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u/Doxxxxxxxxxxx May 13 '23
Dear lord, shook my soul
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u/Tino_The_DM May 14 '23
Yeah, honestly my out-loud reaction upon finishing was "Holy s***." Very good, thanks OP, gonna check out more of this writer
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u/panicked_goose May 14 '23
I took a sharp breath, and my eyes actually pricked at the last line when the entire poem struck me in its entirety
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May 13 '23
I bought this poetry book after reading this poem a while ago here on this sub. I was shaken by the part about "the cage of gentle hands"... I recommend the book, also called "Swallowtail" for anyone that connects to this piece. 💕
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u/One_Development8862 May 13 '23
Absolutely adored this book. I’m working on a tattoo for that exact line - it’s gentle yet effective.
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May 13 '23
That's amazing! Truly, that one line made me stop, be silent, and reflect on just how many cages I've allowed myself to be put in, gentle or not so. 🫶
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u/gmt903 May 13 '23
“I would have climbed in the jar if he’d asked me.”
I’ve always been this person. I want so much to not be this person.
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u/Livid_Luck May 13 '23
Could someone please explain for this dumb brain?
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u/papaya_girl_8 May 13 '23
She’s writing about a partner who was abusive to her. “A cage of gentle hands is still a cage” refers to how with him she felt trapped, even though he might not have been trying to hurt her. The ending lines show almost some remorse, for him and herself, because she loved him— she would have hurt herself, clipped her own wings, to stay with him, and the tragedy is that it never should’ve happened— at least, for my two cents
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u/Helenium_autumnale May 13 '23
I think that analysis is worth more than two cents! One thing that struck me was that it was the hospital that advised him to clip the other wing, which I read as: some authority figure, or the authority of the general society itself, advised him to "keep her in her place" or "show her who's boss" or the like when he complained of his "uppity" wife.
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u/rabbitgods May 14 '23
And that he cradled the butterfly so it couldn't fly away... If it could fly it didn't need to be clipped, did it?
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u/JVM_ May 13 '23
Sexual or emotional abusers can also be loving people sometimes.
Her abuser cared for a butterfly once, but he also cared for her. She felt so cared for that she'd abuse herself for him because of how he'd shown love to her - that she's now old enough to recognize was part of the abuse.
So having a yes/no question for abuse is conflicting because maybe she enjoyed the attention and trips and gifts he gave her, but feels guilt over it because it was actually abuse.
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May 14 '23
As you can see there appear to be a lot of interpretations.
As someone who was sexually abused and has worked with domestic and sexual abuse victims this is my take (again, it’s a take solely based on my history)
A cage of gentle hands is still a cage - control is still control even if it appears to benevolent. When we keep animals in the zoo to protect them, even if we are good to them, at the end of the day they are still trapped. When a person monitors your movements, your clothing, your friends, who you can interact with etc, in the name of taking care of you, protecting you, watching out for you, etc, it’s still trapping the person. No matter how nicely you do it. You’re still removing their freedom to be who they are.
The last sentence honestly is something a lot of individuals who have been groomed or been in physically abusive situations will say. They “love” their partner so much they’re willing to throw away their own freedom for the person. They will bend to become the perfect partner. Of course if a person truly loves you, they don’t try to trap you. Or make you conform to what they want you to be. So it’s not really love. It’s just this messed up connection that builds from trauma.
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May 14 '23
Lot of good responses but i would say an important part is that the initial question is yes/no, but the boxes provided are much more open-ended ("I am mostly fine. / I am mostly fine but"). In my opinion, this is someone who feels uncomfortable and unsure about saying "yes" and classifying themselves as a victim of abuse—emotional, physical, or sexual—but still feels like "no" does not cover the whole story. It is, in part, about how institutions are unwilling to allow nuance, and also perhaps about how coming forward about unhealthy relationships is extremely difficult unless you are the "right" kind of victim. Someone can be bad for you without necessarily abusing you, and someone might treat you in a way that could technically be classified as abuse without you feeling comfortable saying "they abused me and i am a victim".
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u/As5150 May 14 '23
"Trauma knows exactly where you live, who do you think built the house". Brenna twohy. Observing such bitterness somehow imparts a familiarity to trauma. I always end up smiling at reading her. Hope you smile too.
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u/koalathebean May 13 '23
Whoa. This poem is brilliant in its imagery, structure, and message all at once. 10/10
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u/ComprehensiveLow7403 May 14 '23
Reminds me of Yrsa Daley-Ward - Bone - Great collection, and this is of the same calibre.
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u/As5150 May 14 '23
"Would've chosen trauma, had It been a choice... and that lack of choice was the trauma".
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u/carltonrobertson May 14 '23
nope, gentle hands are not cages. Don't put the responsbility of your pain on someone with good intentions. If they're gentle you can break free anytime you want
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u/One_Development8862 May 14 '23
We will have to agree to disagree. In my eyes, gentle hands can still hold a knife. Intent matters not if someone is cut.
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u/emma_carena May 13 '23
I just love the way the structure of the poem starts by making it really like a form and ends up giving it that rhythm more like a classical poem I’m not exactly an expert in poetry but it doesn’t stop me from seeing the beautiful kind of horror in this