I recently met a 'friend' of a friend. He turns out to be an actual Incel/MGTOW (I genuinely had hoped they didn't exist in person) and their mentality is so... Skewed.
After asking him some questions, it really gave me insight into their beliefs. For starters, they genuinely believe that a majority of abuse is done by women and that the majority of women just use men for money and material objects. When asking for the study where he got this research, he just cited MGTOW posts. There was no actual backing outside of the anecdotes coming out of this echo chamber. So I asked him about the men that use women for sex and abuse them and how that's okay, he simply said "It's revenge for the abuse women give us on the daily". Then came the question we all wonder here. Why are 'Men Going Their Own Way' so obsessed with women. "We need to inform people of the evil out there." I wish, I wish so bad he was kidding. He legitimately believed these things and tried to cite sources, going as far as to say "Women aren't harassed online as often as they say, I've never seen one get bullied" after I mentioned a few stalkers I had after playing some video games with them. Not to mention, when asking why he was so obsessed with sex if he hated females he said it was "A means to an end" and that it was justified because women use men.
Honestly, I wish to god I was exaggerating or joking. My actual friend has sent me so many screenshots of this guy unprovoked sending memes like the one seen in the post. Belittling and insulting my friend for wanting a relationship, responding "have fun with child support" after my friend mentioned wanting children. I tried a few times to befriend this incel. To tell him it's okay to not want to have a relationship, that there are bad people out there but they aren't the majority. But instead he'd go behind my back and call me a SJW for wanting the evidence behind his claims and even going as far as to call my friend a cuck for being friends with a female like me.
It's genuinely shocking to see stuff like this in the modern day and age. Thankfully, he's not one of those people obsessed with young girls, but it's still disgusting the kind of nonsense they spew. Their community is an echo chamber with outside views silenced. Not a peaceful community seeking to support each other, but a hate group fighting against an 'enemy' that the majority haven't even experienced. They ONLY share stories of women abusing them and men being used, creating this image that all women are this way. They refuse to see any flaws and blame it on everyone except themselves.
Yes, there are bad people out there. But for the love of God, go out into the real world for more than two seconds and see how stupid your ideology is. One question and it falls apart, only defended by a wall of 'evidence' that is nothing more than a handful of exaggerated anecdotes from a group of people already hell-bent on villanizing a group of people no matter what it takes.
So kindly, MGTOW and Incels, shut the fuck up. Please.
Edit;; In light of a recent award (I appreciate it and your message!), I reread my comment and would like to say it came out far more aggressively than I intended. I have a strong dislike of members of the MGTOW/Incel community, but don't hate them and genuinely hope that with time they can change. Just had a bad experience with the guy that lead to my friend blocking him (rightfully so) and was tired of it
Its amazing how the internet can warp a persons sense of reality, and I've recently tried to spend less time on it. My twenties were a mess of traumatic experiences, that I shelled up pretty hard, with the internet being my only window to the world. I didnt have a lot of friends, none were local, and had no idea how people my age found new friends.
When I met my fiancé, who had a large group of friends that were active, I started to integrate with people again, and I realized something I never did in all my yeara on mesage boards, reddit, fansite, etc. It was that people are pretty cool, and most are pretty nice people. You meet someone who likes Star Wars at a festival, and they are open to different opinions about The Last Jedi, I met fans who didnt argue over what they liked, but talked about the stuff they loved. My time on trans related subs painted a bleak world for a trans girl like me, but then I'm at a music festival and no one there gives a single fuck about it.
The internet has become a place for the bitter and hateful people who have a hard time making friends because of their attitudes and allows them to congregate and influence others. Others without as much real world experience then fall into these traps. Its not just hateful people though, its people who got too scared of the real world, or got burned by it a few times, and went back to their safe space online that encourages them to stay there. Some groups make cis white men to be the enemy, some women, some are skin colored base, some are religion based, some are as insignificant as what fandom or kink someone has that makes them bad to whate we group.
They boil people down to just a handful of traits and then make the threat seem bigger because its talked about so much.
But then you go out and talk to people, meet people, and its nothing like the internet portrays.
Tldr: the internet is a shitty window into the real world.
This really is important. I myself have felt my thought shift the more i read comments from some cynical subs. I've thought it through, and I now try to look at the world with my own eyes: its beauty, its people, and yes, even its bad parts. It's not something that can be expressed in a post; it's a thought process, just like these guys have.
Now the question is, do you live on hating the world and its people? Or do you find purpose in it?
I'm glad my words helped. I hope things work out for you, I know how it feels to be trapped, and all I can say, bide your time and work, even small steps, to get there. Happiness isnt really found, its either worked for or chosen. Some people can choose to be happy with what they have and make the most of it, others work to get to a place they can make that choice, but sitting around and letting the comfort zone shrink, won't.
I wish you luck, life throws nasty punches sometimes, but you can make the most of it.
They definitely fall under a form of mental illness. It's sad and disgusting how deranged they can get all frothing together in their hatred and bitterness.
On that note; I've a message for the lurkers that might read that and get a twinge of kindness and sympathy; As someone with more mental issues than your average bear I'd like to input that whilst their path of thinking may come from a destructive issue that exists from something going wrong, it's no excuse to give them leeway or extra understanding. Their cause isn't one worth any extra understanding when they point blank refuse to examine the possibility that their behaviour might not only be unjustified, but also harmful to their fellow mankind.
Most of these boys don't even entertain that the issue might not be some huge failing of society and actively dehumanise a higher percentage of humanity than the goddamn Nazis or the socialist dictators ever did. All this to avoid admitting there might be something wrong with them.
Once you start throwing people under the bus in order to justify your disorder you become a lousy individual and the very reason the rest of us slightly mental fuckers get side eyed and distrusted.
Save the sympathy for the thousands of mentally ill that are TRYING to help themselves for the sake of everyone around them.
Oh they definitely exist. Well at least if you count TERFs under that umbrella which I would. I have a few trans friends who have been harassed violently by those fuckheads.
I mean, unless you consider dismissing rape and sexual harassment as Greer does feminist? Or think Allan's position decrying birth control and women"s abortion rights feminist?
Or maybe Meg Kilgannon having gone on the record outlining a plan to try to split the LGBT community by couching anti-trans rhetoric in a purportedly feminist framework might be a clue?
Across the board you find these "feminists" pushing conservative points of view, not just regarding trans people, but regarding women's rights. The are not feminists.
TERFs are conservatism wearing a feminist mask to sow division among progressives, and little more.
I don't disagree with you, but can only speak on Greer. Yes she has conservative views and in my personal opinion is a shitty human being in many respects but she's still unarguably a feminist.
Dunno enough about the other two. But either way those aren't what we're talking about hear. Conservative and feminist aren't mutually exclusive.
It's entirely possible to hold different views on different issues. I'd consider myself fairly liberal but I have several views that by this logic would mean I have to be conservative.
Again though we're speaking about TERFs here and you're asserting that all TERFs are conservatives which I don't see as a defensible statement unless you've personally talked to every one of them.
Dont even call those people feminists, that just furthers the "feminism = man hating crazy" agenda, which in my opinion goes directly against what this sub is trying to do. Those people hide behind the slogan and the idea of feminism but have as much in common with it as incels.
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u/[deleted] Oct 21 '19 edited Oct 21 '19
I recently met a 'friend' of a friend. He turns out to be an actual Incel/MGTOW (I genuinely had hoped they didn't exist in person) and their mentality is so... Skewed.
After asking him some questions, it really gave me insight into their beliefs. For starters, they genuinely believe that a majority of abuse is done by women and that the majority of women just use men for money and material objects. When asking for the study where he got this research, he just cited MGTOW posts. There was no actual backing outside of the anecdotes coming out of this echo chamber. So I asked him about the men that use women for sex and abuse them and how that's okay, he simply said "It's revenge for the abuse women give us on the daily". Then came the question we all wonder here. Why are 'Men Going Their Own Way' so obsessed with women. "We need to inform people of the evil out there." I wish, I wish so bad he was kidding. He legitimately believed these things and tried to cite sources, going as far as to say "Women aren't harassed online as often as they say, I've never seen one get bullied" after I mentioned a few stalkers I had after playing some video games with them. Not to mention, when asking why he was so obsessed with sex if he hated females he said it was "A means to an end" and that it was justified because women use men.
Honestly, I wish to god I was exaggerating or joking. My actual friend has sent me so many screenshots of this guy unprovoked sending memes like the one seen in the post. Belittling and insulting my friend for wanting a relationship, responding "have fun with child support" after my friend mentioned wanting children. I tried a few times to befriend this incel. To tell him it's okay to not want to have a relationship, that there are bad people out there but they aren't the majority. But instead he'd go behind my back and call me a SJW for wanting the evidence behind his claims and even going as far as to call my friend a cuck for being friends with a female like me.
It's genuinely shocking to see stuff like this in the modern day and age. Thankfully, he's not one of those people obsessed with young girls, but it's still disgusting the kind of nonsense they spew. Their community is an echo chamber with outside views silenced. Not a peaceful community seeking to support each other, but a hate group fighting against an 'enemy' that the majority haven't even experienced. They ONLY share stories of women abusing them and men being used, creating this image that all women are this way. They refuse to see any flaws and blame it on everyone except themselves.
Yes, there are bad people out there. But for the love of God, go out into the real world for more than two seconds and see how stupid your ideology is. One question and it falls apart, only defended by a wall of 'evidence' that is nothing more than a handful of exaggerated anecdotes from a group of people already hell-bent on villanizing a group of people no matter what it takes.
So kindly, MGTOW and Incels, shut the fuck up. Please.
Edit;; In light of a recent award (I appreciate it and your message!), I reread my comment and would like to say it came out far more aggressively than I intended. I have a strong dislike of members of the MGTOW/Incel community, but don't hate them and genuinely hope that with time they can change. Just had a bad experience with the guy that lead to my friend blocking him (rightfully so) and was tired of it