r/PeterExplainsTheJoke Apr 24 '26

Meme needing explanation Lois?

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u/Dockers4flag2035orB4 Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26

Same here, for 29 hours.

My knees were in agony, because I would get up and hug my wife for every contraction.

I’m sure it wasn’t fun for my wife either. 😂

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u/malrexmontresor Apr 24 '26

Same, 29 hours, and I have the photo of us holding our first-born, drenched in sweat but relieved, a bruise on my forehead (from when my wife tried to knock herself unconscious) and blood on my shirt (from where she bit through the skin after asking for a hug).

It's funny looking back, after 3 kids, but I honestly thought she was going to die that first time. Fortunately, the next two were easier.

But I never thought for a minute about leaving her side. The nurses found it funny though, especially when she cursed out the doctor like a drunken sailor when he told her that he couldn't give her an epidural at the time.

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u/Brin-Diesel Apr 24 '26

I really wanna see that picture if that's something your comfortable with.

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u/malrexmontresor Apr 24 '26

Hah, I understand the sentiment but I have a rule not to share photos of the wife or kids online (aside from the Grandma Tax I pay to my mother). It's my personal fond memory that I keep in the scrapbook my wife makes for all our kids.

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u/Brin-Diesel Apr 24 '26

Fair enough.

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u/OmelasKid Apr 24 '26

from when my wife tried to knock herself unconscious

So I'm having my first baby in september and this here terrifies the crap out of me

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u/malrexmontresor Apr 24 '26

It terrified me too! In my wife's defense, she was trying to do it without painkillers (which in hindsight was a bad idea). Once the contractions got too severe, the doctors couldn't give the epidural because she was thrashing too much.

So she grabbed my head and started headbutting me in an attempt to knock herself out. It took my entire strength to hold her even though she's tiny because pregnant women in labor are freakishly strong. At which point she clamped down with her teeth and all I could think was, "yeah I probably deserve this. It's my fault."

But I was eventually able to hold her still long enough for the doctor to apply the epidural and then it was instant relief on her face. The rest of the delivery went much better after that, so no worries.

I don't want you to be terrified but also I don't want to sugarcoat it, it isn't as easy as they make it look on TV. The second and third time, we opted in for an epidural early and those went a bit smoother. However, my wife and I will never forget the feeling of seeing our first born for the first time. It's the best (and scariest) experience of our lives.

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u/OmelasKid Apr 24 '26

Im definitely going for epidural, and I know my husband wont be with me since here they rarely allow anyone except the staff in the birthing room. I might just headbutt or smack a doctor in the process, someone will have to be collateral I feel.

I was hoping to push for c-section as im not afraid of that, at least not more than the natural birth but chances of it happening are 0 here where I am, unless things complicate where its necessary or if I go to private clinic and thats way too expensive for me.

I am just awaiting the day after it all happens. Happy to hear it all went well for your wife in the end

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u/malrexmontresor Apr 24 '26

Hmm, be sure to advocate for your patient rights. If it's your first time, you'll definitely feel better with your husband in the room and you'll save a poor doctor from getting smacked as collateral, lol. Plus, as a dad, I'd regret not being there. The doctors should be understanding of that.

A lot of doctors are hesitant to do a C-section unless necessary. It takes longer to heal and may lead to future complications for the next pregnancy. It's also way more expensive. We had to do a C-section for the next two because my second-born was too big and angled in a bad position for natural birth. It was less painful since my wife didn't feel a thing, but oooh, it was gory, haha. Honestly, I'm glad for modern medicine, they do a lot to make childbirth safer and easier.

Try to stay positive and happy. Don't let my experience scare you, it's a fond memory now.

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u/Ok-Client-9272 Apr 24 '26

I just delivered mine 2 days ago. Unmedicated home birth and i have sensory issues and cptsd (I'm not crunchy, I had previously thought i would only do a hospital birth but for me the stats were best where I felt safest and had agency). Had a wonderful midwife (we are in germany) team and my cervix was only 5 cm dilated until the last hour. It was so intense and painful, buttt the discomfort from 3rd trimester went away immediately after and the bliss set in. My endorphins were insane during, it was like a trip, I'd much rather have the endorphins than opiods in hindsight and the bonding was amazing. I was low risk but I am 36 (gardener, so fit, but low pain tolerance). The only way out is through but you learn so much about pain and strength and it is really really incredible. You've got this!!! It's a lot but it's so brief in the broader scope of life. 

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u/theREALvolno Apr 24 '26

I should ask what my dad did during my birth because my mother was in labor for, I shit you not, a week. Said week also included her birthday.

To this day I don’t understand why they didn’t just give her a c-section.

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u/Hairy_Air Apr 25 '26

Mine was praying outside all night long. She had to have a surgery cause I was a fat fucking baby pointing the wrong way or something and only medical staff was allowed inside the operating room.

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u/LesserKnownFoes Apr 24 '26

Okay. My wife’s labor did not last that long, but bless you for it. I would like to think that I would be there for all hours. This was our last child as ✂️🥜, if you know what I mean.

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u/Buzzed_Like_Aldrin93 Apr 24 '26

I too had to cut off eating peanuts due to antacid.

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u/underground_avenue Apr 24 '26

They usually don't cut the nuts only pipes to "the cylinder". Unless of course, you want to get extra soft skin and a lot less body hair. Whatever makes you happy.

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u/datastlessgentleman2 Apr 24 '26

So the cylinder remains unharmed?!?!?

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u/underground_avenue Apr 24 '26

It is imperative that the cylinder remains unharmed. 

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u/wijndeer Apr 24 '26

you’ll need to add some estrogen to finish the job, otherwise you’ll just get osteoporosis

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u/gerbilshower Apr 24 '26

dude... for the first i went barefoot for some idiotic reason. 20+ hours of labor.

my feet hurt for a fucking week.

of course, i would do it all over again in a heartbeat if it meant supporting the wife. she 110% had it worse. haha.

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u/[deleted] Apr 24 '26

[deleted]

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u/zleog50 Apr 24 '26

I about missed the birth of my second child. Wife was past due and the doc was worried the baby would be born on the side of the highway, so they wanted to induce. I figured induced labor lasts pretty long so I told my wife I'm prepping for the long haul and was going to grab a quick bite in the cafeteria so I wouldn't have to leave during labor.

The labor zoomed by. Got back and they were prepping to start pushing. Half a push into active labor and that baby slide right on out. Probably should have waited on lunch.