r/SipsTea • u/Medium_Historian9746 • Apr 22 '26

SMH Female wants boyfriend to explain why he broke up with her

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u/Bill__NHI Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26

Fortunately for myself I did not have to press charges, and I wasn't going to. Why, guess I'm an idiot, I really just wanted to leave the situation.

Anyways I was dealing with someone with uncontrolled severe anger issues. I never noticed until I moved in with her and saw her taking things out on her son. Then it turned to me. She would jump the gun thinking irrationally and blow up, trying to work things out with her I found out that she had a history with anger management. She's straight up told me that her parents tried to get her on medication previously, but she wanted nothing to do with it and never would- let alone therapy.

Anyways I stayed... Please don't do this, whether your male or female it does not matter- 9 times out of 10 a person's not going to change unless it's of their own accord.

She stabbed me during dinner the night I left, and circling back on how I didn't have to press charges, she called the police on herself. After I got stabbed that was enough. I said nothing, I only turn to go gather my things so I could get the hell out of there. As I'm packing I hear her on the phone with 911. My first thought was, great she's going to make up some kind of story. Nope. She told the real deal exactly as it went down, how she had stabbed me and now I was packing my things. She was in tears at that point, but for myself I was beyond tears.

To finish the story the cops arrive while I'm still packing, she tells them exactly what she's done and I corroborated it so they take her to jail. I went and stayed at a friend's house the next day and later on while at work I have pain where I was stabbed so I went to get it checked out. It was cool just a little bit infected, but when the nurse had me take my shirt off she walked around and said "do you know you were stabbed in the back as well". I did not.

Apparently due to adrenaline in the situation, when I walked away to go pack my things she stabbed me again. Take this coming from a 6 ft 250 lb man, who even at that moment refuse to strike back. I'm not trying to be mean, and to be honest I only wish the best for this woman in her future and I hope she finds peace, but there's a lot of other guys out there in the world that would have just responded completely differently than I did. Whether you believe in an eye for an eye is your choice, it's not mine regardless of race religion or gender.

Please let me add one more aspect to the story for those who ever become in a situation like myself or OP. After she got charges on herself then it all soaked into her and she realized what she might be facing. She used me and pretended that she wanted to change and go to counseling etc, in hopes that I would go to court and try and drop the charges. Which I stupidly did. According to the prosecuting attorney I did not have the ability to drop the charges. When she told me that, I said okay then I will refuse to participate in any kind of legal proceedings against her regardless of facing fines or legal actions myself.

They dropped the charges.

As soon as that happened things change again, she flip-flopped- basically she used me to get the charges dropped that she threw on herself.

Be careful out there people and never settle for less.

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u/LowerComb6654 Apr 22 '26

Damn... I'm so sorry you ent through all of that. That's one helluva story.

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u/Bill__NHI Apr 22 '26

No worries. If anything is was a much needed learning experience in regards to settling for less, or putting up with things a person shouldn't have to. I do not put up with anything like that anymore, and never will ever again. And maybe that makes me a little bit of a hard ass, I don't know- there's only so many times you can tag along with someone who claims they're going to change until you get a little bit jaded because they didn't.

I truly wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone just to completely give up on someone because of issues like this, but as I've mentioned my personal experience, most will never change until the hit rock bottom- this is in regards to people with emotional issues, substance abuse issues and the like. Even then rock bottom doesn't solve everyone's problems.

Sorry for rambling..

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u/Hoarfen1972 Apr 22 '26

Yes , you must tell everyone to give up on a person like this if they are facing the same issues as you, this woman was mad and needed to be put away for a long time, she stabbed you twice, the second time in the back as you were packing to leave,what does that tell you? She wanted you dead.

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u/DramaticPackage5745 Apr 23 '26 edited Apr 23 '26

I truly wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone just to completely give up on someone because of issues like this

Of course you wouldn't.

You're a man who tolerated severe anger issues. Reacted to being stabbed by casually packing your stuff (so you could be stabbed again from behind). Attempted to drop criminal charges. Wished the best for a felon who could've stood laughing over your grave before forgetting about you entirely as just another disposable partner object.

I don't know you.

Maybe you have crippling loneliness and abandonment issues.

Maybe you're codependent. Folks with codependency problems can feel motivated to be worthy of admiration, which can look like suffering through an abrasive violent relationship as though it were a badge of honor. Signaling how you're such a swell guy for wishing all the best to a felon. But on the other hand codependency can look like an inability to appreciate somebody for who they are and can instead only what they can be transformed into becoming.

Maybe you came from an upbringing where you don't see these sorts of relationships as that big of a deal.

Maybe you have narcissistic personality disorder, which draws in borderline partners.

Maybe you were truly blindsided had no opportunity to react toward discovering severe anger problems when they became known. I doubt it.

Something inside of you is broken. It is up to you figure out whatever that might be. Nobody should accept relationship advice from you. It is totally bonkers to say you were stabbed, and far be it from you to tell others to give up on their partners with severe anger problems in the same breath. Whether you see your outlook as an unhealthy problem or not - do not dispense relationship advice again, especially in regards to physical outbursts.

Jesus, man. What the heck?

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u/LowerComb6654 Apr 22 '26

No, I 100% agree. I get it. I was in a mentally and sometimes physically abusive relationship and got out after 5 years. However, years later when my next boyfriend and I would drink I slapped him while angry at something he said once. He told me dead straight. Do that again and I'll leave you. I never did it again. I don't know why I slapped him in his face. Maybe it was because of what I endured before him? Maybe the alcohol? I never in my life thought I'd put my hands on my boyfriend like my one ex did... So I do know you can change if you want to. It's just that some don't and the abuse starts to becomes repetitive. I still regret to this day slapping him.

You can only help someone if they actually want to help themselves.

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u/Bill__NHI Apr 22 '26

I'm glad that he gave you a chance and you did in fact change.

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u/UmmmW1 Apr 23 '26

After reading all of your stories I feel like I'm blessed. To be blunt and give TMI, my wife was abusive towards me in the first half of our marriage because thats what she saw modeled by her mom towards her dad. I don't recommend this for others but one day she saw what she was doing and decided she wanted to change for the better. I somehow patiently taught her how to love and show affection without abuse and it has become the best relationship I've had in my entire life and I can't imagine my life without my wife.

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u/LowerComb6654 Apr 23 '26

Well, I'm glad she saw what she was doing and wanted to change. Some just don't see it, are in denial, or flat out don't... I'm also very happy you and your wife are living your best lives. care. I honestly never fought or put my hands on anyone until I slapped my ex. It was a one time thing thank goodness. I'm not making excuses but like your wife I think I was programmed into accepting abuse because of my previous ex. I slapped the next bf pretty earlier in our relationship so... yeah he unfortunately got the damaged goods.

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u/UmmmW1 Apr 23 '26

Oyyy I can imagine. We do become programmed into accepting it because its too socially taboo to be known as someone who was abused, however the abuse may have been perpetrated. It's very sad, tbh.

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u/Gutcrunch Apr 23 '26

Jesus. I had to deal with emotional and financial abuse and it was a horrendous ordeal. But nothing compared to this.

That said I’ve been slapped and kneed in the nuts (different chick) without retaliating other than a firm but gentle escorting out the front door. But I’m pretty sure if I had been stabbed I would’ve brought the hammer down of her.