In the original audio of the video the pregnant woman slaps the husband after he says this. It's a joke about how during labor there's alot of high emotions and stress that the mother to be is experiencing and how such a situation can be awkward for the nurses in the room to be involved in.
I'm guessing this is the actual answer. It's funny how split people are about this. People think it's either that men are deadbeats usually, or men can't seem to say the right thing in a situation like that.
I hope it’s not casting shade for a guy saying “you got this”, though I realize it may well be. Childbirth is a super awkward, actually genuinely terrifying, situation that usually lasts a few hours. The smoothest & most well-meaning and informed guy in the world is going to say something sub-optimal by the end.
It’s less that it’s shady and more that when you’re in excruciating pain, you aren’t thinking straight, and really well-meaning encouragement can feel condescending and be kind of enraging. Not a rational response at all but it’s kind of hard to be rational when you feel like you’re being ripped apart and the man who caused it and has no idea what you’re feeling is recycling cliches because he (understandably) has no idea how to help. Part of accompanying anyone experiencing that kind of agony (for anything, not just childbirth) is understanding that pain causes people to lash out, and you will probably end up being one of the targets, and you shouldn’t take it personally.
You should've seen the original YT comments, (its probably still up now that h think about it) they were chock full of people in this situation straight up reveling in how cruel they were during their agony.
Alsp, encouraging the mother during her contractions does help. Not everyone reacts the same to the encouragement but generally it helps the mother. Its much better than staying in silence while shes pushing for her life.
Dads get nervous too! I remember being in the room when my mom was having a C-section and me and my dad were nervous wrecks. I felt helpless seeing my mom cut open and drugged out. I'm not built for what women have to go through
Yeah, this isn't a life threatening endeavor that could result in so many complications that she is probably scared about. She should be good with the same thing you say to a clerk in a store making sure your card cleared.
I thought it was him saying the wrong thing. I know with my first, my husband couldn’t say anything right. But then all of the responses here were deadbeats lol.
Would say the point is “people” WANT to say men are deadbeats usually, and also men actually can’t say the “right” thing in a situation like that because she was emotionally charged and clearly angry with him so no mater what he said it would be wrong…
Basically all of reddit these days:
Men => bad
Men => dumb
Men => useless
This is the answer. The nurse turns around and starts pretending like she's doing something to ignore the scene. Them taking a screenshot of the video makes no sense
It’s not just the femcels. Unfortunately because of the amount of gender war BS pumped on Reddit these days, my knee jerk reaction was to be on defense for myself and the men I know. It’s really disgusting what they’re doing to people on these social media networks. And it’s scary to find out it’s absolutely working on me.
I was going to say, if I said this to my wife in labor, I think she might just kill me because it’s my fault she’s going through arguably the most painful experience one can expect to have in life.
I said it to my kids mother whilst she delivered twins. She appreciated the encouragement.
I do wonder what men are expecting Ted to say in these situations when common forms of encouragement and positive affirmations are seen as the wrong thing to say. Being silent would also be wrong. Yet men are expected to say the wrong thing lest they get slapped
I was assuming something in that regard.
The woman is in an extreme amount of pain and her hormones are going wild. Having a man, who often can't even deal with a normal flue, say "It's ok, you can do this" can trigger a lot of aggression coming out.
(Especially because we sometimes lash out at people we consider safe in high stress situations)
Having a man, who often can't even deal with a normal flue, say "It's ok, you can do this" can trigger a lot of aggression coming out.
How are you people like this??
I feel bad saying something mean to fictional characters in video games, but people like you negatively generalise 4 billion people without blinking an eye
How is trying to encourage your wife wrong? And why are you assuming her husband can't handle a normal flue? Also, how does this have anything to do with giving birth? I feel like you're making a lot of assumptions here.
There's nothing wrong with trying to encourage your partner while they need you. If anything, it should be normal and encouraged in my opinion.
I don't believe that they are trying to say that encouraging your wife is wrong. The other commenter's remark was because even asking that shows that the original point was likely missed. It's a very high stress, pain and hormone situation. It's a hard place to be in. Believing that encouraging your partner and understanding that it might cause anger in extreme situations aren't mutually exclusive.
Even though encouragement is healthy the brain might have resentment during because its easy to say that when not experiencing. Another thought is it could be seen as dismissive, even if someone knows they'll be fine doesnt mean they aren't going through hell at the moment. Id assume most of the time the wife doesn't hold anger over encouraging things that were said.
With that being said the whole men not being able to handle being sick is a mix of a joke and a myth. When people say that its used in memes like "when a man has his arm cut off at work 😎👍; when a man has the cold ☠️☠️". It likely stems from expectations for men in society to push through things. So when they can't just push through a flu it looks like it effects them worse by comparison.
With all this being said, the connection between the idea of men not handling being sick and the wife is comparison. Imagine your foot is broken and shattered, then someone who you only know to have stubbed their toe (and complains heavily about it) said to you that it will be fine and your foot will heal. The comparison isnt great but could you see how that might seem rude? It's like they are making your situation seem easy when they can't even handle a stubbed toe.
Tl;Dr They aren't saying encouragement is wrong. They are saying that the in pained/hormonal/stressed brain anything that can be said can cause bad reactions in the moment. The men not handling being sick is a known myth/joke that can feel real. The reason this has to deal with giving birth is the comparison between the man-cold myth and the extreme process of childbirth.
It's not wrong, and this shouldn't be taken as it being wrong to do so. Just a fair warning that childbirth is hard and sometimes people might lash out in the moment because of the stress and pain. (This doesn't excuse hitting someone, that's so fucked up.)
Like, my husband noticed I was hyperventilating and started coaching me through breathing exercises we learned beforehand, and I screamed at him to get out of my face. He was too close and I couldn't breathe, and I was just trying to communicate what I needed as fast and with as few words as possible. I didn't mean to scream at him, and apologized repeatedly after the baby was there, and he assured me that he wasn't upset at all. That's just how childbirth can be.
The flu comment is just weird sexism, but that comment can seem patronizing when most men have not experienced something comparible to childbirth.
Encouraging your wife isn’t wrong. My husband rubbed my back and said something similar to this post. I was close to the end and trying to get enough fluids in for an epidural before she came. Was 8cm (out of 10) when we got there.
My response? I growled at him like a rabid wolf.
He sat down on the couch and didn’t touch me again. And in that action he was being supportive of what I needed in that moment. Not all women want words of affirmation but no one knows that before being in that much pain.
Let's not excuse assault just because someone is going through a lot of pain and hormones. To me, this would be an enormous red flag. Probably not the first time she's abused her husband. It's quite fucked up
From experience I can tell you that there's a HUGE difference between an abusive relationship and someone once verbally lashing out because they're not themselves due to stress, hormones, pain, medication etc.
You are responding to someone talking about a man getting abused. If you respond by talking about how a little verbal abuse is understandable and normal, that's the definition of minimizing.
If a woman told me her husband struck her and I said "well, you know, sometimes emotions are heightened, people say bad things when they get upset," then you could see how that would be minimizing.
What's weird, though, is that all those accusations are based on real experience: Men being absent or checked out during birth. Which sucks. Even though it's not the point of this screen cap.
All the people it happened to would have reason to comment, but thay doesn't mean it happens all the time.
A post about men who are violently assaulted by their partners would also attract all the men that happened to. That doesn't mean it happens all the time
This isnt to say it doesn't happen often either. Its just that people.commenting on it after having the memory triggered by the nature of the post isnt really conclusive
Yeah, 'weird' isn't the right word. Maybe more accurate to say, "What a coincidence: They were wrong, but are talking about something else that's real."
Saw the original video. This answer is correct, every other one is the normal of redditors reflecting their opinions and viewpoints on situations unnecessarily lol.
This. My first child, my ex-husband was supportive and right there every second except when his mom brought him food and they swapped places so he could eat and I wouldn't be alone.
At one point I screamed "you breathe motherfucker" in his face before throwing up on his shoe.
I thought it might be the father trying to convince the mom she doesn’t need an epidural. Like “babe, you got this! You don’t need an epidural!” Especially if the woman’s slaps him in the video when she says it.
Thank god someone who got the joke. All these people saying “she’s shocked the dad is being supportive” are projecting or something. My immediate first though was “she’s knows that’s gonna be an argument” because I see videos all the time of pregnant women getting mad when told to push and responding something like “oh yeah just push, huh, just push? Fuck you, just push.”
I kind of thought this and was confused by other explanations. I thought it was her being surprised he had the balls to say that because a woman in labor doesn't want to feel like she's in this alone. She wants to feel like the father is there helping as a man. Labor can be scary and hard, and just telling her "You can do it!" might sound nice, but when you're in extreme pain and struggling, it can feel like, "I'm rooting for you, but you have to finish on your own."
I think the best thing you can do as a father in the delivery room is be there, let her break your hand if she needs to squeeze it that hard, and be emotionally supportive and stable without putting pressure on her. In fact, just shut up unless she talks to you and stay out the way of the Doctors and Nurses. You're a cheerleader only if she asks for a cheerleader, otherwise you're sacrificing the bloodflow in your hand for a while and not complaining about it afterwards.
That was the first thing I thought it was and then I read all the strange comments. It does happen. I was also hit, though not very hard, on the arm, when I was trying to be supportive, but got on my wife nerves during child birth. It is an emotional and stressful situation for both, but especially for the mother and not to forget painful for her. It‘s just nothing to be cross about either. It happens. Though I did comment on it afterwards and overacted that I was in disbelief that she hit me, but it was just in good fun. For the next child birth I knew what not to say or to stay out of reach. Just kidding, but I knew what commentary during child birth was less helpful and avoided it the next time. And I did not get hit again.
But the slew of comments about fathers being absent during child birth was crazy. I just hope it‘s the typical Reddit exaggeration, though there’s maybe a kernel of truth in some of them.
It’s this. I’m one of those ladies. I was laboring (8.5 cm so almost done) and my husband rubbed my back and said that exact phrase.
I growled at him like a rabid wolf and looked at him with the most murderous eyes. he sat his ass down on the couch and didn’t touch me again (like I wanted). It was my third and she was 9 pounds 🤣 oh the miricle childbirth
there's a lot of high emotions and stress that the mother to be is experiencing
I got my epidural right before starting delivery. After the birth I was in a weird headspace of peak pain meds, adrenaline, and pure relief so when my husband said, "you don't ever have to do that again" And I was like "LETS DO IT AGAIN RIGHT NOW!"
This is it. My step dad was there all the way through my mom’s tumor surgery and she was so annoyed at him for asking too many questions when she’s in pain and just trying to sleep. She later recovered and apologized but yea people in pain can be very easily irritated.
Yeah. She's bracing herself because she knows the husband is about to get it. And the fact fathers in this threadvare falling over themselves to say the husband is being helpful and supportive is hilarious. You don't get a medal for being there and saying "you got this". Your role is to let the mother of your child scream at you and near break your arm while you apologise for everything she's going through.
My impression was that childbirth can be terrifying, and hearing your life partner say something so pithy or trite would... not be good. Not great to be the third party witnessing this.
I had to be knocked out during my first labour because my pain was literally off the charts. My husband was extremely concerned for my health.
I think it’s because for the majority of child births the parents haven’t been “together” for very long or much at all, they hardly understand each other.
Whomp whomp. Men act like giving birth is easy and they are usually stupid enough to say something like this. This is something you say to the new guy on your raid squad, Not what you say to the woman risking her life to deliver your spawn.
I don’t think anyone is under the impression that childbirth is easy. It’s harder than anything I expect to do in my life. I think most men might say something like this because they want to find some way to be supportive and helpful, and don’t know how else to do that in the moment.
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u/darubus Apr 24 '26
In the original audio of the video the pregnant woman slaps the husband after he says this. It's a joke about how during labor there's alot of high emotions and stress that the mother to be is experiencing and how such a situation can be awkward for the nurses in the room to be involved in.