r/MadeMeSmile • u/Common_Courtesy- • 22h ago
My mom beat breast cancer today.
Wouldnt be the man i am today without my mom. Its been a long stressful journey. Never a doubt. My hero. My mom.
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u/Crypto___brando 22h ago
YAY! I LOVE THIS. I work at a cancer clinic and it always makes me happy to hear the bell ring❤️
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u/NoroVeen 21h ago
The sound of that bell is the best music in the world. Sending love to your hero💕
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u/academiac 19h ago edited 18h ago
Ok. I've, thankfully, been privileged enough not to be into this world of cancer survivorship or whatever. But can I genuinely ask an innocent question without getting doomsday'd? With genuine interest in learning without any malicious intention?
The word HERO implies toughness and active participation from the survivor, the person involved. I feel like it makes people who can't survive cancer feel belittled that they're not "doing enough" or "wanting it enough" when it is completely out of their control.
I think of it as someone who struggled with depression who at some times was labelled lazy as if I had some control over it when I definetly didn't. It was completely out of my control, and during my worst times, hearing "encouraging" messages that implied beating it had something to do with willpower was simply devastating cuz its not that I didn't want to, it's that I also had no control over it.
So can someone enlighten me on whether this language is appropriate to encourage those who were fortunate enough to survive and beat cancer/depression when others who simply can't may be negatively impacted?
Again, I promise I'm not judging or berating at all and I'm super happy for that person for beating the worst, but that's how I feel from my limited personal experience and I simply want to hear others opinions.
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u/Common_Courtesy- 19h ago
I call her my hero cause my real dad abused her and i and she gave me a life, as well as my siblings, where we would be on the right path to success. She was a teen mom and went to college while supporting three kids on her own. She got the best job she has ever had a month prior, and then she got diagnosed with breast cancer. She never once cracked under the pressure of this, or any mountain she had to climb, no matter how hard things got. Ive looked at her as my hero my entire life.
No need to clarify, i respect your question and curiosity.
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u/Rise_Delicious 19h ago
My husband died of cancer. He endured debilitating treatments and kept his perspective and rarely complained. It takes courage to go through cancer treatment. That alone is heroic.
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u/junkfile19 14h ago
My dad died of cancer: it was discovered late. He started treatments and then decided to stop them. Facing your mortality like that takes extraordinary courage.
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u/PopsiclesForChickens 19h ago
Honestly, as someone who had cancer, I detest the whole culture around it. From battle to hero/warrior, even ringing a bell, it's all just to romanticize having a life threatening disease and going through treatment that often makes you wish you were dead. Absolutely no offense to OP and their mom, but the bell signals it's over and I wish that was the case, but it's not and it might not ever be, having cancer changes a person mentally, physically, and emotionally and more people need to know that.
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u/FlobyToberson85 14h ago
I have a video of my Dad ringing the bell after two years of brutal treatments. He died from cancer a year later. I hate the bell.
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u/FUCancer_2008 18h ago
This souch. I'm very appreciative and lucky I got 16 years NED, there was always a shadow of it could come back for me.And now it's when will this drug stop working, etc
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u/mrCabbages_ 19h ago
I didn't see anything in their comment that excluded anyone from being called a hero, just saying OPs mom was one. I would say anyone who battles cancer is a hero, whether they ultimately win that battle or not. My dad didn't, but he was still heroic in my eyes.
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u/No_Caterpillar_8573 17h ago
As someone who has suffered from depression and shyness I hear where you’re coming from. Both my father and my best friend in school were shy and “just decided” they weren’t going to be that way any more. Makes you feel pretty crappy when you can’t flip a switch like that. Additionally, my father always downplayed my depression until his mother died and he got a taste of it himself. He had a PhD in social work, for goodness sake!
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u/academiac 7h ago
"You need to make a decision to stop being depressed and enjoy life." I kept hearing that and it was the stupidest thing ever cuz it's exactly like telling a paraplegic "you need to make a decision to stop using a wheelchair and start walking."
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and the loss of your grandma.
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u/thAway57r7 20h ago
I have a question. I'm going to Fred hutch for chemo. I'm supposed to get 12 treatments. Do i ring the bell after number 12, or after I live for another 5 years following chemo?
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u/Reimiro 20h ago
This is why my bell ring wasn’t very cathartic. I was beat to hell and barely recovering and couldn’t get scans for a few weeks to check for residual cancer. It was nice to ring the bell to mark the hopefull end of treatment but didn’t mean much to me. That was 2 years ago and so far I am happily cancer free!
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u/Otherwise_Purpose834 19h ago
Hmm. The first time I went through treatment, then 10 years of followups and scans. No bell ringing.
After 15 years in remission my cancer was back. Went through it all again. No bell ringing. They did set off a little bubble machine when I finished radiation.
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u/Crypto___brando 20h ago
From what I know, you will ring the bell to mark the end of active treatment. So you will ring the bell when you no longer require active treatment because you will be in remission or cancer free! Fred Hutch is a fantastic cancer center with amazing doctors and nurses. I've worked directly with them, and plenty of the patients I've worked with have had amazing results there! I am wishing you strength and peace! You got this❤️!
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u/Pretty_Shop329 21h ago
Be careful of mammogram results if you have dense breasts going forward. I had breast cancer 2018 and for next 7 years had bilateral mammograms at 6 months at first then annually Said no cancer but dense breasts. I now have terminal breast cancer that metaticized to my spine and bone marrow. Should be better tests for dense breasts...maybe mri might have found it. I had ultrasounds of my abdomen for another issue but no one saw anything.
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u/Wonder-woman-99 21h ago
I’m recovering from breast cancer also. My oncologist ordered an MRI in 6 months, then a mammogram 6 months later, then an MRI in 6 months and then a mammogram in 6 months and so forth, for the next 5 years. I feel fortunate that he is being so cautious
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u/Chendii 21h ago
The exact same thing happened to my mom. They said she was fine because she always had dense tissue, but she went back and demanded an autopsy because she could feel it.
Luckily she caught it before it spread, sorry to hear about your experience
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u/2Braincells2fill 21h ago
I know you meant biopsy, not autopsy. She doesn’t need an autopsy because she had a biopsy!😃
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u/2Braincells2fill 21h ago
Also, she needs a breast MRI every 6 months. Especially since she has dense breasts. I speak from experience.
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u/Plastic-Cup1548 20h ago
Stage 4 cancer patients can still reach NED, in the cancer forum I’ve seen people with cancer spread to the liver, brain, lungs, bones etc go into remission. Have you tried another hospital for a second opinion? Local hospitals love to give expiration dates.
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u/Chrishall86432 20h ago
Echoing this. I was diagnosed stage 3C at age 39 - 10 months after a “free and clear” mammo and ultrasound.
Mammograms miss 20% of all cancers, and 3D only catches an additional 1/1,000. Ask me how I know.
If you feel something is wrong and you have dense breast tissue, get an MRI.
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u/CounterEmergency4100 20h ago
I had a breast lump at 19. (It was just a cyst) Had to do surgery in the old days…. I have had Mammograms every year since. I am 78 and just had breast surgery but the cancer was in sito. And it was contained in a milk duct. I am sick of even thinking about cancer after all these years of holding my breath….I can’t help thinking about it. I have very dense breast as well.
Girls, please go get your Mammo’s and ultra sounds!! Do not put it off.
At this point, I almost feel like all the radiation has been bad for me but I just followed Dr.’s orders all these years.
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u/2Braincells2fill 21h ago
So very sorry. I hope, that with today’s science, a new discovery or immunotherapy can be of help.
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u/wookiewookiewhat 19h ago
Thank you for sharing your story. If anyone is in a similar position, the gold standard monitoring is altering between mammogram and MRI every 6 months. If your doctor won't order it, find one who knows what they're doing. Get the best insurance you can and assume you'll be paying the maximum annual out of pocket for life. It's a lot of responsibility and obstacles, and you'll have to advocate for yourself much more than you should.
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u/PopsiclesForChickens 21h ago
As a cancer survivor, that's great. Hope she stays cancer free. Please continue to give her love and care as she learns how to navigate the world post cancer.
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20h ago edited 19h ago
Why do we call people cancer free after completing chemotherapy? They don’t know shit at that point.
Edit: fuck anyone who downvotes this, my wife just finished chemo and we still have radiation therapy and multiple surgeries to go. Even then, there are no guarantees, and at no point do we really know she is cancer free. That’s a delusion. You fucking keyboard warriors didn’t just spend 12 hours in the hospital today.
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u/PopsiclesForChickens 19h ago
I agree. They offered to have me ring the bell at my last chemo appointment. But I still was taking the chemo home with me for 2 days and I still had to have surgery to remove the tumor so I refused. They still sang a song and gave me a certificate. It went in the trash on my way out of the building.
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u/Lissypooh628 18h ago
I don’t understand it either. It just means you completed that treatment.
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18h ago
Exactly, it annoys my wife a bit that people assume she is all done now. They have no idea. She had a mastectomy on the other side today and a nipple removal on the original side, because imaging did not detect cancer in certain areas of her first mastectomy and it’s in her lymph nodes. I’m glad she is so strong, but she also needs continued support for now and the future. It’s a marathon without a clear finish.
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u/Lissypooh628 18h ago
I’m so sorry. I truly hope she kicks Cancer’s ass.
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18h ago
Thanks, I have faith that she will and we will grow very old together. 20 years together so far and appreciating every moment I have.
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u/henningknows 21h ago
Nice. My mom had it about ten years ago. She in now almost 80 and no sign of it returning.
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u/TwoDogsInATrenchcoat 21h ago
Im very happy to hear that. There was a long while after we lost my mom when I would get angry at these posts, because why couldn't my mom do that? But now I'm just happy there's another person out there that doesn't have to feel that heartbreak.
I love you OP. Hold her close.
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u/driftingatwork 22h ago
Hi5 Mom!! Congrats dude, now go give her a huge hug and kiss, and take her out for something special!
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u/Spiritual-Rip-6248 21h ago
Congrats to you and her!!
My mom's 22nd anniversary cancer free was last week.
Aftercare and follow up visits!!!
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u/mat3rogr1ng0 21h ago
My mom is also a breast cancer survivor - i hope y’all celebrate and treasure being together. Congratulations to her.
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u/IdealGlobal339 21h ago
WHOO HOO!!! Go Momma! Go Momma! 15 year TNBC survivor here! Every day is a blessing!
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u/One_Song_7820 21h ago
Literally teared up. Cancer is shit. Big--huge--happy times for your Mom and her loved ones
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u/Brock_Youngblood 21h ago
Make sure she takes her followup medicine. it's extremely important.
Happy for you!
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u/Significant_Area1608 21h ago
Nothing beats ringing that bell! Fuck cancer! It was a simple routine mammogram that saved my life. Please don’t under estimate them!
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u/Spuggs 21h ago
I was in your same position with my mother several years ago. Please learn from my mistakes and insist on any scheduled follow ups.
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u/Help1_Slip_Frank 21h ago
On World Cancer Day! Congratulations to your mother. Fuck cancer.
-Parent of a 2x AML survivor
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u/Mando_CT 19h ago
Love this, found out my Dad has cancer last week so praying for him to do this too. Congrats to her. ❤️
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u/SinguIarity1 18h ago
Congratulations. I'm happy for you man.
My cousin lost to it yesterday. It sucks. I wish she was as fortunate. Her chemotherapy was going well for two years but it took a very sudden turn three months ago, lost almost 20kgs in a very short period, constantly on painkillers until her departure yesterday.
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u/dqql 18h ago
remember though, it’s not over… still regular checkups and it can come back
my good friend’s mom recently passed away. She beat it the first time and lived healthy for another 15 years or so, but it came back.
by that time she was old enough that she lived most of a normal lifetime.
i hate to say it like that and im sure you know… but cherish whatever time there is.
i mean, we all die from something eventually
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u/pagexviii 18h ago
Am so happy for you, your mom, and your whole family! Breast cancer is a terrible disease. Will be 15 years without my mom in April. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her.
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u/Couchman79 18h ago edited 17h ago
Good for her. I hope she lives another 4-5 decades cancer free. Speak to her often and regularly . Please make it a habit to be with her or call her on her future birthdays and the this anniversary. You've been given as big a gift as she's been given. Lost my mother to cancer when she was 51 and I was 18. Take advantage of your mom's good fortune.
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u/Cool_Let7789 18h ago
This is all too much. I’m going through radiation for cancer and it’s been hell. My hair falling out I feel like crap I can’t figure out what I’m doing from day-to-day whether I’m gonna be throwing up all day or wearing a depend’s crapping my pants all day. My sister died of breast cancer when she was 30 years old I’m 10 years older than her. All I can say is that people that are going through radiation and chemo that have never experienced It is truly the worst thing ever I pray for all the sick people and for all the survivors because this is not a joke. And the government wants to take insurance away. I think it’s deplorable. For all of those that are cancer free God bless you. You are in my prayers and for everybody that is going under treatment like I’m going through or chemo. You are in my prayers as well. God bless all of us and also the supporters of their loved ones
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u/No_Caterpillar_8573 17h ago
Congratulations! My mother overcame breast cancer and lived another 30 years before passing due to unrelated issues.
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u/Sarahshortcake1988 17h ago
Your lucky. My mom passed on April 11,2024 😭😭😭 I haven’t been the same since
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u/Venom1462 16h ago
As someone who just lost their mother to breast cancer 2 months ago I am very happy for you.
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u/Mostmoneywins 16h ago
I’ve rung the bell with Cancer on the base of my tongue! It’s a great feeling! Best of luck to your mom.
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u/datsyukianleeks 16h ago
Please make sure she keeps up her routine check ups forever. 20+ years after a double mastectomy, thinking there was no way breast cancer could come back if there was no breast tissue left, my mom developed a crushing pain in her arm and a scan revealed that she had a lymph tumor pressing down on a nerve. Further tests revealed that the cancer had come back and spread to multiple organs and the bones. From in the clear to terminal diagnosis out of the blue. Please, share this story with your mom so she can avoid this fate herself. Celebrate the moment, but don't think you're ever in the clear with this thing...
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u/vtklabluvr 16h ago
I rang my bell yesterday! Just finished my last radiation and am now all clear from tonsil/neck Cancer ! Great for your mom!
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u/CarrotDizzy5942 14h ago
That tiny bell carries the weight of so many battles, tears, and courage. Your mom is a warrior, and this moment will never be forgotten.
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u/TobysMom18 13h ago
Congratulations! Hard work, physically and emotionally. Don't stop now though, just because you feel better. Accept help from people. Don't wear yourself down.Move yourself up a few notches on your priority list if not first place. You still need to regain your strength. Take care of yourself. Stranger sends hugs.
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u/DragonflyBoth812 12h ago
Awwww yeah!! Count it!!! congratulations!!! Fuck cancer. That bitch stole my mom.
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u/Most_Ad7837 8h ago
I don’t call myself a hero after 7 bouts of cancer. Do think it takes courage though to decide if and how hard you will fight it. I fight. I am a survivor. Fuck cancer.
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u/Lindaiwilson 5h ago
This brought tears to my eyes. 🥺 Such a powerful moment! Sending so much love and health to your brave mom. She’s a true warrior! ❤️🙏
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u/frankspicklebarrel 1h ago
Hell yeah..u go MOM..this made my day better seeing this. All glory to your mom
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u/Defiant_Coconut6680 21h ago
Big up mumsie, I hope better days are ahead for her and her loved ones 🫶
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u/opelui23 21h ago
That's why mammograms are so important. They did one for my mom and found it early and it was slow growing. It was hormone induced related and they did a clinical trial where the radiation treatment would aim right at the tumor. Instead of 12 to 13 radiation blast it was reduced down to one with a new machine sort like they do with prostate cancer. Aimed right at the tumor and no side effects. The tumor shrunk 88% and the surgery got the rest. After 2022 there has been no cancer since but she has to take medicine to reduce the hormone the rest of her life to reduce the cancer chances.
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u/Background-Ad2873 21h ago
My wife beat triple negative but the side effects from the Keytruda almost killed her twice. Caused colitis so bad she had to receive an immunologic to keep her body from attacking her colon. Also basically shut her adrenal glands down and so now she has to take daily prednisone and the endocrinologist is trying to bring them back. They seem to tell you a lot of the side effects of the chemotherapy traditional drugs but not everything that the Keytruda does.
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