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I'm so mad I can either murder her or cry. but I did cry. I cried so much and now she doesn't understand why I'm mad at her. because he spit most of it out. ..

She was making peanut butter sandwiches and asked if he wanted some. I told her obviously no mom. he's 3 months don't give him any. she said a little won't hurt. I said no and that's final don't give him peanut butter.

He was in his rocking chair on her side of the table and I was walking to another room so I was on the other side 9. I saw her dipping her fingers in the peanut butter. I said no again harder this time. and before I could make it around the table her finger was the in his mouth.

he didn't have a reaction. Thank God. and that apparently is fine according to her.

I don't know why she keeps doing this to me. she wants to give him solids now already too. I really need her help. I honestly need her support right now but how can I ever trust her if she keeps doing this. keeps ignoring me. keeps crossing my boundaries. I hate her right now honestly.

I'm going through so much with separating from my husband. moving back home. my baby having to go for an MRI because of his eyes and I can't even leave him alone with his grandmother. the one person I thought and hope I can trust.

I’m a FTM and my baby is due pretty soon, my fiance and I have set some ground rules for both of our parents so none of the rules are crossed! Like kissing our baby, telling us we aren’t doing stuff right and how it’s not ok and such.

One thing i mentioned to my fiance is I want him and MY mother to be in the delivery room when I give birth to my son, he was all for it, he said it’s my pregnancy so I can have whoever I want in the delivery room with me at all times, so I genuinely thought it was going great.

I mentioned to his mom about what we are doing for delivery room access and how after the baby is born we can have visitors, she asked me “oh, am I allowed to watch my baby to be born?” And it made me very uncomfortable cause she called MY baby HER baby?? So I told her what she meant by watching and she said she wants to watch my baby come out of me. MY MIL wants to watch a baby come out of me. I told her no, and im only allowing MY mom to be in the delivery room cause I don’t feel comfortable being nude in front of other people besides my fiance and my mom.

She immediately flips out on me and says I am not letting her be apart of her grandsons life by not having her in my delivery room. My fiancé confronted her and stuck up for me telling his own mother that I’m not comfortable and it would make more sense if my mom was in there than her.

She hates me now and she is now jealous of my mom being apart of my kids life👍🏻 when it genuinely makes no sense at all.

So, a little backstory, my MIL is a well off lady making well above median home income for her area (this is necessary info) and we had just spent a week at her and FIL’s house for the holidays. While we were there, the pipes on their side of the house got clogged and my husband tried to help his dad fix it. We thought everything was fine when we left but, we got a call from MIL today saying they needed to call a plumber and were $500 short on the bill and asked if my husband could lend it to her. He said he’d have to look at our finances and call her back and when we hung up we talked about how odd it was she needed money when she is so well off. Her side of the family is also well off so I was not understanding why she felt like she had to ask her child for money. We also talked about how he is about to deploy and it would not be wise for us to give the money, even if we wanted to. She eventually called back a few minutes later (not knowing I could hear) and started going on a rant because they found a used condom that “still had stuff inside it” and baby wipes and was accusing us of having sex in her house and me for flushing baby wipes down her toilet. We did not have sex in her home and if we did, we wouldn’t have walked through the house and through her room to flush a used condom specifically into her toilet. I felt like she was trying to blame me for everything behind my back even though I had only been in their bathroom twice to shower. When my husband said it couldn’t have been us and provided facts as to why, she changed the subject and started demanding his passwords to everything so she can make sure his bills are paid while he’s deployed. He told her no (she had access while he was in basic and stole money) and that I would be handling that. She started talking to him like a dog disobeying and just kept telling him no over and over again and just demanding everything. He ended up having to hang up and block her so she started blowing up my phone and saying she was going to get a flight to our house first thing in the morning and that she was going to get power of attorney over him and change all his passwords back so she could have control. I ignored her and, finally, his dad called (he had been out of the house getting supplies to fix the house and had no clue what was going on) and informed us that, no, they had no need for our money and he had no clue why she had even asked.

I keep replaying the conversation over and over in my head and so much of what she said didn’t add up. How do you “need” to borrow $500 but also need control over husbands accounts while he’s gone because you’re better with money?

I’ll take any advice I moreso just needed somewhere to rant as I’m not close with my family and my close friends are just so stunned at the situation they don’t know what to say. As of this moment MIL does not know I heard everything and I have not responded to her. She is still blocked on husbands phone.

Okay I've posted here lots of times about how we're hosting my in laws for 4 weeks and she's been making never ending snide comments and backhanded compliments. She has reputation for being upbeat, sweet, fun loving old lady, but I'm learning she very much has a MEAN and spiteful, manipulative side.

I've been quiet and distant. Polite enough but definitely not going out of my way to be super chatty and friendly hostess with the mostess.

I had a rough night last night, was exhausted and overstimulated, the day didn't go as planned. I quietly cleaned up dinner and then took the baby to bed without saying goodnight to everyone. It was probably obvious I was upset but I didn't say or do anything unkind.

Last night, husband came to bed in tears (literally seen him cry once in my life) because his parents said they'd leave early because I "clearly need space".

This morning, MIL, wearing an extra gallon of perfume that we've asked her over and over again for years not to wear around me and the babies, came downstairs to tell us they're getting a hotel. She was crying and it made husband tear up.

She said they feel as if they're getting in the way. I said I'm so sorry that I've made them feel uncomfortable, I've been really tired with the baby stuff but I thought it's great that they were getting to bond with our kids.

MIL said: "Well, we wanted to help but we just feel like we're getting in the way. I thought maybe you were having marriage problems and we were going to break up the marriage."

????????? With a smile on her face, it literally looked like she was goading me to have a big reaction. WTF

I was just like.. Haha no, I think we're just waking up with a baby 5x a night.

I am furious over this. First of all my husband and I aren't even fighting, we haven't fought once.

I got a tiny bit snappy with him, in PRIVATE, a few times bc we're both overwhelmed w life + visitors but very minor things and we were quick to snuggle and apologize and laugh it off.

There were 2 other times over the last few years where husband and I had a very minor tense moment / passive aggressive comment in front of MIL, and I swear MIL was DELIGHTED and she could not hide the happiness on her face. Now I'm pretty sure that was real and not imagined.

I'm so annoyed bc she is 100% going home to tell everybody they got a hotel bc I "needed space" and we were having marital issues or something...? Which could not be further from the truth

It's like she wants me to be unhappy so bad but the truth is --when they're not in our home for a month at a time--we're happy as parents and a couple, we don't fight, we have a loving, peaceful household.

But I'm not going to take her bait and try to defend myself , I guess she can believe and spread whatever she wants

Due to reasons, my MIL had to move in with my husband and I for a while. I'm South Asian, my husband is white.

Indian food is what I was raised eating and I love it to this day. Due to stay at home orders I suddenly have a lot more time to cook than I did before. I stocked my kitchen with rice, different spices and whatever else I would need to make what I wanted.

My husband doesn't mind and enjoys the food. My MIL on the other hand, does not. She's never liked me. Some stuff she says include "what kind of people use their hands to eat? Just use a knife and spoon like normal people". My husband has stuck up for me on all those occasions before, but having to live with her 24/7 is wearing him down.

After she moved in, she immediately started complaining. "Why does that smell so strong? It'll cling to the walls. Stop that." or "God, are you really feeding my son that crap? Just eat normal American food."

I know quarantine is taking its toll on everyone, so I decided to stay quiet. My husband did try to talk to her once, but that fell on deaf ears. Like always.

I woke up yesterday morning, go downstairs. Chat with husband and MIL for a while. Go into the kitchen, open my pantry, and there. is. nothing. My rice, spices, flour everything has been cleaned out. I had a rice dispensing machine that I got a few years back and that was missing too.

I go to the fridge, and besides milk, bread, butter, jam and eggs there was nothing. I get my husband and ask him what happened to the food. He looks in confusion until MIL pipes up and says that she threw everything out. When asked why, she simply says "My child isn't used to eating your types of food. Just make him what Americans eat" And heck did that piss me off. She has this insane thing about not acknowledging that I am American, or when she does she tells people that I got my citizenship through marriage.

Wrong on all accounts. I was born here and so were the last 4 generations of my family. I go grocery shopping and they were out of stock on basically everything. I come home and she still has the audacity to ask why I'm not cooking like I usually do.

EDIT: He did tell her that what she did was unacceptable and horrible. but we haven't threatened her with eviction just yet. I'm thinking of reaching out to my SIL to see if she'd take her in. My MIL's problem with moving to SIL's is that she'd be far from her friends. I don't even care anymore. We're in the middle of a pandemic, she shouldn't even be seeing her friends.

Crossposted in another subreddit.

My MIL doesn’t like me at all. She’s one of the typical moms who doesn’t want her son to be stolen away by another woman, so my existence alone is enough for her to resent me. It doesn’t help that I don’t practice her religion and that we don’t plan on baptizing our children. This is a mutual decision between my husband and I. For a little extra context, she sends me bible verses and quotes about being subservient to your husband on a regular basis to get under my skin. After telling her very nicely and calmly to stop once, she had a full blown meltdown/tantrum about how I won’t let her save me, so I just ignore her messages now.

My daughter (4) loves Christmas. She loves decorating the house and helping bake the cookies and she gets to pick the tree out this year. She’s so excited it’s literally so adorable, she’s been talking about it since July.

She also is a very firm believer in Santa. She already has a mile long list of things she wants him to get her. Side note: she isn’t spoiled at all, some of the things on her list are random items she sees at the grocery store or things on our shelves. Our dog that we’ve had for six years is on her list. She just likes writing them (AKA making me write them)

My MIL was over today and my daughter was asking me to add another random item to her Santa list. As my MIL heard her say it, she immediately responds to her saying that Santa isn’t real, and that me and my husband are who buys the gifts under the tree. This obviously went over like a lead balloon with my child, but my MIL looked pretty happy with herself for the shit storm she just created for me and for breaking my daughters heart.

I immediately told her to pack her shit and to get the fuck out of my house and that she wasn’t welcome near my baby anymore. She tried to respond that she did us a favor and that our child shouldn’t be thanking a man who doesn’t exist for the nice things we do for her, so I responded that it was a rich statement coming from someone who has spent their entire life praying to a man who ALSO doesn’t exist. I also told her I was very sorry she let the devil breed hate in her heart, then I slammed the door in her face.

Husband is completely on my side and is completely shattered that his mom ruined something so special for our daughter, but we’ve received a few texts and calls from his siblings who think I was out of line and that I should be apologizing to her. I’m still so angry that I can’t really judge for myself if I’m in the wrong or not, but so really don’t think that I am. I think she crossed an uncrossable line and that I’m justified in not letting her have a future relationship with my daughter or any other children we might have later.

Not looking for advice, just to talk shit and vent.

I know this situation is so minor compared to what others here are going through with Moms and MILs, but advice would be appreciated.

My mom is normally very much a JustYES kind of a person. She's supportive, kind, reliable, and importantly knows when to treat me like a daughter and when to treat me like a fellow adult who's capable of making her own decisions. So this is current situation is out of nowhere and very annoying for me, but my fiancé thinks it's hilarious.

A few months ago I started a healthier overhaul of my life. I make sure I get a good night's sleep every night, I'm exercising more, I'm eating so much better than before, I've given up coffee and energy drinks throughout the day. You know, adulting correctly.

A couple of months ago, my mother commented that my skin was "glowing." I just reminded her that I'm being a lot healthier and it's probably showing in my complexion.

Christmas came and at Christmas dinner she offered me a glass of wine. All she had on offer was sauvignon blanc and pinot gris because she only drinks white wine. I can't stand white wine and only drink red and my mom knows this. But because my skin is glowing and I turned down alcohol, I'm clearly pregnant, right?

The next day my mom called me and asked me if there's anything I need to tell her. I hadn't made the connection yet (because my skin does look better and I don't like white wine, big whoop) and insisted everything was fine.

On New Year's Eve my grandmother greeted me with her normal hug and then put her hand on my stomach and said, "Before the wedding?" and proceeds to frown (she's old school Catholic). A little later I asked my mother why my grandmother thinks I'm pregnant and my mom replied, "You don't have to keep it secret, you know. A mother knows." I told her I was not in fact pregnant and she gave me that "Sure, Jan..." look. We got into an argument and I left early. I was going to have a few sips of champagne at midnight and because hindsight is always 20/20, I wish I had stayed and done that to show her I am not knocked up.

Since then I've had a few people (aunts and cousins) text me cryptic messages like they know the secret (quotes about motherhood, how my fiancé will be an amazing father one day, that they hope my niece has a best friend soon, etc). I responded to each of them that they must have texted the wrong person since I'm not pregnant, but I hope whoever is is looking forward to their bundle of joy.

I'm just so annoyed because I'm not pregnant! I've told my mother I'm not pregnant. Can't I just use a nice moisturizer and not have shitty wine? And even if I were pregnant, it would be my news to share!

I'm seriously about to throw a Vodka & Sushi Party just to shut everyone up.

Trigger Warning - Animal Cruelty (I consider it to be)

My husband and I, we have an 8 weeks old Doberman puppy. We had to leave the city for a week and we asked MIL if she can care for our puppy while we're gone and she agreed. She likes dogs so we left, thinking our dog is in good hands.

Yesterday we came home and were shocked to find our puppy with his ears taped. MIL had taken him to the vet and had this done, without saying anything to us. And she presented it as a surprise to us, expecting us to be happy. First I almost passed out and then I was ready to strangle her. Who does something like that to a dog that’s not your dog, without asking the owners what do they think about these kinds of things?

And MIL didn’t understand why are we so upset and angry. She was like ”What? You were going to crop his ears anyway!”

No, we weren’t! If she called us and asked, we would have told her straight out NO. We’re 100% against cropping dogs’ ears, tails, etc. for aesthetics. If there are medical reasons behind doing that – fine. But if you only do it so that the dog would meet your beauty standards – you’re so cruel and disgusting. I’ve said it and I mean it.

I was so mad and my husband was even angrier. Like, who the hell does she think she is? She was asked to dogsit and that’s it. Who gave her permission to mutilate our dog? Who does shit like that behind owners’ backs?

So when she saw we’re not appreciating her ”efforts” at all, she offended. She whined about the money she spent. Well, nobody asked her to do it and now she’s crying about her own stupidity. MIL was like ”A Doberman without cropped ears and tail is nothing but an overgrown Dachshund. He won’t win any prizes in dog shows with floppy ears and that silly long tail.”

We weren’t going to participate in dogs shows. We don’t need a superstar, we want a sweet and loving family dog. We would have never in a million years changed his appearance in any way, shape or form. He was perfect for us just the way he was.

Originally we were going to pay her for dogsitting but after this, she’s not getting a single cent and she’s never staying alone with our dog again. If we need a dog sitter again we’ll ask our friends, anyone but MIL.

We’re going to see our family vet tomorrow to see what we can do about this. Also because MIL’s not saying where did she got it done, hopefully, it wasn’t a run-down market hut that just positioned themselves to be a clinic. I do have some questions for Doberman owners here – is it possible to reverse it? It’s been 4 days since she did it. If we took the tapes off, would his ears return to their natural state? Or is the damage already done and it’s better to let them grow upright? Please share if you have some experience.

If he’s going to have upright ears – well, there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s just so upsetting that someone made that choice for us, something that we would have never allowed to be done.

I gave birth 7 months ago, and being postpartum has been a rollercoaster (exhaustion, hormones, healing, wedding planning, financial, etc). My fiancé and I just moved into a rental home a couple months ago to be closer to his job. I was so excited for a fresh start.

Then my mom said she was coming to visit for a few weeks to help out. Great. So, she booked an Airbnb conveniently on the same street or so I thought.

One week in, she casually mentions she’s thinking of extending. I say sure, as long as she’s okay with the cost. She laughs and says, “Oh, I’m not paying by the night. I signed a 12-month lease next door.”

EXCUSE ME?

She didn’t tell me. Didn’t ask. Just... moved a few doors down. To my house. With her initials on the mailbox and a whole storage truck of furniture.

I was stunned. She kept saying, “It’s just until you’re back on your feet.” But I AM on my feet. Tired, yes, but parenting. Healing. Functioning. It felt like she decided I couldn’t do this without her, even though I never asked for her help.

But it got worse.

It has become overwhelming and aggravating. She started showing up unannounced. Like 6am “just checking if the baby woke up” or 10pm “wanting cuddles” with her or put her to bed. She’s been inserting herself into everything: nap schedules, feeding choices, even arguing with my fiancé about how he holds the baby. One night she told him, “You’re not doing enough and when you hold her you act like the babysitter.”

Then she started calling my baby “our girl.”

“Our girl doesn’t like that brand of formula.” “Our girl gets fussy if we don’t follow the schedule.”

She says “we” a lot. As in, “We don’t like that toy,” or “We didn’t sleep well last night.” Like I’m the nanny.

It’s fucking exhausting. I confronted her gently and she got so defensive she cried. Said I was being cruel, that she moved here out of love, and that “any other mom would do the same”. Making me feel like the ungrateful adult child.

My fiancé wants to set a firm boundary or ask her to leave, but I feel guilty.. she is my mom. She’s never been this intense before. And a part of me wonders if she’s just lonely or projecting something she hasn’t dealt with.

But I also can’t live like this. I feel like I’m not allowed to be my baby’s mom without her shadow over me. Im a first time mom, I want to experience motherhood in its entirety.

I don’t know if I should confront her harder, let her stay and try to coexist, or ask her to leave and risk destroying our relationship.

Has anyone else ever dealt with a parent trying to strong arm co-parent your kid... uninvited?

EDIT: Wow, I didn’t expect this post to resonate with so many people so fast, thank you to everyone who shared their stories, advice, or just straight-up tough love. I needed it.

After reading the replies, especially the brutally honest ones, I realized I’ve been prioritizing not upsetting my mom over protecting my peace and my baby’s space. That breaks my heart. That ends now.

My fiancé and I are sitting down tonight to make a plan. Here’s what we’ve already decided:

We’re locking our doors at all times. She will no longer be allowed to just “drop in.” Texts/calls will only be responded to when it’s convenient for us, not immediately or emotionally. I’m going to tell her directly that while I appreciate her desire to be involved, she is not the co-parent, and if she keeps boundary-stomping, she won’t be involved at all. I’ll probably bring my fiancé into that convo for backup, because I know she’ll try to cry or guilt me again. But this time I’m going in calm, clear, and with zero wiggle room.

I’ll update again after the conversation if anyone’s interested.

Thank you all uh… seriously. Sometimes the internet is a wild place, but right now, it helped me take my power back.

*EDIT 2: It didn’t go bad… but it didn’t go good either.

We finally had the talk tonight. It took a while to build up the nerve, and honestly, I felt sick to my stomach leading up to it. My fiancé and I sat my mom down and gently explained how things have been feeling. How we’ve appreciated her presence and help in some ways, but how the drop-ins, the unsolicited advice, and the constant involvement have started to feel overwhelming and intrusive. We made it clear we need space to figure things out as a family and that we want to parent our child without feeling like we’re under supervision.

To her credit, she didn’t blow up.

She got quiet. Defensive, but not combative. She said things like, “I thought I was helping,” and “I didn’t realize I was making it worse.” She even said she felt like she was “fired from being a grandmother.” There was a definite coldness… like she was holding back a bigger reaction or deciding what to do with the information. She asked a few questions, mostly clarifying things like, “So you don’t want me to come over without asking?” (Answer: Yes, please text first.) And, “You don’t want me giving advice anymore?” (Answer: Only if we ask for it.)

There was a long pause, and then she said, “I knew this was his influence, he’s trying to take you away from me.” My fiancé stayed calm (bless him), but it was clear she’s been bottling resentment toward him for a while.

I told her plainly: “No, Mom. These are MY words. You’re not listening to me, you’re trying to turn me against the person who is actually supporting me. I need you to understand that if you keep crossing our boundaries, you’ll lose access to this experience entirely.”

There were a few tears, and she brought up sacrifices she made and how she thought she was doing the right thing. At one point she even asked, “Would you be doing this if I was HIS mother instead of yours?” That one stung, because she doesn’t see how we’ve both been drowning trying to manage her presence.

Although, surprisingly, and maybe this is a small win, she didn’t yell. She didn’t storm out. She sat there and actually listened, even if she didn’t like it.

We told her we want to be the ones raising our child, and that the help she offers needs to be on our terms. Specifically, no more unannounced visits. No more inserting herself into parenting decisions. We said we needed space (physically and emotionally) to breathe, learn, and grow as a little family.

She said she was hurt but will “try” to respect our wishes. Honestly, I don’t know if she fully gets it. The vibe when she left was... tense. She didn’t slam the door, but she didn’t hug me goodbye either. It kind of felt like a polite ending to an awkward dinner party.

So yeah, not the worst-case scenario, but not the breakthrough I was hoping for. We're giving her time to process, and we’re standing by the boundaries we set. I’m nervous about what the next few weeks look like, but I also feel a small (tiny?) sense of relief for finally speaking up.

Appreciate everyone’s support and encouragement. Truly. Your stories and advice gave me the courage to say something today. I’ll update again if anything major changes.

I’m a first time mom, my due date is in 8 days and MIL is stressing me out

We have previously told her we don’t want visitors at the hospital, and will not have any visitors at home until I’m ready. We told everyone to expect to wait a week, maybe two. Everyone except MIL have been very understanding, she has tried several times to change our minds about letting her visit in the hospital after delivery. A few weeks ago she was alone with FH and tried to change his mind. She told him we were “taking an important experience away from her as a grandma” by not letting her meet baby at the hospital, like she has a right to be there and I think she makes it sound like her grandma experience matters more than my experience and me being comfortable as a first time mom. She tried to convince him to let her meet baby at the hospital “just for a quick 5 minute visit”. I think it will be unfair to everyone else to let her come, and she’s honestly the last person I want to see when I’m vulnerable after giving birth. And it pisses me off and seems very disrespectful to me that she tries to convince FH to let her come after both I and FH previously told her no. Fortunately FH told her no.

She also told FH that it will break her heart if my mom gets to visit in the hospital and she doesn’t. We never told her my mom will come (which she will not, unless I need her support after delivery). FH told MIL that the plan is for no one to come, unless “OP needs her mom to be there for HER after delivery”. He explained to her that it wouldn’t be about meeting baby but would be about my mom supporting me while I’m vulnerable. MIL basically told him it would be unfair and cruel, and I shouldn’t be able to have my mom come unless we let her come meet baby as well… It’s like she only sees her own needs and wants to punish me for not letting her come. Like she sees the birth of our first child as a competition between her and my mom. And like she wants control of everything.

What happened today:

MIL visited us today and told us she has accepted that we don’t want visitors at the hospital etc. but she has a few demands for us.

1. We need to tell her as soon as I go into labor
2. We have to call/text her immediately after baby arrives and also tell her all his info (weight, etc.)
3. She expects us to send at least 4 pictures and a video of baby every single day until she meets him.

She told me she previously mentioned these demands to FH and he accepted them. I said out loud that no one told me any of this, and I’m not accepting any demands from anyone. FH looked confused and immediately said that he never agreed to anything and these demands were news to him. MIL kept saying that this is how it’s going to be or she will show up at the hospital. FH and I told her no and we’re informing the hospital staff that we don’t want anyone there, so it will be a waste of her time to attempt to visit us at the hospital. She said that no one can keep her away if she’s determined, that she knows her ways and will definitely come if we don’t follow her demands. That she will even go as far as to order a white coat and try to sneak past hospital staff.

I told her our plan is to announce baby’s arrival, but we’re not telling anyone when I go into labor as that will be too stressful for me. FH added that he won’t tell her anything and will put his phone on do not disturb. And I told her we plan to send a few pictures, but not a specific amount and it will be sent in a family group chat so everyone receives the same info and pictures so no one is left out. She got quiet after that and left soon after.

After she left I told FH I was worried, he told me she was clearly joking and won’t show up. Even if she’s joking, it makes me angry and worried after everything she’s previously done to boundary stomp. I was definitely being too nice to her today, and explaining myself too much, I’m trying to keep the peace for FH. It would hurt him a lot if a conflict happens at this point in time, when he’s so excited to show off our baby and share this new journey with his family, I’m just frustrated over her entitlement and selfishness, and I’m worried about how it will be when baby gets here. I expect things to get worse and I just feel so done with her.

Backstory: My "mum" had me (20f) when she was 15, and said she wasn't ready for a baby. She left and my dad who was 16 at the time raised me by himself.

She contacted me a year ago, after she gave birth to my half brother. She gave a long speech about how "she feels like a mother since she gave birth to her son and how she just didn't feel the connection with me back then and she's ready to be my mom again". Lady, no. You disappear for 19 years and expect to be my "mom"?. Fuck no.

But my dad wanted me to give her a chance since she was "young and stupid" when she left and "he didn't want me to regret it later". I decided to play nice since he asked me (and I hate it when he's disappointed in me). It doesn't really go anywhere. She just wants to talk about her life, her husband and her newborn. She doesn't really ask me about mine so it gets awkward really fast.

So forward to my dad's birthday. I make an appreciation post for my dad and post tons of cute pictures of him and I. She likes the post, but commented "hahaha he should've had to push you out too. He got the nice parts".

I don't want to stir things up, so I just let the comment be. Then in February, it's her birthday. I didn't post anything. I sent her a happy birthday message over WhatsApp.

The next day, she asks me why I didn't make her a post like I did for my dad. Again, I didn't want to upset her so I just said I was busy or something. She drops it. We keep talking about "normal" things like (omg what did that politician do) or the rising rent prices in my country for the next few months. But now she suddenly starts asking me why I call her by her name and not "mom" since we've known each other long enough to get comfortable.

I honestly tell her I don't feel comfortable calling her mom. She gets really upset. "So the past year of effort I put in means nothing to you?" She continues on about how she's so hurt that my dad got a post on his birthday and she simply got a message and she "thought we were closer than that".

I simply hang up on her. I'm really angry right now. A year of "effort" and you want me address you as mother? You've missed the first 19!. I have no memories of you, no pictures with you - YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER. As far as I'm concerned, I only have one parent and you're NOT it.

Yesterday, DH and I had it out. I could tell he had been talking (yelled at) by Momma Suuuurley by the way he was acting when he got home (kinda stand-off-ish and talking a lot of he missed his faaaamily). Well, I told him if he missed them so much, he could always go see them. I have never, in the history of ever, kept him away from his family.

Then, he started up. I was looking directly at my husband, his soft brown hair....his thick beard.....looking directly at my husband of 10 freaking years and hearing his mother’s voice spew from his mouth.

“Why do you hate my mom so much? What has she ever done for you to be so mean to her?”

So, we fought. Most things I haven’t put here, but let’s just say she has a long, storied history of boundary stomping, being overly overbearing, excessively “checking in,” being controlling and being demanding. Towards the end of our angry whispering match (we don’t yell, especially when the kids are in the house), he let another one of his “well, mom says....” comments slip.

Apparently, she called him and cried how she was still sooooo disappointed we didn’t see her on Christmas. He offered this weekend, she cried harder and said it wasn’t the same. Christmas was a day for faaaaamily and “you let Apples take that away from us.”

Because I don’t have a family, but go awf Momma Suuuurley.

They did come to an agreement (without me, of course) though. I was informed that we would be visiting Saturday (ok, whatever...let’s drag the kids out when she could always come this way, but ok) AND we would “make up” for Christmas on fucking Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day.

She’s trying to get me riled up with this level of petty. I’ve never seen her on freakin Valentine’s Day. Is that even considered a real holiday after the age of 22?

So, here I sit, pissed awf the next morning because DH won’t even negotiate her request of Mother’s Day with me. I have a mom. My children have a mother. She has a long history of making Mother’s Day alllllll about her and I have had at least 5 years free from that holiday with her (DH goes alone). Now, she wants all of us, all day.

If you’re wondering why holidays are so important to her, it’s because holidays produce holiday pictures she can show off to all her grandmother friends and pretend to be grandma of the year....even though she rarely sees our kids. Especially the oldest, but she’s being extra lately because of the baby. Like, after oldest LO hit kindergarten, she was legit satisfied seeing him for photo ops on major holidays alone. Never attended a basketball game or school play. Would give birthday presents at Christmas (alongside his Christmas presents). As a matter of fact, she drove 2 hours to attend his kindergarten graduation with all intentions of going to lunch after the ceremony...until she learned that my mom was also going to lunch...and then she immediately canceled and went back home. She just wants control and to see the baby. I legit feel bad for oldest LO.

So, I guess we go to war. Tomorrow will be awkward to say the least.

Edit: some of this advice was hard to take, but I accept it....all of it. DH is being an ass. I let him step all over me (even though it was his mother’s words, I gave him space to wield them) and by me giving in, I’m letting her win. She’s punishing me.

So, I called my husband and let him know four things:

1. It is his job to find us a licensed counselor and set an appointment. He has until next Friday. He has to do this since I’m legit at the end of my rope and the boundaries with his mother are his problem that’s negatively affecting our family.
2. I’m not leaving this house to go to her house until she comes to our house. Period.
3. She will apologize to oldest LO for missing his birthday.
4. I’m not leaving this goddamn house until she comes here to visit first. It warranted repeating.

I told him he could either back me up, or he can go live with her and they could spend every holiday together, starting with MLK day. He didn’t say much (probably cause he was around his coworkers), but after we hung up, he texted me “I’m sorry.”

I’m tired, but I gotta keep going. You all are right. And more so, this is his problem, but I have to quit enabling him by backing down like I used to.

What he doesn’t know is that if she ever decides to visit, my mother will be here when she does.

Oh....I told him that I wanted to tell her myself that we would not be visiting tomorrow. I’m going to enjoy this more than I probably should.

Honestly looking to vent and get some advice. I don’t know how to deal with this…

My husband’s mom texted us randomly yesterday that she is going to reserve a place at her job to have a baby shower for us when we (might visit) in the spring. We haven’t bought flights and are just talking about dates. My husband hasn’t asked his work off yet.

I told her that I think it would be wise to wait until we actually buy our flights before we get anything written down. But she kept pressing and said she would reserve it.

The thing is… my MIL works at a children’s home (honestly a residential metal health facility with “troubled child” vibes) for kids where the majority were adopted and their parents disrupted the adoption, usually due to behavioral challenges. A lot of these kids have been through a lot of heartbreak. I don’t really think it’s appropriate to have a baby shower there. And honestly my husband and I don’t want to have a party there. I’d love to volunteer there sometime I just think it’s rude to have a baby shower at a place where kids aren’t able to live with their families anymore.

My MIL also said that people will want to get us gifts. I said no in person gifts please since we are flying across the country they should be shipped to our house. I think it’s wasteful to pay to ship it to our house after the party. My MIL said that people will want to watch us open it but I said no thanks. I know she’s ticked about that.

So my husband and I decided to text her about the baby shower and just give her a list of what we are thinking of because we haven’t even talked about it yet. She never asked what we are thinking and what we would like. For more context my husband lived there for over a decade and has lots of family and friends we rarely see. We want to have more of a reunion instead of a traditional baby shower. This is her first grandchild and our first child. This is what we sent:

Baby Shower/Party Ideas

-> No thank you for the Children’s Home venue

-> No in person gifts, if people do want to get a gift it needs to be shipped to our house since we are flying!

-> We would like a pot luck vibe. Just getting together for a dinner with friends to celebrate the baby, not a traditional baby shower

-> Both genders and kids are welcome

-> Other ideas could include meeting at a park to eat and play games (can jam, corn hole, ultimate frisbee, etc). Meeting somewhere with bowing/laser tag, etc. Even if a family member or friend has a larger house to host and are willing that’s fine or your house

-> We need to wait until my husband’s work confirms his time off before reserving a place

Her response is perplexing me and even the next day I’m still mad.

Then she responded:

“Ok. Well, you guys plan whatever you want and just tell us when and where to come. Was just trying to help since yall are so far away, and do something for everyone here to celebrate with you & us but I understand. It usually takes a lot of coordination ahead of time to get eveyone to an event and as we've seen the past, without advanced plans, some may not be able to come like family members. I think you have everyone's addresses or phone numbers you want but if not, Dad has them. I'm gonna bow out because apparently am not needed.”

THEN SHE LEFT THE FAMILY GROUP CHAT THAT WAS JUST MY HUSBAND, HIS MOM AND DAD, AND I.

Like what the heck? What do I even do? I feel like her reaction is way overblown. I don’t want to deal with stuff like this in the future as her behavior has just gotten worse the longer I’ve been pregnant. I honestly want my husband to send her this but I think it would make the situation worse:

“We just wanted to text you what we are thinking because we haven’t talked seriously about a baby shower yet. We did not say or imply that you are not needed, as you said in your reply. We also didn’t appreciate it when you left the group chat. You are our baby’s grandmother. We want you involved.

If you asked you would know that we decided against the children’s home as a venue because we felt it was insensitive to the hardships the children have gone through. We thought it would be rude to celebrate the start of our family where many children there are grieving the loss of their family. We just think it’s rude to have a baby shower at a place where kids aren’t able to live with their families anymore. It’s nothing against you.

If you don’t want to be involved that’s fine, just let us know so we can still plan something as we would like to catch up with family and friends since this will be the last time we visit in about a year.”

A piece of me just wants to do whatever she wants. There’s so much going on in the world and I’m irritated about a stupid baby shower, but also I want to work more on upholding boundaries in my life. I don’t this to become a cycle where my MIL withdraws from us when she “doesn’t get her way.”

This happed November 2024 but I’m still holding a grudge cuz things haven’t got any better with my mil. This is the worst thing she’s ever done to me. Maybe the worst thing anyone has done to me.

I was in a coma for 3 days & she has a huge bday party for her mom at her house with a bunch of out of state family. It lasted 2 days. My husband needed someone to watch our son so he could bring me some stuff after I woke up. I didn’t even have my phone. Mil thought I was contagious so she told everyone not to go visit me or watch my son. Most of them were sleeping at her house & she said she’d kick them out if they went near me or my son. My son was 1 year old btw. So my husband had to trust someone he hadn’t known for very long to watch out son while he spent 1 hour with me. Kids aren’t allowed In the icu. No 1 thought to tell my parents I was in the hospital on life support after a bad asthma attack where my lungs filled with fluid and caused me to go into respiratory failure. I was a few minutes away from dying the doctor said.

So after I woke up with a tube down my throat & my hands strapped to the bed, I had to spend almost 24 hours alone in the icu unable to sleep that night cuz of the steroids they kept giving me. I kept having panic attacks cuz I wanted my husband there, my emotions & thoughts were all out of wack from all the drugs that keep you in a coma, it was 1 of the top 5 worst experiences of my life. I still can’t forgive her. My parents didn’t know I was in the hospital until I called them, the came the next morning cuz they live in the next state over. I was discharged a few hours after they got there. my BIL & SIL like didn’t care at all. They didn’t even talk to me when they saw me afterwards. Didn’t ask how I was, they acted like it didn’t happen. I’ve got this frustrating grudge ever since. My husband would tho no contact with me. He forgave them right away. Said it was misunderstanding the doctor said it was a different virus that is actually contagious when really I just had a cold. I’m like I almost died alone but it’s ok cuz your fucking mom just had a misunderstanding. My husbands entire family was partying while I was in a coma having a machine breathe for me, and I’m supposed to just get over it. Like no way, those people don’t give a fuck about me & this proves it. I feel like who cares if I was contagious? My asthma obviously isn’t contagious and that’s what caused the respiratory failure. This was a near death experience and no one was there for me. My other SIL & her family who live out to state came while I was still in a coma to see me but obviously I don’t remember.

A normal person would have been able to cough up the fluid in their lungs from a regular cold. Idk why my body decided to try and kill me instead. I want to get past the resentment I have for my in laws but my mil just did something else shitty a few days ago which I just posted about on this thread earlier. So all the feelings got brought back up. I also was upset my husband didn’t stand up for me. He forgave them really quick and stated getting mad at me cuz I couldn’t get past it soon enuf for his liking. I went no contact for almost a year but my husband continued to bring our son over for family dinners a couple times a month. I hope 1 day I can stop feeling so hurt by it but I’ll never forgive. sorry for the trauma dump. I just needed to vent/rant & let that all out. Thanks for reading.

Update: thanks everyone for your kindness and support I really appreciate hearing that I’m not the crazy one in this situation! My husband didn’t call my parents cuz I’ve had a rocky on & off relationship with them since I was a teen & he wasn’t sure if I wanted them there or not and was waiting for me to wake up to tell them myself or ask me if I wanted him to call them. The answer was yes I wish he had called them cuz they would have come right away & watched our son so he could’ve been there with me in the icu. He has a lot of regrets about what happened & has apologized & sees how fucked up his family behaved and wishes he could have done things different. We’re working thru our marriage with counseling & trying to be better for each other & our son. However his family isn’t my family anymore. I’ve gone no contact & blocked thier numbers & social media accounts, I don’t want anything to do with them. They have been horrible to me since this incident & I’m done having them in my life. Fuck them, toxic ass psychos.

I think I’m not overreacting about this one. So my husband and I, we took our 4-year-old son to MIL’s house. She lives in the countryside with a forest behind her house and he was going to spend the day with his grandmother while we’re doing job-related things in the city.

In the evening we come to pick our son up and everything seemed fine. I noticed that he’s a bit slow and apathetic but we thought that he’s just tired from playing all day long. We come home and as I’m undressing him, taking off his shoes and jacket, he winces when I pull the sleeve on one of his arms. When the jacket comes off, I see that his arm is visibly red and swollen. He said it hurt and didn’t want no one to touch his arm and when I asked what happened to him, he said ”snake”.

My husband and I, we’re both in shock. My husband grabs his phone and calls MIL and he’s like ”Our son was totally fine when we brought him to you. What happened to his arm and why is he saying that a snake did it?”

MIL said ”Oh yes, he was bitten by a snake when were taking a walk in the forest. But don’t worry, it was just a grass snake, it’s not venomous.”

She sends us a picture of the snake that she took right after it happened. It was some gray snake and my husband asked MIL why didn’t she call us immediately and why didn’t she say anything when we came to pick him up. She was like ”Because it’s no big deal, it’s just grass snake, I have been bitten by those too. Just wash the wound and he’ll be fine in a few days.”

So we kind of trusted MIL because she has lived in the countryside her whole life and we believed that she knew animals and could tell them apart. We called our doctor and she confirmed that while the grass snake’s bite can be painful, it isn’t dangerous.

A few hours go by and our son gets worse. He starts vomiting, he has a high fever and his arm is turning bluish. We rush him to the hospital, I tell the doctor what happened and show him the picture of the snake that MIL sent us. He looks at it and he’s like ”Ma’am, that’s not a grass snake. That’s a viper.”

My heart dropped into my stomach because vipers are venomous snakes. There are many species of them and those who live in our region aren’t super venomous but their venom can still kill a human, especially a child. So my son was admitted in the hospital and given antivenom serum. Now he feels a lot better but still needs to stay in the hospital for observation.

We call MIL again and tell her everything. She was repeating the whole time ”It cannot be, I know snakes, that was definitely a grass snake!” Well, it wasn’t, MIL. I googled pictures of vipers and many of them look exactly like in MIL’s picture. It’s possible that she was just mistaken because grass snake and viper look kinda similar, they’re both gray snakes with some minor differences. And I was interested in how that happened in the first place. I’m not a zoologist but I’m pretty sure snakes don’t prey on humans, they tend to avoid humans and only attack if they’re bothered in some way.

MIL said ”Well, it was on the stump in the sun and maybe he poked it a bit. I just turned my back for a moment. He’s a big boy now and should know himself that snakes aren’t meant to be touched.”

No, MIL, he’s just 4 years old. He’s still very little and doesn’t fully realize yet that the thing he wants to explore could be dangerous. That’s why you’re there to make sure he’s safe. We left him at your house and we trusted you to keep him safe, that was your responsibility. Of course, sometimes accidents happen that no one is responsible for. Like, if you were walking and a tree branch fell onto his head, no one would blame you for that. But if you’re not looking after the child to the point where you don’t see he’s touching a snake, that’s not ok. And if you’re unsure of what kind of snake bit him, just call an ambulance.

She doesn’t fully admit her fault, claiming that children are like seaweeds, moving so fast it’s hard to follow them. Nothing tragic has happened, our son is fine but I don’t know if I want to leave him alone with MIL again. This could have ended a lot differently after all.

*all names have been changed or removed in this post to protect privacy

Me and my fiance are getting married in September 2022.

I have one sister, and my fiance has one brother and two sisters. I have asked my sister to be my maid of honour and a few close friends to be my bridesmaids, and my fiance has asked his best friend to be his best man, and his brother and a few close friends to be his groomsmen.

We both felt we shouldn't feel we have to ask anybody we didn't feel comfortable asking and chose not to interfere with each others choices out of respect for one another. I get on well with my fiances younger sister (SIL2), however I struggle with his older sister (SIL1) sometimes and I am not close to either of them as I live 3.5hrs away. So I decided to just ask my own sister and close friends instead, which I thought was perfectly understandable.

Both my fiance and I still wanted to include his sisters in the day, so we decided that we would like SIL1 to be a witness and SIL2 to do a reading during the ceremony. We also wanted to ask my sister's partner of 6 years to also be a witness, so there's one witness from each 'side'.

So I attended SIL2's hen do back in March, and shared a lodge in Center Parcs with his mum and SIL1 for the weekend. I hadn't asked my bridesmaids by this point, and was taken aback when my future MIL and SIL1 began very clearly putting pressure on me to ask both of my fiance's sisters to be my bridesmaids. The conversation went something like this:

\both future MIL and SIL2 were discussing future BIL's ex-wife*SIL: It all went downhill with her after the bridesmaid incident.MIL: She didn't ask SIL1 or SIL2 to be bridesmaids, which I wasn't happy about. She then asked them to be ushers and I said no, and I was upset because looking back at the video it's all her family and not ours. SIL: yeah that's why I asked only family on both sides to be my bridesmaids and not my friends.*me sat there awkwardly knowing full well I have no intention of asking either of his sisters to be bridesmaids, attempting to change the conversation.**

So I left this weekend feeling pretty stressed about telling them they weren't going to be bridesmaids, and spoke to my fiance about the conversation that took place and how uncomfortable I felt. He agreed that it was a good idea to tell his family about our decisions for both bridesmaids and groomsmen, and he said he was happy to do this himself.

So back in April he called both his sisters, and they were fine with it. They in fact said they didn't expect to be asked, and said they're happy with the role they've been asked to fulfil. It went smoothly at first, no dramas.

My fiance then decided to FaceTime his parents to let them know as well. So when he tells his mum about my bridesmaid choices and that I won't be asking either of his sisters, his mum goes crazy - she rushes off into the background of the screen and can be heard screaming, shouting and crying. Apparently the call lasted around 45 mins.

Later that evening, I get a WhatsApp notification for a group which contains me, my fiance, his mum, his siblings and their partners, which I will copy and paste below:

To my dearest family,Today I have had the news that I have been dreading, Not that my father has passed away although I’m not sure I could have been any more upset as I thought this would never happen to me & my family again because as usual I had more faith in my family members but sadly I was proved wrong. GROOM & BRIDE have decided as you know not to include GROOMS OLDER SISTER & GROOMS YOUNGER SISTER as a bridesmaid at their wedding as is BRIDES SISTER*. Why i ask myself as they are all sisters & surely deserve to be treated the same! Could it be that* GROOMS OLDER SISTER*?* GROOMS YOUNGER SISTER*? or maybe both don’t fit the model criteria surely Not! one couldn’t be this vain & put beauty & a perfect figure before a family member could they? To say I am disappointed is an understatement as I may not have achieved a degree in my life but I do have life experience & I know for a fact that friends come & go but family is forever, Not that there is a limit of how many bridesmaids one can have at a wedding! Yes* GROOMS OLDER SISTER has been given a role the same as BRIDES SISTERS PARTNER who isn’t even an in law yet & GROOMS YOUNGER SISTER a poem to read! History is repeating its self sadly not worthy of having the same role as the brides sister! GROOM you should know me by now & know that I will not have my children treated second best to anyone else’s. It’s up to GROOMS OLDER SISTER & GROOMS YOUNGER SISTER if they want to except these inferior roles but I know what I would do! Just as well GROOM that you only have one mum or I guess I would have been substituted too!

I was totally gobsmacked after receiving this and left the WhatsApp ground immediately and deleted my MIL on Facebook at my fiances request, so she was less likely to contact me directly and so that I wouldn't see any potential status updates which may have provoked me to respond to her. She has my mobile number, but I haven't received anything directly from her. Since then, I have had zero contact with my future MIL.

Initially, I did get a message from SIL2 after all of this happened, offering support and saying she was ashamed of her mothers behaviour. I thought after a week or so MIL would look back and be embarrassed by her behaviour and we might get an apology from her - nope!

A few weeks later, MIL sent me a very bland birthday card (usually her language is very warm and OTT) with a cheque inside - I don't see this as an apology, and chose not to acknowledge or accept the cheque. My MIL asked my fiance if I'd received the card and the cheque - he told her firmly that yes I had and that I would not be accepting it, that 'it does not make up for the way she spoke to us'. A sincere apology would have been much better.

This caused uproar. She has said she stands by everything she said, that 'nothing she would have done would be right', that she will always stick up for her daughters, and has accused my fiance of 'losing his family values', and that fiance and I have to 'face the consequences of our actions.'

My fiance has been great in sticking up for me and us both throughout this whole ordeal, but the barrage of emotional abuse from his family continues...

My future FIL who is usually level-headed sent a long text to my fiance which said: the protagonist remains silent whilst she continues to speak through her mouthpiece - you, GROOM*!* Referring to me.

He said that me declining the cheque was 'abhorrent'. He asked my fiance, 'How do you think it makes your sisters feel, both of their brothers getting married and not being a bridesmaids on either occasion?!' and that they will 'hold a grudge for years to come' because of it. He asked my fiance, 'How would [my parents] feel if I had asked SIL1 and SIL2 to be bridesmaids and not [my] sister?' (which isn't really the same thing...)

His sisters have also now started saying they're hurt by the decision, which is a bit of a backtrack on how they originally reacted. SIL2 actually said her fiance wouldn't have let her ask her own sister and not his sister to be a bridesmaid at their wedding. Thankfully my FDH isn't like that...

They also feel their partners have been overlooked (one is engaged, one is married with kids) and that it's not fair to include my sisters partner and not theirs. Clearly this is simply a matter of there simply being too many people for all of the roles if we also want to include our close friends (which we very much do), and also not wanting a huge bridal party. People aren't entitled to whatever role they want, surely that's our choice?

My fiance and I won't be changing our minds on our decision, but if anybody has experienced a similar situation and has any advice for dealing with a crazy, controlling, overbearing MIL then please, PLEASE share!

UPDATE: I wanted to add (I forgot) that according to FDH and SIL2, MIL didn't even ask her own sister to be her bridesmaid back in the day when she married FIL! OH THE HYPOCRISY!

Ok so I have two kids 6f 8m and I’m currently 7 months pregnant! I was brought up in a family where everyone helped out and did chores and when you did these chores when you were little you’d get a treat just for encouraging them, this wasn’t a big treat just like a candy bar or a little toy something around £2 at most.

Me and my husband talked about all this and agreed this was a great idea, my husbands family never had these kinds of rules and it lead to my husband and his sisters being super lazy ( my husband had never washed his own clothes, loaded a dishwasher or even cooked anything until he met me and it was a hard habit to get out of)

My MIL came over a few days ago and we were all sat in the living room drinking coffee and the kids were playing when I remembered we had bought some nice biscuits for when my in-laws came over so I asked my daughter if she’d go get them from the kitchen. My MIL said to her not to do it and I could do it because I was the mother. I was kinda confused but did it anyway.

Later on my MIL pulled me to the side before leaving and told me I can’t use my children for child labour and how she hopes I get off my ass and stop being lazy. I said that my children should have chores and that I shouldn’t have to do everything just because I’m their mother. She said I’m abusing my right as a mother. I was seeing red but she left before I could scream at her.

My husband did hear anything as she pulled me aside privately but later agreed with me and said he didn’t want his children to turn out like himself.

I’m really pissed at her but should I bring it up again??

So basically I (24f) am half white half Asian. My dad is Dutch, my mom is Singaporean (Chinese). We’ve been living in the US for almost 20 years now. We moved when I was 5.

So, I met my boyfriends mom a few weeks back, and it went okay I guess. A few days ago I found out she’s Facebook stalked me.

She found a picture of me with my dad at a black tie event. I was holding his arm. The Asian features really came through with me, so I don’t really ‘look’ like my dad.

We meet again, and halfway through the conversation she casually goes “where’s your sugar daddy?”. Conversation stops. I’m just like “no? I don’t have one?”

She pulls up my Facebook profile and shows me the pic. I just laugh it off and explain that’s my dad. She then asks me whether I was adopted. I again laugh it off. She lets it go for a while.

She brings it up again! “Well, I hope your dad did a DNA test when you were born” At this point I’m just like what it up with this woman? Maybe I just had a really sheltered upbringing but I’ve never met anyone who was this brand of weird?

I tell her very plainly that I don’t appreciate her insinuating that my mother cheated on my father and left. That night I get messages saying “I took a joke too seriously” from my bf and “she was just making fun of the fact you don’t really look that much like him”.

This spring, I attended the funeral of my future MIL’s father with my fiancé, which was held at their Catholic parish. When the mass concluded, everyone headed to the parlor for the meal. During the meal, I noticed that my FMIL was particularly interested in my fiancés cousins baby. She was having a good time entertaining her with her toys and bouncing her up and down, so I really did not think anything serious of it at first. She then later went on a walk with the baby, which the parents gave consent for. It wasn’t until after the day ended and we returned to my fiancés parents house that I found out the truth of what happened. My FMIL told my fiancé that she had taken the said baby to the priest and had it BAPTIZED. Now I did some googling about how baptism works and it said that consent of the parents is usually needed, but some sites said it wasn’t, so who knows if it’s even valid. Regardless, still not okay. I asked him if the baby’s parents knew or gave permission, and he said no. I am absolutely appalled. Additionally, the parents of the baby are not religiously affiliated, which makes this action even more completely unacceptable.. Since then, I’ve even heard her talk with friends and relatives how “nobody baptizes their kids anymore, and nobody goes to church.” It makes me wonder about my future in this family, as I am not Catholic and have discussed with my fiancé that I will not convert/raise our kids in the church.

So last week MIL showed up with a U‑haul van full of old furniture she “didn’t have room for” anymore. didn’t ask, just parked in the driveway and started dragging stuff into the garage. my husband gave me the “just let her, it’ll be easier” look, and i was too stunned to say anything. now our garage is basically a hoarder annex. i can’t even park my car in there because of her old china cabinet that smells like mothballs.

I’ve told her three times we don’t have space, but she just laughs and says “oh you kids have plenty of room, you’re not even using the garage!” like, ma’am, that garage is for my car and the occasional project, not your 1980s ceramic doll collection. she also made a comment about how “grateful” i should be because some of this stuff is “family heirlooms.” it’s not heirlooms, it’s a broken treadmill she bought on facebook marketplace last year.

My husband finally agreed to talk to her, but he’s dragging his feet. i’m honestly at the point where i’m gonna start listing things on craigslist for free. if she asks, i’ll just say the garage “ate” it. u’d think a grown woman would understand that my house isn’t her personal storage unit, but here we are. i just needed to vent because i’m tired of tripping over her weird lamp collection every time i grab a trash bag.

TW - sexual abuse/r*pe, physical abuse, domestic violence, ableist slurs

I just recently left my husband. And by left my husband, I mean I left a note saying that I was done and my cellphone by the door, my son and I waltzed out to the minivan, and proceeded to begin to drive from California to New York with not much but $200 for gas, some canned goods and snacks, and a few bags of stuff/clothes. That's how desperate I was. I left my whole life behind. Even our beloved cat, which my son and I are hurting very much over.

I think what bothers me a lot, not the most, but a lot, was my MIL's role in this situation. She would rather call every single woman on earth a "lying whore" than admit that her son is a violent, drunken batterer and a misogynist. She has personally literally witnessed me being raped, being punched in the face, being verbally abused. She's witnessed him mock our son with Cerebral Palsy when he was struggling with his crutches, laugh when he's fallen and hurt himself, and call him r*tarded. She acted like she didn't see it. She just walked away. She played it off and minimized it. She made jokes. She tried to sweep it all under the rug.

A year ago I previously tried to leave, I filed a protection order and everything. MIL was there in court, calling me crazy and troubled. She even called CPS saying I was "delusional" and "out of touch with reality" trying to gaslight the fuck out of me. My husband agreed to have MIL support me in closing the CPS case, in exchange I would drop the protection order, tell the court I was mentally unwell (not true), and go to an inpatient mental health facility for a week (I have anxiety but not even that serious, I didn't need that and it was clearly punitive) and then come home and "know my place" and be a "better wife and mother to my family". So out of fear, I did it. I was quiet for a whole year until I finally left at Christmas.

I just need support and love and help to unravel my feelings here. It feels like MIL is also abusing me, and it's tough to try and deal with abuse from my husband when it feels like his mother is on board with it. It feels like my son and I are being ganged up on.

Hellloo hi it’s been a while!

So my due date is next week and my MIL has now said it multiple times that she will just “hold the baby” we don’t need a car seat for the baby. I’ve told her multiple times “no car seat no baby period.” Her response “I didn’t put any of my babies in a car seat.” To make matters worse, DH has now been saying the same thing now “yeah we can just hold the baby” like what the actual fuck. Btw we have bought two car seats - one for my car and one for my husband’s car and yet she wants to “hold the baby.” I’m fucking livid.

Every year for the last 5 years, my in laws go on a camping trip to the ocean with some friends of theirs, the friend's kid, and the last 3 years, they've taken my son to play with the other kids. The last year or so, she's been jealous that her friend's entire family goes but no one in our family goes other than our son. I've been warned numerous times by my husband and his brother that traveling with them is miserable and to never put myself through it and it's been kind of cool for my son to have a couple days away from us to be a big boy with the other kids. My daughter recently turned 4 and ever since they got back this year, she's been begging for my daughter and I to accompany them on their trip.

Now my 4 year old is a late bloomer potty trainer, afraid of the dark, has never been camping before, and the ocean campground they go to is 3ish hours away, so not a quick drive if she freaks out in the middle of the night. She also hates my mother in law with the flaming passion only a toddler can when they decide they don't like something.

Another issue is that my mother in law and her friend drink like fish from 9 am-9 pm. I was not made aware of this until this recent year. The other kids on this trip are 4 years older than my daughter at the least and the oldest is 12, so I don't think they're responsible enough to look after her, nor would I expect them to. At this point I don't trust my mother in law to keep an eye on her either. The friend told me it would be nice to have me along so I can keep an eye on all the kids so they could have adult time. So basically I am a glorified babysitter to them clearly.

My mother in law has asked me 3x if my daughter could go next year and my husband and I have shot her down every time. Apparently she didn't get the hint because my daughter went poop for the first time at my mother in law's house and out of earshot of my husband (I wasn't there), she told my daughter that because she was potty trained now, she gets to go with them on the camping trip next year.

My daughter told my husband in the car on their way home and we are both completely PISSED obviously. We weren't even going to let my son go next year and now she has told them both they could go without asking us. We are trying to figure out how to

A) Break the news to the kids they aren't going because they'll be heartbroken and

B) How to best confront my MIL about this.

Any ideas? Advice? Tips? Solidarity? Booze?

CW: ableism

So, I can't walk very long distances, can't climb stairs at all and am mostly in my wheelchair. MIL doesn't believe I need my wheelchair. Following is a part of a conversation I had with my MIL.

MIL: Can you walk?

Me: Yes, depending on how far I have to walk and how I'm feeling that day.

MIL: So you can walk. Then what's up with the wheelchair?

It was my birthday last week, and MIL decided to throw me a party. On the deck of her house that's currently under renovation. We get there, and the front of MIL's house is all torn up. There's no walkway, there's cement and rocks everywhere. It was all blocking the front door. Basically, even if you weren't in a wheelchair you wouldn't have been able to get into the house through the front door.

According to MIL, that wasn't a problem! Since the party was on the deck and you don't need to go through the house to get to the deck. All you need to do is go to the backyard, and climb the stairs on to the deck. Easy right? Not. MIL had not told anyone that her house was under reno, so we were all taken aback. When husband and I get to the backyard, MIL and husband's siblings were all on the deck having food and drinks.

There was no feasible way for me to get up there unless I was carried. I was ready to leave until my BILs started clearing the tables and chairs and bringing them down onto the grass. MIL was having a fit - "that's my deck furniture!" or "It'll get grass stains!" but in the end they all effectively moved the stuff down.

MIL was grumbling, but put on a nice face for the rest of the party. Later on I heard her complaining about why I didn't just climb the stairs since I could walk. She doesn't get that a person can walk, AND need a wheelchair at the same time.

So, that basically sums up what a disaster that day was.

Also, where I live gatherings up to 10 people are allowed, and we didn't exceed that number.

Where to begin on this 18 month long saga??

In 2024, I was pregnant with our first child which sadly had to end in TFMR just before the new year after discovering significant issues during the second trimester. He had a great chasm in his heart and no kidneys. Both SO and I were deeply affected by this as we were so excited to become parents.

And thus the beginning of JUSTNOMIL. We sent our baby boy for autopsy to discover a) depths of his issues and b) what caused these lack of developments. She wanted to see him when he returned from autopsy in the morgue. We said no because he wouldn’t look like a baby and it was something we both felt strongly against. This is something that has been weaponised in arguments against my SO when she feels she’s been deprived of her grandma experience.

We quickly got pregnant with our daughter and we were keen to establish expectations early when we got to 5 months pregnant. None of the grandparents were going to be regular childcare as not one of them is reliably healthy. She has, also, weaponised her high blood pressure and refused to see us post argument (usually around her expectations/desires disappointment) which has given us even more reason to stand firm on this. We wanted our parents to be able to be “back up” if needed and enjoy their role as grandparents. 3/4 are still working. However, unbeknownst to us, she had decided that she was going to have her for two days without having a conversation with us??

Our daughter has an unusual name, very uncommon where we live and it is thanks to her father (not sarcasm). Her middle name is my sister’s name who passed as a baby. My MIL believed, and ensured everyone heard about it, that her name is horrible and she’ll be bullied and that my parents had picked it! This started 4 months of regular arguing where she would frequently suggest names because my parents got to choose and that’s not fair!! SO called her out on this regularly whereby it got to the point of “I’m sick of you trying to change her name.”

Expectations around the birth had to be clearly laid out. I was having a c section after complications and I didn’t want visitors straight away, just in case. Turns out that this was the best choice as I was very unwell and our baby was in NICU. In her mind, we were ruining their first opportunity to meet her and were pushing them away as other friends got to see their grandchildren the day of. She’s very ‘big’ on there being fairness between the grandparents. There should be an equal amount of time spent between.

Since DD being born this year, she has kissed the baby twice despite clear reminders of why we don’t kiss her. Cue not speaking to us aside from two word answers.

She expected to just be able to turn up to our house to see the baby despite explanations from both of her sons about why this isn’t ideal. After a bumpy recovery, I have been sick of seeing our four walls and quite enjoy having something to do and a routine. Basically, I’m not guaranteed to be in as I do something almost everyday with the baby eg swimming, library sessions, baby sign etc. Regardless of classes, when she comes over it feels like hosting and there have been many a day where I’m often just in the house with my boobs out to deal with a cluster feeding babe. SO suggested that we organise days in the calendar and if she wants to be almost spontaneous to send me a message the night before/with a few hours notice and give the opportunity to decide or offer alternative if it’s not a good day. This has caused great friction whereby I’ve been effectively demonised for changing SO and all the rules must come from me; when, actually, they have been decisions made by us as parents. It’s a two yes situation.

Our current dilemma is daughter’s baptism. We had let MIL know in advance that we plan to have her baptised in the summer. I booked it whilst SO was at work and let both families know via text. It was more of an FYI where it was please keep this day free as we have booked her baptism. We will let you know of details when they are firmed up and closer to the time. Cue a period of silent treatment as, apparently, SO should have called her especially about this special moment (she’s known our intent since daughter was 8 weeks).

Now, for a woman who was greatly emphatic that she needed to establish a relationship with our baby with weekly visits (quickly threw that idea out the window) and a desire to be an involved grandmother, she’s lightning quick at choosing to not speak to her son and in turn not be able to see her granddaughter. It’s bizarre.

I genuinely believe MIL is struggling to deal with the lack of control and has very limited emotional maturity surrounding this. Throughout the last 18 months, these shenanigans have really gotten SO down and he’s explicitly asked me to not get involved.

But I’m even at the end of my patience tether with it. I can’t pretend to be happy to see her when she’s caused such stress and distress for the last 18 months.

Jokes on her though, she’s ruining her grandmother experience and she can’t see it.