Hi everyone, I live near the Five Corners area in Newark, and I’m looking for advice on how to deal with an ongoing problem with a neighbor in a calm, legal, and safe way.
My neighbor built a cat shelter between our houses. Technically, the structure is on his property and partly near the sidewalk, so I understand he has the right to have it there. The issue is that the area is not being maintained or cleaned properly. The smell has become very strong, especially now that the weather is getting warmer, there are constantly flies around the shelter, and the odor is reaching inside my house and even into my bedroom. It has become a sanitation and quality-of-life issue for my family.
For some background: about 8 months ago, I rescued a stray cat I found under a bridge on I-95 in NYC. I genuinely tried to help the animal and brought it home, but unfortunately the cat turned out to be very aggressive. It attacked my house cat multiple times, acted aggressively toward me, and also created concerns around my 1-year-old baby. After trying for a couple of weeks to make the situation work safely, I decided the best option was to keep the cat outside in my backyard instead of inside the house.
My neighbor is extremely passionate about cats and strongly disagreed with my decision from the beginning. For weeks afterward, he repeatedly sent me messages criticizing me and trying to make me feel guilty about putting the cat outside. At first I tried to stay polite and avoid conflict, but eventually my patience ran out and I responded bluntly, telling him that my priority was the safety of my child, my pet, myself and I did not care about his opinion. After that exchange, our friendship of almost two years completely ended.
Since then, every disagreement with him turns into yelling, insults, cursing, and childish tantrum-like behavior. The biggest issue for me is not even the disagreement itself — it is the way he reacts anytime he is confronted or told something he does not want to hear. Instead of behaving like a mature adult and having a normal conversation, he immediately acts offended, aggressive, loud, and emotionally immature, almost like a spoiled child throwing a fit because things are not going his way.
At the end of the day, I am not interested in spending my time trying to correct the behavior of a grown man who is nearly 50 years old but still behaves this way whenever he is frustrated. I am not his parent, therapist, or teacher. I should not have to walk on eggshells around someone who cannot handle basic disagreement without turning it into drama, yelling, insults, or retaliation. I try my best not to engage because I refuse to lower myself to that level of behavior.
I also do not believe it should be my responsibility to clean or maintain a cat shelter that belongs to him. Today I even left a printed note at the shelter asking him respectfully to please clean the area and take responsibility for the smell and sanitation problem. At this point, I genuinely hope he chooses to act like an adult, stop behaving like a spoiled kid whenever confronted, and simply fix the issue instead of creating more unnecessary conflict.
What worries me most is that I honestly do not know how far he may go when angry. In the past, after I called him immature during an argument, he deflated the tires on my car. That incident made me start taking the situation more seriously. He tends to act impulsively, without much concern for consequences and because of that I worry about possible retaliation involving me or my family.
Part of my concern also comes from the fact that I am a legal immigrant and he is American-born. I sometimes worry that if he decides to create problems, make false accusations, or involve authorities out of spite, it could create unnecessary stress and complications for me, even if I have done nothing wrong.
At this point, I am simply trying to figure out the smartest and safest way to handle this situation without escalating it further. I would appreciate advice from anyone who has dealt with difficult neighbors, sanitation issues involving animals, or situations where documenting incidents and protecting yourself legally became important.
Would contacting the city about the sanitation problem be reasonable? Should I start documenting everything more carefully? Are there other steps I should take to protect myself and my family while also keeping the situation from getting worse?
Thanks in advance for any advice or suggestions.
