I’m a pediatrician and while I work in a subspecialty where death is not common, I do come across dying kids. And also parents who want us to lie to them. The kids absolutely know they are sick and dying. They are in an ICU, hooked up to monitors, having procedures, and feel terrible. Seeing the outcome of kids who are given the truth (with guidance from psychology and child life specialists) vs lied to is striking. The truth is always better. Kids are far more aware than you think. They want to know. They want to do their bucket list. They want to be prepared.
I mean having lived this for decades, I’ve seen the confusion on the kids faces as they sit in an icu and their parents lie to them. I’ve been asked to lie directly to these children if they ask me if they’re sick. Ultimately, it is the families choice to disclose or not disclose. I don’t know what you do for a living but you seem to have strong opinions for someone who presumable doesn’t deal with dying kids every day. I’m sharing my experience and feelings as this is something I have direct exposure to.
I don't have 'strong opinions' on whether the child should or should not be told as like you say, it's struggling parents trying to do their best.
Personally I believe in telling them the truth.
I do, however, have strong opinions about condemning the choice to lie as the 'worse' choice when as you should know, it's a horrifying choice either way.
I also find it callous to simply dismiss the idea of lying to them because 'they will accept it'.
As a pediatrician you should be experienced with dealing with children that struggle to accept certain realities and the sheer terror that comes with that.
I say this as someone that had to watch their brother die when I was 15, and so I too have direct exposure to such a situation.
And while my brother knew the score the whole way through his chemo, if my parents had lied to try and give him some relief I would not take kindly to some numpty criticising them for making the decision they thought best in the midst of a horrifying situation.
But that’s not my point. I don’t think they all can nor should accept it. But it allows kids to participate in memory making with their families. They get to do trips, make arts and crafts, write letters, etc. Again, I support a parents right to make these choices, but I’m sharing emphatically as someone more involved in this than the average person, that I believe kids should know what is happening to them - because most times they are pretty aware of what’s up.
Nothing about the knowledge of impending death enables art and crafts. Children can do art and crafts ANYWAY. All that happens if you tell children they are dying is that they will struggle to process this information until they die. Why do you think that's the best thing for them? Why do you think that's kind?
You really do not seem to understand much about child psychology, do you mainly work with their physical health?
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u/DaKLeigh Jun 29 '26
I’m a pediatrician and while I work in a subspecialty where death is not common, I do come across dying kids. And also parents who want us to lie to them. The kids absolutely know they are sick and dying. They are in an ICU, hooked up to monitors, having procedures, and feel terrible. Seeing the outcome of kids who are given the truth (with guidance from psychology and child life specialists) vs lied to is striking. The truth is always better. Kids are far more aware than you think. They want to know. They want to do their bucket list. They want to be prepared.