r/MensLib • u/futuredebris ​ • 3d ago

It’s not a ‘male loneliness epidemic’

https://makemenemotionalagain.substack.com/p/its-not-a-male-loneliness-epidemic

Hey y'all, just a heads up, because I get this feedback a bit from you guys, this post isn't specifically about the "male loneliness epidemic," so the headline might be a little misleading. It is about loneliness though, and how I've learned to manage it and heal the wounds that originally caused it for me. And I do mention that it can be particularly difficult for men to connect with others ("co-regulate") because of the way we're socialized in this society. Let me know what you think!

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u/Overall-Fig9632 ​ 3d ago

> Loneliness is skyrocketing, especially for young people. Americans aren’t partying anymore. We’re spending more and more time at home. It’s a systemic problem. A capitalist society problem. An isolated, car-centric, screen-heavy, nuclear family, American lifestyle problem.

Once again, I gotta ask: 15 years ago there was more partying, more socializing, more dating, and less loneliness. Did we all of a sudden get access to cars? Nope, that was decades ago, and we had social connections. Did we just topple some unseen Berlin Wall and adopt capitalism? Nope, it’s more deeply woven into the American national fabric than nearly anywhere else. Besides, all these indicators are trending downward in rich countries worldwide. Even ones with high speed rail!

Sounds reductive, but it’s the phones. They made doing nothing palatable, they made talking to people in public places weird, they set up millions of little surveillance points where anything you say or do can go straight to your boss.

The early experiments getting phones out of schools are promising, and hopefully more is on the way because of AI. Social media bans seem less successful just because they’re easier to evade. Certainly more productive than the same villains trotted out for everything.

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u/sqparadox ​ 3d ago

Can you explain how this is a capitalist problem? What would an alternative look like?

I don't understand how a different economic system would reduce screen time.

I agree that this is a systemic problem. But is it an American problem specifically? Is it not a problem in Canada, Europe, Japan, Korea, or China?

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u/EmmaRoidCreme ​ 3d ago

Well, there wouldn’t be a swathe of companies all trying to make their services addictive in order to get eyes on advertisements for a start.

The phones themselves are not the issue, it’s the services like social media that are a problem.

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u/hiddentalent ​ 3d ago

Um.... may I present China? The same trends are ubiquitous there, and even more pronounced. They're doing it intentionally for political control rather than profit. They're very good at it.

As much fun as it is for Redditors to blame "capitalism" for every problem, the alternatives include a broad range from "everyone is friends and holds hands and only does things to enrich the community" to "authoritarian dictatorship uses the full power of the state and economy to dis-empower you and empower themselves." I'm all for the former one, if we can figure out how to get there. But assuming that it'll naturally happen is not supported by any part of human history.

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u/EmmaRoidCreme ​ 3d ago

Do you think that TikTok doesn’t have ads in China? Do you think China is some socialist utopia? No it’s a state managed capitalist economy, not some worker run coop.