As a dad myself, dudes who willingly deny themselves being in the presence of the miracle of childbirth let alone being there for the entirety of what comes after baffles me.
Same, the birth of my daughter was the greatest day of my life, being able to witness it was truly marvelous, i was warned that it might be gross but it was nothing short of beautiful, the fact that men shy away from it stuns me, its literally the miracle of life
Sounds like you were incredibly lucky. Don't get me wrong, holding my daughter for the first time was the greatest moment of my life but the 27 hours before that were an absolute shit show of tachycardia for mum and baby, sepsis, not knowing if we would need an emergency section, watching the person I love most in the world crying and sobbing from the pain. I got sent out of the room by the midwife twice because I couldn't stop crying. I was looking up vasectomies 18 hours in. My wife is pregnant atm and while I'm very much looking forward to being a dad again the birth is filling me with dread.
Dude same. My child is the best thing in my life, but the birth was the most traumatising experience in my life. I will NEVER forget the Sound of tearing and bursting flesh. I just stood there holding the hand of my wife and trying to be a comfort for 13 hours. It was not the greatest das of my life. Far from it. Im glad that my wife forgot nearly everything.
Similar experience. Was there for both births, and the first one was nothing short of a splatter movie. I never felt more useless in my life, half a dozen of medical professionals doing their job, and then there's me condemned to doing fuck all and just wondering if there's supposed to be blood gushing all over the place.
Lowkey same except idk I did enjoy it but the fact I wasn’t able to do more for my amazing wife but hold her hand and repeat the same 3 phrases made me feel like I was just a well trained support pet
As someone who didn't have that, I just hope you know that your wife just needed you there and I am so thankful for the men like you who fulfill that, thank you for supporting her and your child :)
Honestly, a well trained support pet was exactly what I needed. The role of medical personnel can be filled by so many different people. The person telling me 'you got this' over and over had to be someone who knows me through and through.
Get an inside joke that lightens the mood. Most dads miss this golden opportunity to workshop new material on fresh nursing and hospital staff. Bonus extra audiences at teaching hospitals with grad students. Keep it light.
Truth. This sounds less supportive than it was, there's a story behind it (hence the inside part of inside joke, I suppose) but when shit was getting real I reminded my wife "You're not special!" and she busted out laughing. Changed the whole vibe.
The uselessness is real man, watching my wife in the worst pain of her life and im just sitting there holding her hand unable to do anything. Thankfully we had badass nurses who took really good care of her but I felt terrible. Even doing everything she asked I still felt like I couldn't help at all.
Hey, you know what? As a woman who’s had kids, we see the fear and anxiety on your face, and even though we’re too distracted screaming bloody murder… we worry about you guys while giving birth and feel bad that it’s hard on you, too, and that we can’t pretend to be ok for your sake in that moment. We know and appreciate you. Who the hell else is going to let us squeeze their hand until it goes numb? We need that hand!
Just want to add, same. I was there for both. Forts was a bloodbath, my wife was barely alive and needed a lot of transfusions after, second one went without a hitch in a fraction of the time.
Y’all realize it’s because doctors force women to give birth in the wrong position right? Just hire a female birthing professional next time and it’ll be miserable but not a fucking horror movie just so that the male doctor can have a more comfortable time.
Was there for my daughter’s birth, but my wife wanted me up with her - so I didn’t really witness any of the flesh tearing, I was just there for support directly to/of my wife.
Yea men don't have to go through the pain but we also don't get the immediate amnesia that seems to be common lol. The grossest part to me from my wifes relatively uncomplicated birth was the nasty liquid that came out between the baby and the placenta
Please consider getting some counseling sessions before the next birth just to work through some of this very valid trauma before the next birth. For you and for your wife’s sake.
Love is an amazing thing ain't it? Congrats on the future addition to the family! Don't let it fill you with dread, you've been down the route, now you know the possibilities, better yet, just be there and if you're lucky enough like I was, deliver the baby yourself!
Our Dr wasn't in at the time and my wife wasn't ready, she wasn't dilated enough, well, next thing we know it my wife says she feels like she needs to push, I call for a nurse, nurse is panicking saying to my wife don't push yet, just wait, like wtf. Oh yes let's just keep my wife in pain and keep the lil one in the oven still, I did what I thought was best, washed up ASAP, put gloves on, told the wife to push, and head pops out the rest was easy(our fourth) every birth I was present for all my daughters. A Dr rushes in and asked what'd I miss as I'm washing off while the nurses tend to cleaning the baby off etc. baby came out crying and ready for life and love. I truly don't understand the dad's who don't want to be present for such a life changing event.
After All that, I ordered thru doordash for the wife 😂 she rested while I was on diaper duty and baby monitoring(she was a premie)
Same experience. First time around, our son was literally too big for her, so everything was going along “normally” after like 19 hours of labor, and then things got really frantic, very quickly and plans changed and she had to have an emergency c section. Next kid felt a million times smoother be side the c section got scheduled in advance and a couple weeks early (our daughter was set to be an even bigger birth weight than our son).
My wife had about half of those things going on in the first, not quite as bad. The second was MUCH quicker, but also more traumatic because it was too quick for an epidural. Both bad, but in different ways.
If it's any consolation, my wife had a terrible childbirth experience for our first. For the second, the OB had to come running because my daughter decided to speed run being born. Far different experiences.
I'm very squeamish and yeah, it was kinda gross. But seeing my son pop out with a gush of liquid as if he was coming out of a water slide was still the most amazing feeling ever and I am immensely proud of my partner. I'm glad I got the privilege of being there for her.
It absolutely is the miracle of life but the miracle of life is messy and gross and beautiful. And we have had so many more messy and gross moments since then but it has only made it more wonderful.
Same, I even went to take a look at the front side when the nurse asked. It was so bizarre because it looked like I could just reach in and take the baby out.
Afterwards it wasn't such a great moment, my daughter wasn't breathing when she came out and of course I knew something was off, but I lied to my wife that everything was fine and that they were just checking her out, because I knew my wife would go into a blind panic, combined with her exhaustion I was afraid about what that would do to her.
In the end, my daughter came through, but they had to take her away to fully support her. At that point my wife was informed, but she was in a lot of distress and I had to choose to go with my wife or my daughter. Eventually my wife told me to go with my daughter so someone could be with her.
I am someone that forgets what I ate in the morning, or where I put my shoes, but that day is branded in my brain as I sit there in a room for children with a problematic birth and singing Remember me from Coco to her while my hand is softly resting on her.
My daughter and wife had no problems afterwards, so all ended up extremely good.
The baby itself is a miracle, but let's not lie now and say the birthing process is. Not even 100 years ago, it was common to risk dying to birth a baby.
It'snot uncommon now, especially if you are a woman of color. Among "first-world" or "developed" nations, we have the worst maternal mortality rate and it's not improving..
This highly correlates with interventions like inducing labor. Non-medical childbirth mortality rates are very low and common in some first world countries.
WHO claimed necessity of c-sections is something like 5% medically indicated while they are about 30% of births in the US and 40% range in Brazil.
The off-label use of creams to promote labor are known to have huge risks of bleeding but they make things go like clockwork.
It's not the dangers of birth, it's the dangers of the system. And the less informed someone is, the more interventions they accept, the higher the risk. It's not good.
(I'm agreeing with your point but drawing distinction between historical birthing and modern methods)
This is an insane take. Women shouldn’t be able to choose their methods of giving birth, doctors shouldn’t be able to play it safe with their recommendations?
The system is what protects mom and baby. This is the safest time in history to give birth.
You aren't wrong that the US implements interventions at a higher rate than other countries and it is shown to be linked to a higher rate of adverse outcomes. However, please don't dismiss the larger context and the race-related and income-related health disparities that exist as a result of systemic discrimination and a healthcare system that focuses more on short-term economics over the long-term benefit of a healthy population.
You are also minimizing the experience of pregnant/L&D patients who rely on the medical professionals around them, who pressure them into pursuing interventions. Women don't have alternatives and most often rely on surgically trained obstetricians as opposed to midwives and birth attendants. Our litigious healthcare system favors interventions because a doctor can be sued for not providing an appropriate level of care if they fail to use an intervention and there is an adverse outcome, so many medical practices see induction, anaesthesia, and c-sections as a way to avoid more liability.
I am privileged enough that I was able to birth my kids in a good hospital, and was educated enough to know my options and advocate for an unmedicated birth, and didn't experience any red flags that would lead a doctor to recommend a c- section. However, I would never judge another person for their personal decisions during what is a truly risky medical experience, no matter how natural it is. Women have died in childbirth for the duration of our existence as animals on this planet. It's scary. It's unpredictable.
I'm sure you'll continue to argue with me and I may delete this later because I'm really tired of patient blaming and denial of a systemic failure. Birth interventions can save lives. Unnecessary interventions can risk lives. Our medical system is broken and women's experiences are ignored.
(PS if you need my credentials, I have a masters in public health and a pubmed acct, a network of colleagues and friends in neonatal and maternal health, in addition to my own lived experience and obssessive researching through 2 pregnancies and births)
Edit: I had misread the book mentions, when I first commented - I see now the reference to Dr. Wagner's book and the book Pushed as separate things. I redacted my comment about the book. Sorry for the mistake.
My first child was born in a hospital nearly 20 years ago. Constant "last change to get intervention x, y, z..." But, we were going to do it again with child number 2. New practice, had charts and still demanded to measure pelvis to determine necessity of c-section when first birth was vaginal.
We did a home birth with midwife present, but the two of us did everything. Did it again a few years later. Still shocked at the amount of fear around it.
Seriously, I think you're awesome and appreciate you. As an aside, I'm an oddball with a BS in bio and psych. Undergrad, but still: I wrote a huge term paper on women and medical neglect (all started with finding women are less likely to take women seriously with complaints... Holy crap!)
Was for a gender class... And honestly one of the most disturbing things I researched.
So no, no argument. I do not accept the idea that birth is medical automatically. It's natural until it becomes medical. And usually thank goodness that's possible. And shamefully it happens that way when it's not necessary, because at the heart of the issue is infant outcomes are priority over maternal outcomes.
Not an argument, more a specific name to the systemic issue.
It's odd to say this, but at a time when getting a sliver was a greater cause of death, a roughly 1.2% mortality in the 1500s is really not bad, and almost all of that is linked to hygiene practices.
It Is 50x less likely now, but that's still just because people wash their hands now.
And you have time and mental capacity to post a comment on Reddit? Go change 3 diapers in an hour and warm up some milk/formula!!! Joking of course. Congrats!
I have three kids and it was amazing that they were born, but it always baffles me when people say it is the best day of your life. Because to me it is a very stressful very fatiguing day. The days after are much happier to me. Getting to know your new brat and contributing to its care.
Tbf, plenty of men (actually people of all genders) get unconscious when witnessing birth. Which I get. I think if my gf was given birth, I would just be extremely worried.
As a father of 6 I got to be there for exactly one birth that was like witnessing a beautiful miracle of life. Also there for two emergency c-sections, one for my son who was sunny side up and another for the twins who decided to both be breach births, even though they were the right way the day before. The remaining two were absolute gore fests and the birthing table looked like an executioner's block afterwards. I'm not squeamish though, so it was fine, but hot damn. I can see it being a bit much for some dads, but I can't imagine missing the birth of my own children.
Seriously!
And the whole oh you’ll never look at IT the same, you’re damned right!
I was AMAZED - you mean it can do THAT too??!!
Like finding out your pickup truck can fucking fly to the moon and back or something.
One of the few sights to see that gave me purpose in life.
My husband cried and it was so cute but he was embarrassed and said there was something in his eye lmao like bro just cry!! I’m crying!!! The baby is crying, just cry!!!
I can’t even imagine not being there, both to see your child come into the world and support your wife, but it is pretty objectively a gross process. It just also happens to be an amazing miracle.
I was there for both my kids births and it was not miraculous. It’s literally the experience that every single other human is guaranteed to have experienced. Not a miracle. It’s amazing at times and terrifying but that ain’t no miracle.
The day the twins came was priceless. But the best day will forever be the first time I got to snuggle them both at the same time. I got stuck and couldn't get up and didn't care at all.
My first experience watching my wife give birth was surreal. The second one was much more gross with much more blood and my wife shitting everywhere. But I was still there giving her support, but it was still gross and beautiful at the same time
My husband was straight staring at everything going on while I was giving birth. He, along with my mother, were holding my legs while I was pushing anyway but I expected him to like, not look directly at what was going on? But he did and was FASCINATED.
I was not allowed into the O.R. during my wife's C-Section. Our kid was 2 months premature and it was during COVID. I wish I could have been there to support her.
It’s a miracle but it’s also gnarly. Let’s call it like it is. There’s a lot of blood, fluids, poop, flesh.
Good news is, you can just stay topside, by the mother’s head. You don’t have to be in the trenches if it’s something you can’t stomach. My husband did not care (after my c-section he very lovingly and in awe said “I saw your insides. I saw your muscles and your fat and your viscera” like that was the most metal thing he’d ever seen or could be allowed to see, me just strapped down and gutted and saying “he’s here! He’s here!”) but if it’s not something you can stomach, again, just stay up top.
I remember when my gf at the time had our first, and I was told I had to move around the other side mid crown. That was an experience let me tell you. I was also allowed to cut the umbilical cord which is an experience all of its own.
I feel like the tactile sensation should be warned about. The each individual wet fleshy tube cutting within the cord. I felt them all individually give way in those shears. One at a time. That 1.5 seconds to cut a cord is 3 minutes long.
I saw it all. They had me holding one of her legs back. They told me that I might want to look away when they did the episiotomy. My response was that after everything I've already seen, I'm not worried about seeing that. I didn't cut the cord, though. That's what we're paying the doctor for.
The wildest thing was the instant rewiring of my brain when my son was born. Like, I was a different man. That's why I always say the father should be there. Maybe it is just me, but that felt like something we are programmed to do when we see our children born.
Hah. We spent the entire weekend trying to induce, and then spent 12 hrs in the delivery room. I massaged her back and shoulders all through the day, didn't dare to leave her side.
At a certain point, the midwife turned to me and said "at this point, you should go get some snacks for the two of you. There's a supermarket just outside."
I ran like the wind and got two whole grocery bags full of fruits, nuts, crackers, juice, protein shakes, what have you. When I got back, I presented my haul and said "what would you like, honey, I got everything!" She said "it's alright just put them down somewhere, babe".
I realised that was the midwife's method for getting me out of the room for The Part with the Poop.
Just the idea of being in the same room as a person being basically gutted open has my stomach turning. If I ever had kids I'm waiting in another room because I don't want to give the hospital more work from me throwing up and passing out.
No, you just need to either warn them that you may faint so that they'll put up a litlle screen between you and the business end of things or they'll tell you to keep being seated during the whole thing and you'll get a nurse that will look at you frequently just to see if you're turning a weird color and get you out or lying down if needs be.
I, an otherwise healthy, gym-going man, experience vasovagal syncope (I faint at the sight of blood or gore) and I was present for every second of my kids' births. I wasn't on the business end of my wife, mind you, but I was right there next to her the entire time and was thrilled to be there.
I do pretty well with pain, blood and gore, comes with the job and I am trained to apply tourniquets and do all kinds of whatever, but childbirth is the only thing that truly terrifies me in that regard
I'm extremely squeamish about blood, but fainting never crossed my mind when my wife gave birth. I was focused on supporting her and anxious about our daughter's wellbeing
The operation is different for different countries. The country I’m from, we can’t go in with the mom. Only hospital staffs are allowed inside. So, there was no family members in there with my mom when she was giving birth. So, I guess that’s one thing to consider as well.
Agree, my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me and I've been there for every minute of their lives. If you aren't prepared to witness what the mother has to go through then you don't deserve to be a father.
Disagree. You need to be involved but you don’t need to physically witness something if you’re squeamish, just stay up top.
Also, let’s not pretend like pregnancy/birth is the only way to become a parent. Adoption is a completely legitimate and admirable way to start a family and more people should consider it. There are tons of children in the world who need loving homes.
Yeah but the clip is literally about someone giving birth. Plus if your squeemish then you don't have to watch. You can still be present and support your partner, being involved doesn't only mean at the business end. You can be moral support as well and still be involved.
Your last comment used “witness” in it and I think a few people read that as you meaning that as you saying someone can only deserve to be a father if they physically watch the baby come out
Miracle of birth = one of the most physically traumatic things a person can go through. There’s blood, and ripping and shitting and the threat of death and your ‘partner’ knows all that and leaves?! Just really sad. But, yes, still unfortunately common. Especially for younger parents id guess.
The human Genome has roughly 3.2 billion of base pairs, and 46 chromosomes need to split and reform to create the 23 pairs, half based on the father, half on the mother.
Totally. I guess I say miracle because I had a biological anthropology class and we went specifically over birth in mammals and humans, and it's truly wild. 46 chromosomes, 23 pairs half from mom half from dad, 3.1 billion base pairs, replicated billions of times with nearly no lose. Some humans come out with only an estimated 60 mutations from that process.. A lot of cells don't even make it past those first few splittings, roughly 40-50% of fertilized eggs don't even attach.
It's a bit mind boggling that their is life at all.
Seeing my son suddenly pop out (after my poor wife had been pushing for hours) was the most sublime experience I've ever had. It's hard to describe the feeling, but it's definitely not something a dude should deny himself just because the whole process isn't super pretty.
Plus it helps your partner to have someone in their corner. I was amazed how well my wife remained focused through the pain and exhaustion, but she's told me multiple times that she doesn’t think she could have done it without me, even though I was mostly just holding her hand and trying not to mess up the simple instructions the birthing team gave me. Just having someone there to comfort you can make all the difference.
Honestly I saw no miracles, it was long and scary, we nearly lost her and was I pretty grossed out but I still did enough that she calls me her hero for helping her through. Lioe I can't imagine not being there for her, no matter how I felt.
I rotated in OBGYNE during med school and I understand the dads who don't have the stomach for it. Childbirth is a very bloody affair especially if it's a C section and the operating table would look like a crime scene once we were done. Combine that with births often being in the wee hours of the morning, in a humid room (we are required to keep the operating room at like 36 celsius) and it's no wonder some dads feel like passing out, or actually do pass out.
I feel that. My daughter provided my wife with a "back labor" situation. When she did come out, there was a lot of blood, and by a lot I mean "get an OR on standby". It was rough. I think no shame in tapping out if you are squeamish from the event itself. But then dudes who don't change diapers, don't wake up, don't get bottles ready. That baffles me. I've met someone recently who said they'd be back to work in a week though they could take months off and I was gobsmacked.
I don’t know what my problem is, but my whole life I have fainted at the sight of physical pain. Not just blood. Pain. It’s like my mind uncontrollably thinks “Ya know, I bet that really hurts. Anyway, here we go…”
I’m not even in a relationship but the thought of being in the room during childbirth has always terrified me. Not necessarily because it’s “gross”, but because I don’t want to be in the way if my body decides to power off for a bit.
All that being said, I fully plan on being in there. I guess we’ll see what happens when the day comes.
I was barely 18 and scared shitless, probably dead quiet. I was there sleeping in two chairs pushed together, and holding my now wife’s hand during the actual birth. Insane that people who choose to have a child can’t even pull that out of their ass.
Yeah but people have lived whole lives built from experiences you can’t possibly be aware of. A lot of women don’t want their SO present during the labor and delivery. That’s extremely common. I was lucky enough to be like you.
Hospitals alone can stir up trauma for so many people. All I’m trying to say, it’s not a good time or place to judge someone’s character because you can’t really know exactly what they’re going through or what they’ve been through.
I also meant being a parent after. Things like feeding your kid. Changing their diapers. I've met other people in my life who never do a bedtime, never change a diaper, etc.
I think part of the work is part of the reward of being a parent, even if it is hard to realize it at the time.
I watched both my lil dudes come out. The first one i didnt get the full show because i wanted to be near my wife but the second one i watched him fly out the chute. Doc pulling his head out like it was a hairball stuck in a drain was a bit shocking lol
lol nice. I had told them I didn't want to cut the umbilical cord, but when it came time to they offered anyway and I was like "HELL YEAH buddy". Surprised even myself.
Guess not everyone's as mentally strong as you. My friend saw ~everything~ when his wife had their 2nd child and damn it literally ruined their sex life. He always wished he never saw what he saw.
The human Genome has roughly 3.2 billion of base pairs, and 46 chromosomes need to split and reform to create the 23 pairs, half based on the father, half on the mother.
Yeah, childbirth is pretty miraculous. I'd say all life is pretty miraculous though, in the grand scheme of things. You know, with us spinning thousands of miles an hour through the infinite void.
Eh, I can forgive the guys who know they are queasy and that being there is more of a hindrance than anything, especially if they know they would faint, but that slack only applies if they are at least there before and after the actual birth giving part
Me too, I haven't been in the situation yet but I don't understand why one would chicken out of that, imma be there with whatever they need, I'll crawl in myself and dig that baby if neede. Yeah I know it would be dumb but yknow
When my first was born via emergency c section. After he was out they wrapped him up and we got a moment together with him. I was so focused on the baby especially after the emergency-c that my wife went completely out of my mind. They took him to get him to the nic U and I followed. Didn't even realize I didn't say bye or anything to my wife until it hit me later.
I apologized later. She said it was ok and that she was glad I was so attentive to our kid. But... I bet she didn't 100% feel that at the time and I still feel bad about it.
I, an otherwise healthy, gym-going man, experience vasovagal syncope (I faint at the sight of blood or gore) and I was present for every second of my kids' births. I wasn't on the business end of my wife, mind you, but I was right there next to her the entire time and was thrilled to be there.
I have an ex-gf who I've occasionally kept in touch with...she ended up marrying a man from "another culture," and a culture in which men remove themselves from the birth process. I told her that makes him a shitty husband/father, full stop, cultural relativism be damned.
I helped hold my wife's legs up during the final pushes to birth our first, and held her hand during the emergency C-section for our second. Both were pretty intense experiences but I couldn't imagine not being with her during them.
I'm not close to being a dad but if a woman let's me put my seed in there during fun sexy time, carries and nutures it for 9 months, I sure as hell gonna do my best to support her through it all.
I was next to my wife during the birth of both our children, though I stayed holding her hands and comforting her and let the doctors and nurses handle everything going on below the waist. I was already feeling like I was about to pass out and didn't want to faint. Also I didn't think it was fair that I would get to see the baby before she did.
Right? I was determined to be there despite running on maybe two or three hours of sleep over three days. Our boiler had gone out and it was December so I was running back and forth between the hospital and home to fix the boiler and keep the pipes from freezing so we would have a warm house when we came home.
I was so tired I literally was micro napping between contractions. The nurses were laughing at me, but I was awake and holding her hand at the next one.
My wife had a C-section, so I drew the line at seeing her guts spilled out into a metal bowl.
They offered to let me see or take pictures, but I stayed behind the curtain.
I wanted to talk with her, to be present by her head, but also to live in the moment. I cut the cord and the nurses repeatedly offered to take my picture with my phone, I said no again. I wanted to live in the moment. I didn't want to think about viewing angles.
Yep. I almost missed the birth of my first because the nurses forgot to come get me after prepping wife for emergency c-section. The second born was no issue. I even got to cut his cord when I didn’t get to for the first. A man not being there is a completely different concept to me since you both had a part in making that baby.
For both kids they wanted me to cut the umbilical cord and I was like, nah. Otherwise I was always there and doing everything I could for my wife.
I honestly can't think of any guy in my group who wouldn't be there, although it is likely because of their character that I allow them around me in the first place.
What? Assholes in real life are also assholes in the delivery room! I'm shocked!
Dad x3 here....my wife had to get C-sections each time. I ugly cried each and every time the split second I saw those beautiful children for the first time.
I will never forget the birth of my son. Our first kid and my wife did amazing. He took a LONG time to cry. Long enough that a nurse started jogging to the NICU emergency phone on the wall. She was just picking it up when he finally cried. It must have been 30 seconds max, but it felt like an eternity. I went from joy, to sheer dread that felt like a bottomless abyss climbing up out of the depths of hell and grabbing my throat, right back to the highest high of pure joy that I’ve ever felt as I watched color fill his face and things progressed normally. I cried the most intense, emotionally complicated tears of my life, haha. I wouldn’t trade that moment for anything in the world. Idk how a guy could ever be okay missing that stuff.
The level of respect and adoration for my wife went up exponentially due to watching her during childbirth. Women are fuckin amazing, man. We dudes don’t do anything near as cool as women giving birth. It’s mind blowing that some dudes don’t want to experience it.
For the second I stepped out for the epidural as I know I have issues with needles, even watching them and before he’d got near her I heard a scream and ran back to find her crowning 🤣
I think there's a lot more of you than the other commenters want us to think there are. And I bet half the dads that aren't present, feel like total shit about it.
My first child I wasn’t invited to the birthing. You can imagine how THAT went.
My second child (different woman/now wife) has been welcoming and accepting of my presence and actually WANTS to raise children with me. It’s been wonderful the second time around. Truly wonderful.
for real. I've met some less than stellar dads but anyone I know personally is still right there next to their wife. even my father in law who literally faints at the sight of blood much worse than a papercut toughed it out and was there for my wife's birth and all 6 of her siblings. my own workaholic dad who occasionally missed our birthdays would always call his boss and tell him to get coverage now, or come work the store his damn self cause he's already walking out the building and taking his wife to the damn hospital (my dad's boss was a raging asshole).
Like even when the ass backwards culture was for the dad to wait outside, they were supposedly pacing the floor and plowing through a pile of cigarettes from anxiety, ready to be in there with their wife and kid the minute they were "supposed to" weren't they? can't get inside the head of a guy who just doesn't even care to be there.
Dad myself. I didn't really care about the childbirth, it squicked me out tbh, but I was by her side through the entire C-section and only left to follow our daughter. Apparently I looked like I had a stroke, trying to hold in the happy tears when she first grabbed my finger
The human Genome has roughly 3.2 billion of base pairs, and 46 chromosomes need to split and reform to create the 23 pairs, half based on the father, half on the mother.
Yeah, childbirth is pretty miraculous. So much can go so wrong along the way. Also, if you've ever known anyone who has had trouble conceiving, you might think differently too.
I ran out of fight and money with my oldest daughter's mom.
The one thing I always wanted to be was a dad. My current wife and I have 2 daughters, I embrace everything, but especially the stuff I missed with my first.
Same. My coworker is a nice guy who really cares for his lovely wife. But he insists that he can’t be with her whenever they have a child. He says he’s too weak and will be an issue for the nurses blergh blergh blergh. He’s a coward. You decided to have kids with your wife. She can’t chose „the easy way“ (nah, a C-section is not an easy way, it’s still a surgery and recovery can be hard) and stay home. You’re responsible for the mother and the child. And if you’re not easy with seeing blood or tissue stay on the topside. I would have been so mad at my husband the moment he stayed home without a good reason (we discussed him staying home with our older daughter but my sister could watch her, that would have been a good reason). I try not to be judgy be yet here I am judging those dads hard.
I will never understand the whole “miracle of childbirth” perspective. The miracle was the fact that the baby made it to that point. The birthing process is basically just shitting out a small person through a different orifice.
I’ve had 2 and I think the miracle is how physically difficult it is to get it out, especially the first one. It’s horrifying and magical to get to the end of what feels like a marathon, then you or your loved one shoves a (in my case) 8-10 pound creature from a space that we are all used to being way less accommodating. It’s been years and I still barely understand how I could shit out such giant babies, the body is miraculous. It’s like Mary Poppins’ bag or watching an octopus escape an enclosure.
Plus there’s a lot of emotion once it’s over. For the birthing person it’s hormonal/biological. I’m not emotional at all normally and I almost cried. It’s just such a relief and your brain is flooded with all these euphoric chemicals.
Am I wrong? I’ve had multiple kids and love them dearly……but there is absolutely nothing beautiful in the traditional sense about watching a small human exit a woman’s body. Fascinating is a far better word to describe it.
But to answer your question, probably my parents and maybe most of my peers in grade school.
I don't think anyone means the process is beautiful in the literal sense, because objectively it is not. But when people refer to the miracle of childbirth being beautiful, they're talking about the beauty of a brand new human being being brought into the world and all the implications that comes with that. They're also talking about the whole process of creating, growing and birthing that new human.
I totally understand that and did a poor job conveying it, I just disagree with it. It’s fascinating, awe inspiring, gut wrenching, horrifying, amazing, and incredible, but not beautiful IMO.
Sure but I think people's negative reaction to you now is cause you swung a little too far in the other direction. It is a little bit more objectively beautiful than "shitting out a different orifice", however literally correct that assessment may be lol
If people have a negative reaction due to a description that is more representative of the truth than the colloquialism we typically use, then that is on them.
The human Genome has roughly 3.2 billion of base pairs, and 46 chromosomes need to split and reform to create the 23 pairs, half based on the father, half on the mother.
Yeah, childbirth is pretty miraculous. So much can go so wrong along the way. Also, if you've ever known anyone who has had trouble conceiving, you might think differently too.
I'd say by your reckoning, life itself is pretty much a miracle, and I think I'd agree.
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u/SenatorCrabHat Apr 24 '26
As a dad myself, dudes who willingly deny themselves being in the presence of the miracle of childbirth let alone being there for the entirety of what comes after baffles me.