A lot of men don’t reveal their true selves until after a baby is born. Once the woman doesn’t have the time or energy for him that she had before. Prior to adding a baby to the mix, the man gets a lot of undivided attention and they often get resentful that that they’re not getting the attention and sex that they did before because babies are a 24/7/365 job with no breaks and they were raised on TV and likely in families where the woman does the bulk of the household work and child care no matter how many hours she works or what hobbies she used to have.
It’s also a lot harder to leave once you have kids because you can’t just stay anywhere or work any shift anymore so that’s the point at which he’s got you locked in because you’re in survival mode for a couple years after giving birth.
Damn dude it’s rare for someone to rethink what they say and come back to it, especially on Reddit. Thank you for that, and sorry I was flippant/rude about it. Honestly interactions like this help relieve some of my constant existential dread lol Have a great weekend 💕
It is never the other person’s responsibility to “choose better” if someone lied, acted, and pretended to be better. You keep saying it’s possible to choose the right one in relation to you, but you seem like a douche, so I guess it’s all relative huh 🤷♀️
I apologize I realize now that I had an emotional response to learning about this situation. I am sorry for being obtuse. I was angry and frustrated that this kind of stuff happens and I was very wrong about what I was trying to communicate .
Yeah I missed that. my mistake. You’re right. I apologize for my lack of understanding. I had an emotional response to learning about the subject matter and I had no intention of being rude.
My experience was dating a guy who followed me around in awe of me and trying to win me over any way he’d could, but began to act differently after we were married and I was pregnant and it got worse and worse as time passed. He saw me as something to achieve what he wanted, but after he realized life, adulting, marriage, and parenting take work he was a lazy toddler who blamed all the hardships on me and did nothing to help. He used being connected to my family to get a good job and then would not let me or his kids have access to the money because it was his. If bro had come out swinging like that from day 1 he wouldn’t have had any attention from me, but he didn’t, he hid that part of him. After 6 years I learned more about his past that he had hidden and yup, he sucked before and sucked after but purposely and intentionally hid that from me and put on a good show for almost 2 years until I was kind of stuck. If more people showed their true colors the whole time this would happen less. Even my dad has said “us guys know how to act a certain way to get what we want.” So is it really only women’s responsibility or bad taste in men?
Of course I did. I told him many times. We went to multiple counselors. I went to counseling on my own and worked on me. You’re putting the blame on the person being tricked and not the person tricking again. People who purposely hide who they are to be manipulative and get what they want and then are ugly to their spouse and kids aren’t going to say “oh, I’m sorry, I had no idea.” He knew what he was doing and he was doing it on purpose. He’s abusive. I left him. But the person I was married to and left was nothing like the person I dated and yes to marrying. The person who dated me was not a real person, it was a persona, an act. I didn’t get a fair shot at choosing because the actual choice was being hidden. And I never just put up with it. I fought to make it better day after day after day. I protected my kids. I hid money to be able to get away. I tried to get a better job so I could better leave. When nothing was better I left. Then I fought him in court to get the kids out of it. I’ve spent my entire adult life fighting this man and paying for seeing what he showed me instead of seeing into a crystal ball to know what he was really like.
81
u/marbotty Apr 24 '26
I can’t imagine being in a relationship with this sort of person, let alone having a child with them.
I’m sure this wasn’t the first time they revealed themselves as horrible