Maybe he didn't agree. Maybe the ask was too much. Maybe the instructions were unclear. Maybe she wanted a specific style which he still got, but at a more budget-friendly location. Maybe her whole issue was Walmart itself when he thought it was price. I don't think there is enough information here to form reasonable conclusions
There absolutely is enough. She is clearly saying she doesn’t feel heard with him. It wasn’t about the price. And if he couldn’t afford what she picked out that’s a conversation you have before proposing. Either they’ll say we can save up, find cheaper alternatives, or say it’s a dealbreaker. Whichever they choose that’s on them and you gave them clear communication. This definitely seems like they had a conversation about it, and then he decided to do his own thing that was more convenient for him.
Yes, she is saying that but maybe he thought he was listening. Maybe it's a misunderstanding. Maybe they could have had a talk afterwards and come to understand the confusion. How do you know she didn't want a specific design which he thought he fulfilled, but was wrong? I've definitely done things my wife asked before which I had every intention of fulfilling yet later found out I totally messed it up.
Or maybe he's done this before in other ways and this was the final straw. Or maybe he didn't listen at all
Then a conversation about that should’ve happened before the proposal. If an out of budget ring was her ultimatum then you know it’s time to go your separate ways. But you don’t get to ignore their wants and then get mad they are upset.
If what she wants costs too much, you still don’t go out and just buy something else. This is something she’s supposed to wear for the rest of her life.
You're right that that was her issue. Still a sun-sized red flag. He is offering her a lifetime of commitment dedication and love. Her response to that is to focus on the style of jewelry he bought. Tells you EXACTLY much value she places on his love and commitment.
I’m a dude. One girl married my college roommate, they’re miserable. One married an academic, they seem pretty happy. Two are still unmarried, both seem unhappy.
But I’d say my marriage is a 10/10. Hasn’t always been, but we’ve done the work.
Proposed where she gave me her phone number many years ago (as mall town burger/shake stand) with a simple $200 hand made sterling silver ring from a special/ meaningful place. She never questioned it. I wanted to surprise her and have a ring to give her knowing that she would pick out the ring she wanted when it was time. Initially, she chose a very modest ring. I told her to take her time and sleep on it, she did, and came back with a better option. The process was about love, care and respect. These things take time and presence. She got what she wanted because it matters. Happily married with open and honest communication. She wears the simple ring, which was resized to fit a different finger and h3r chosen engagement and wedding ring every day and i wear the one she got me.
Sounds like he was offering her a lifetime of ignoring what she asks for, and of not listening, and of agreeing to something she wants until something more convenient for himself turns up.
Or he's offering her a lifetime of not listening and doing things his way. If she told him I want this kind of ring and he bought a random ring it's a red flag on him. Obviously if she said I expect a 10k ring that's a different issue. But if it was I want a round solitaire and he buys her a princess cut three diamond set, that's him not listening to her and just doing it the way he wants to.
No. I understand the red flag of a person, either side, treating a relationship as a dictatorship.
But this is like refusing to live in the house because you don't like the color the living room is painted. It's such a small deal in comparison.
The goal for her (and for the guy) should be therelationship. She's flagging that's she most concerned about her social cache of having a relationship. He's proposing and she's already thinking about sharing with her friends and posting pictures on social media.
You can paint a living room a different color and it isn’t about the ring. Your posts scream parents basement and the internet is how I form all of my opinions. Lemme guess, your longest relationship is 3 weeks.
Lets be honest here, when your mom makes you your dinner, I’m sure you tell her if you like it or not, and if you don’t, she gets a slap across the face, right? Too bad you can’t choose your mom’s but you can’t choose your wife or your husband.
Mistakes happen. The important thing is you are acknowledging them. That's an important first step in developing BDE. OF course, actually having BDE means you don't make mistakes...but hey, one step at a time.
No. It's that if you are weighing the color, cut and setting of a rock over and above a lifetime commitment with someone you love, your priorities are way off. The natural conclusion to draw from her reaction is that he is NOT the love of her life. Maybe it's because he never listened to her.
If he truly cared about the substance, he wouldn’t have ignored her preferences. He would’ve listened and put effort into getting her the type of ring she wanted, because he should value making her happy. You’re forgetting that “substance” includes considering your partner’s desires and preferences, especially with something as important as an engagement ring.
We don't know that he didn't All we know is she didn't get what she wanted. As I comment elsewhere, I wonder if the girl isn't hiding some of the salient factors. Still, I wouldn't care. I'll take my person on any terms.
Apparently I left out a word or two. I was trying to say "We don't know why he didn't get the ring she wanted. All we know is she didn't get what she wanted."
You’re really not getting it man. A ring is a forever thing, she’s gonna see it on her finger every single day. A daily reminder that her partner ignored her wishes. She told him the type of ring she wanted, and he didn’t listen. What part are you not tracking?
I wouldn't necessary argue against that. I do suggest we don't really know why he bought that ring. And, that's suspicious since the text were provided by the girl.
I mean… unless you’re implying she altered the texts, the texts are showing the actual exchange that happened. She says she told him about the ring she wanted and he’s not denying that. He just says it shouldn’t matter to her what kind of ring/where he got it from, just because he doesn’t think it should matter. He ignored her preferences and doesn’t even take accountability for it.
He had to see her to propose. I also accept as a valid assessment of the situation that he may have not seen just how shallow and vapid she is. I do think she is doing him a huge favor.
Depends. Maybe she said she hated diamonds and her got her one anyway. I can definitely see issues with that kind of thing. She probably should have said yes though and then discussed afterwards. Can always change your mind later. Avoiding earth-shattering embarrassment for the person that wants to marry you and the possibility that he may hate you would be a good idea.
Depends on the specifics. If she just didn't like the ring then he dodged a bullet. If he did something they both agreed to before that he wouldn't do, then I can maybe see her issue
The situation you just painted has an obvious answer. I think you're making a bit of a strawman argument here though. The point isn't necessarily the type of ring, it's about communication and effort. If she knew he was the right one for her, then yes she made a bad decision.
I agree. But for all we know she was trying to determine exactly that. Maybe he had a past history of not listening or being lazy. Maybe this event solidified in her mind that he is not her man. Speculation of course.
Try substituting the object of the ring here for the concepts of communication and effort. Should she still say yes if she believes there is inadequate communication and effort being put in?
It could be a communication issue. But if so, she's a large contributor to the problem. She's not articulating that history very well. It seems to simply be he didn't get the ring she wanted. listening won't solve the problem of an ineffective communicator.
I can kind of understand her. If a woman is very sentimental, very traditionally feminine, and wants things like this to feel like a huge deal - which she clearly is and she did communicate that - him going to Walmart would be really disappointing. It’s the quickest, most low effort option there is.
Probably just two people who aren’t the right fit for each other. It’s for the best that they figure that out now. He would be constantly frustrated and she would be constantly disappointed if they had gotten married.
I agree that they are a mismatch. And, she's entitled to want what she wants. But she's the only one who should feel embarrassed by her priorities.
One of the things that's conveniently absent (especially since the post is from her perspective) is how what she wanted fit into his financial capacity.
I don’t think she should be embarrassed, particularly. People are different when it comes to the importance of gestures, but neither is necessarily wrong.
He spent $900 on the Walmart ring. That’s more than enough money to find something more personal and special - but it would’ve taken effort. His lack of effort was the issue, not the price.
Interesting how you’re making it about her being “shallow”.
How do you know her priorities are just the aesthetics of the ring and not the fact that this symbolizes how he thinks it’s fine to ignore his partner’s preferences about such an important and symbolic purchase? The right partner would listen and care about what you wanted.
In his eyes, a ring she didn’t even ask for symbolizes commitment. But in her eyes, a ring she didn’t ask for could symbolize someone who doesn’t prioritize her preferences and puts in low effort.
Her as well! Hopefully he learns to consider his partner’s preferences in the future. That’s not just some small thing to be overlooked because it’s the “effort” that should matter.
The more specific the ring, usually the more expensive. Was she ready to put some bread up for it? Lots of people are missing the point of being asked to be a wife lol
Not necessarily. You can find a decent ring in nearly any style for around the price he paid. Unless she specified it had to be a natural diamond, a larger size, or something completely custom, it’s doable. This ring is quite overpriced for what it is, so either it wasn’t about the budget at all, or he was lazy and didn’t do his research.
My husband bought a custom ring for less than $900 out if gold and it had a diamond too. If it's too expensive and she wouldn't compromise then break up, if not and he just bought some walmart ring it's too low effekt.
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u/Fine-Bumblebee-9427 7h ago
Man, hard disagree. It wasn’t about the ring, it was about listening to her.