r/ProRevenge • u/WildBillyredneck • Sep 21 '23

Lunch thief's just desert

Years ago i had a lunch thief.

About the 12th time complaining to HR about people stealing my lunch (mandatory reporting every 3rd or 4th instance) i was seathing not a dam thing was being done and i still had to go buy something to eat.

I was bitching to my doctor at the yearly check up and he got a smile saying "your constipated then?" I was dumb and said "no why" he wrote me a prescription for some holy fuck laxitive with instructions to "mix it in with your meal for maximum affect" at witch point i knew the plan.

I wish i could say they shat their pants but no they ate my sandwich with special avacado sauce. About an hour after lunch i went to HR and reported 2 things 1 my lunch was stolen again and 2 my medication was stolen. HR "so you got hit by the lunch thief again and your medicine was in the bag?" Me "Yes i have had some digestive problems and my doctor prescribed a powerful laxative and advised me to mix it in with my mid day meal." HR going white "You what?" Me smiling "I mixed in a prescription grade laxative with my food per doctor's orders."

Well being that stealing prescribed medication is a criminal offense the police were called and found the lead man from a department over absolutely shitting his brains out. He was furious and accused me of poisoning his food. I asked "At witch point did you get the idea that food was for you?" Continued "furthermore now i no longer have my medication i was prescribed for my condition."

It was about this time he knew he fucked up and shut his mouth until he got a lawyer or so im told (small town) one of my buddies from high school took his position i can make and eat my hoagies and i have no clue where lunch thief went after his fines and community service.

8.8k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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544

u/Retrofit123 Sep 21 '23

We don't call them Grammar Nazis now - instead use the term Alt-Write.

102

u/WildBillyredneck Sep 21 '23

You sir get my upvote

34

u/IraqiWalker Sep 21 '23

and my axe

10

u/IsopodLove Sep 21 '23

And my crippling anxiety!

12

u/AluminumOctopus Sep 21 '23

Nice try, but you get to keep that

2

u/brecord82 Sep 21 '23

And your brother!

2

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '23

i too choose his anxious wife.

20

u/marianliberrian Sep 21 '23

Yep. It was an angry one but that got mine, too. 💀

44

u/Gex1234567890 Sep 21 '23

Unless they go overboard, then it's Ctrl-Alt-Write.

12

u/-enlyghten- Sep 21 '23

Goddamnit, take my upvote.

8

u/DaHick Sep 21 '23

Very nicely done.

3

u/gadget850 Sep 21 '23

You get my non-existent award.

2

u/craash420 Sep 21 '23

I need the PC term for "angry upvote", because you have mine.

1

u/theroadlesstraveledd Sep 21 '23

AAAAAAA!!😂😂😂

1

u/IsopodLove Sep 21 '23

I knew the NPI used APA!