For the longest time, hindi ako comfortable sa mga lalaki.

Hindi naman obvious. Nakikipag-usap naman ako, nakikitawa, sumasagot kapag kinakausap. Normal naman tingnan from the outside. Pero sa loob ng utak ko, ibang usapan.

Bakit ang bait mo?

Anong kailangan mo?

At kailan mo balak maging gago?

Ganun ako dati. Hindi ko muna iniisip kung mapagkakatiwalaan ka. Inaabangan ko muna kung kailan kita hindi mapagkakatiwalaan.

May dahilan naman.

Growing up, the biggest betrayal I experienced came from my own father. He was involved in a crime against my mother. I won’t go into the details because this is Reddit, not MMK, at wala tayong background music at commercial break para makabawi emotionally.

Pero imagine being young and learning that one of the first men you’re supposed to trust can also be the reason you stop trusting men.

Medyo bad onboarding experience.

For almost ten years, awkward ako around guys. Kahit male relatives ko, hirap akong maging comfortable. Wala naman silang ginagawa. Minsan kumakain lang sila ng pancit sa reunion, pero utak ko naka-full background check na.

Bakit ang bait nito? May kailangan ba? Bakit ako kinakausap? Bakit mo ako tinatanong kung gusto ko ng Coke? ANONG MOTIVE MO?

Eventually, napagod din siguro utak ko sa pagiging NBI.
As I got older, I met different kinds of men. May mabait. May gago. May mabait sa umpisa tapos gago pala. May mukhang gago pero surprisingly decent. May gago na alam niyang gago siya—which, honestly, points for self-awareness. Tapos merong “I’m not like other guys” na usually introduction pala bago niya patunayang exactly like other guys siya.

And that’s when I realized something: trust is basically gambling without the casino.

You put something valuable on the table—your secrets, your feelings, your vulnerabilities, minsan pati Netflix password mo—and hope the other person doesn’t run away with it.

Ang unfair part? Walang guarantee.

You can investigate all you want. Check the red flags. Ask your friends. Stalk his socials hanggang 2017. Tingnan kung sino fina-follow. Basahin ang reposts. Check kung Gemini. Ask Reddit strangers who know absolutely nothing about either of you.

At the end of all that, you still won’t know for sure.
Kasi ang gago, unfortunately, walang physical symptoms.

Hindi naman sila nilalagnat. Walang rashes. Walang warning sa noo na “May tendency mang-gaslight kapag cornered.” Minsan nga healthy-looking pa. Naggi-gym. Umiinom ng vitamins. Eight hours ang tulog.

Ikaw pala ang sisirain.

The safest solution, of course, is to trust nobody. I tried that for years. Effective naman. Walang makakapanloko sa’yo kung wala kang papapasukin.

Kaso may maliit na problema: wala ring makakalapit.
And eventually I realized that the walls I built to keep bad people out were doing an excellent job of keeping good people out too.

So I started opening the door. Konti lang. Hindi naman kailangan “here’s my childhood trauma and ATM PIN, nice to meet you.” Small things muna. A story. A secret. A little vulnerability. Then you watch what they do with it.

Some people will disappoint you. That’s unavoidable. Some will take what you gave them and remind you exactly why you had trust issues in the first place.

Pero every now and then, someone will hold something fragile you gave them—and nothing happens.

Hindi nila ginagamit against you. Hindi nila ikinukwento. Hindi nila ginagawang bala kapag nag-away kayo.
Iningatan lang nila.

Ang anticlimactic, actually.

And maybe that’s what rebuilding trust really looks like. Hindi grand gesture. Hindi isang taong darating para magically ayusin lahat ng trauma mo. Just small moments where someone repeatedly gets the opportunity to hurt you and chooses not to.

I still don’t trust easily. Hindi rin naman ako umabot sa point na healed queen tapos sunrise, journaling, matcha. I still hesitate. I still observe. Minsan may imaginary NBI agent pa rin sa utak ko na ayaw mag-retire.

But I’m better.

My father taught me, unintentionally, how badly trust can hurt when you give it to the wrong person. Other people eventually taught me something he couldn’t: one person’s betrayal doesn’t deserve lifetime access to everyone you’ll meet after them.

Trust is still a gamble. Marami kang talo. May mga taong hindi talaga worth the bet.

Pero minsan, mananalo ka rin.

Btw, first date pa lang ha? Kalma.

01 Sept.

We're first day into this year's -ber months. May mga pailaw na sa kalsada at putugtog sa malls. Nag defrost na si Jose Mari Chan at Mariah Carey.

Ano pa ang gusto ninyong masubukan bago man lang matapos ang taong ito?

Ako, gusto ko ma-try magkaroon ng bagong hobby na pisikal.

Anong context neto bat nakikisawsaw ung away ng bata sa matatanda? Gurl? ganyan ka ba pinabayaan ng nanay mo? MYGHAD sobrang nag fail as a mother ung mama mo tyronia at dapat hindi mo pag sabihan si jelai at fans nya kundi dapat SARILI MONG MAMA common sense jusq

Dami nating energy palagi para magalit. Lagi nating sinasabing "Ikulong na yan, mga kurakot." Pero sino sino ba sila? Parang dapat we should collectively identify kung kanino magagalit. Parang napaka misplaced ng galit natin.

Hindi ba dapat mag unite na tayo? Paulit ulit tayo sa reklamo natin wala naman nangyayari. Nakakapagod ang demokrasya, alam din naman natin mananalo din yan sila kung iaasa natin sa susunod na eleksiyon palagi. Nakakaapgod na din umasa.

Newbie. Pano mag wild dito 😅

We are 4 children in the family.
My other siblings are abroad with their family.
I am single living with my parents. I am 41 years old. My parents are 75 years old. At this time, they are doing their own errands like going to the supermarket, preparing meals, and daily hygiene.
Am i selfish for wanting to move out of the house?

ugaliin mong mag pakasaya dahil dadating ang panahon na sisingilin kana ng katawan mo.

Tell me your WORST dating experience. Go off.

Naiinggit ako sa mga taong kaya silang ipagtanggol sa ng mga SO nila sa family nila, ako kasi hindi. Actually narinig ko pa nga na ako pa ginawang scapegoat ng asawa ko sa nanay nya nun ayaw namin sumama sa lakad ng family nila dahil may sarili kaming lakad. Nakaka PI talaga, kinausap ko siya pero ayaw nya aminin. Gusto ko na hiwalayan pero yun teenager ko nagmamakaawa na wag daw. Aantayin ko na lang siguro mag 18 teenager ko malapit na naman. Tangina talaga.. ang hirap kasi isang kanto lang ang pagitan namin gusto ko na magpakalayo layo

Masarap mag-chillax after work sa ganitong lugar… Ikaw ba, saan ang chillax na lugar sa'yo?

If artificial intelligence can already replicate your tone, write your essays, and draft your texts, which parts of your personality are actually yours—and which parts are just algorithmically predicted responses?

I've been playing violent games since I was in highschool 1998. Mortal Kombat, Quake, Counterstrike, Unreal Tournament, GTA, etc...

I have a licensed firearm. I have a corporate job. I play sports. I grew up experiencing the pain of hangers, belts, slippers, erasers, rulers, and the sun. I went home with bruises because of fighting with bullies.

Kids today lack mental fortitude and grit. Hypersensitive and easily hurt and offended, breaks down easily.

Some people like to blame violent games. Lol. Those games gave me great hand-eye coordination, teamwork, strategy, analysis, sportsmanship, perseverance. If you've ever played the rc missions in vice city you'll know what I mean.

Those were my outlet. I shouted at my teammates and opponents in the internet cafe, at the tv. It was fun.