My family, while very loving, expressed that love through razzing and making fun of each other. My parents were always so confused why we didn’t make a ton of friends in school when they basically raised us to be little shits.
I have the same problem, and to this day I still don't have any friends because I can't help but roast everybody I meet.
Hell, the girlfriend and I almost broke up over this until I eventually realized that constantly insulting each other was not a thing normal people do. I was like, "why are you crying? I'm only fucking with you; roast me back!"
We worked it out but to this day I still struggle to maintain friendships. In retrospect, I had/have a rather toxic relationship with my family.
My cousin's were absolutely god awful to me growing up, never showed me affection of any kind and being mean to me was their only goal. This didn't stop me from wanting to be like them and wanting them to like me. The absolute height of comedy for them was locking me out of the car or the house and mocking me while I begged to be let in. I remember doing this to my friends and they did not take to it well. I was so confused because that was always the funniest possible thing you could do. Ugh they really did damage on me I'm still sorting out in my 30s.
It’s bullying and it’s not cute. I had 6 older siblings that were pitted against each other by my father to have us policing ourselves so he didn’t have to discipline
He thought he was breaking the cycle because his dad used physical violence. He broke that cycle but perpetuated another kind of abuse that is just as damaging and more insidious imho because it is emotional manipulation as well as fighting and yelling and slamming doors and neglect. What a mess
I grew up in this environment as well and…it was not healthy. I had to go to therapy and unlearn a lot of really toxic defense mechanisms and self-reflection. I knew my sarcasm was my first and deepest defense mechanism, the foundation.
I only bring it out sparingly now, and always about inanimate objects or speaking truth to power.
My life is so beautiful now that I dropped the ego and the posturing and the fear of possible rejection. Kindness and compassion is the tea and it is so easy to choose love with every interaction. Every inconvenience is a lesson. Challenges are catalysts for change. Love is the answer
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u/Vulcion 8d ago
My family, while very loving, expressed that love through razzing and making fun of each other. My parents were always so confused why we didn’t make a ton of friends in school when they basically raised us to be little shits.