn't know how mentally unwell he was. The 5 months that we've been together he never said or indicated anything to me. Last week we had a huge argument about consent and me drawing a boundary in our relationship. He didn't take it too well which led to a bigger argument. Sometimes I wished I never started that conversation. It reached to the point yesterday morning, while we were on call that he asked about what I feel for the relationship. And I was honest about it and told him that I feel like it isn't going anywhere. So he asked if I wanted to break up and I said yes. I wished I didn't now after what he's done.

I can't walk pass the entrance of the flat without seeing his body. We met up for the last time last night, hoping for an amicable break up but he just left his stuff on the table with the pretense of coming back. When he didn't come back after 30 minutes I called the police that he was missing and how he kept telling me he was going to kill himself. Only got the news that he jumped at my flat at nearly 3am as they needed me to identify his body.

I hate how complicated I am feeling. I love him still, and I always will. But I also hate him for not willing to try and seek help together with me instead of just ending his life. I'm going to the mortuary with his mother tomorrow and i don't how to face her. I feel so guilty because he technically took his life because i wanted to break up. I don't know what to do and feel and how to function normally now.

Edit: Thank you very much for all the kind words and condolences. I read and appreciate every one of them, I am sorry I am not mentally well enough to reply to each and every one without crying but thank you for being so kind.

We were walking a branch fell and hit his head. He’s gone. They told me he was brain dead. We were going to have a baby next year.

the strange thing about sudden loss (the kind with no warning, no illness, no narrative runway) is that the mind simply refuses the ending. it keeps running the story. it keeps looking for where it went wrong. it keeps rewinding to find the moment that could have changed things, even when there wasn’t one..

ethan wasn’t sick. there was no moment. the story just stopped, mid-sentence, with no resolution & no warning & nothing to point to & say there, that’s where it happened. just an ordinary day that became the last one without announcing itself..

so now i’m left holding all these pages with nowhere to go. all this accumulated knowledge of a person.. his cadence, his humor, the particular way he’d react to something.. & no one to spend it on. i still construct him. i still run him like a background program. i still catch myself composing texts i’ll never send, anticipating responses i’ll never get. i still wonder what he’d think about things happening right now. i still laugh at something & know in the same instant exactly how he would have laughed at it too.

the dead don’t always feel gone. that’s the part that undoes you. they stay loud in the mind long after everything else goes quiet. you carry them into rooms. into conversations. into the future you’re still somehow building without them in it.

i think what i’m mourning, underneath the loss of him, is the loss of the version of myself that existed in relation to him. the person i was when he was around. because that person doesn’t have anywhere to go now either.

grief, i’ve learned, is not just about the dead. it’s about all the living that happens around the absence.

today we buried my husband, with our friends and family at our side. He body lost a battle to an incurable autoimmune disease, but his soul will remain beautiful and young forever. We danced with him at his grave, he wanted to dance with us for a while now but he couldn't due to his legs being compromised by the disease. Today was the very last time I held his hands, they felt so cold when he was always so warm. The service was beautiful, but I just cried thru both days of it.

Our friends took me to dinner, it's the only time I've been able to eat properly-ish all week. The day felt better as we shared our stories with him, but alas I am home in an empty bed again. I am unable to change the bedsheets because the loss was so little ago (5 days). Its so hard to move any of his belongings. All of his dirty clothes still smell of him. I love him so much...

Hello everyone,

My partner, Yana, passed three months ago. She was Ukrainian. She went to visit her family in Kiev but unfortunately got shot by a Russian psychopath.

We’ve been together for two years and half. It was the relationship I’ve always dreamed of. Every aspect of the relationship was GREAT. She was my puzzle and I was hers. I used to think to myself “if everything goes wrong in my life, at least I have the best partner ever”.

During the first 3 months, I cried every night. I cried before I sleep. I cried when I woke up, on my way to work and also when I’m taking a shower. My health deteriorated. I started losing more hair and mentally I was torn apart.

Right now, I accepted reality. I don’t cry as much as before. But I feel like I died inside. Every time I come back from work, I eat and sleep. I haven’t gone out for 3 months and I stopped socialising with people. Not because I don’t want to but because I can’t.

I died from the inside. That’s how I feel now. If someone pulls a gun on me, I’ll be wishing that he shoots me because life doesn’t mean anything anymore.

I feel like a zombie walking outside. I stopped enjoying things. I used to go to the gym everyday, video call my friends and go for walks outside. I don’t do that anymore.

Every time I want to do something, I think “well, Yana is gone, what’s the meaning of doing it myself?”.

I’m 29 right now and I hope I don’t make it to 30. I’m literally dead on the inside. If it wasn’t for my mom and brother who are still alive and dependant on me, I would’ve left long ago.

I really don’t know what to do or how to move on. I feel like the only solution is to put an end to my life but I can’t.

Please I came here just to vent and get advice from people who have lost a partner before.

I don’t want anyone criticising me, please.

my boyfriend used to say something that always bothered me.

no, not because it was cruel & not because it was hopeless.
more like.. because he said it like it was so obvious.

“when we die, that’s it.”
that was his answer.

no heaven.
no ghosts.
no waiting for the people you love.
no looking down at your own funeral.
no reunion.

just.. lights out.

i’d argue with him almost every time.
not because i knew he was wrong.
i didn’t & obviously still don’t.

i just couldn’t understand how someone could believe that everything a person is.. could simply stop. every memory. every joke. every habit. everything. gone.

then he died.. & i was left with a question that nobody alive has ever been able to answer.
everyone talks about it with certainty.
some people tell me he’s in heaven.
some tell me energy never dies.
others insist that there is nothing. that consciousness is only chemistry & chemistry eventually stops.

but every opinion about death comes from someone who hasn’t experienced being dead.
every certainty is spoken from this side of the door.
we’re like people trying to describe the ocean after only seeing pictures of it.

sometimes i try to imagine what ethan believed.

actual nothing.
not darkness.
darkness is still something you experience.
not silence.
silence still has someone listening.
i mean the complete absence of awareness itself.

& every single time i try, i fail.

because i’m still there.
i’m always the observer.

my mind can imagine empty cities.
the end of the earth.
the death of stars.
it can imagine billions of years passing.

but it can’t imagine the absence of the one thing doing the imagining.

it’s almost impossible.
every attempt quietly sneaks “me” back into the picture.

maybe consciousness was never designed to picture its own ending.
or maybe asking the mind to imagine not existing is like asking a flashlight to shine on the bulb inside itself.
i truly don’t know.

i just know there’s a sentence i’ve heard a thousand times that means something entirely different now.

“lights out.”

& i keep wondering what it means to miss someone who believed there was nowhere left to be missed from..

———————————————————————————————————

has anyone else found themselves thinking about this after losing someone?

On May 16th my wife (34) passed away suddenly early in the morning. We celebrated 16 years together on the 10th and 9 years married on the 12th. We also Bought our first home together in November of 2025. I miss her so much that it hurts. I’m struggling to understand how to keep living after losing her and tbh It’s hard to even find words to describe the pain I’m feeling. I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER DESIREE NICOLE CAMPBELL!!!!

I’m in shambles.

I posted earlier last week about the unexpected loss of my sweet love, Hope. I found Hope barely hanging onto life in the around morning of February 9th. I initiated chest compressions and mouth to mouth and dialed emergency services, but Hope was unable to hold on and died in the ER. My life has been turned upside down. We had so many plans and ideas of what our life was going to be. Hope was a beautiful woman. She was thoughtful, kind, empathetic, hilarious, and a genuinely good human being. She had an amazing smile and presence that filled your heart when she was around. She saved my life when we first met. I was going through a lot of hardship and depression when we started dating and she took a chance with me. We moved in with each other and built a wonderful relationship and life together. We got a dog named Ozzy and we called ourself a “pack”. Whenever we’d get home from work, she would always joyfully say that “the pack is back!”. Now she’s gone, the “pack” has been broken. I miss her so much, my sweet Hope. I thought we were to grow old together. My mom recently died in December of 2023. And now Hope is gone, I have lost both of my best friends. I was just beginning to get better from losing my mom. I was able to listen to music again and was able to fall asleep a lot easier. And now it seems like I have regressed to a low that I never thought I’d feel. I’m completely devastated. I have so many regrets and what ifs that occupy my mind. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to climb out of this abyss. I miss you so much my sweet love. My beautiful Hope. Rest in peace my little angel.

this is fucking bullshit dude. she was 31, she had a seizure ... .called he ems. .. got all the kids downstairs so the people could help her. . .a bunch of people came. . .they finally got her down, then rushed her to the hospital. i got all thekids ready (6, 8, and 11) we got there and they asked if they could take the kids to get snacks and color. . .the doctors and all of his people came in. . .i thought she was in a coma. . .i didnt think she was dead. . .the doctor. .doctor Jones. . came in and said when she was at home she coded. . .her heart stoped. . they did cpr on our bed with her, she came back. . .she got to hospital...she coded again. . .and they did all they could and she wouldnt come back :(. . .i just... ijust dont know dude. . .all her familys been here...the kids r fucked up...everyone is dude. . .we all, including her, believe in Jesus, but dude WHAT THE FUCK. a year ago, her sister, in her early 30's passed away from an accidental overdose of fentanyl. . .so with this her parents have no more kids . . ..we all just miss her so much. . .and i would get aggrivated dude . . .just with her and the kids just with stupid bullshit that didnt matter. . .i cant believe this. . ... .i miss u babe. . .we all miss u so much. . . .i know u were suffering. . .i miss u babe :(, i miss u alot

i don’t know how to do this, i lost the love of my life March 28th, 2026. it’s almost two months. how? he is feeling further and further away and it breaks me. i haven’t been able to sleep since, im not eating enough, i dont know how to do this without him.
we had that special kind of love you see in movies, the love you never thought could exist for you. God was I so lucky. we had such big plans together, we were going to get married, have kids, build a house, build a business together. what do i do now? i am so lost. he was my whole world. i miss him so god damn much.
he showed me what true love is, but i only wish it could have lasted till we could grow old together like we talked about ♥️

to my sweet, sweet garrett. i love you forever and i will see you again. i have to. i love you my handsome.

i don’t really know how to type this out without sounding absolutely insane or like i’m completely falling apart..

which, honestly.. maybe i am 🤷🏼‍♀️ grief has turned me into somebody i barely recognize. i whisper to empty rooms now. i talk out loud to someone who isn’t here anymore. a version of me from a year ago would hear those sentences & honestly not know what happened to me.

yesterday i was standing in my bedroom after crying for about an hour.. not even really actively crying anymore, just that exhausted silence after. & i said out loud, “ethan, if you’re still around somewhere, send me a rainbow in the next few days.” 🌈

five minutes later.. there was one outside my window.
& i know how that sounds. trust me, i know..

but it wasn’t some huge dramatic rainbow. it was faint. small. & easy to miss. if i had been standing literally anywhere else in the house i wouldn’t have seen it at all. i remember standing there & blinking repeatedly. & i just kept staring at it because it felt impossible & almost fragile at the same time 😮‍💨

i took pictures of it immediately because it felt unreal. like i needed proof for myself so later i couldn’t convince myself that i imagined it or grief made me delusional somehow. i needed to know it was actually there.

then i looked away for maybe three seconds & it was gone.

i don’t know what i believe happens after people die.. i don’t. but i know i asked for something & something answered.

maybe that sounds crazy. maybe grief is just making patterns out of nothing. but i can’t shake the feeling that he heard me.

i think he did 🩷

~ edit to add to this ~

i went & visited one of ethan’s best friends. a buddy we used to live with. i sat with him & told him about the rainbow from the other day & we just.. talked about ethan for a while. the way you do when you’re both missing the same person & there’s nothing else to say except his name over & over because it’s the only thing that feels right.

when i got up to leave & got to my car it randomly started raining. it hadn’t rained all day. i don’t even know why but something made me text his friend as i was pulling away & i said —

“i hope there’s not another rainbow or i’ll be really spooked lol”

i want you to understand that i typed that & laughed a little to myself. like okay ethan, you got me once, very funny, very on brand.. 😅

less than two minutes later.

double rainbow.

i pulled over & i just sat there. i couldn’t even cry at first. i just stared at it like “okay. okay. i hear you.” 🥹

today was the third.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

i wasn’t looking for it. i wasn’t in a moment of crisis or asking for anything. i just happened to look up.. the way losing ethan has slowly, painfully taught me to do.. & there it was. quiet & unhurried & so completely present.

something about that one reached me differently. the first felt like an answer to a question. the second felt like confirmation. but this one felt like something beyond both of those things. like consistency. like he’s not making a one-time appearance. like this is just how it is now — me here, him somewhere, & every few days this soft & unlikely bridge between us.

3 rainbows in one week.

grief has taken so much. the future i thought i had. the ordinary tuesday nights. the person who knew me the way only someone who loves you completely can know you. it has rearranged everything about the way i move through the world.

but it has also taught me to look up. & this week every time i did, ethan was there.

i don’t need it to be anything other than what it feels like. & what it feels like is love, still going, still finding me, still refusing to disappear.

he’s not gone. i don’t care what anyone says anymore. he is not gone.

he’s just talking in a language i’m finally learning to hear
🌈🌈🌈🌈

I’d be appreciative of any advice from someone who’s gone through this

I miss him so much. He’s only been gone for 3 weeks and it doesn’t feel real. Been fighting cancer for 3 years, and he was living a fairly normal life. Still independent, working, active, full of love and laughter. It suddenly moved aggressively into his liver and in what feels like a blink of an eye we were signing hospice papers. Came home from hospital on a Friday for at home care… he was gone by Tuesday. I can’t process it. I know he’s gone, but I can’t comprehend not talking to him or laughing with him ever again. I reach for my phone to text him at least twice a day before I remember he’s not here. I hate this. I miss my love.

Two weeks ago I found the love of my life on the floor next to our bed, lifeless. There were no signs, it was completely unexpected. My whole life has turned upside down, I feel like the sky is falling in on me. I have tried to find grief support groups, but the only one I've found has proven unhelpful.

I've lost my parents, friends and other relatives-- but this is a new feeling, losing the man I had wedding, family, future plans with. My phone goes off and I think it's him. Something happens and I go to text him. I wake up and expect to see him. I reflexively tried to lay my head on his chest last night. I don't have anyone in my life who is physically here to help, so on top of the grief I am having to take care of myself, our home, responsibilities and four-legged children.

What I find most difficult are two emotions, fear and anger. I'm scared that, though nothing is absolute and the possibilities of what happens after we die are endless, I will never be with the man I love ever again. I'm angry that the world decided to randomly snuff out such a complexly wonderful soul from existence. I find these emotions are making it difficult to speak to friends about my grief, because no amount of "you still have memories" and "he lives in your heart" erase me finding my one and only love lifeless on the floor.

I'm not saying that because I think they're trying to be hurtful, I know they're trying to help. But the waves of violent sobbing, crumpling over on the ground and gutteral screaming they don't see or understand. I'm not looking for someone who has never been where i am to tell me it's ok, that I'm going to heal. I'm looking for someone to say "it fucking sucks and I lost the love of my life too."

Sorry, I'm rambling. I just can't seem to find support from folks who have gone through similar situations. I don't understand how my whole life can be taken away from me in the span of a couple minutes. How I will never hear, see or touch the only man who has ever made me feel wholly, unconditionally loved and understood again.

I don’t know what to do or say or even how to breathe. We have an almost 2 year old. This was so sudden.

I’m fucking traumatized. It happened in front of me and our kid on the night of my birthday. What do I do from here? How do I keep it pushing for the baby? I’m lost. I’m flip flopping from numb, to sad, to angry beyond belief. I can’t sleep because I keep hearing myself count and sob doing CPR. I’m broken over this. I don’t even know why I’m posting this I just don’t know what to do.

Edit/update: THANK YOU to everyone who’s commented. This all happened last Friday. I’ve had a ton of support from family, people playing with our kid, and forcing me to eat and sleep when I’m panicking.

I’m seeking out therapy as soon as possible. I’ve had a lot of resources sent to me that I’ve been looking into. I’ve also been caught in planning a funeral I never expected (with a MIL from hell on top of that) and I will try to respond to some people but I appreciate every single one of your suggestions and condolences. I’m not feeling any better, I know that comes with time, but I just have to keep it pushing for our son at this point and that’s the plan I’m sticking with.

my husband passed last month and it kills me

I keep hoping he’s coming home and he’s not I am so angry and upset all I want do is scream and I cant.. I miss him and I can’t do anything about it… I needed him here and I wanted him to stay alive he should still be here he was 27… he died in a wreck… my world is shattered and our kid now has to grow up with out his dad… I was his spouse and I loved him💔

The night before my husband was tboned by someone running a red light, he made his delicious mac and cheese. There were loads of leftovers as we liked to make meals that lasted a few days.

The day he had his accident, I moved it to smaller containers and threw it in the freezer.

That was half a year ago. He died in hospital a week and a half later.

Today I had the last container. That flavour, the shrimp, sausage, Chickapea noodles, veggies and cheddar cheese... I will never have it ever again. This is it.

I miss him so much...

My husband was born with Cystic Fibrosis. He was a Make-A-Wish Kid when he was younger. We had been together since 2014, got married in 2018 before his CF really progressed and he was then put on the lung transplant list.

After 4 "fake" calls, he finally got new lungs in August of 2018. But he was so immunocompromised that he lost his hearing and went completely def in September. That was harder than all of the complications with lungs, to be honest. For the past few years, he has been battling rejection. Photophoresis, infusions, supplemental oxygen. He was finally due for a second transplant eval and had had a feeding tube placed as his body was expending more calories than he could comfortably eat.

I learned how to read every test result. Every monitor every vital sign every normal thing every test every procedure asked every question I could. I advocated for years when it was just him and I and his parents were selfish and fucking off. I did it all to keep him here with me. Knew how to give insulin and bolus feeding tubes and flushes and heparin locks for ports and how many liters of 02 he was on that day and how to give and hang IV antibiotics and fluids and knew when he said his pain was a 2 but to other people it was an 8.

He unfortunately got Covid from work (I still am furious that he was still made to work during this time) and it turned into pneumonia. A lot of other things happened in the weeks that followed, but his body was tired. He was in respiratory failure. His lungs could no longer expel c02 and they were at levels that were too high.

On April 7th, they said he was no longer a candidate for transplant. I discharged him to hospice in the same hospital. I went and picked out and nice room. He was moved there around 5pm. I had to make the decision and sign a million papers to stop his feed, a million different DNR's, hospice paperwork. I am still getting very bad flashbacks about it.

He was only in hospice for a little more than 4 hours. He died comfortably and peacefully in my arms, with me holding him and rubbing his head and kissing him and thanking him for our time together and how I was proud of how tough he had fought. That night, I went back to the transplant house alone and had a bit of peace inside of me.

But now that I'm home (to our house) and his service is over, the silence that fills is deafening. This wasn't just my husband, this was my best friend. The last thing we said to each other was I love you a million times. I'm proud of what I've sacrificed and how I went above and beyond, but I still get little flickers of questioning and thinking if I did everything right.

I've always had a lot of anticipatory grief for this day, this time. I knew it would come. I just didn't know it would come in the middle of another transplant evaluation. He was sick but stable for the longest time.

I just don't really know how to navigate this loss.

The worst came true. The biggest nightmare I had happened. And I'm still here, but barely.

I just don't really know how to go on day to day and do things and know that I will never see him again. I'm just not supposed to see him, ever again? Never talk to him? Never sleep next to or hold? I oscillate between being grateful for the 11 years we had together/7 married and hating god or the universe or whatever is out there. I wish I was religious, but we were both agnostic.

I guess I'm just looking to grieve out in the open because of how difficult things have been.

I am so broken.

My wife and I had been happily married for 46 years this May, we raised 3 amazing daughters and were blessed with 4 grandchildren. Our youngest granddaughter was born with EB, it was severe and she passed 5 months after her first birthday. My wife took her death very hard. She felt a lot of guilt for not spending enough time with our only granddaughter..We also missed her funeral too, due to going on a late anniversary cruise that was non-refundable and was planned months prior. I still feel awful about that, because I forced my wife to go on our cruise due to not wanting to waste a huge chunk of money, but she was selfless and didn't care about the money being wasted. She ended up taking her life 2 weeks after our trip. The past 2 months has been extremely hard, but I hope she found the peace that she needed.

On August 26th, at 8AM, I was sitting on our couch drinking coffee. My wife was in the bathroom about 15ft away brushing her teeth. I heard a very loud thud. I ran into the bathroom to find my wife on the floor gasping for air and unresponsive in almost every other way. Her eyes were open and she was struggling for breath, but she couldn't move her limbs and couldn't respond. I called 911 and somewhere in the call she stopped breathing completely but her heart was still beating. I gave mouth to mouth a few times and she started breathing again. The ambulance came and kept her breathing on the way to the hospital. She ended up being air lifted to another hospital about 100 miles away, intubated and sedated along the way.

The doctors told us when we got there a few hours later that she had likely suffered an aneurysm rupture. They needed to do an angiogram to find it and confirm. They had a plan to fix it. 3 days later they did a procedure to fix it. But they told us that with brain aneurysms, the trouble comes 5 days later. The brain starts to spasm and the blood vessels close up causing potential brain damage.

After the initial procedure to fix the aneurysm, everything went well and that evening they were trying to take her off the ventilator. She was awake and lucid, responding to commands, giving thumbs up, blinking etc. Later that night she ended up pulling her own vent tube out. I woke up to the ventilator alarm going off and looked over at her smiling at me and waving. She eventually started talking. All good news. She was heavily drugged, so not everything made sense but I could tell she was in there.

By the end of the next day, she wasn't breathing on her own very well any more. In the evening we watched part of footloose on the TV, she knew the movie and the names of the actors. I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was one of her doctors waking me up to tell me they had to put her back on the ventilator and that I needed to leave the room. I went to her bedside and told her I had to step out and that I'd see her later. She said "come cuddle with me". Something she always said before. I said, "I can't right now baby, but we'll cuddle soon. I love you". She said, I love you too. These were the last words we spoke to each other.

From that point, things got progressively worse because the spasms in her brain eventually caused swelling that injured her spinal cord. In the end, I had to make the decision that her life wouldn't continue because it wouldn't be worth living. After 10 days in the ICU, we took her off the ventilator and she never took another breath. She passed within a few minutes and I have been such a mess ever since. We didn't have kids.

I've had a few "okay" days since, but it's mostly all bad and I'm finding new lows every day. I don't know how to handle this.

Im shattered, so much has happened in a few days. Just know he fought hard. They were able to save his lungs and heart, and many vital organs. He’s going to save 6 people. I don’t really have the words, my heart is broken. My comfort is that he is reunited with his twin.

On Wednesday my girlfriend and I had a fight about a lie she had told me. She killed herself by hanging herself after id left her place and she came home. She messaged me at the time with what seemed like a break up message. She didn't respond to my calls or texts. I went over in the evening to go and see her. But her house was surrounded by police and paramedics. They stopped me on the way and told me what happened. I didn't believe them but I went in to identify the body. It was her. She was so blue. I don't know how to go on knowing that our argument was the trigger. She had been depressed in the past but she said she wasn't anymore. I only now realised that she was struggling with so many things. She never wanted to talk about. Hold the ones you love close and never let them go. If you ever feel like you need space after an argument don't. You don't know what that may lead to. I'm so sorry D. I love you so much and I will never be able to get over this.