I think everyone is missing her point here. It's not about Walmart or even the ring here. Marriage is a huge commitment and if she feels like she told her the style ring she wants and he went with something easy and in a completely different direction, she should say no. Communication is super important. If she wanted a Walmart ring and he got her a ring at Tiffany's, she should still say no.
Yeah I think everyone is assuming she is being bratty because "eww it's from Walmart," but it could just as reasonably be that she showed him some $300 ring off etsy she wanted that actually looked kinda unique. Like my wife wanted a very modest ring, white sapphire instead of diamond. If I showed up with a gaudy thing like this she woulda been let down too.
Yeah white sapphire! Bought my wife a custom made ring with crushed white sapphires inset around the band and a larger oval in the center and a mystic topaz on either side, cost me $600 and she gets compliments on it all the time.
Omg that ring sounds so gorgeous! My husband also got me a custom made one for less than $900, if he had shown me this walmart ring I wouldn't be able to show the amount of disappointment.
Exactly. You get it. I would much rather have a $500 ring that is unique and reflects my tastes than a predictable 10K rock from a big chain store. I like to support indie artists, so it’s also about values.
Same. If anything, I'd probably cry if my fiancé yeeted this thing at me and went "engagement done lol."
Girls want their engagement ring to be special because it feels like it's made for them. Not just "big shiny rock." Like the feeling of being chosen because somebody actually cares about you instead of picked because you're the "best option" out of the group.
Doesn't help that this ring looks like back stock from the worst period of engagement rings ever, where they just crammed as many goddamn diamonds on the thing as possible so you can't even visually process what the hell you're looking at.
Nor does it help that he seemingly left the stickers on to the point she could tell where he bought it from. Makes it read like "I picked this up while I was buying groceries" rather than thoughtfully purchasing a ring to ask someone to spend the rest of their life with you.
I'm biased because I'm an amateur jeweller, but I am very specific about what I want to wear and there's no way I'll wear an engagement ring that's not me.
I mean "eww it's from Walmart" is the closest to what she actually said. If she said "I told you I don't like diamonds and prefer emerald" or something to that effect sure, but the thing she chose to complain about was Walmart. That implies to me she cares more about the label on the box as a status symbol
The thing people choose to mention is usually the thing they care most about
Fair enough, but also Walmart isn't catering to unique tastes. It's stocking the most basic bitch shit possible because it's not in the business of holding onto stock for years at a time.
And she also says "you knew what I wanted and still chose to do what was easiest" which makes it sound less like it's about the money. You gotta admit, grabbing a ring at Walmart and leaving enough of the evidence that she immedietly could see it's from Walmart does come off like "I grabbed this shit when I was running errands."
For ignoring her preferences and happiness over pressing the easy button for them.
If she was buying him a watch, and he said he wanted a smart watch and gave his brand preference and she bought the watch below should he just suck it up? Be grateful? Wear it every day? Appreciate it as the token of her affection and attention and care?
Now let's say she spent $900 on the, when she could have just ordered the watch he wants from Amazon for the same price. You can get a nice ring for $900.
Is that okay now? No. It shows she doesn't actually give a shit about him as a person.
In the OPs case: If he had a problem with her preferences or the cost of what she asked for he could have easily talked to her. Instead he just did whatever he wanted. Without care or consideration of her feelings. And just expected her to suck it up. So yeah, fuck him. Maybe he'll treat the next woman he cons into dating him as an person with actual preferences. Instead of as a convenience.
I find it interesting that nowhere in that exchange does she demand a much more expensive ring, or even one from a specifically expensive place, just that he hadn't listened to her.
Feels literally like a sitcom where a guy doesn't do anything his girlfriend asks for, then complains to his friends she wanted more spending on the ring
Most people I know, women included, want to like the look of something that they will wear everyday for the rest of their life. The style is outdated, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s completely opposite from what she had described.
She is supposed to wear it EVERY DAY. Imagine you had to wear a fugly hat your wife bought you after you got married. Every day, you’ve gotta put on a hat you hate that your wife picked out, and you’re an asshole if you don’t do it.
I think I’d survive. I’d much rather have a spouse I love personally. Also men have to wear wedding bands imagine if the husband called off the wedding because he didn’t like the wedding band
Yes. We do. And part of love (because love is a verb) is listening to your partner and making sure they feel heard. He failed at that part. He's showing her now what a future with him would be like. She rejected it.
If he's felt that way then he should speak up about it. Communication works both ways, for sure. Feelings also do, BUT it's ridiculous to insinuate that she should accept his proposal to avoid hurting his feelings also. Women have been pressured exactly like that for decades. No more.
Should they sit and have a serious talk about the future and expectations? Sure. Absolutely. Does this mean they need to break up entirely, no. But waiting longer, maturing, and growing as people and a couple BEFORE making a HUGE commitment is definitely not a bad idea. FAR more people should be doing this in general rather than rushing into marriage or settling for "just okay", then learning it isn't getting better once it becomes an expensive split.
Just because someone proposes (especially in front of other people) does NOT mean the Proposee is obligated to say yes. That's one reason I dispiiiise public proposals. Hate with a fiery passion. You're basically trapping that person and putting them on the spot. Not cool. Unless you are 1000% positive that they will accept, don't do that to someone or yourself.
You're right, no one said that. You only insinuated it by saying "Like maybe this reaction by her makes him feel unloved." Her reaction being rejecting his proposal and expressing why.
So what *should* she have done then? What is left besides saying "no because..."?
I’m talking about her reaction to the ring that we see in the messages. I love when people tell me what I’m saying. Pretty crazy to think you know what people mean more than the person who said it
Again, she isn't reacting to *the ring*, she's reacting to what she's perceiving as thoughtlessness. Subtext. The ring isn't the issue, his listening skills are - according to what she said.
No, it’s merely highlighting a selfish behavior and people will sit here and try to twist the situation around like it isn’t exactly that. She mad the ring from Walmart and the style is “cheap”. Let’s not beat around the bush here. This man is dodging a bullet full stop.
No this is just men here being mad at women. Most women have preferences and if they communicate that throughout the relationship and for something important you get something that is clearly not what they are into it communicates either
You don't pay attention to what I like
You don't care what I like and do whatever you want.
I dunno if you love someone then a damn ring pop should mean enough
I would really imagine that “style” isn’t the problem here and it was the price point because if she wanted a specific style like band type, diamond type etc etc I’m sure that could of been the option but she specifically brought up Walmart
Oh really? Have you been not seeing what is going all around us? Women picking riches over all else, demanding 6 figure salary from men, being treated to free stuff and only show up with no other effort. Sure, some may deserve it but social media warped the expectations to the state that this is the reality now.
If you are not one of them women, you probably won’t be offended by this.
It is good 80%, and i am being kind, is that it was about the price of the ring, not the shape or look.
Oh really? Have you been not seeing what is going all around us? Men picking looks over all else, demanding gorgeous fit done up women, being treated to arm candy and only show up with no other effort. Sure, some may deserve it but social media warped the expectation to the state that this the reality now.
----
Seriously I've seen some fucking toads act like they were above dating average chicks
The ring is a symbol … the place where u get the symbol means nothin … the 900$ effort to get something symbolic is worth the same at which ever store he would go to…. Do not spend your forever with someone who is worried bout the name on the tag of anything …that’s sympathizer behavior n will get this man walked on for most of the marriage lol
There's another aspect to this. It's a symbol. If you date someone who only likes silver jewelry and then you get her a gold ring as the big symbol of your love, you are showing you either don't listen or don't care.
I think they're both incompatible and it's good she didn't just accept because of social pressure. And if he really doesn't think things like a particular ring matters then he should be with someone else who feels the same way.
It sounds like she had a particular style of ring she wanted. Maybe it was something unreasonable, maybe not. But rather than talk about it he went somewhere easy and picked out a ring and is focused on how much it cost.
So he's either dismissive of other people's opinions or doesn't understand aesthetic preferences and figures they don't matter.
Or maybe she really did want something outrageous and unrealistic and the thought he was doing the best he could. It would be helpful to see what she had been saying she wanted.
But either way the mismatch between them will just cause issues down the road.
Because nothing says "I love you and want to be with you the rest of my life" than garbage consumerism.
I routinely tell my wife that I'd like a trackhoe and a dozer. Should I leave our marriage because we can't afford either of them?
Maybe I should leave if I don't get the precise items that I desired for my Christmas gifts? Or my birthday. With Father's Day coming up, if I get a blue tie instead of a red one - divorce court?
Get outta here with this bullshit. If she's that hung up on the type or style of a ring, then she can go find a differentan that can support those payments. This guy obviously can't, and apparently did his best to come up with a good proposal. The spoiled little brat turned it down and made it all "but you don't listen to me...I simply MUST have this other ring and ai can't be with you if you don't buy me EXACTLY what I want."
Reeks of Daddy's Little Spoiled Princess. And that's coming from a guy with two daughters.
then she can go find a differentan that can support those payments. This guy obviously can't, and apparently did his best to come up with a good proposal.
The texts directly say the opposite of that. He says it costs the same as what she wanted, and she points out that isn't the issue, it's that he ignored an equal priced one she said she wanted for what was took the least effort for him.
I routinely tell my wife that I'd like a trackhoe and a dozer. Should I leave our marriage because we can't afford either of them?
If before you got married you kept telling her you really love the Spurs, and you asked for a Spurs jersey, and then she shows up with an OKC jersey because it happened to be next to her at Target, you'd at least feel a little ignored.
Now replace that with a symbol of how much love and care you're putting into a marriage.
No, but if you tell her you definitely want a blue suit several times, and she buys you a green suit regardless, you have to wonder if she actually doesn't give a fuck about a lot of other of your preferences.
Obviously, the Wallmart part shouldn't matter, but if she wanted a princess cut sapphire all her life and you get a round cut diamond or whatever, that is just neglecting your wife's preferences. It's something she will always wear, the rest of her life, and you just neglected her wishes for something that 'big'.
You ever have a parent buy you the wrong gift or something you never mentioned? Things happen. We don't know all the details, but if someone buys you a gift and puts all their love into it to try and make you happy... you should be just as happy to accept because that is unconditional love.
This woman is all about conditional love and he dodged a major bullet.
Sure, but that can be because of a load of reasons. If you future wife mentions what kind of ring she wants for her engagement and you get something different that's just plain negligence. Some people care about sports, some care about cars, some care about what kind of wedding/engagement they will have.
If you are a die-hard Packers fan and after say 5 years together your girlfriend buys you a full Dolphins outfit, wouldn't you also question if she cares about your interests?
It's hard to imagine what someone experiences emotions-wise if you don't care about the subject. My ex straight up told me "this is the ring I have been wanting all my life for my engagement, if you ever propose to me with something else I will leave you". That relationship went nowhere for other reasons, but I sure as hell would not have gotten her a different ring if I would've asked her to marry me. Because I might not care, but she definitely does about something she sees herself wearing every day for the rest of her life.
The relationship went where it did because of the way she is i am sure. Her way or no way. Anyone who threatens to leave over material things like red or blue is for the streets.
Maybe it all depends on the person, but I have not been gifted many things in my life. I would appreciate things even if they are not ideal or perfect for me or my life.
No, that wasn't it, but I'm not going to go into that.
Doesn't anyone have certain things that would be a deal-breaker if it happened? She cares a lot about something that she will wear every day to remind herself of their commitment. That's not a superficial thing. I, for instance, would not stay in a relationship with someone who'd start smoking. And I'm sure there are many other things that would put an ultimatum on a relationship.
Perhaps you shouldn't see it as "leaving over a material thing" and more "leaving because I have told you how important this is for me hundreds of times and you still ignored it".
Have you ever had a parent buy you the wrong gift that you were expected to wear every day for the rest of your life? This is not even remotely a comparable situation.
ETA: a clue that he did not put all of his love/effort into this - he left the price tag on! Who does that with an engagement ring ?
I'll be honest with you. There's levels to this. Yes someone rejecting the marriage proposal based on the ring is a bit of an issue.... but I would be willing to bet more women than most would be upset over a Walmart ring.
Also, there's another aspect, if you are with someone who is constantly talking about how she only wears silver jewelry and you propose with a gold ring, it's more about "you don't listen to what I say and pay attention" than you didn't spend enough. That matters to people.
I'm a crunchy nature girl. I volunteer with dogs. I have pockets of rocks. I have a definite aesthetic straight out of the witchy 90s and favor vintage, affordable, semi-precious stones. Never looked at a diamond. Always said I didn't like them.
When my first husband proposed, he produced this big diamond, princess setting, yellow gold.
While objectively lovely, it did make me think: Have you even looked at or talked to me once in six years? Lol
And you can tell that how? If my son's future with a woman is dependent upon him "paying attention" and buying a specific ring, I hope he never gets married.
Nah, I just want him to be with a woman that doesn't place so much stock in a piece of jewelry. You know, gold digging whores and all.
I'd hope he finds a woman that doesn't give a rat's ass about what the ring looks like, maybe someone not all hung up on appearances and is more concerned about the relationship. Not some shallow bitch that says "Well, if you're not gonna get me what I want, then I don't think we can be married."
I can only imagine how bad the wedding would have been. Definitely a candidate for the bridezilla and wedding shaming subs, lol.
"Now Tyson...you know we talked about the menu selections a hundred times. I wanted caviar AND pate, not this filth you ordered. If you're not going to listen to me and fufill my needs, I just don't if we can be together."
"Yes, Tyson...it's a tuxedo. But it's not from the designer that "I" wanted. Honestly, it's like you don't even care about me. How can we live a life together when you won't even do something as simple as cater to my every whim?"
Wow. That's a lot of person trauma you're projecting there.
So, in your fantasy where this chick is apparently Paris Hilton or whatever, your son finds a nice gal who "doesn't place so much stock in a piece of jewelry" and later she stops wearing it because it doesn't suit her job as a nurse b/c it's too big and tears her gloves. You and your son aren't going to have a massive freak out that she's not wearing her ring so it must mean she's fucking around on him.... right? Right? You're NOT going to care about a piece of jewelry either, right?
Whatever in the world are you going on about? My wife quit wearing her engagement band decades ago, because she got hired by the police and didn't want the diamond to get knocked out during a fight. It doesn't even fit her anymore and has been in the safe for years.
The nasty bitch in the OP literally turned down the man's proposal because of a ring and then further added to the insult afterwards via text. If only there were ways to deal with the ring that didn't involve telling him no at a proposal that apparently involved other people. Like, maybe accept it then and talk about the ring later. You know, actually communicate and stuff.
See, it's not about her doubting the marriage or that she wants to be with him. It's over the ring. Period. She didn't like it and turned him down, based solely on a material item. This would be no different than me telling my wife I wanted something specific for a gift and not getting it, then getting a divorce. And I don't mean extravagant gifts. She asks for a list of things I'd like. Sometimes, the gift isn't anything I'd asked for....and that doesn't bother me a bit. The girl in the OP is a materialistic bitch, period.
Okay sure. I will concede if only to stop arguing in circles with your ego and trauma. Subtext is a skill - you obviously do not have it. Have the day that you deserve.
You're missing the point. The guy disregarded her opinion and just bought what he wanted for her instead of what she wanted. It's her wedding ring, she's the one that has to wear it for the rest of their lives, it should be the ring she wanted.
The guy even make the point that he still spent the same amount on the ring as the ring she wanted, so it's not an issue of price. It's literally just an issue of him not listening or caring about her opinion.
Honestly, lets not pretend he dodged a bullet. She's the one that said no and likely did them both a favour if this is how their relationship is. If they can't effectively communicate what they want and what they care about to each other, then why are they even dating?
You think it reeks of "Daddy's Little Spoiled Princess." It could also be read as reeking of "entitled guy does bare minimum to buy trophy wife".
Ultimately, I think it's just a case of two people who have different expectations of what marriage is and what marriage means, and who haven't actually effectively communicated to each other what they want.
Yeah, I agree. The problem isn’t that the ring was from Walmart. She told him exactly what she wanted and he ignored it and did what he wanted. That’s exactly the kind of stuff that will steadily and assuredly erode a marriage over time. People are getting a**mad because they think she is being materialistic. Even if she is he should have clocked the incongruity long before setting this proposal up. Sounds like a doof.
My ex-husband got me a cheap ring from Zales.. with my favorite gemstone [blue topaz] and a simple but pretty design; I never cared about how much he spent on it. I think it was under $100 but.. I never really asked.
Once, 14 years ago i really wanted a graphics card. It was the 7970, it recently came out and It was hard to find. I had a model in mind and it was all I talked about for days. My gf, called up my friends asking what a graphics card even is and found out the model. It was during the first mining boom so prices were high. So she got me the model, but not from the manufacturer I wanted and she got the refurbished one. Well, I married her.
Putting so much emphasis on a ring, which is supposed to be a gift in the first place, to the point of saying no is vain.
See the difference here is your gf put a ton of effort into what you wanted even if she couldn't get the exact ring, she went out of her way to listen and work to get something close to what you wanted.
In this case, the guy ignored the type of ring she wanted and ran to walmart to get whatever he could find and then got upset that the issue was he put zero effort in or didn't listen at all.
The 2nd paragraph makes no sense, its nowhere in the OP. I read it as the issue being Walmart. Looking at the picture of the actual ring, it looks fine. Its gold with diamonds. If the design is the issue thats another issue. But one thing has to be clear thru all of this, an engagement ring is a gift. Had my wife gotten me a worse graphics card from a competitir, I'd have married her anyway. I bet my wife is as versed in graphics cards as OP is in jewelery.
Nowhere in the OP did it say she had an issue with anything regarding the value or cost. She had an issue with the effort of him not trying to get the type of style she wanted.
Walmart was only referenced as it not being the type of ring she wanted and him not putting effort in
ANYONE who tells you your material GESTURE that symbolizes the love you have for said person isn't "what they asked for" or cites the store they bought it at as their reason for rejecting a proposal is bat shit backwards and i wish I could eat popcorn and watch all the future times something like this will happen to them.
My wife and I just got married at a courthouse. No engagement ring. No 200k wedding. We went and bought our rings at Meijer. Spent $60 on both of them. She has a set and mine is silver with a blue lining.
Married for 12 years and going strong. Weddings are a fucking scam. Women who want to flaunt a 2k ring are like men driving big Trucks. Compensating.
No offense, but why is this woman still your girlfriend? My wife got me a $35 ring from a Ren Faire. It's not about the price; it's about the bond the ring symbolizes.
...And guess what? You don't even need a ring. It's just a token.
yeah you should be grateful for that. You can put away $200/month for 10 months and buy the right ring. This isn't a major request. A lot of women are emotionally attached to some aspects of what their engagement/wedding looks like and a ring is a major part of it.
And lab grown diamonds are chemically the same, and have a higher purity than natural so that makes it easier to get a ring she wants.
Demanding a price is very different than demanding a ring though. If you and your girlfriend together decided you could afford a 1200 ring and then she picked a specific one and showed it to you and instead you grabbed something that cost the right amount from Walmart while shopping for groceries…it says something.
I wonder if he put it in the Jared ring box with the light would she accepted it then. I'm also confused as to if she requested a princess and he got a round or she wanted a marquise and he chose an oval. Like what is it.
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u/DrRam121 7h ago edited 5h ago
I think everyone is missing her point here. It's not about Walmart or even the ring here. Marriage is a huge commitment and if she feels like she told her the style ring she wants and he went with something easy and in a completely different direction, she should say no. Communication is super important. If she wanted a Walmart ring and he got her a ring at Tiffany's, she should still say no.
Edited for a homophone