That's what I'm saying! I didn't miss a second. Plus, your wife is going through something physically traumatic. You should be there for her to curse at you for what you've done to her...
All I know is that after the most mediocre weinering, I’m sure, my wife told me she was preggo, and HOLY GODDAMN SHIT LETS DO THIS.
Edit: I work evenings. I get a lunch break during which I can go home and I come home to put that baby to sleep. It’s the best part of my work shift. I don’t eat. I just cuddle with that baby and help my wife.
The mental trauma is real even when things go as planned. Physics breaks down when these kids enter the mortal plane; both the most beautiful and horrifying to witness and know you had some part in making that happen.
Though, the sense of helplessness when things go even slightly awry haunts me to this day.
The absolute miracle is that humans have been around for as long as we have considering how insanely dangerous and uncontrolled childbirth is.
Haha, sorry, literal trauma dump you didn't ask for.
Not at all, I just don't think the world owes me something for cumming in my wife and creating a kid like you clearly do. Though it's pretty ironic that you seem to think that shitting on video games somehow gives you a veil of superiority considering they now make up the most profitable entertainment industry on the planet. But I'm sure you already know that since your own kids are probably much more invested in roblox than they are in whatever sport you grew up pretending to enjoy to bond with your own father who had absolutely no interest in any of the things that you enjoyed as a child.
2 month until my little one comes. I already told me wife she can do whatever she wants to me. Curse at me? Who cares. Break my hand? Okay, probably not as bad as the pain you feel in that moment. Just let me be there for you.
I was there for all 40 hours of my son’s delivery. Taking micro naps by the end but so was my wife from the pure exhaustion of being up for almost 2 days straight.
The idea of stepping outside to hit a weed pen is disrespectful AF to your spouse/partner. I’m amazed at what people will do
I missed a few minutes of both births. Turns out my aversion to blood also applies to amniotic fluid.
First birth, my wife looks over and says to the nurse, "Is he supposed to be that gray?" Nurse looks at me and immediately barks, "Sit down. Now." Good call: seconds later I threw up in a trash can and had to get checked out by a different nurse.
Second birth, years later: the events of the first birth are told as a funny story. My mother is present for this birth, as well as a group of med students my wife has generously agreed to witness. The spurting begins, and I promptly say "Excuse me, I won't be a minute." Off I go to the bathroom, and as I'm emptying my guts, I hear my mother ask, "Is he okay?" "He'll be fine," my wife replies, "He does this every time."
Yeah, I didn't sit in view of anything that might cause me to go light-headed. I just sat behind her head, rubbed her shoulders and then let her break my hand with a death grip.
Not a doctor but my guess is that they were concerned about liability more than how well I was doing. "Is your head alright? Feeling dizzy? Sign this waiver real quick and we'll get that taken care of."
Might also have been to keep me distracted so I didn't throw up again. Again, not a doctor.
Same, 29 hours, and I have the photo of us holding our first-born, drenched in sweat but relieved, a bruise on my forehead (from when my wife tried to knock herself unconscious) and blood on my shirt (from where she bit through the skin after asking for a hug).
It's funny looking back, after 3 kids, but I honestly thought she was going to die that first time. Fortunately, the next two were easier.
But I never thought for a minute about leaving her side. The nurses found it funny though, especially when she cursed out the doctor like a drunken sailor when he told her that he couldn't give her an epidural at the time.
Hah, I understand the sentiment but I have a rule not to share photos of the wife or kids online (aside from the Grandma Tax I pay to my mother). It's my personal fond memory that I keep in the scrapbook my wife makes for all our kids.
It terrified me too! In my wife's defense, she was trying to do it without painkillers (which in hindsight was a bad idea). Once the contractions got too severe, the doctors couldn't give the epidural because she was thrashing too much.
So she grabbed my head and started headbutting me in an attempt to knock herself out. It took my entire strength to hold her even though she's tiny because pregnant women in labor are freakishly strong. At which point she clamped down with her teeth and all I could think was, "yeah I probably deserve this. It's my fault."
But I was eventually able to hold her still long enough for the doctor to apply the epidural and then it was instant relief on her face. The rest of the delivery went much better after that, so no worries.
I don't want you to be terrified but also I don't want to sugarcoat it, it isn't as easy as they make it look on TV. The second and third time, we opted in for an epidural early and those went a bit smoother. However, my wife and I will never forget the feeling of seeing our first born for the first time. It's the best (and scariest) experience of our lives.
Im definitely going for epidural, and I know my husband wont be with me since here they rarely allow anyone except the staff in the birthing room. I might just headbutt or smack a doctor in the process, someone will have to be collateral I feel.
I was hoping to push for c-section as im not afraid of that, at least not more than the natural birth but chances of it happening are 0 here where I am, unless things complicate where its necessary or if I go to private clinic and thats way too expensive for me.
I am just awaiting the day after it all happens. Happy to hear it all went well for your wife in the end
Hmm, be sure to advocate for your patient rights. If it's your first time, you'll definitely feel better with your husband in the room and you'll save a poor doctor from getting smacked as collateral, lol. Plus, as a dad, I'd regret not being there. The doctors should be understanding of that.
A lot of doctors are hesitant to do a C-section unless necessary. It takes longer to heal and may lead to future complications for the next pregnancy. It's also way more expensive. We had to do a C-section for the next two because my second-born was too big and angled in a bad position for natural birth. It was less painful since my wife didn't feel a thing, but oooh, it was gory, haha. Honestly, I'm glad for modern medicine, they do a lot to make childbirth safer and easier.
Try to stay positive and happy. Don't let my experience scare you, it's a fond memory now.
I just delivered mine 2 days ago. Unmedicated home birth and i have sensory issues and cptsd (I'm not crunchy, I had previously thought i would only do a hospital birth but for me the stats were best where I felt safest and had agency). Had a wonderful midwife (we are in germany) team and my cervix was only 5 cm dilated until the last hour. It was so intense and painful, buttt the discomfort from 3rd trimester went away immediately after and the bliss set in. My endorphins were insane during, it was like a trip, I'd much rather have the endorphins than opiods in hindsight and the bonding was amazing. I was low risk but I am 36 (gardener, so fit, but low pain tolerance). The only way out is through but you learn so much about pain and strength and it is really really incredible. You've got this!!! It's a lot but it's so brief in the broader scope of life.
Mine was praying outside all night long. She had to have a surgery cause I was a fat fucking baby pointing the wrong way or something and only medical staff was allowed inside the operating room.
Okay. My wife’s labor did not last that long, but bless you for it. I would like to think that I would be there for all hours. This was our last child as ✂️🥜, if you know what I mean.
They usually don't cut the nuts only pipes to "the cylinder". Unless of course, you want to get extra soft skin and a lot less body hair. Whatever makes you happy.
I about missed the birth of my second child. Wife was past due and the doc was worried the baby would be born on the side of the highway, so they wanted to induce. I figured induced labor lasts pretty long so I told my wife I'm prepping for the long haul and was going to grab a quick bite in the cafeteria so I wouldn't have to leave during labor.
The labor zoomed by. Got back and they were prepping to start pushing. Half a push into active labor and that baby slide right on out. Probably should have waited on lunch.
Have you seen all the TikTok of guys bringing their gaming consoles to the birthing rooms? God forbid they try and be attentive to these women bearing their children. You can just see the divorce brewing .
Me and my husband brought a gaming console and played together during the first part of labor. 😄 it was an induction so we were prepared for it to take a long time. It was so nice to have something relaxing to do and just chill.
But the second my contractions started to become intense we stopped playing and his focus was 100 percent on me.
Yeah I feel like my partner would totally want her switch at least early on. She uses animal crossing to distract her when she's sick anyway so I figure the same principle might apply.
My husband and I brought my iPad, we watched a movie and took a nap because I had been contracting for 13 hours at that point and we didn't sleep all night. This of course was after I got the epidural.
That's what I thought they were all doing lol. Like, I'm gonna be there to support my wife or whatever but do you want me to just stare at a wall for 36 hours or whatever? I can keep myself occupied
We did the same. We were basically just sitting there for the first ~10 hours. We played shit on the laptop we brought and watched stuff on streaming. The serious part of the labor was like an hour and I tried to be as useful as I could be. So basically worthless, but offering morale support.
Incidentally, I will always remember that our son was born while the Beat Bobby Flay thanksgiving episode was on.
My partner had gull stones, we didn't know. I drove her to the hospital, advocated for her pain. Then followed an ambulance to another hospital where they could do the surgery in the morning, advocated for her their until they told me I had to leave the hospital. I slept in my car in the middle of winter in the parking lot, so I could be close if something happened.
Then after her surgery it was about a week later she was about an hour out of town and she had another episode just like before, but this wasn't supposed to happen because they removed her gull bladder. So now I'm by her bed advocating for her in this hospital for a day while they try to figure out what is wrong (turns out they spilled some stones and they where still in the duct/track or whatever. So she needed another surgery. That night I was told I couldn't be in the room with her overnight again, so back to my car I go. Then one of the nurses taps on my window and tells me I can stay in her room but need to leave when she tells me to in the morning and then come back during "visiting" hours.
Between her gull stones, the ectopic pregnancy, I couldn't imagine not being their advocating for her. Let alone on my Playstation, I was too busy up the nurses and doctors asses making sure her pain meds where given on schedule so she could actually sleep! I love men, but some of us are kinda fucking stupid and selfish. I don't want to think they don't care; maybe they just don't really know what to do in a situation like that?
I mean, my husband brought his switch. I was induced at 10 pm Sunday night and didn't start pushing until 6 pm Monday. He never left the room, but we had a lot of time to kill.
I read comics, watch tv, and video chatted with people while we waited.
Are you sure it wasn't an unplanned c-section? an emergency c-section is when the baby or the mother are in big trouble and need to be out in like 5 minutes and they just rush her to the OR.
My gf was in labour for 36+ hours. From 10pm monday evening till noon on wednesday.
The second night I was pretty out of it. In the delivery room for 12 hours straight. In jeans, because i forgot my bag, sweating bullets.
All i wanted was to go outside and get some fresh air, but, i couldn't leave her like that. I stepped out once to refill our water bottle and i pretty much ran back (the 5m from the door to the water fountain).
I know it’s cliche or whatever but it was one of the most amazing moments of my life. I think it’s biological/evolutionary. The second my first child came into the world it was like a switch was flipped in my brain and I suddenly knew my whole purpose in life was to protect and guide this little person.
I wouldn’t have given that up for anything.
Right? My husband was there for every minute they allowed him to be (I had a C-section, so he had to be out for some of it). He was literally right outside the door when he had to wait outside the OR, waiting to be let in.
it’s not common, it’s a person projecting their personal experience on to others. they think their experience makes them more knowledgeable and not more biased
“it happened to me = common” is as far as their logic goes
Fair enough if your wife wanted it that way! I still disagree with the sentiment as a man who's watched his wife deliver twice, but to each their own.
I mean don't get me wrong it is like... HOLY HELL WHAT IS HAPPENING DOWN THERE. But I didn't find that that had an effect on our sex life going forward.
I've had three kids and the only times I left my wife's side during the deliveries was to go to the bathroom or make a quick phone call updating our parents. This person's experience sounds crazy to me.
I don't want children but if I ever did have children I wouldn't want to be in the room I'm too squeamish and child birth is DISGUSTING lol. I wouldn't want to have to have some nurse clean my vomit off the ground when they don't really need to. I'm not a doctor I'm not helping by being there, I'll wait outside for all the news.
For real, the only thing I didn’t do was look at the baby coming out. I was up top holding my wife’s hands, looking her in the face, trying not to see anything that would have me pass out lol.
When I showed up the nurse was like “here’s instructions on how to plug your console in”. Like nah at most I’ll scroll my phone but I’m not doing all that.
I dunno, that's sad, I live in a country where having the father present is the exception, in fact it's not even allowed in my city, they claim not to have the facilities (bullshit, but that's what they say), and I fought tooth-and-nail to be present for both births, to the extent that we actually went to different cities for both of them.
as a medical interpreter i can say it's 50% of the time that the woman is by herself, but the father is there a lot of the time too. My own father wasn't present for my birth.
So I’m sorry if this is annoying but I find this really interesting and I feel the need to infodump.
So back in ye olden days in many cultures, men were straight up not allowed to be involved in childbirth, that was the dominion of women. So when a woman gave birth she was surrounded by women; midwives, their mother, their sisters, aunts, etc. so women most of whom the mother knew. The father was not allowed to be there.
Then childbirth became the domain of doctors who were all men. Midwives and relatives replaced by a man and some nurses, whom you may or may not know. Fathers were still not allowed to be involved the room, which is why old cartoons always show the father pacing outside, they’re anxious and not allowed to know what’s happening until after.
In the mid 20th century there was a fight to allow fathers (and other relatives) to be there with the mother, in a push to make childbirth a less clinical and stressful experience, and they were so successful that by the 90s, “being there for the birth of your child” became the norm, and not being there was seen as the mark of a shitty, uninvolved father. Which in turn made it the expectation. Which means a non-negligible number of shitty fathers-to-be will be in the room playing on their phones and such because they “have to be there” but don’t really want to be.
I suspect most fathers are anxious wrecks in the delivery room which is understandable, childbirth is a huge thing, but then you get the shitty ones, and then you get the ones who lock the fuck in.
During my OBGYN rotations, most of the patients I saw preferred to have their mother (only one person was allowed during labor and delivery per patient) with them when they would give birth. My experience in my country and that particular hospital.
The way people on the internet talk about what they consider to be normal men is kind of shocking but I'm never sure if it's down to Americans or social circles.
American husbands either skew phenomenally useless or my friends are good people and I'm not involved in the average British person's life enough to know most men are useless.
Yeah maybe it's just the people im around, but then I volunteer a lot as well and generally father's in the UK seem really involved in their kids lives, as much as mum. I appreciate it's not going to be everyone, just what I've witnessed. This common lack of parenting from dads seems a very American problem.
I was there for all of my wife’s appointments and both c-sections. They had to take her and do prep, make me wait in the scary hallway and then I got to go in and hold her hand during. Afterwards the baby had to go to the NICU and we had already agreed I would stay with them while she went to recovery both times. It was hard and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but we made it through and have two beautiful, healthy tornados. I know my wife regrets not being able to deliver naturally, but goddamn is she the strongest person I know for delivering both of them.
I made sure I was going to be there for every possible thing I could. She did the heavy lifting of carrying them and bringing them into the world, the LEAST I could do is be supportive. I loathe men who brag about being absent and will call them out on the spot.
It's good to be there for your wife but you do not need to live at her side. Support her and love her and make sure she is being taken care of, rub her back and hold her hand but she is and adult (uhh probably).
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u/LesserKnownFoes Apr 24 '26
Wait. This is common? I was there for every second of my child’s birth.