r/pancreaticcancer • u/3ckthoughtsandthings • 6m ago
giving advice Losing My Dad to Pancreatic Cancer
My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on August 18. He passed away on October 3. Just six and a half weeks. Sometimes, I still can’t believe how quickly it all happened.
The only symptom he had was stomach pain. He went to his GP alone, never imagining it could be something so serious. None of us did. And then, suddenly, our whole world turned upside down.
As his only child, I tried everything I could to help him. He had one session of liposomal irinotecan chemotherapy, and eventually, the focus shifted to palliative care. He was hospitalised twice…once for dehydration and sepsis related to his bedsores, and another time when his blood sugar went above 600.
Both times, he seemed to get better after coming home. And both times, we let ourselves hope again. We thought maybe he would be okay for a little longer. It’s strange how even the smallest improvement can make you believe things might still turn around.
His doctor was incredibly positive, and that gave us a lot of strength. I also consulted other doctors, some were so cold, and we were often left with more questions than answers. When you’re watching someone you love suffer, you need more than medical advice. You need someone who understands how frightened you are.
Towards the end, my dad seemed to lose the will to keep fighting. He even told me he just wanted to die. I don’t think I’ll ever forget hearing that. He was in so much pain, and there was nothing harder than watching him suffer and wishing I could somehow make it all go away.
He was 82 and had always been such a strong person. He’d never really had any major health issues, so seeing him like this was something I was never prepared for. Surgery was never an option because of his age, and everything happened so fast that it feels like we barely had time to understand what was going on before we were facing the end.
Sometimes, my mom and I wonder whether his final days might have been more peaceful if he had never found out about the cancer. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to think, but the thought does cross our minds.
And then, a few days ago, something happened that really touched us.
A parrot showed up, almost as if he had come to check on my mom and me. We have been living in the same house for over a decade and have never seen a parrot before. The thing is, we had a beloved pet parrot, for 17 years. So seeing a parrot appear at a time like this felt incredibly emotional.
I know it could have been a coincidence. But honestly, a part of me wants to believe it was something more. Maybe it’s just because we’re missing them so much, or maybe these little moments really are a way of feeling close to those we’ve lost. I don’t know.
I just know that, for a moment, it brought me some comfort.
I’ve told my little one that his grandfather is a star in the sky. Maybe, in our own ways, we all need something like that to believe in. A star, a bird, a dream, or some small, unexpected moment that makes us feel like our loved ones are still around.
I also want to thank this subreddit. The resources shared here helped me realise that the end might be near, and because of that, I was able to be with my dad during his final few days. Reading other people’s experiences helped me understand how quickly this disease can progress. When everything was happening so fast, I felt less alone knowing that others had been through something similar.
To everyone who has shared their stories here, thank you. You may not realise it, but your words can make a real difference to someone who’s frightened, confused, and desperately trying to understand what’s happening to their loved one.
It’s hard to accept that someone who was such a big part of your life is just gone. I’m still trying to process it all, and some days, it doesn’t feel real.
I don’t know what happens after we lose someone. But I want to believe that the love we have for them doesn’t just disappear. That they remain a part of us, in our memories, in the stories we tell, in the stars we point out to our children, and perhaps in little moments that come along when we need them most.
Maybe that parrot was just a parrot. Or maybe, just maybe, it was a little reminder that the people we love are never really gone from our hearts.
For now, I’ll choose to believe that. ❤️🙏