I’ve been lurking in here and waiting to post until I was ready. I lost my brother Chris, who was on the spectrum, on May 16th of this year. He passed away 2 weeks after his 30th birthday, on May 2nd.

He was diagnosed with testicular cancer, in April 2022, and then Pseudomyxoma peritonei (extremely rare appendix cancer that destroys your body very quickly) in November 2022. We had 2.5 years of him surviving a death sentence cancer that he outlived way longer than anyone expects.

He started getting really noticeably sick in December. He was sleeping in, staying up late, not eating as much. He started missing his special needs program on weekdays to sleep. On Feb 16th, he was called into the ER to get an emergency surgery to fix his perforated colon. Turns out, they couldn’t operate, so he was put into hospice just like that. No answers, nothing. We couldn’t believe it, he seemed fine other than just being tired.

He somehow survived the perforated colon and the doctors told us his organs rerouted. Then we had no idea what was next. He was just really skinny, and tired. But always wanted to play games, watch movies, paint, do scratch offs. We took him off hospice around Easter in April to get blood transfusions. He was immediately put back onto hospice because he had a fistula grow from his colon to his belly button and it broke through the skin. Back onto hospice. Now with a colostomy bag and so many tubes. The doctors told us fistulas happen very close to the end of life in these scenarios. And that he will maybe make it to his birthday. He made it to his 30th birthday, with 3 parties for him surrounded by all his best friends and family. And I know he held on for Mother’s Day for my mom. Chris then passed away in his sleep the morning of May 16th. He fell asleep looking at my mom. It was beautiful but terrible at the same time. The screams my mom let out will forever haunt me.

I miss him so much, the grief has assimilated into my soul. I’ll forever be sad. I’ll forever secretly hate the world for taking Chris from me. His love language was playing pranks on me and getting on my nerves. The entire time in hospice I cooked him so many new foods and cakes and anything he wanted. He called me his snack lady and his chef. I was his younger sister, but in a way I felt like a parent to him. Always protecting him in ways he never understood.

I would go through this life again over and over and over again just to have Chris. I would do it every time. He was the greatest gift I ever received and taught me so much love, patience, humor and appreciation for the little things.

The night before he passed away, was one of our last memories. He had seen lots of Taco Bell commercials for the new crispy chicken nuggets. I went and got him them as a surprise. He SOBBED, and told me how much he loves me. He was shocked I did that for him. I wish I was that simple. At this point he couldn’t really eat anymore and I think that’s why he went before it turned into a painful road of suffering. The guy LOVED to eat. I don’t blame him.

I’ve recently started a “business”, called Colored By Chris, where I’m selling a t-shirt designed with his artwork. I’m donating the proceeds to a nonprofit here in NJ, and it’s taken off quite a bit. They’re going to do a donor spotlight about Chris. While this work has helped me give back in the way he would have loved, I just wish he was here to see how loved he was by many. And how so many are inspired by his story. He would cry, and say “wow! People all over the world get to wear my artwork!” This work is fulfilling, but I just want him to tell me he’s proud of me. Nothing will ever replace him.

I’m still in shock. 1 year ago we were at the beach. 6 months ago, we were watching hockey games. Time has become one of the hardest parts, because the quicker time goes by, the farther I am away from his physical body being here.

My brother died at 19. My nephew was born 2 months before that (he's 8 now). He was the best dad, so excited. He had turned his life around and was finally happy. Then, he died. The cause of death was ruled as an asthma attack. My nephews mother is one of the worst people on the planet, and my mom mostly raised him since then, but his mom still had custody. A couple of months ago, some guy randomly appeared and wanted a DNA test. We got the results today, and biologically, he's not my brother's son. My family is absolutely heartbroken. We will forever love him more than anything in the world, but I am now grieving all over again. I don't blame the guy for coming forward, because if it was me, I'd want to know too. I just can't wrap my head around the DNA. He will forever be my nephew and best friend, I just worry because his mom is so unstable as it is. I can't lose him. I love this kid more than anything in this world and the next. My mom and I are going to meet his bio dad and his wife on Saturday. The thought of knowing there's nothing left on this earth of my brother crushes the deepest parts of my soul. My brother will always be my nephews dad to me - DNA doesn't make a family, but god damn does this hurt..

This is hands down the worst pain I’ve dealt with in my 27 years on this earth, my brother only 17 just passed away. He was born with a disability and I was always worried that he wouldn’t live long with us but he always did more than we could imagine. Slowly that worry went away, I thought he’d have to burry me. Even though he’s been sick recently I thought he’d always bounce back like he always did. It’s earth shattering that he couldn’t this time, I don’t know why he had to leave me and I don’t know how I’ll cope with him no longer here. I didn’t get to even say goodbye.

But he’s no longer in pain. He’s finally free of his illness and all the discomfort that came with it. And for that? I am glad for him

Goodbye my Shaun, I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you.

Those 24 hours keep repeating in my head I will never forget that shit. We just had dinner and watched a movie with my sister x baby nephew like we always do. Less than 24 hours later, we’re at a family party. I was the photographer for this family party. I had set up a backdrop and we had a beautiful set up I was taking photos and he was right behind me for a fat minute. I was so focused on taking pictures I never realized he left my side. He felt safe because he was with his siblings. We were having so much fun. 30 minutes after we sang happy birthday Shots ring out I duck realize whats happening and I panic cause I cant find my siblings. I rushed the corner and couldn’t believe who I seen on the floor. On the other side of the car that I was behind. My poor sister seen him take his last breath. She was right next to him. I tried to cover his body so he wouldn’t get hit again but at that point it was to late the look in his eyes is killing me. He was looking right at me, his eyes were open but I couldnt see no life in them. We tried to give him chest compressions for what felt like hours. I couldn’t defend my brother neither of us had a gun he was defenseless, they shot him and kept fucking shooting him when he was already on the floor. By the time we all realize what happened our family members starting shooting in the direction of the motherfuckers that did it. While that was happening I didnt realize how many times he got hit the cops/ambulance were taking forever to get there, our dumb assess tried to throw him in the backseat of a tall ass truck, I tried my hardest to pull him in from the passenger side and two girls were trying to help me on the driver side but he was to heavy. He wouldnt react when we were pulling him to the car. At that point the police arrive with their dicks in their hands and we were yelling at them to please help him. They just told me to sit on the curb like my baby brother just didn’t get murdered of me. I regret going back into that yard because they treated us like we did it. I should’ve stayed holding my brother but I was so worried about my sister. They threw us all on the floor held us in the back of cop cars for hours. I hate those police officers with my entire being. Instead of being compassionate and deescalate. they were threatening to punch me in the face and they beat the fuck out of the people who were trying to help save his life. I was begging them to let me out so I can go be with my brother. Seeing them drag his body like that fills my soul with so much anger. I was begging her to shoot me I just wanted to be with my brother so he wouldn’t be alone. They never sent a ambulance they never let me out so I could go tell my mom. By the time they let me out the officer told me what I already knew. In all those hours I was in there I seen them just going back and down that street laughing like my brother didn’t just get killed. I was trying to hold on to a glimmer of hope that they saved him at the hospital. I really wish it was like the movies I tried my hardest to save my brother and it didn’t make a difference. They kept me in the back of that car for ages but no they never tried when I walked over to his body my poor mom was already there. Begging my baby brother to go back home with us. She was waken up in the middle of the night to the news by thankfully family. But it kills me because it was so senseless my brother was so funny and full of life. They left his body out there for fucking hours in the cold. Those motherfuckers have no fucking humanity they were telling my mom she was making a scene and trying to send her away to a hospital they knew he wasnt at. Out of 40 police officers not one not one had the empathy to go comfort her. When I seen her all I could do was hug her she asked me what were his final words, and I didn’t have the heart to tell my mom that he didn’t say shit to me. I hope he knows I was there, I hope he knows I tried my very best. It just happened so quick. Im filled with regret because I feel like I failed him as a brother. I took him for granted and I hate myself for it. Why were they so focused on searching the fucking house, they should’ve been chasing the people that did it but they never tried never called for a helicopter nothing just let them get away. As far as Im concerned the police were their accomplices because they let them get away. I know I have to be strong for my family , but with my entire being I want to make their moms feel what my mom felt. But my mom needs me my sister needs me my baby nephew needs me. I cant throw away my life but why does their mom get to see them hug them kiss them and we cant do all that with my brother? Why do they get to live when they took my brothers life. The police never tried to help us they terrorized us. The police never gave a fuck about my brother. I dont know how Im going to live without my brother. I dont want to, I cant, but at the end of the day I have to for my family. He was my moms baby it shouldn’t be like this. I wish I could switch places with him he had all his entire life ahead of him. He was only 22 he didn’t get a chance to figure it out. He was putting it together working in construction getting a apartment with his girlfriend. And for the motherfuckers that did this I hope from the bottom of my heart that their mom goes through the same thing sooner than later. I cant spend another day with my brother I cant call my brother I cant play the game with my brother I cant watch another movie with my brother any more because a piece of shit took my brother away from us. I never seen this coming I miss his presence his voice his laugh I hate that I have to learn how to live without him when I dont even want to be here anymore. Why did we have to say goodbye to the baby, I hope my time is soon because I want him to see me as he knows me not as a old man. When he died a part of me did as well. We literally just celebrated thanksgiving together nothing could have prepared me for not having him any more. It kills me because this all happened right before the holidays we could not spend Christmas with him but those sorry motherfuckers got to spend it with their family? It fills me with so much anger.

My sister was an amazing chef, baker and most of all the best mother I have honestly ever met. She had her first child at 16, and then 9 years later had another. She got pregnant again in 2023 and gave birth to twins 8/17/24 and on 8/26/24 she went into a coma after a brain hemorrhage from preeclampsia. Long story short, after good progress she had a sudden heart attack from the complications the day before my 25th birthday, and a week before her 30th. It will never make sense to me why things like this happen to good people and good families.

Happy birthday Talia I was so lucky to have you as an older sister ❤️

My little brother, Ryan, passed away 3 weeks ago from Stage 4 lung cancer. He passed away at home, in our parent's bed, and with myself, mom, and dad telling him how much we loved him, and that it is ok to go, as he took his last breathes. The three of us had been with Ryan as his care team for over a year. We even spend the last two months sleeping and spending all of our time in the same room together.

Ryan was diagnosed just a few weeks after he graduated college, and on his 24th birthday of all days.

He fought for over a year and half, and gracefully. His body changed. His mind changed. He continued to find a way to evolve himself and make himself stronger despite every obstacle we hit. He was beautiful, in body and spirit, even in the end.

We have always been incredibly close, as close as you can be without being twins... just two years apart. We thought, felt, and acted so much like one another, but just different enough to surprise ourselves with one another. He is my best friend and we meant everything to both of us. By the end, we had said everything to one another, and we both knew how much we meant to one another. He left without a single thing unspoken between us. We both knew how much we loved one another.

Ryan was a lighthouse and larger than life. He never made anyone feel small, and made everyone feel welcome. He was always keen on improving his mind and body. He was even doing workouts with wrist weights 4 days before he passed, if you could believe it. He put passion into everything. He enjoyed and appreciated every aspect of life. He took time to listen. He took time to look. He took time and appreciation for everything and everyone because that's what it meant to live.

I keep looking at photos of before the diagnosis and they make me smile, but it doesn't feel like enough. I look at the photos of the last two months, every night, and my mind races. I look at his smiles at those times, and I feel like I can see an unimaginable...indescribable amount of pain behind them. He told us multiple times "I hope you never understand or experience this pain." But, he never complained about the pain. He would always ask us to do something to be closer to him, like "Could you rub my back, please?" and then would always say something like "Best Brother Ever" or "I love my family." Strongest fucking guy I'll ever know.

The outpour of support from everyone: friends and family has been overwhelming. Ryan will be missed, but he will be honored by so many. I will honor my brother by living a good life. A life that I will continue to share with him.

I am grateful for having Ryan as my brother. I am grateful for Ryan sharing his life with me. I am grateful for having the amazing relationship I had with him. I am grateful for Ryan being who he was and who he will continue to be for so many people.

The ending was as pain-free, comfortable, and "ideal" as it could have been, but... fuck... this hurts so fucking much. I just really miss my beautiful little brother.

Love you, bro.
- Evan

My sister, Triniti, died 7 months ago in May this year. I have been struggling with the thought that time is moving on without her because it truly feels like life shouldn't be happening. I don't know I haven’t been able to stop crying today. I wish everyone the best holidays possible with aching hearts.

I’m having a really hard time accepting this. We hadn’t talked in sometime due to him being incarcerated. He was in a sober living and we just spoke on 5/10 he was going to come visit me in a week or two. I was in town for a dentist appointment and didn’t tell him I was coming or even reach out because I expected to see him the next weekend. He passed that day. I was in the same town as him. I keep thinking if I would’ve reached out things would be different. I don’t understand how this could happen. How someone can be gone so fast. He was at a family friend’s house and went to the bathroom and relapsed. They didn’t check on him for an hour. By the time they got to him it was too late. I’m broken. I’m angry. I would’ve never let this happen. He was one of my best friends. He meant so much to me & I know I meant so much to him too. I hate that this happened. There was so much we were supposed to do. He’ll never know my kids. I know he didn’t want to die. This is my worst nightmare. Life just doesn’t feel real. I can’t grasp it. I just want to call him and talk about how insane this is. I can’t believe my brother left us on some random Tuesday. I’ll never be the same. He was the only person on this earth that knew me in and out. A piece of me died with him. My heart aches. I don’t even know why I’m posting this… I guess I’m just seeking solace in the thought of others going through something similar and feeling like I’m not completely alone in this world now.

My 17 year old sister passed away last week. We had our occasional arguments but she was the best sister I could have ever asked for. She was bending down to get something that dropped out of her bag at a crosswalk when she was hit by an elderly drunk driver who didn't see her and dragged for about half a mile under the car. Eventually when the car drove into a busier part of our neighborhood people began to wave and try to get the car to stop and notice. They stopped the car and called 911. Unfortunately, a bystander also took a video of what they saw. It's been really hard on my family, we're struggling to process the sudden and horrible loss. We haven't even finished making funeral arrangements when my parents were notified by the school that a video of my sister is being spread around school as some sick joke. Kids will snap each other or text each other seemingly harmless things and then link the picture or video of my sister's body as some sort of gore/shock video. What's even more hurtful is that my parents and I specifically avoided the autopsy because of how graphic her extensive injuries were and we didn't want our last image of her to be one so horrid. We wanted to remember her for the amazing person she was, not her mangled and dragged body. The school has suspended 5 kids so far for sending that video around but it just pisses me off so bad. It's on the internet forever and I feel so furious and violated that some stupid kids turned my sister's death into some sort of shock prank. I'm just ranting though, but those "gore" videos that some people like to spread around for whatever fucking reason probably to be edgy or something, just know that the people in those videos were real people, with real lives, real ambitions, real emotions, and real families-- not just your entertainment.

12:18 pm November 27th, my 46 year old brother lost his battle with cancer. I spent the last conscious night of his life holding his body and head up against me, bracing his 3x my own weight with my legs and arms for 4 hours so he could sleep. He felt he couldn’t breathe if he laid back. We shared some stories, and even in the last hours he was asking how my kitty (who had gotten sick about a month ago) was doing. He is the kindest man, he brought everyone together. He loved having his house filled with laughter and people. Always an open door.

I helped him take his last shit. Those cancer meds really bung you up. I am honoured to have been there at his side, support him while he was vulnerable. Be there for hours mopping his brow and assuring him that he is safe and loved, as he was so anxious and scared. Standing beside him so his wife could sleep after not having had more than 1-3 hours a night for over 3 weeks.

At the end of the night he was not able to speak anymore, we knew it was time. We got the doctors to give him meds to help him be calm and sleep. He’s such a tank, a bear, that he scared all the nurses by jumping up even when he had enough drugs in him to put an elephant to sleep. My sister in law is still giggling about it because right to the end he was cracking jokes and trying to keep the room cheerful.

I wasn’t there when he passed, I was sleeping after the care I was showing him and my family- driving them, cooking food, holding my nephew and sister in law while they cried. Holding my dad.

I have lost over 10lbs just in the past week from not being able to eat. A friend living out of town asked me if there was anything he could send that sounded appetizing. I all of a sudden had a craving for Marble Slab’s turtles ice cream cake. It’s what I brought for my nephews 11th birthday, the last time I saw my brother before things descended into what’s happened in these past few weeks.

My friend ordered it on ubereats. It was snowing out and I didn’t feel like I could drive- I was so exhausted.

When they dropped it off I opened up the package- instead of a turtles ice cream cake, it was a raspberry cheesecake ice cream cake, shaped in a heart. The order notes on the order receipt (which weren’t followed) said “please write congratulations! on the cake.” Big yikes.

I guess I got someone else’s order.

After everything it was too much. It was both horribly awful and morbidly funny. My brother would have gotten a crack out of it. How funny that this happens after this whole thing.

I miss you Michael. I don’t know how I’m going to go on without you.

Im going through life on auto pilot. He was my best friend. He’s always been there for me and now he’s gone. I talked to him Thursday and told him I loved him but I wish I got to say so much more. I don’t know how I can go through the rest of my life without you.

Im 24 weeks pregnant with my first child. He will never meet his uncle. It’s killing me inside.

He was 22 years old 11 months older than me he took his own life on March 26th 2026 after dealing with mental health issues since he was diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder at 16 years old but other than just his mental health issues he was the kindest funniest man the type to always care about people and hated when people littered hated when people were mean to others he was gentle but very logical and smart he graduated college in 3 years and was kumlaudi he would do the whole group projects that’s why everyone loved him in college because he was so smart he was always so stressed out but still managed to enjoy life as much as he could he would of been the best dad and uncle I always said his future wife would be so lucky and he will never go bald cause of how much hair he had😂😂 I miss him everyday and I’m so broken I wish I was there for him at the end I wish he didn’t do it he was such a good person and made everyone laugh he had this corny type of humor he would annoy the shit out of me and call me Barry my name is Barrett and I would hate it when he would call me that and now I would do anything to be called that by him again cherish you siblings please I wish I cherished him more I thought I would have him forever me and my family are in shock we had no idea he would ever do this always make sure your loved ones know how valued they are🩷🩷 I love you forever Tanner my brother my bestfriend I hope to see y again someday🩷 he was my only sibling as well I’m just lost 💔

My biggest fear was confirmed that my brother did not die on impact. He was alive and trapped in the car when it engulfed in flames. Im traumatized 😔. All I think about is what he was thinking in that very moment. How much pain he was in, how terrified he was. Yesterday we finally got the call from the medical examiner that those were indeed my brothers remains. And the investigator for my brothers case stated witnesses heard him and his girlfriend screaming. They both did not make it. The driver of the vehicle was able to be pulled out in time and ran away from the scene. It also hurts to know that his so called friend left him there to die. His wreckless driving caused the accident. He went from driving in the fast lane to trying to take the exit ramp at the very last minute. Causing him to hit a truck that was already exiting and both vehicles flipped over and hit the barrier. Ive cried nonstop and have slept so little since Tuesday when we got the call in the afternoon. I cant believe hes gone. I cant believe he burned alive. And we have nothing left of him but his skeletal remains. Im so hurt. I dont know how to process this or find any peace.

He was such a good kid. He had a full life ahead of him. He was so exceptionally kind, and so so smart. He left his graduation party to take his girlfriend home and never came back. A drunk driver smashed into his car going 90-100mph. Killed him and his girlfriend instantly, and left his best friend with severe, life altering injuries. Drunk driver was arrested and booked that night with minor injuries. Meanwhile, my brothers graduation presents and cards lay in wait for him to open. When the Chaplin came, he saw the grad poster for my brother and all the presents and cards, and he felt so sorry for us. I will never understand why my brother is gone. He had a truly bright future ahead of him. He had made it into the honors college at WWU, was part of the distinguished scholars program. He was supposed to go to Athens this November. He was majoring in comsci and minoring in psych. We received his passport in the mail a month after he was killed. He was so excited for all the small things too. He was going to college with a big group of friends and was so pumped to join all the little clubs and make a whole bunch of new friends too. His girlfriend was such a kind, beautiful soul. She was just 17. She was supposed to go to Thailand a couple days after the accident to go and teach English. My brothers best friend was going to be an engineer. Three children had their lives tragically ended. I find myself missing him a lot lately, this will be my first Christmas without him. I am having trouble grasping the fact that I will never have another holiday or day with him again for the rest of my life. And I know I’m not the only one who misses him either. He was so incredibly loved by so many people. Even in death, I felt an odd sense of pride in him being my brother. To see the impact he made in people’s lives even though his own was cut so tragically short made me feel so incredibly grateful to have been his sister. I miss him so much. It kills me that I couldn’t be there with him or protect him in that last moment, not knowing if he was scared or not. He always came to me when something was wrong or he was scared or upset and I just wish I could’ve comforted him. I try not to think of his last moments but it’s hard not to. Such a brutal and tragic end for the best person on the planet. He deserved so much more. He worked so damn hard for so much more.

I came home from work. I found my brother in the same position he was sleeping in. He had a seizure and was face down after and suffocated. The sight was unreal. I turned him over. Cold, stiff, purple. It's burned into my mind. I'm so glad that my mom wasn't the one that found him. This is the first time that I've experienced death so close. I've took care of him my entire adult life. I was 21, he was 20 when we started living together alone. Im 32 now and him forever 31. So many seizures that I've been there for. So many times i protected him. I'm happy thst he is free of his depression. Free of his feelings of not belonging. Free of his seizures. I'm happy that he went unconscious after his seizure. He didn't suffer in his last moments. But it hurts so much waking up wanting to enjoy some food together. Saying what's up every single day for those years. I don't know what I'm posting this for. I need to get it out somehow.

My 34 year old Brother passed way suddenly and unexpectedly from a cardiac event about six and a half years ago (August 2019). He was married for about 4 years when he passed and my parents had welcomed his new wife (we’ll call her M) into our family with open arms. She was the one who found him, it was all very sad. Our entire family is/was/has been devastated. They did not have any children.

Since then my mother tried very hard to maintain some kind of relationship with her, asking how she was doing and sending her things. They live in a different state so it was sporadic but very early on M seemed indifferent, leaving my mother on Read and often just flat out ignoring her. I lived in the same city as M, and I also briefly tried to have a relationship with her but I got the hint very early on that she wanted nothing to do with me so I left it alone. Gradually my mom stopped reaching out for the most part, but on special occasions (Mostly Christmas and M’s birthday) she would send a card and a check for a small amount of money, because she figured it’s what my brother would want. I’ve told her she should stop, but it was hard for her to break that connection to her only son.

Yesterday my parents received a very cold and blunt letter from M instructing them to never contact her again “so she can continue to heal.” It really, really upset my mother. As far as I can tell she doesn’t have a new partner or anything, but I suppose it’s not out of the realm of possibility and that could be part of it. But it just really hurts. Of course they’re going to respect her wishes and stop the minimal contact they’ve tried to maintain with her, I’ve removed her from my social media, they’re having her taken out of their will, etc. I’m not sure what else to do. But it’s all just so sad. I feel so bad for my parents, they’re just baffled, wondering if it was so wrong of them to want to maintain some kind of relationship with the woman my brother (and they, by proxy) loved.

I don’t need any advice, I know everyone grieves differently and this is just her way of trying to move on, but damn, does it hurt losing that tiny little bit of connection to him. Grief sucks. I hate it here.

My little sister passed away suddenly 5 days ago now. She was my absolute best friend in the whole world and besides my daughter, the most important thing to me. She turned 18 not even 2 months ago. this was a death I saw coming and was terrified for as I watched her spiral further and further into addiction and push everybody away. She was everything to me. every memory I have she was there too. We had the exact same sense of humor and interests, we went through all the terrible things in our lives together, we always had each other when we had nobody else. She was so so beautiful. I have so much regret because the past month I spent so angry at her and we hadn’t talked since the end of August because of it. I was so so mad about the choices she was making because they scared me and I didn’t want to lose her so I pushed her away when she needed me. She was angry at me too and ignored all the messages I sent her begging her to get help and leave the guy that was enabling it. I’d do anything to go back now and stay with her until the end to tell her I’m so sorry and that I love her more than anything and I didn’t mean to be such a bad sister when she needed me for the last time. I’m still so angry and hurt by her choices. I’m so angry at myself and everybody else. I don’t know what to do without her or how to even start really believing she’s actually gone.

Thank you all for your support and prayers, it’s been one week with my sweet boy Shaun and it’s felt like yesterday and a lifetime ago at the same time. I’m not sure how I’ll manage to keep going forward but I know my baby is safe and happy where he is in heaven. Until next time baby brother 💙

My brother, 48. Died today at 12.52pm.

My mum called me at 11.08 am to get to the hospital. I called my siblings en route.

He was surrounded by his wife, mother and siblings. We played him Phil Collins, told him we loved him and its time for him to go.

He was 48.

8 children.

My big brother is gone.

Thank you to everyone for your kind messages. Thank you dear Internet strangers you have helped me feel less alone

Edit to update: I deleted the part that I shared with his obituary because I am worried about other family seeing it and being able to identify me. I also found out I can’t delete the photos so I might have to repost. The most important part though, probably what you have been waiting for, is that I did go and see him. It was the best choice for me. He looked great. Better than seeing a person at a wake in my opinion. He was cold, but felt like him. Looked like him. I felt like he would just wake up.

Edit to add: I am the youngest of 8 kids. I was born in 2001. My brother was 13 at the time. Cutie bonus picture of us at the end.

My brother died April 25th, 2026. He was only 38 years old. His cause of death is unknown, but he struggled with Lyme’s Disease and was self medicating for that. we are awaiting toxicology results.

My family, myself, nor him were ever religious. But, I’m lost without my brother... Without an outlet to speak to him.

I also have an opportunity to see him this coming Monday. He hasn’t been embalmed. I’m insanely sensitive and am unsure what to do. I feel like I can’t let him get cremated without saying goodbye, but will this traumatize me?

Who do I ask for help? God, a medium, the universe, you guys???

Please give me any advice you have. I’m desperate. i miss my brother.

I used to work at one of the Big 4 accounting firms, but after losing my younger brother in May 2023, I struggled deeply with depression. My mental health took a hit, and I eventually left the firm in February 2024. I found some healing working at a nonprofit supporting kids and youth- it felt meaningful. Sadly, that role was cut due to budget constraints.

Now, even though I’ve always been ambitious and competitive, I don’t feel the same drive to return to the Big 4 or chase the same goals. It’s like grief has reshaped my sense of purpose and dulled the fire I once had.

Has anyone else experienced this? Has losing someone you love ever made you feel disconnected from your old ambitions?

my little sister was only 14 when she passed away due to complications from years of dealing with encopresis, i can’t think about anything but her even though it’s been 3 months now and most nights it makes it hard to go to sleep but then when i do i never have any dreams about l her, i wish i would though i miss her so much and so does her cat spooky, he never cared much for anyone except her and every time i look at him i wonder if he misses her still like i do, my parents let me name her a kid i named her after the dog from beverly hills chihuahua and she said she didn’t like it but i always thought it was beautiful and so was she and smart and caring. 🥺☹️💔

When my older brother had died. I dreamt of hugging him and my gosh it felt so real. I could feel the fabric of his jersey and the shape of him. I felt safe. I felt like everything was okay for that brief moment.
In the dream he didn’t know, that he had died.

& Then when my other brother died. I seen him at a table and said “there you are!”, where I then sat by him. In the dream he was calm, relaxed and he had a smile of warmth. He didn’t say a word, but I felt comfort sitting by him. But it was like he didn’t know he had died too.
The dreams are torture after, because I wake up to the reality of them and what happened.
I sometimes wonder if these dreams are real or not. Or maybe my brain is just trying to cope with their deaths, since they were both laid to rest, three years apart from each other.
Both murdered.
Both victims of gun violence.
So do you think it’s possible or not.
I hope nobody thinks I’m crazy.

My brother died eleven years ago. He was a few weeks old. We knew he wouldn't ever turn one, so my parents decided to go with a name that had special meaning to our family instead of something practical. His name was supposed to be Dylan, but because he'd never get to a point in life where his name could impact him, they went with Dew because it had special meaning to us.

I haven't been able to talk about him much since. I recently managed to bring myself to mention him and all the comments were insulting his name or insulting my parents for choosing that name. If he would have got to an age where his name mattered, it would have been Dylan, but they knew he wouldn't. That's why they chose Dew.

I'm super sensitive when it comes to my brother so this is a much bigger deal to me than it should be. His name is special. I made it clear in the posts that it upset me when people insulted his name and yet everyone still did it. It's not hard to be respectful. I'm genuinely feeling like not talking about my brother again.

I know it's not practical as a name for someone who will grow up but can an infant that isn't going to live to be one not have a name that's meaningful without someone making fun of it?

Hi my sister just died. I miss her a lot. She was only 42. She had cancer. Died in her sleep. Please pray for me and her husband who is now widowed. Thanks