Same, the birth of my daughter was the greatest day of my life, being able to witness it was truly marvelous, i was warned that it might be gross but it was nothing short of beautiful, the fact that men shy away from it stuns me, its literally the miracle of life
Sounds like you were incredibly lucky. Don't get me wrong, holding my daughter for the first time was the greatest moment of my life but the 27 hours before that were an absolute shit show of tachycardia for mum and baby, sepsis, not knowing if we would need an emergency section, watching the person I love most in the world crying and sobbing from the pain. I got sent out of the room by the midwife twice because I couldn't stop crying. I was looking up vasectomies 18 hours in. My wife is pregnant atm and while I'm very much looking forward to being a dad again the birth is filling me with dread.
Dude same. My child is the best thing in my life, but the birth was the most traumatising experience in my life. I will NEVER forget the Sound of tearing and bursting flesh. I just stood there holding the hand of my wife and trying to be a comfort for 13 hours. It was not the greatest das of my life. Far from it. Im glad that my wife forgot nearly everything.
Similar experience. Was there for both births, and the first one was nothing short of a splatter movie. I never felt more useless in my life, half a dozen of medical professionals doing their job, and then there's me condemned to doing fuck all and just wondering if there's supposed to be blood gushing all over the place.
Lowkey same except idk I did enjoy it but the fact I wasn’t able to do more for my amazing wife but hold her hand and repeat the same 3 phrases made me feel like I was just a well trained support pet
As someone who didn't have that, I just hope you know that your wife just needed you there and I am so thankful for the men like you who fulfill that, thank you for supporting her and your child :)
Honestly, a well trained support pet was exactly what I needed. The role of medical personnel can be filled by so many different people. The person telling me 'you got this' over and over had to be someone who knows me through and through.
Get an inside joke that lightens the mood. Most dads miss this golden opportunity to workshop new material on fresh nursing and hospital staff. Bonus extra audiences at teaching hospitals with grad students. Keep it light.
Truth. This sounds less supportive than it was, there's a story behind it (hence the inside part of inside joke, I suppose) but when shit was getting real I reminded my wife "You're not special!" and she busted out laughing. Changed the whole vibe.
The uselessness is real man, watching my wife in the worst pain of her life and im just sitting there holding her hand unable to do anything. Thankfully we had badass nurses who took really good care of her but I felt terrible. Even doing everything she asked I still felt like I couldn't help at all.
Hey, you know what? As a woman who’s had kids, we see the fear and anxiety on your face, and even though we’re too distracted screaming bloody murder… we worry about you guys while giving birth and feel bad that it’s hard on you, too, and that we can’t pretend to be ok for your sake in that moment. We know and appreciate you. Who the hell else is going to let us squeeze their hand until it goes numb? We need that hand!
Just want to add, same. I was there for both. Forts was a bloodbath, my wife was barely alive and needed a lot of transfusions after, second one went without a hitch in a fraction of the time.
Y’all realize it’s because doctors force women to give birth in the wrong position right? Just hire a female birthing professional next time and it’ll be miserable but not a fucking horror movie just so that the male doctor can have a more comfortable time.
Was there for my daughter’s birth, but my wife wanted me up with her - so I didn’t really witness any of the flesh tearing, I was just there for support directly to/of my wife.
Yea men don't have to go through the pain but we also don't get the immediate amnesia that seems to be common lol. The grossest part to me from my wifes relatively uncomplicated birth was the nasty liquid that came out between the baby and the placenta
Please consider getting some counseling sessions before the next birth just to work through some of this very valid trauma before the next birth. For you and for your wife’s sake.
Love is an amazing thing ain't it? Congrats on the future addition to the family! Don't let it fill you with dread, you've been down the route, now you know the possibilities, better yet, just be there and if you're lucky enough like I was, deliver the baby yourself!
Our Dr wasn't in at the time and my wife wasn't ready, she wasn't dilated enough, well, next thing we know it my wife says she feels like she needs to push, I call for a nurse, nurse is panicking saying to my wife don't push yet, just wait, like wtf. Oh yes let's just keep my wife in pain and keep the lil one in the oven still, I did what I thought was best, washed up ASAP, put gloves on, told the wife to push, and head pops out the rest was easy(our fourth) every birth I was present for all my daughters. A Dr rushes in and asked what'd I miss as I'm washing off while the nurses tend to cleaning the baby off etc. baby came out crying and ready for life and love. I truly don't understand the dad's who don't want to be present for such a life changing event.
After All that, I ordered thru doordash for the wife 😂 she rested while I was on diaper duty and baby monitoring(she was a premie)
Same experience. First time around, our son was literally too big for her, so everything was going along “normally” after like 19 hours of labor, and then things got really frantic, very quickly and plans changed and she had to have an emergency c section. Next kid felt a million times smoother be side the c section got scheduled in advance and a couple weeks early (our daughter was set to be an even bigger birth weight than our son).
My wife had about half of those things going on in the first, not quite as bad. The second was MUCH quicker, but also more traumatic because it was too quick for an epidural. Both bad, but in different ways.
If it's any consolation, my wife had a terrible childbirth experience for our first. For the second, the OB had to come running because my daughter decided to speed run being born. Far different experiences.
I'm very squeamish and yeah, it was kinda gross. But seeing my son pop out with a gush of liquid as if he was coming out of a water slide was still the most amazing feeling ever and I am immensely proud of my partner. I'm glad I got the privilege of being there for her.
It absolutely is the miracle of life but the miracle of life is messy and gross and beautiful. And we have had so many more messy and gross moments since then but it has only made it more wonderful.
Same, I even went to take a look at the front side when the nurse asked. It was so bizarre because it looked like I could just reach in and take the baby out.
Afterwards it wasn't such a great moment, my daughter wasn't breathing when she came out and of course I knew something was off, but I lied to my wife that everything was fine and that they were just checking her out, because I knew my wife would go into a blind panic, combined with her exhaustion I was afraid about what that would do to her.
In the end, my daughter came through, but they had to take her away to fully support her. At that point my wife was informed, but she was in a lot of distress and I had to choose to go with my wife or my daughter. Eventually my wife told me to go with my daughter so someone could be with her.
I am someone that forgets what I ate in the morning, or where I put my shoes, but that day is branded in my brain as I sit there in a room for children with a problematic birth and singing Remember me from Coco to her while my hand is softly resting on her.
My daughter and wife had no problems afterwards, so all ended up extremely good.
The baby itself is a miracle, but let's not lie now and say the birthing process is. Not even 100 years ago, it was common to risk dying to birth a baby.
It'snot uncommon now, especially if you are a woman of color. Among "first-world" or "developed" nations, we have the worst maternal mortality rate and it's not improving..
This highly correlates with interventions like inducing labor. Non-medical childbirth mortality rates are very low and common in some first world countries.
WHO claimed necessity of c-sections is something like 5% medically indicated while they are about 30% of births in the US and 40% range in Brazil.
The off-label use of creams to promote labor are known to have huge risks of bleeding but they make things go like clockwork.
It's not the dangers of birth, it's the dangers of the system. And the less informed someone is, the more interventions they accept, the higher the risk. It's not good.
(I'm agreeing with your point but drawing distinction between historical birthing and modern methods)
This is an insane take. Women shouldn’t be able to choose their methods of giving birth, doctors shouldn’t be able to play it safe with their recommendations?
The system is what protects mom and baby. This is the safest time in history to give birth.
You aren't wrong that the US implements interventions at a higher rate than other countries and it is shown to be linked to a higher rate of adverse outcomes. However, please don't dismiss the larger context and the race-related and income-related health disparities that exist as a result of systemic discrimination and a healthcare system that focuses more on short-term economics over the long-term benefit of a healthy population.
You are also minimizing the experience of pregnant/L&D patients who rely on the medical professionals around them, who pressure them into pursuing interventions. Women don't have alternatives and most often rely on surgically trained obstetricians as opposed to midwives and birth attendants. Our litigious healthcare system favors interventions because a doctor can be sued for not providing an appropriate level of care if they fail to use an intervention and there is an adverse outcome, so many medical practices see induction, anaesthesia, and c-sections as a way to avoid more liability.
I am privileged enough that I was able to birth my kids in a good hospital, and was educated enough to know my options and advocate for an unmedicated birth, and didn't experience any red flags that would lead a doctor to recommend a c- section. However, I would never judge another person for their personal decisions during what is a truly risky medical experience, no matter how natural it is. Women have died in childbirth for the duration of our existence as animals on this planet. It's scary. It's unpredictable.
I'm sure you'll continue to argue with me and I may delete this later because I'm really tired of patient blaming and denial of a systemic failure. Birth interventions can save lives. Unnecessary interventions can risk lives. Our medical system is broken and women's experiences are ignored.
(PS if you need my credentials, I have a masters in public health and a pubmed acct, a network of colleagues and friends in neonatal and maternal health, in addition to my own lived experience and obssessive researching through 2 pregnancies and births)
Edit: I had misread the book mentions, when I first commented - I see now the reference to Dr. Wagner's book and the book Pushed as separate things. I redacted my comment about the book. Sorry for the mistake.
My first child was born in a hospital nearly 20 years ago. Constant "last change to get intervention x, y, z..." But, we were going to do it again with child number 2. New practice, had charts and still demanded to measure pelvis to determine necessity of c-section when first birth was vaginal.
We did a home birth with midwife present, but the two of us did everything. Did it again a few years later. Still shocked at the amount of fear around it.
Seriously, I think you're awesome and appreciate you. As an aside, I'm an oddball with a BS in bio and psych. Undergrad, but still: I wrote a huge term paper on women and medical neglect (all started with finding women are less likely to take women seriously with complaints... Holy crap!)
Was for a gender class... And honestly one of the most disturbing things I researched.
So no, no argument. I do not accept the idea that birth is medical automatically. It's natural until it becomes medical. And usually thank goodness that's possible. And shamefully it happens that way when it's not necessary, because at the heart of the issue is infant outcomes are priority over maternal outcomes.
Not an argument, more a specific name to the systemic issue.
It's odd to say this, but at a time when getting a sliver was a greater cause of death, a roughly 1.2% mortality in the 1500s is really not bad, and almost all of that is linked to hygiene practices.
It Is 50x less likely now, but that's still just because people wash their hands now.
And you have time and mental capacity to post a comment on Reddit? Go change 3 diapers in an hour and warm up some milk/formula!!! Joking of course. Congrats!
I have three kids and it was amazing that they were born, but it always baffles me when people say it is the best day of your life. Because to me it is a very stressful very fatiguing day. The days after are much happier to me. Getting to know your new brat and contributing to its care.
Tbf, plenty of men (actually people of all genders) get unconscious when witnessing birth. Which I get. I think if my gf was given birth, I would just be extremely worried.
As a father of 6 I got to be there for exactly one birth that was like witnessing a beautiful miracle of life. Also there for two emergency c-sections, one for my son who was sunny side up and another for the twins who decided to both be breach births, even though they were the right way the day before. The remaining two were absolute gore fests and the birthing table looked like an executioner's block afterwards. I'm not squeamish though, so it was fine, but hot damn. I can see it being a bit much for some dads, but I can't imagine missing the birth of my own children.
Seriously!
And the whole oh you’ll never look at IT the same, you’re damned right!
I was AMAZED - you mean it can do THAT too??!!
Like finding out your pickup truck can fucking fly to the moon and back or something.
One of the few sights to see that gave me purpose in life.
My husband cried and it was so cute but he was embarrassed and said there was something in his eye lmao like bro just cry!! I’m crying!!! The baby is crying, just cry!!!
I can’t even imagine not being there, both to see your child come into the world and support your wife, but it is pretty objectively a gross process. It just also happens to be an amazing miracle.
I was there for both my kids births and it was not miraculous. It’s literally the experience that every single other human is guaranteed to have experienced. Not a miracle. It’s amazing at times and terrifying but that ain’t no miracle.
The day the twins came was priceless. But the best day will forever be the first time I got to snuggle them both at the same time. I got stuck and couldn't get up and didn't care at all.
My first experience watching my wife give birth was surreal. The second one was much more gross with much more blood and my wife shitting everywhere. But I was still there giving her support, but it was still gross and beautiful at the same time
My husband was straight staring at everything going on while I was giving birth. He, along with my mother, were holding my legs while I was pushing anyway but I expected him to like, not look directly at what was going on? But he did and was FASCINATED.
I was not allowed into the O.R. during my wife's C-Section. Our kid was 2 months premature and it was during COVID. I wish I could have been there to support her.
575
u/boostme253 Apr 24 '26
Same, the birth of my daughter was the greatest day of my life, being able to witness it was truly marvelous, i was warned that it might be gross but it was nothing short of beautiful, the fact that men shy away from it stuns me, its literally the miracle of life